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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Thanks so much for your lovely comment. And your e hugs. I needed that! I've been watching a youtube video of a guy taking the mick out of Patti Lupone which has been making me laugh hysterically so I feel slightly better now. I think I keep underestimating how hard it is when I'm so worried about exams and I know I'm not doing enough and my ED hates it when I'm lazy which feels like every single day but hey. I can only do what I can do and if the stupid pooey piece of poo () in my head won't let me concentrate, I'm trying the best I can atm. Anywhoo, tomorrow is another day. :moon: Hope YOU'RE ok and your revision isn't stressing you out! :hugs:

    I hereby promise to always refer to my ED as a stupid pooey piece of poo :') Try the best you can, because that's all anyone could ever ask of you and tomorrow is definitely another day! I'm okay this morning; it's sunny and I'm feeling quite optimistic really Plus I'm drinking tea, which is always good.




    (Original post by morrisman)
    I am sure there are many on here thinking if custard can do it, so can I.
    This, absolutely x
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    I really wish I had the strength to fight this, I look at posters who are fighting it and it makes me feel really worthless because I can't at the moment. It doesn't help that some of the material on here is triggering. I will not really post too much about my mood but I am so weak right now it is unbelievable, I felt like I was going to pass out just going downstairs to get some water, even yesterday when I had to travel to Liverpool for my exam I had to stop half way up a hill because I was going to be sick and pass out. I don't want to be this way, I have so much I want to achieve but I am terrified. I am truly terrified.
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    I think that we should all be mindful of the things we post within this thread. Although 'triggers' are unique to each person, we need to spoiler the things we think may distress another person trying to recover. We need to protect each other from the stupid pooey piece of poo.

    TO ALL THOSE IN REFEEDING: Do you get night sweats? I'm getting them every night recently and it's disgusting. They're particularly annoying because I keep being woken up by damp sheets!
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    I hereby promise to always refer to my ED as a stupid pooey piece of poo :') Try the best you can, because that's all anyone could ever ask of you and tomorrow is definitely another day! I'm okay this morning; it's sunny and I'm feeling quite optimistic really Plus I'm drinking tea, which is always good.






    This, absolutely x


    (Original post by briesandwich)
    I think that we should all be mindful of the things we post within this thread. Although 'triggers' are unique to each person, we need to spoiler the things we think may distress another person trying to recover. We need to protect each other from the stupid pooey piece of poo.

    TO ALL THOSE IN REFEEDING: Do you get night sweats? I'm getting them every night recently and it's disgusting. They're particularly annoying because I keep being woken up by damp sheets!
    I love that stupid pooey piece of poo has caught on! And yeah, I'm really sorry if my posts have been triggering. I'll definitely take care to spoiler things that may trigger because obviously the last thing I want to do is hinder anyone else's recovery.

    I'm feeling a lot more positive today. It's a lovely day and I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO READ A BIT OF THE BLOODY CHAMBER TODAY! You have no idea how much of a shock that was for me. I haven't been able to read more than half a page of a book at a time for about 2 years and obviously with exams and my general love of reading it's not really that great for me. But I read 3 pages today and I took it in! Now for the remaining 100 odd pages... preferably before my exam...
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    (Original post by diamonddust)

    I'm feeling a lot more positive today. It's a lovely day and I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO READ A BIT OF THE BLOODY CHAMBER TODAY! You have no idea how much of a shock that was for me. I haven't been able to read more than half a page of a book at a time for about 2 years and obviously with exams and my general love of reading it's not really that great for me. But I read 3 pages today and I took it in! Now for the remaining 100 odd pages... preferably before my exam...
    Well done although, to be honest, you don't even need to read the 100 odd pages! Just read the title story and then read 'Lady of the House of Love', all the other stories are superfluous. I hate Carter

    (sorry for going off topic a bit here )
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    (Original post by Linweth)
    I really wish I had the strength to fight this, I look at posters who are fighting it and it makes me feel really worthless because I can't at the moment. It doesn't help that some of the material on here is triggering. I will not really post too much about my mood but I am so weak right now it is unbelievable, I felt like I was going to pass out just going downstairs to get some water, even yesterday when I had to travel to Liverpool for my exam I had to stop half way up a hill because I was going to be sick and pass out. I don't want to be this way, I have so much I want to achieve but I am terrified. I am truly terrified.
    Do you have medical support sweetie?
    I think it would be a good idea to see a doctor about you physical condition.
    Sometime you have to be in the right time and right mind set to get better and if your not there yet that is ok but please until are can you please see a doctor or a nurse who can take your bloods just to make sure you kidneys and heart are ok.
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    (Original post by Linweth)
    I really wish I had the strength to fight this, I look at posters who are fighting it and it makes me feel really worthless because I can't at the moment. It doesn't help that some of the material on here is triggering. I will not really post too much about my mood but I am so weak right now it is unbelievable, I felt like I was going to pass out just going downstairs to get some water, even yesterday when I had to travel to Liverpool for my exam I had to stop half way up a hill because I was going to be sick and pass out. I don't want to be this way, I have so much I want to achieve but I am terrified. I am truly terrified.
    :hugs: You know I'm gonna say go to your GP, so I'm not gonna write it (again haha). Don't feel worthless - 1) actually wanting to get better is an amazingly positive step in the right direction and 2) anyone who goes through recovery finds it hard. It is hard and sometimes you'll want to stop fighting but you have to carry on because life after an ED is amazing.

    As almost sadistic as it sounds, I'm kinda glad you're frightened - it means that you realise how bad things are getting and that you need help. If I were sticking around up here for any longer, I'd offer to go to the GP with you. You can do this honey, so don't give up.
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    :hugs: You know I'm gonna say go to your GP, so I'm not gonna write it (again haha). Don't feel worthless - 1) actually wanting to get better is an amazingly positive step in the right direction and 2) anyone who goes through recovery finds it hard. It is hard and sometimes you'll want to stop fighting but you have to carry on because life after an ED is amazing.

    As almost sadistic as it sounds, I'm kinda glad you're frightened - it means that you realise how bad things are getting and that you need help. If I were sticking around up here for any longer, I'd offer to go to the GP with you. You can do this honey, so don't give up.
    Could you tell me about your experience with your ED please? if it isn't triggering or anything? You could message it me if you want a bit of privacy.

    You know you really are too sweet, I really appreciate the thought of even wanting to come along to the GP with me, it means a lot
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    (Original post by anon2010)
    Do you have medical support sweetie?
    I think it would be a good idea to see a doctor about you physical condition.
    Sometime you have to be in the right time and right mind set to get better and if your not there yet that is ok but please until are can you please see a doctor or a nurse who can take your bloods just to make sure you kidneys and heart are ok.
    I'll be at the doctors on Monday to get a repeat prescription since I'm on anti-depressants, they will be doing a blood test too. I will probably tell them about how I'm feeling recently to see if there is anything to be done but I'm afraid it will just be "eat more" which is easier said than done.
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    (Original post by Linweth)
    Could you tell me about your experience with your ED please? if it isn't triggering or anything? You could message it me if you want a bit of privacy.

    You know you really are too sweet, I really appreciate the thought of even wanting to come along to the GP with me, it means a lot
    I've blocked most of it or something I think - those 3 or so years I can barely remember. Maybe it's because my brain didn't have enough energy to remember stuff or some other science that I make up haha. Um, well it began with me wanting to get healthy and it spiralled out of control. I remember I used to get cramps all the time, my face was covered in spots, I used to get that headrush thing about 3 times a day.

    I don't know what my lowest weight was, only that it was underweight. I remember the day that I realised I had a problem but I was convinced I wasn't underweight enough to get help and I thought I'd be laughed out of the doctors (I was so naive - I needed the help then and I should have gone and gotten it!). So I tried to get better by myself. I tried psyching myself up to eat food, force myself to sit there and clear my plate. It was hard and at first I had more failures than successes. But I slowly built it up, gained the weight and gradually started to stop counting calories.

    Then a year or 2 later I relapsed. Right in time to start A levels (I'm pretty sure, no, definitely sure that my ED is related to perfectionism and study - I always get worse around exam time etc). I eventually asked to see the counsellor (something that had taken me about 2 or 3 years) and told her. I'd practised what I'd say for ages so it wasn't totally awful. The same day I told my friends and they all were concerned and wanted to help - no one was a **** about it, which was reassuring and proves that most people are nice.

    I slowly worked on my problems with the counsellor and she psyched me up to see my GP, told the school (only with my permission) and IIRC even called to make my GP appointment. When I went to see the GP, he asked me about my thinking, made me take a test for depression, asked me about food and exercise and then weighed me. That was the part that I was dreading because by this point I had a healthy BMI. Despite this he still looked really concerned and worried and referred me to an eating disorders specialist because he said that I needed more support than just a GP.

    Because of my age, I went to the CAAMHS ED place but they treated me like an adult and said it was my choice for my Mum to be there or not etc. They were absolutely lovely. I don't remember a lot of the therapy, just talking about stuff but they were so nice. Eventually they discharged me, but only after having given me their number and making it very clear that if I ever needed help I could call them and they'd fit me in that week.

    I started to eat more healthily, think more healthily (I'd had a sort of watered-down CBT) and got better.

    However, I wasn't 100% honest with them - I used to occasionally comfort eat and binge as well as restrict and because I was so embarrassed by this I never really told them or I lied. I totally regret this because I still have some issues with comfort eating and binging and over exams it's started to become bulimia. Thankfully, I know some of the tools to sort this and I did start trying to and got it a little more under control, though my relationship with food still isn't perfect.

    So next year I will be going to see the counsellors at uni every 2 weeks to work on this and this time I'm going to be honest and try my hardest. Unfortunately, at sixth form it turned out that the counsellor was anorexic herself, so I didn't feel comfortable seeing her and stopped (I didn't want to trigger her) but the counsellors at uni are just lovely and helped quite a bit with my anxiety and depression earlier in the year.

    So yeah, hopefully this time next year I'll be almost all the way there to being totally recovered.

    Oh, and to your post below this: tell them what is going on and I guarantee that won't be their answer :hugs:
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    Firstly I just want to say all my luck to those battling eating disorder!
    And secondly I want to tell you a bit about my own. My own eating disorder is something called selective eating disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_eating_disorder). It isn't potentially life threatening and many people dismiss it as me being extremely fussy and stupid when it comes to food. As long as I can remember I have never liked food, if I didn't need to eat to survive I definitely wouldn't. Anyway onto my story:
    My parents told me when I was a baby/young toddler I would eat anything. I was also quite a chubby baby. However this all changed when I was about 18 months, we don't know the exact cause why, but we think it may be down to me choking on an orange seed. After this I stopped eating many types of food until it got so bad when I was 5 that I would only eat one meal (Bovril on toast to whoever is bothered) and one type of drink (orange squash). If you tried to face me with any other food I would cry for hours and forcing me would make me choke and be sick. I got so thin that I would come out with bruises and this caused my parents to seriously worry about me. They took me to the doctors but nothing was done they just gave my parents tricks such as wrapping me in a blanket to stop me getting away to make me eat which only made it worse. Through the hard work of my parents, I have managed over the years to increase the variety of foods I can eat.
    I'm 18 now and I still have the same outlook on food, I hate it except for my 'safe' foods (now includes chicken, potatoes, bacon and a few others). I haven't eaten any fruit and vegetables since I was 18 months. I wish I could eat normally I really do, but every time I try I just want to be sick. It has stopped my life in so many respects, it wasn't until I was 13 that I slept over at anyones house as I was scared of what I would have to eat and what they would think of me. It is a daily struggle and one day I will win and be able to eat a normal diet. To all those who say this isn't an eating disorder and I'm just being fussy, try living with it.
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    There are a great deal of incredibly varied disorders that even I, as a sufferer, was not aware of. It appears as though restriction and binge-purge are not the be-all-end-all of the extent of the "major" subtypes of eating disorders as I'd mistakenly thought!

    Linweth, your GP should not just go, "Eat more, that'll fix it" if he or she is at least HALF decent/tactful, because as we all know fine well, that is the answer to getting better, it's the frustration of not being able to actually DO it!! The most important thing to remember is... baby steps.

    EVERYONE. Baby steps. This is so important, because it's like climbing an icy hill. The smaller the steps and slower you go, the better chance of staying upright and not slipping all the way back to the bottom.

    Being a calorie-restrictive type of anorexic myself, my problem is almost entirely numerical; certain foods don't necessarily "scare" me as they do certain anorexics. I am in recovery so have to eat 1800-2000 calories per day (still an appalling amount for a 26 year old man at like 7 stone - remember 1800 is how much an 8 year old boy should have) - but at my worst restriction I would eat no more than 800-900 calories a day, and if I wanted, say, chocolate, I would factor it in number-wise. As long as my numbers didn't go beyond a cap number, I could eat whatever I wanted. Thus, I could "trick" people into thinking I was "normal" - I would starve all day, eating a bowl of fruit or something, until tea-time, when I would say to my family "hey, look at my hearty appetite, I'm eating a big mac!" or whatever. To be fair I'm sure they were confused and assumed I was purging, but purging is never something I have done. Like I said, the problem psychologically for me isn't with the food itself as energy for my body, just with challenging myself to defy the numbers and "beat" yesterday's number.

    Sounds pompous, and I don't actively view myself in any way as superior or maintain any semblance of a superiority complex, but this is definitely an overachiever's disorder; something experienced, incidentally, by a lot of anorexics.


    Separate sidenote: Well done on the positivity over the past day to Diamonddust and Kebbabi. If I'm being honest I was close to being angry at you for the almost panic-trigger-post you'd made; whereas I am single-minded in my recovery and refuse to fail (which is thankfully channelling my unhealthy disorder into my greatest healing 'weapon'), some posters and lurkers/readers on this thread may not be so strong, and any words posted on here that fuel the disorders/ideals of the disorders and strengthen the damaging effects they cause... well, you just need to make sure you don't frivolously post them on here.

    I would genuinely hate for a thread designed to help, inform and empower those fighting these mental diseases to be instead triggered into being strangled tighter by them.

    But of course, like I said, I respect you guys for getting back on track, much like a lot of people on here I've grown to have a lot of respect and love for you lot, despite having never met any of you; much like an extended family, you just want to see and hear of everyone winning against the odds and beating out what is essentially a mindset that will - and I stress this - WILL end up killing you, if you don't fight it out of your head...
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    T
    Separate sidenote: Well done on the positivity over the past day to Diamonddust and Kebbabi. If I'm being honest I was close to being angry at you for the almost panic-trigger-post you'd made; whereas I am single-minded in my recovery and refuse to fail (which is thankfully channelling my unhealthy disorder into my greatest healing 'weapon'), some posters and lurkers/readers on this thread may not be so strong, and any words posted on here that fuel the disorders/ideals of the disorders and strengthen the damaging effects they cause... well, you just need to make sure you don't frivolously post them on here.

    .
    I understand entirely where you are coming from, but with respect sometimes those moments of panic you just can't help, it's a very real part of recovery. And at least if we all are going through the same thing there is some higher level of understanding that might not be there amongst non ED sufferers.

    I think the only thing that would be right bang out of order would be actively being "pro ana" on here, which I dont think in particular anyone is being.
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    Oh Scarlett, I completely understand none of it was done with the intention of malice or harm, and done in a panic of sorts. And I understand some people may not be as capable of restraint of speech in those panics; but just a few moments of reasoning before posting and asking for help could be enough to help regulate and remove maybe those one or two tiny little phrases that could set off ten other people.

    I actively WANT people to ask for help on here, especially when they feel they are being overwhelmed. But something as simple as posting certain things in a moment of non-clarity could potentially send one, two, TWENTY others into the same panic-spiral.

    See-ah-ah'm-sayin', sistah?
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    Maybe people should just spoiler things? That way people can chose to view it?
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    There are a great deal of incredibly varied disorders that even I, as a sufferer, was not aware of. It appears as though restriction and binge-purge are not the be-all-end-all of the extent of the "major" subtypes of eating disorders as I'd mistakenly thought!

    Linweth, your GP should not just go, "Eat more, that'll fix it" if he or she is at least HALF decent/tactful, because as we all know fine well, that is the answer to getting better, it's the frustration of not being able to actually DO it!! The most important thing to remember is... baby steps.

    EVERYONE. Baby steps. This is so important, because it's like climbing an icy hill. The smaller the steps and slower you go, the better chance of staying upright and not slipping all the way back to the bottom.

    Being a calorie-restrictive type of anorexic myself, my problem is almost entirely numerical; certain foods don't necessarily "scare" me as they do certain anorexics. I am in recovery so have to eat 1800-2000 calories per day (still an appalling amount for a 26 year old man at like 7 stone - remember 1800 is how much an 8 year old boy should have) - but at my worst restriction I would eat no more than 800-900 calories a day, and if I wanted, say, chocolate, I would factor it in number-wise. As long as my numbers didn't go beyond a cap number, I could eat whatever I wanted. Thus, I could "trick" people into thinking I was "normal" - I would starve all day, eating a bowl of fruit or something, until tea-time, when I would say to my family "hey, look at my hearty appetite, I'm eating a big mac!" or whatever. To be fair I'm sure they were confused and assumed I was purging, but purging is never something I have done. Like I said, the problem psychologically for me isn't with the food itself as energy for my body, just with challenging myself to defy the numbers and "beat" yesterday's number.

    Sounds pompous, and I don't actively view myself in any way as superior or maintain any semblance of a superiority complex, but this is definitely an overachiever's disorder; something experienced, incidentally, by a lot of anorexics.


    Separate sidenote: Well done on the positivity over the past day to Diamonddust and Kebbabi. If I'm being honest I was close to being angry at you for the almost panic-trigger-post you'd made; whereas I am single-minded in my recovery and refuse to fail (which is thankfully channelling my unhealthy disorder into my greatest healing 'weapon'), some posters and lurkers/readers on this thread may not be so strong, and any words posted on here that fuel the disorders/ideals of the disorders and strengthen the damaging effects they cause... well, you just need to make sure you don't frivolously post them on here.

    I would genuinely hate for a thread designed to help, inform and empower those fighting these mental diseases to be instead triggered into being strangled tighter by them.

    But of course, like I said, I respect you guys for getting back on track, much like a lot of people on here I've grown to have a lot of respect and love for you lot, despite having never met any of you; much like an extended family, you just want to see and hear of everyone winning against the odds and beating out what is essentially a mindset that will - and I stress this - WILL end up killing you, if you don't fight it out of your head...
    What was it the very wise fish in Finding Nemo said? Just keep swimming. (in the right direction). The bit in bold is exactly my experience too.

    I really want to apologise for the very very trigger heavy post. I didn't even realise how triggering it was or could be when I was posting and I'll definitely be more mindful of what I say in the future.

    I feel the same about everyone on here! I really hope everyone gets to a better place, be it physically, mentally or both.
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    Yeah, I'm all for the spoiler thing; but if you have the clarity mid-panic to spoiler-mark specific parts, you would also have the time to regulate the wording, no? Well, I suppose the former option gives you more freedom of speech. Yeah, whatever helps vent frustrations, fears and anxieties you might have without endangering the mindsets of others, is a good option to me
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Yeah, I'm all for the spoiler thing; but if you have the clarity mid-panic to spoiler-mark specific parts, you would also have the time to regulate the wording, no? Well, I suppose the former option gives you more freedom of speech. Yeah, whatever helps vent frustrations, fears and anxieties you might have without endangering the mindsets of others, is a good option to me
    It works quite well in the depression soc - after writing it out people can sometimes feel a little clearer and so able to go back and spoiler things.
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    Wow, youre all so strong. Well done for being able to share experiences like this, and overcoming them
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    how do you do spoilers?

    i completed my raised meal plan today (still v low... and they screwed up breakfast and snack, first tried to bring me forti**** which i knew i was NOT meant to have, then just gave me my liquid diet... but sorted for lunchtime).

    and my mood is ok, i am coping! *shock* I kept solids!
 
 
 
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