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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    If any of you are struggling with ED voice today, this is really useful. Put me in a better frame of mind anyway.

    I've bookmarked it for days when I'm struggling with all those negative thoughts:

    http://ht.ly/bYV5T
    • #81
    #81

    Psychology today have a whole host of good exercises for ED's too for anyone interested.
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    Cinnie's 26 day mind makeover

    I hope you don't mind if I just do a lil bit of a blog at the end of each day on here. This feels like quite a familiar place to share hopefully a bit of transformation in my behaviours... something to be accountable for as until I go back to uni I don't have a support. I find typing it out really helpful as my I often edit and add things and am more likely to look over this.

    Maybe a few of you guys have a behaviour/bad habit you want gone?

    I've hit my healthy weight target as some of you know - yay! Unfortunately I have binged my way up to this weight, and while it was wonderful and awful, it can't continue and has become a daily habit that NEEDS to change. I need to be healthier for my future. It's difficult as i'm so bored here, trying to find a job... but i've given myself a few projects now.

    Anyway my goal now is to have breakfast, lunch, optional snack, dinner, optional treat, little supper foodwise. I have a big list of options for each meal that is sensible calorie-wise, but also know the calories I should have so I can adapt it to any situation. I really really hope that this will help.

    I have this goal so that I can just have a normal routine of eating!!!! It will be really hard but hopefully after a month or two it will just be routine. Hopefully I will be able to get to know my triggers and gain control over them.

    Day 1 =
    Spoiler:
    Show

    I may have to accept that I have to be really careful in situations where my meal timings are changed because this will be a trigger. If the family is having a big meal at 3-4pm I will get anxious, but I don't see this happening in the next month so this is the perfect time for me to start.

    It has gone surprisingly well! No slip ups from the plan. Had a few jelly worms my sister offered me, but when i'd had a few (and enjoyed them very much - no regrets obviously) I felt the urge to just throw everything out of the window and have a big bowl of museli. However, I looked at the clock and gave myself the 20 minute rule.. and after 20 minutes I was calm again.

    Another little potential moment was when my mum cooked dinner for us and it didn't go the way I wanted it. I got really anxious and was kind of enjoying the hunger, but I ate it and pushed that silly little restriction monkey out of the way and felt good. I had reminded myself that this temporary hunger-high was not worth ruining my healthy future.

    Body image issues have been bad. My sister mentioned my body dismorphia and my mum told me she doesn't believe that I really think i'm fat because 'i'm too intelligent' to think that somehow. I can accept that she will never understand how it feels. The old 'you looked too thin before and now you look healthy' came out and was like a dagger through my stomach. But instead of allowing my ED to use it against me I smiled because I thought of the other people with our disorder that have explained how much it hurts them too.

    So yeah. Today in traffic light terms was a green day with a few red bullets that I managed to dodge. (if that makes sense to you I love you) haha.

    I am really going to enjoy my daily treat. Everything in moderation as they say!! I guess that's very dependant on your personal situation. For me, one indulgent treat a day in the evening feels acceptable, and I can pinpoint it as a potential binge and eat it when I feel calm and in control. Today it was a banoffee cereal bad - and it was gooood


    Day 2 =
    Spoiler:
    Show

    No binge! Felt one coming before going out as the old mindset of needing to prepare in some way came along, but i'd just had lunch so I reminded myself this and it went once I was out. Felt another one coming after having some of my sisters chocolate brownie as chocolate is a big trigger food, but I asked her to take it home with her when she went home and I felt really proud of myself for doing that because i'd usually want to have more once she had left.

    Tomorrow will be difficult as i'm with her all day and 1) it's hard work making these decisions and eating in front of others even her and 2) The amount of time she is coming over is becoming a little imposing as I can't do my own thing. I need to stop being so isolated though. SHE TALKS FOR ENGLAND. If i'm reading my book, she'll make conversation as if i'm not doing anything. Grr. Oh and she has food issues too, and it didn't help that after the brownie she said "good job i'm going on a run tomorrow, ugh"

    So yeah, can pat myself on the back for today

    Day 3
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Haven't weighed myself in 3 days! Eek! Over indulged with the sister (2 X treats rather than 1 X) but had a really healthy dinner so whatever! Had no times when I felt really triggered so hopefully am improving, yay

    Day 4
    Spoiler:
    Show
    May have challenged myself too early. Had egg on toast instead of porridge for breakfast - scared i'll have some random craving because of a new breakfast but gonna beat this!.

    Let myself down last night by not stopping at one treat. Mum bought things I told her not to buy Thanks a lot mum

    Day 5
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    Ruined my day already by having junk food completely randomly in between breakfast and lunch. Why did I do this? I wasn't even hungry. Now I can't have lunch and have screwed things up. I'm away for 3 days so will not be able to be so careful so maybe I was a bit anxious about that? Oh well the day isn't over and I can overcome this!
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Cinnie's 26 day mind makeover

    I hope you don't mind if I just do a lil bit of a blog at the end of each day on here. This feels like quite a familiar place to share hopefully a bit of transformation in my behaviours... something to be accountable for as until I go back to uni I don't have a support. I find typing it out really helpful as my I often edit and add things and am more likely to look over this.

    Maybe a few of you guys have a behaviour/bad habit you want gone?

    I've hit my healthy weight target as some of you know - yay! Unfortunately I have binged my way up to this weight, and while it was wonderful and awful, it can't continue and has become a daily habit that NEEDS to change. I need to be healthier for my future. It's difficult as i'm so bored here, trying to find a job... but i've given myself a few projects now.

    Anyway my goal now is to have breakfast, lunch, optional snack, dinner, optional treat, little supper foodwise. I have a big list of options for each meal that is sensible calorie-wise, but also know the calories I should have so I can adapt it to any situation. I really really hope that this will help.

    I have this goal so that I can just have a normal routine of eating!!!! It will be really hard but hopefully after a month or two it will just be routine. Hopefully I will be able to get to know my triggers and gain control over them.

    Day 1 =

    Spoiler:
    Show

    I may have to accept that I have to be really careful in situations where my meal timings are changed because this will be a trigger. If the family is having a big meal at 3-4pm I will get anxious, but I don't see this happening in the next month so this is the perfect time for me to start.

    It has gone surprisingly well! No slip ups from the plan. Had a few jelly worms my sister offered me, but when i'd had a few (and enjoyed them very much - no regrets obviously) I felt the urge to just throw everything out of the window and have a big bowl of museli. However, I looked at the clock and gave myself the 20 minute rule.. and after 20 minutes I was calm again.

    Another little potential moment was when my mum cooked dinner for us and it didn't go the way I wanted it. I got really anxious and was kind of enjoying the hunger, but I ate it and pushed that silly little restriction monkey out of the way and felt good. I had reminded myself that this temporary hunger-high was not worth ruining my healthy future.

    Body image issues have been bad. My sister mentioned my body dismorphia and my mum told me she doesn't believe that I really think i'm fat because 'i'm too intelligent' to think that somehow. I can accept that she will never understand how it feels. The old 'you looked too thin before and now you look healthy' came out and was like a dagger through my stomach. But instead of allowing my ED to use it against me I smiled because I thought of the other people with our disorder that have explained how much it hurts them too.

    So yeah. Today in traffic light terms was a green day with a few red bullets that I managed to dodge. (if that makes sense to you I love you) haha.

    I am really going to enjoy my daily treat. Everything in moderation as they say!! I guess that's very dependant on your personal situation. For me, one indulgent treat a day in the evening feels acceptable, and I can pinpoint it as a potential binge and eat it when I feel calm and in control. Today it was a banoffee cereal bad - and it was gooood

    It makes sense to me XD.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Cinnie's 26 day mind makeover

    I hope you don't mind if I just do a lil bit of a blog at the end of each day on here. This feels like quite a familiar place to share hopefully a bit of transformation in my behaviours... something to be accountable for as until I go back to uni I don't have a support. I find typing it out really helpful as my I often edit and add things and am more likely to look over this.

    Maybe a few of you guys have a behaviour/bad habit you want gone?

    I've hit my healthy weight target as some of you know - yay! Unfortunately I have binged my way up to this weight, and while it was wonderful and awful, it can't continue and has become a daily habit that NEEDS to change. I need to be healthier for my future. It's difficult as i'm so bored here, trying to find a job... but i've given myself a few projects now.

    Anyway my goal now is to have breakfast, lunch, optional snack, dinner, optional treat, little supper foodwise. I have a big list of options for each meal that is sensible calorie-wise, but also know the calories I should have so I can adapt it to any situation. I really really hope that this will help.

    I have this goal so that I can just have a normal routine of eating!!!! It will be really hard but hopefully after a month or two it will just be routine. Hopefully I will be able to get to know my triggers and gain control over them.

    Day 1 =

    Spoiler:
    Show

    I may have to accept that I have to be really careful in situations where my meal timings are changed because this will be a trigger. If the family is having a big meal at 3-4pm I will get anxious, but I don't see this happening in the next month so this is the perfect time for me to start.

    It has gone surprisingly well! No slip ups from the plan. Had a few jelly worms my sister offered me, but when i'd had a few (and enjoyed them very much - no regrets obviously) I felt the urge to just throw everything out of the window and have a big bowl of museli. However, I looked at the clock and gave myself the 20 minute rule.. and after 20 minutes I was calm again.

    Another little potential moment was when my mum cooked dinner for us and it didn't go the way I wanted it. I got really anxious and was kind of enjoying the hunger, but I ate it and pushed that silly little restriction monkey out of the way and felt good. I had reminded myself that this temporary hunger-high was not worth ruining my healthy future.

    Body image issues have been bad. My sister mentioned my body dismorphia and my mum told me she doesn't believe that I really think i'm fat because 'i'm too intelligent' to think that somehow. I can accept that she will never understand how it feels. The old 'you looked too thin before and now you look healthy' came out and was like a dagger through my stomach. But instead of allowing my ED to use it against me I smiled because I thought of the other people with our disorder that have explained how much it hurts them too.

    So yeah. Today in traffic light terms was a green day with a few red bullets that I managed to dodge. (if that makes sense to you I love you) haha.

    I am really going to enjoy my daily treat. Everything in moderation as they say!! I guess that's very dependant on your personal situation. For me, one indulgent treat a day in the evening feels acceptable, and I can pinpoint it as a potential binge and eat it when I feel calm and in control. Today it was a banoffee cereal bad - and it was gooood

    SO nice to read something so positive
    • Thread Starter
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    Cinnie, you and I are at the same recovery point and your EXACT anxieties and scenarios resonated with me to the point of (proud) tears, I know how difficult certain words and phrases are.

    Well done sweetheart. Life is too awesome to let a disease take from you, let alone something like this where you effectively GIVE IT AWAY. XXX
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Cinnie's 26 day mind makeover

    I hope you don't mind if I just do a lil bit of a blog at the end of each day on here. This feels like quite a familiar place to share hopefully a bit of transformation in my behaviours... something to be accountable for as until I go back to uni I don't have a support. I find typing it out really helpful as my I often edit and add things and am more likely to look over this.

    Maybe a few of you guys have a behaviour/bad habit you want gone?

    I've hit my healthy weight target as some of you know - yay! Unfortunately I have binged my way up to this weight, and while it was wonderful and awful, it can't continue and has become a daily habit that NEEDS to change. I need to be healthier for my future. It's difficult as i'm so bored here, trying to find a job... but i've given myself a few projects now.

    Anyway my goal now is to have breakfast, lunch, optional snack, dinner, optional treat, little supper foodwise. I have a big list of options for each meal that is sensible calorie-wise, but also know the calories I should have so I can adapt it to any situation. I really really hope that this will help.

    I have this goal so that I can just have a normal routine of eating!!!! It will be really hard but hopefully after a month or two it will just be routine. Hopefully I will be able to get to know my triggers and gain control over them.

    Day 1 =

    Spoiler:
    Show

    I may have to accept that I have to be really careful in situations where my meal timings are changed because this will be a trigger. If the family is having a big meal at 3-4pm I will get anxious, but I don't see this happening in the next month so this is the perfect time for me to start.

    It has gone surprisingly well! No slip ups from the plan. Had a few jelly worms my sister offered me, but when i'd had a few (and enjoyed them very much - no regrets obviously) I felt the urge to just throw everything out of the window and have a big bowl of museli. However, I looked at the clock and gave myself the 20 minute rule.. and after 20 minutes I was calm again.

    Another little potential moment was when my mum cooked dinner for us and it didn't go the way I wanted it. I got really anxious and was kind of enjoying the hunger, but I ate it and pushed that silly little restriction monkey out of the way and felt good. I had reminded myself that this temporary hunger-high was not worth ruining my healthy future.

    Body image issues have been bad. My sister mentioned my body dismorphia and my mum told me she doesn't believe that I really think i'm fat because 'i'm too intelligent' to think that somehow. I can accept that she will never understand how it feels. The old 'you looked too thin before and now you look healthy' came out and was like a dagger through my stomach. But instead of allowing my ED to use it against me I smiled because I thought of the other people with our disorder that have explained how much it hurts them too.

    So yeah. Today in traffic light terms was a green day with a few red bullets that I managed to dodge. (if that makes sense to you I love you) haha.

    I am really going to enjoy my daily treat. Everything in moderation as they say!! I guess that's very dependant on your personal situation. For me, one indulgent treat a day in the evening feels acceptable, and I can pinpoint it as a potential binge and eat it when I feel calm and in control. Today it was a banoffee cereal bad - and it was gooood

    Wooooo ^_^ that is all.
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    does anyone have any experience of trying to access treatment when they're not 'underweight enough'? i'm mentally as sick as i've ever been, my overall health relating to my eating disorder is worse than it's ever been (we're talking osteoporosis) and i have absolutely zero hope of getting better on my own, but although i've been significantly underweight in the past i'm not thin enough anymore to meet the criteria that there seem to be for anorexia. is there even any hope of a diagnosis? my first instinct would be to just lose the weight but i feel like my body can't cope with losing that much weight that fast anymore. don't want to go to the doctors and just get laughed at, and don't want to get diagnosed with something else just because i'm too fat to be an anorexic. i don't know what to do.
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    does anyone have any experience of trying to access treatment when they're not 'underweight enough'? i'm mentally as sick as i've ever been, my overall health relating to my eating disorder is worse than it's ever been (we're talking osteoporosis) and i have absolutely zero hope of getting better on my own, but although i've been significantly underweight in the past i'm not thin enough anymore to meet the criteria that there seem to be for anorexia. is there even any hope of a diagnosis? my first instinct would be to just lose the weight but i feel like my body can't cope with losing that much weight that fast anymore. don't want to go to the doctors and just get laughed at, and don't want to get diagnosed with something else just because i'm too fat to be an anorexic. i don't know what to do.
    :hugs:.
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    does anyone have any experience of trying to access treatment when they're not 'underweight enough'? i'm mentally as sick as i've ever been, my overall health relating to my eating disorder is worse than it's ever been (we're talking osteoporosis) and i have absolutely zero hope of getting better on my own, but although i've been significantly underweight in the past i'm not thin enough anymore to meet the criteria that there seem to be for anorexia. is there even any hope of a diagnosis? my first instinct would be to just lose the weight but i feel like my body can't cope with losing that much weight that fast anymore. don't want to go to the doctors and just get laughed at, and don't want to get diagnosed with something else just because i'm too fat to be an anorexic. i don't know what to do.
    what do you mean by 'not underweight enough'? do you mean a 'normal' BMI? you NEED to go to the doctors, they're there to help and not laugh at you! there is no set weight for an anorexic, they will give you the help you need! i was treated by my doctor, i also saw a councillor and an eating disorder specialist. someone else i knew was anorexic and bulimic but they werent 'underweight' but they still went to a councillor and doctor. so please go x
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    (Original post by sentiment)
    does anyone have any experience of trying to access treatment when they're not 'underweight enough'? i'm mentally as sick as i've ever been, my overall health relating to my eating disorder is worse than it's ever been (we're talking osteoporosis) and i have absolutely zero hope of getting better on my own, but although i've been significantly underweight in the past i'm not thin enough anymore to meet the criteria that there seem to be for anorexia. is there even any hope of a diagnosis? my first instinct would be to just lose the weight but i feel like my body can't cope with losing that much weight that fast anymore. don't want to go to the doctors and just get laughed at, and don't want to get diagnosed with something else just because i'm too fat to be an anorexic. i don't know what to do.
    It doesn't matter what 'label' you are - eating disorders ruin lives at any weight and an decent doctor will take it seriously. Most people don't spend their disease in any one 'type', so you can be suffering from the effects of anorexia at any weight. Don't let yourself get emaciated just to feel like you deserve treatment. This goes for me, too. I have stopped going for my checkups now I feel 'not underweight enough' but we will go, deal?

    The doctor WILL NOT laugh at you, especially when you explain your history and all of your problems. You have osteoperosis!! That in itself is something the doctor will recognise and want to treat. Ask for referral to a dietician and eating disorder support specialists and he should do so. Please please don't wait around wanting to get better but physically deteriorating.

    :hugs:

    Edit: Oh and just to add. When I got diagnosed, he did not talk about it in terms of anorexia, he talked about it in terms of an eating disorder. It confused me at first but now I look back on it... I knew that he knew not to put me under any sort of specific label, because at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter.
    • #115
    #115

    Hi there,
    I posted this thread http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=2050067 in the relationship forum - it's about when I should tell my boyfriend that I was bulimic - I was hoping that maybe some of you guys would have some advice for me seeing as you may have experience with this?
    Even though I've started recovering on my own, I'm still so scared about telling him. It's something that I've always kept secret from absolutely everybody I know, but I feel as though I should maybe tell him soon. So if anybody doesn't mind giving any advice they may have, I will be so so grateful
    • #115
    #115

    Btw sorry if my above post seems kind of impolite for barging in on this thread and asking people to answer mine... I just need advice
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    Day 2 =
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    Show

    No binge! Felt one coming before going out as the old mindset of needing to prepare in some way came along, but i'd just had lunch so I reminded myself this and it went once I was out. Felt another one coming after having some of my sisters chocolate brownie as chocolate is a big trigger food, but I asked her to take it home with her when she went home and I felt really proud of myself for doing that because i'd usually want to have more once she had left.

    Tomorrow will be difficult as i'm with her all day and 1) it's hard work making these decisions and eating in front of others even her and 2) The amount of time she is coming over is becoming a little imposing as I can't do my own thing. I need to stop being so isolated though. SHE TALKS FOR ENGLAND. If i'm reading my book, she'll make conversation as if i'm not doing anything. Grr. Oh and she has food issues too, and it didn't help that after the brownie she said "good job i'm going on a run tomorrow, ugh"

    So yeah, can pat myself on the back for today
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Day 2 =
    Spoiler:
    Show

    No binge! Felt one coming before going out as the old mindset of needing to prepare in some way came along, but i'd just had lunch so I reminded myself this and it went once I was out. Felt another one coming after having some of my sisters chocolate brownie as chocolate is a big trigger food, but I asked her to take it home with her when she went home and I felt really proud of myself for doing that because i'd usually want to have more once she had left.

    Tomorrow will be difficult as i'm with her all day and 1) it's hard work making these decisions and eating in front of others even her and 2) The amount of time she is coming over is becoming a little imposing as I can't do my own thing. I need to stop being so isolated though. SHE TALKS FOR ENGLAND. If i'm reading my book, she'll make conversation as if i'm not doing anything. Grr. Oh and she has food issues too, and it didn't help that after the brownie she said "good job i'm going on a run tomorrow, ugh"

    So yeah, can pat myself on the back for today
    YAY. WEll done. I can see how your sister would start to get on your tits a little. If I'm reading, thats it. I'm reading. I'm probably doing that because I don't actually want to talk to you.
    • #59
    #59

    Such a difficult year battling this and just found out I passed the second year with a first feels like sticking my middle finger at my eating disorder.
    • #43
    #43

    Ow
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    I can't stop flitting between recovery and binging as my punishment/atonement for inflicting depression on Mum. She's on anti-Ds and doing CBT and, in ehr own words, 'it's all your fault'. Though she hasn't been nearly as hostile lately, it's stuck in my head (things can stick in my head for a long time) and really it doesn't matter about my 2.1 for first year, scholarship blah blah I am DESTROYING her, it's obvious in everything happening in the house. I'm just bringing misery so am destroying myself too (or at ,least hindering recovery). I'm not really sure she knows this but I'm not letting her take the blame for something which isn't her problem.
    Really this isn't my fault either since I didn't actively aim to get screwed over with mental illness but hey-ho someone has to take the blame

    When I do this I feel bad for not thinking about Dad but he seems to be holding it together much better than Mum (regarding me anyway, job stress is getting to him bigtime but he doesn't seem to conflate that with stress about myself). So this makes me eat too sometimes. He also says I'm not a burden and there's no need to punish myself but with everything Mum's going through I obnviously AM a huge burden aopidhiuf

    Finally I feel so confused around my friends as if with them I am living a beautiful lie where this doesn't exist and we just have a laugh and mess about like old times. And I feel awful for this too because it's hard to lie to people (most guys find it hard to get emotional so it's been hard bringing things up/don#'t want to be a 'party-pooper' since it's almost always at parties I see most of them) and it's almost hypocritical that I can be easy round them/in public but a pain in the ass in the house.

    Idk what to do but I'm not getting quality sleep because of stress which makes me more anxious and depressed which makes her anxious and depressed which makes me binge, get anxious and **** this cycle,
    and I can't even have my walk down to work today because I just penance-binged and my stomach hurts a

    I don't mean to flood with negativity but I feel I've failed them as a son an there's no poinbt trying if I've hurt her this much when I lvoe her and Dad so so much

    • #103
    #103

    Been seeing my GP for depression and anxiety for the past 4 months, and I've practically just admitted about my eating disorder because I couldn't take it any more. Unfortunately, my GP who deals with my depression has left so I'm with a new, very patronising and socially awkward new GP who I just don't connect with at all. Anyway, broke down and felt rather 'silly'. Been referred to a nutritionalist and counseling and came out the surgery with the strong urge to eat (as I skipped breakfast... darn anorexia). I might actually eat now. Scrap that, I WILL actually eat now. I feel a huge pressure has been lifted...

    Also, he wants to increase my depressants dosage or change my medication as its not agreeing with me- but unfortunately he can't do this because theres something weird going on with my liver, and this has bee going on for years now. I have a routine blood test for this tomorrow but he can't do anything else apart from wait for the results which'll be back in about 2 weeks time. On top of that because of my anti-d's and my liver I'm not able to take any other pain relief at the moment, like paracetamol and, annoyingly, I've had flu for the past 2 days and feel like death. His advice? Shrug of the shoulders and "stuff happens, just deal with it." I actually wanted to slap him...

    Lets say I don't get on with this guy.
    • Thread Starter
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    I've reached a terrifyingly odd point in recovery.

    (Spoilered to avoid triggering my hardworking brethren).

    Spoiler:
    Show


    For the past fortnight I've been living with mum in her flat. No scales. No full length mirrors.

    In some respects it is liberating. In others, scary. I am waking up with night terrors about being huge. In some ways being able to check the stupid, arbitrary numbers was comforting; the scale would reassure me it's not that bad.

    I was advised by therapists to buy a size bigger in clothing. I now fit size "small" clothes for men. But my waist continues to pile on fat. In fact the subcutaneous fat under my navel especially sticks out more than an inch from the rest of my torso and literally feels like a pillow. Now, despite certain bits of me being XS, my stomach is now expanding to wearing 30" mens jeans and beyond.

    I had a check in with my therapist for weigh in. Apparently im the same weight last Thursday as I was a fortnight previously. But I continue to wake in sweat, things continue to feel tighter, and I worry is the dysmorphia is going haywire.

    Then today. Nail in metaphorical coffin. I saw my old employer who said, "Christ, you're like a different guy. A real man noo! When did YOU get a beer gut Tommy?? Oan the Guinness? Haha." wow. My heart slumped to the floor. I knew the fat was piling on me, but that just confirmed it.

    I am trying to maintain on sub 1800 kcal per day, and unless I've gained since Thursday, it jjust means my lean mass is turning into body fat. Its the only explanation of why I would remain the same weight, but change shape to the point of bursting my belt in the stomach region... Sigh.

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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I've reached a terrifyingly odd point in recovery.

    (Spoilered to avoid triggering my hardworking brethren).

    Spoiler:
    Show


    For the past fortnight I've been living with mum in her flat. No scales. No full length mirrors.

    In some respects it is liberating. In others, scary. I am waking up with night terrors about being huge. In some ways being able to check the stupid, arbitrary numbers was comforting; the scale would reassure me it's not that bad.

    I was advised by therapists to buy a size bigger in clothing. I now fit size "small" clothes for men. But my waist continues to pile on fat. In fact the subcutaneous fat under my navel especially sticks out more than an inch from the rest of my torso and literally feels like a pillow. Now, despite certain bits of me being XS, my stomach is now expanding to wearing 30" mens jeans and beyond.

    I had a check in with my therapist for weigh in. Apparently im the same weight last Thursday as I was a fortnight previously. But I continue to wake in sweat, things continue to feel tighter, and I worry is the dysmorphia is going haywire.

    Then today. Nail in metaphorical coffin. I saw my old employer who said, "Christ, you're like a different guy. A real man noo! When did YOU get a beer gut Tommy?? Oan the Guinness? Haha." wow. My heart slumped to the floor. I knew the fat was piling on me, but that just confirmed it.

    I am trying to maintain on sub 1800 kcal per day, and unless I've gained since Thursday, it jjust means my lean mass is turning into body fat. Its the only explanation of why I would remain the same weight, but change shape to the point of bursting my belt in the stomach region... Sigh.

    toto, muscle cannot turn into fat, and neither can fat turn into muscle. You can get through this, and I know you will, because you're badass and stuff like that.
 
 
 
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Updated: October 31, 2015
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Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

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