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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    I know Snow, but the ratios of muscle, water and fat can shift. I'm just at an anxious point and that one comment has really floored me! X
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Bear in mind your ED never dies. You never unlearn things; you never just stop all those compulsions outright. But you personally have to choose how much of you will be you, and how much will be the demon.

    But I revel in how I've changed. Using my terrible knowledge to fuel recovery by seeing those bad signs and anxieties that would otherwise cripple me emotionally, but continuing on with an almost sadistic defiance; only to realise that "sadism" was actually "healthy" in disguise!!

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Riku, when people don't have an ED they dint realise compulsions and body/mind dysmorphic thoughts are like climbing an icy hill wearing rollerskates at the best of times... So much effort to move forward mere inches, but the tiniest nudge to see you fall back miles.

    Sad thing is, malicious or innocent it will always affect you.
    My gram said one of the nicest things ever... "I'm getting my grandson back"... Implying I had almost disappeared to another world and put a "vacant" sign on my body for two years.

    However I still take SPECIFIC comments hard. "Your face is much fuller now. Your round face always suited you better".

    This is a compliment, but it stabs me in the heart.

    I guess it's baby steps. This time last year the former set of comments would send me deep into the bubble of self-loathing and physical/mental torture, but today I am stronger, thicker skinned. I understand more. I accept more.

    Our perception of others will never be accurate until we can accurately perceive ourselves, because "normality" is a concept alien to an ED sufferer.
    Remember your own wise words, Master Toto!
    • #116
    #116

    Anon because this is quite personal.
    I posted this in the mental health forum and somebody reccommended that I asked for some help here. I'm just really at a loss for what to do and would appreciate some help.
    I went on a fairly strict (slimfast) diet for a round 4 months and lost over two stone (down from 13st to 11st) and felt really happy about myself and the control I was gaining over food.
    The problem came when my willpower began to falter. I started binging, not massive, massive amounts but much much more than an average person would consider eating in one sitting. The sense of shame and guilt after such a binge was so immense and I'd be terrified of gaining back the weight I lost/getting 'fat'. So, it wasn't long before I was making myself sick. This went on for about 1 month, occuring twice a weekish. For some reason I managed to stop for a couple of months but now it's study leave and I'm alone all day I feel it starting again.
    I'm more than aware that purging food won't lead to weight loss but the sense of relief after vomiting is huge. And I just feel a need to get it out of me; being sick really releases that guilt for me.
    However, I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel so disgusting and low but I'm normally such a happy person.
    Basically, I want some advice. I really don't know if I'm making a huge deal of nothing or what. Any advice would be brilliant. Thanks.

    TL;DR: I make myself sick after binging. Advice please?
    • #30
    #30

    Toto: Firstly, I suspect the reality of your stomach is not as bad as you think. You are right to consider the body dysmorphia aspect.

    However, your stomach may be a little larger than the rest of you at the moment. This does happen to people recovering from EDs. Fat deposition is not the same as it is for normal people initially. The body seems to keep fat on the stomach at first. Some theories suggest this is to protect vital organs. It takes time for the body to heal and normalize. Eventually your proportions will seem more normal to you.

    As to the comment made to you. I wouldn't take it to heart. People say all kinds of ****, whether true or not true. It doesn't matter. You are trying to get better and there is discomfort in your body that goes with it. Your body needs to heal. You have been ill. It takes time for the body to look normal again.
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    I just want to thank all anons who offered such enlightening and kind sentiments; as well as sentiment herself! I am changing, and sometimes its incredibly difficult to accept; but necessary.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I've reached a terrifyingly odd point in recovery.

    (Spoilered to avoid triggering my hardworking brethren).

    Spoiler:
    Show


    For the past fortnight I've been living with mum in her flat. No scales. No full length mirrors.

    In some respects it is liberating. In others, scary. I am waking up with night terrors about being huge. In some ways being able to check the stupid, arbitrary numbers was comforting; the scale would reassure me it's not that bad.

    I was advised by therapists to buy a size bigger in clothing. I now fit size "small" clothes for men. But my waist continues to pile on fat. In fact the subcutaneous fat under my navel especially sticks out more than an inch from the rest of my torso and literally feels like a pillow. Now, despite certain bits of me being XS, my stomach is now expanding to wearing 30" mens jeans and beyond.

    I had a check in with my therapist for weigh in. Apparently im the same weight last Thursday as I was a fortnight previously. But I continue to wake in sweat, things continue to feel tighter, and I worry is the dysmorphia is going haywire.

    Then today. Nail in metaphorical coffin. I saw my old employer who said, "Christ, you're like a different guy. A real man noo! When did YOU get a beer gut Tommy?? Oan the Guinness? Haha." wow. My heart slumped to the floor. I knew the fat was piling on me, but that just confirmed it.

    I am trying to maintain on sub 1800 kcal per day, and unless I've gained since Thursday, it jjust means my lean mass is turning into body fat. Its the only explanation of why I would remain the same weight, but change shape to the point of bursting my belt in the stomach region... Sigh.


    :hugs:

    I think it's good to live without scales and mirrors, even just for a little bit. Even though numbers can be comforting, they can be quite the opposite at times. It's good not to let your self-worth and view of yourself/your body stem from what in reality is just a couple of numbers on a scale. Actually, in my own house now I don't even own a set of scales or a full length mirror. A few years ago I would have freaked at that fact, now I sort of relish in it. Like you said, it's liberating

    I think everyone putting on weight after an ED struggles with the fact that they start to look different. But I can assure you, no matter how big you look to yourself, in reality, you will still look and be a lot smaller than most people. I genuinely feel that most of it is in your (and our!) head, it's hard to look at yourself changing and recognise that it's "normal" because it doesn't feel normal because it's different to how you're used to being. And like the last Anonymous said, I too have read that fat is deposited differently when you're recovering from an ED, because you're body's trying to get the fat back where it needs it. It will balance out though, I promise.

    And ignore the guy that made that comment. He doesn't know what you've been through, and I'm sure he doesn't understand what your body needs to go through to recover.

    I hope you're having a better day today :hugs:
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by Smoosh)

    in reality, you will still look and be a lot smaller than most people. I genuinely feel that most of it is in your (and our!) head, it's hard to look at yourself changing and recognise that it's "normal" because it doesn't feel normal because it's different to how you're used to being.

    And ignore the guy that made that comment. He doesn't know what you've been through, and I'm sure he doesn't understand what your body needs to go through to recover.
    Totally agree. What I was trying to say but failed.
    • #30
    #30

    My father told me yesterday on the phone that he sees me as a disabled person (because of the long term ED and the effects it has on my life). :'(
    • #103
    #103

    Went to my brother graduation ceremony today. After a few days of being positive I've suddenly hit rock bottom. I didn't get the chance to have breakfast, lunch became the lowest calorie sarnie I could find, then as we only got back at half 8 it was sort of 'make your own tea' and I went for the lowest calorie tea I could think of. I just can't get out of this cycle. During the day, when it was obviously boiling I was there... in my coat shivering cold and actually turning blue. Then looking at photos with my brother and parents on the way back I got the true realisation of how ill I look and how disturbingly thin I am. The Doctor on Monday weighed me at 40kg, and told me I had lost 12kg over wish months. That was a shocker which really woke me up and I had a determined attitude to change for my health but for my family and myself, but I just... can't do it. :'(

    But seeing those photos... on the verge of breaking down here. I just can't stop looking at them. I'm disgusted and slightly disturbed in myself. They are like, the first photos during this period which have really shown me how I actually am, very skeletal, but when I look in the mirror I think I look perfectly fine.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My father told me yesterday on the phone that he sees me as a disabled person (because of the long term ED and the effects it has on my life). :'(
    ....what is wrong with that? Arguably an individual with a long term eating disorder is disabled: their illness will probably have a profound effect on their everyday life and may even be present in their lives for many years after physical recovery.

    Either you or your father seems to think that being disabled is some awful label to tag onto someone. I know many people with lifelong disabilities because of my job, and they all lead fulfilling lives and are PEOPLE with personalities, dreams, bad points and a sense of humour just like you have. Disabilities doesn't make someone 'less'. Differently-abled is such a more appropriate term to use.

    So try and turn what your dad has said around. Your disability/illness has made you an interesting person with a story to tell and pass onto others.

    Also sorry this is kind of irrelevant to the subject of the thread, this comment just caught my eye.
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    does anyone have any experiences/opinions on being in a relationship while having an eating disorder? i'm currently shifting constantly between saying i don't want to get better and considering finally getting some proper help and i'm also beginning to get involved with a guy who i've become very good friends with over the last few months and who knows everything about my issues with food and has tried to help me with them. part of me is terrified of getting hurt and how i will react if it doesn't work out and i'm not sure whether it'll help me start to recover or push me further into wanting to lose weight to feel 'attractive', but i really feel like i could be happy with him and i want to give it a chance. i've had other relationships since i developed my eating disorder but i've never told anyone i've been with and i'm not sure how it'd work in a relationship. i don't want to just end up hurting him by hurting myself. any ideas anyone?
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    In my experience sentiment, as terrifying as the prospect might be, be honest. I started off weaving a web of excuses and ended up making a girl think I outright disliked and lied to her. When I finally told her, emasculated and ashamed, she was incredibly empathetic and understanding. I explained it all; from liking her dearly but personally being emotionally just a bit premature for a relationship with anyone until I could find myself, really, her response was "I really wish you had told me that in the first place, I could've helped you." We are still super close!!

    You're protecting nobody via lies (or even lying by omission). If the guy is worth it, he WILL understand.
    • #39
    #39

    I did something stupid. Binges from the bulimia, especially once I started uni and it was happening all the time, made me put on a bit of weight. Now that I'm getting back on track with eating properly and exercising, it's starting to come off a little. My boyfriend, who I've only been with for four months, admitted he prefers me now (slimmer) as opposed to before, so I persuaded him to tell me how slim he ultimately wanted to be. He told me I could stand to lose some weight and get a more toned stomach- my stomach is the thing I hate most about myself, although he doesn't know that. Now last night, rational normal me was cool with that, but I woke up this morning with ED me crying incessantly for the past two hours. I feel like weight is always going to be this issue for me and everyone is just waiting for me to get my act together and be normal and I'm getting there, I guess, but I'm scared I never will. At first he didn't want to answer, and I convinced him to, and I iwish SO BADLY that I hadn't.
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    Anon, as unhelpful as this may sound, your boyfriend sounds like a bag of manure. A real man would never want to change his lady.

    A Chinese proverb I like has been used and paraphrased for years now, referring to love. "The largest of oaks is powerful and robust, and yields to nothing. Yet when the wind blows hard, he topples whilst even the flimsiest reed stands, bending to every gust".

    Even the greatest guy initially, if inflexible, will never be a great guy consistently. You are beautiful if you are 8 or 18 stones. Remember that. X
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did something stupid. Binges from the bulimia, especially once I started uni and it was happening all the time, made me put on a bit of weight. Now that I'm getting back on track with eating properly and exercising, it's starting to come off a little. My boyfriend, who I've only been with for four months, admitted he prefers me now (slimmer) as opposed to before, so I persuaded him to tell me how slim he ultimately wanted to be. He told me I could stand to lose some weight and get a more toned stomach- my stomach is the thing I hate most about myself, although he doesn't know that. Now last night, rational normal me was cool with that, but I woke up this morning with ED me crying incessantly for the past two hours. I feel like weight is always going to be this issue for me and everyone is just waiting for me to get my act together and be normal and I'm getting there, I guess, but I'm scared I never will. At first he didn't want to answer, and I convinced him to, and I iwish SO BADLY that I hadn't.

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Anon, as unhelpful as this may sound, your boyfriend sounds like a bag of manure. A real man would never want to change his lady.

    A Chinese proverb I like has been used and paraphrased for years now, referring to love. "The largest of oaks is powerful and robust, and yields to nothing. Yet when the wind blows hard, he topples whilst even the flimsiest reed stands, bending to every gust".

    Even the greatest guy initially, if inflexible, will never be a great guy consistently. You are beautiful if you are 8 or 18 stones. Remember that. X
    Toto is completely right - however. You need, for your own sanity, to stop asking him what he thinks of your body. Guys on the whole really don't have a rational idea of what a) girls think about their bodies and b) what limits a girls body can has. My BF is terrible for doing it too; if I ask him he'll say that I should lose a stone because to him, that's not a lot (he's overweight) but if I did I'd be under a healthy BMI.

    If he doesn't know about your ED how is he meant to know that such comments are damaging to you? If he does, does he know how damaging those comments are to you? Weight is going to be an issue in your relationships if you [let it be an issue in your relationships. To truly love someone else you have to first love yourself.

    On a similar vein - sentiment, relationships for us bring a lot of sacrifice. Whether it's the sacrifice of getting better because we don't want to be seen as struggling or the sacrifice of giving up our old ways for the trust and support that the other can give us... it's hard but when you get into a relationship, it's no longer just you. Be totally honest with him and see what he says.
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    This is stupidly negative FYI

    I've gone over my ideal weight and am quite scared at the prospect of loosing a few lb without it spiralling again. It's so hard to find a balance between feeling 'free' of anorexia and still being accountable of my food choices.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    This is stupidly negative FYI

    I've gone over my ideal weight and am quite scared at the prospect of loosing a few lb without it spiralling again. It's so hard to find a balance between feeling 'free' of anorexia and still being accountable of my food choices.
    Cinnie, when it all balances out, you might find you loose some of it anyway?
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by sentiment)
    does anyone have any experiences/opinions on being in a relationship while having an eating disorder? i'm currently shifting constantly between saying i don't want to get better and considering finally getting some proper help and i'm also beginning to get involved with a guy who i've become very good friends with over the last few months and who knows everything about my issues with food and has tried to help me with them. part of me is terrified of getting hurt and how i will react if it doesn't work out and i'm not sure whether it'll help me start to recover or push me further into wanting to lose weight to feel 'attractive', but i really feel like i could be happy with him and i want to give it a chance. i've had other relationships since i developed my eating disorder but i've never told anyone i've been with and i'm not sure how it'd work in a relationship. i don't want to just end up hurting him by hurting myself. any ideas anyone?
    The power of honesty and trust over fear shouldn't be underestimated, Sentiment. Please don't make the same mistake I have. We can't deprive ourselves of the chance for love or fun for fear of a poor consequence forever; sometimes we have to risk it as we are, as we feel in the moment. He sounds like a genuinely nice guy too, he's accepted that you're struggling and wants to help however he can. If you feel it could work and really want, why not go with that gut feeling? As you say, it could be a massive incentive to recovery (and, as Anon's pointed out, place responsibility on you towards it-you'll have to think about each other). But you never know unless you try! x


    (Original post by Cinnie)
    This is stupidly negative FYI

    I've gone over my ideal weight and am quite scared at the prospect of loosing a few lb without it spiralling again. It's so hard to find a balance between feeling 'free' of anorexia and still being accountable of my food choices.
    Cinnie, you'll find the further you go into recovery, the more your weight will stabilise at a healthy point without any conscious effort. Until then, we don't have to justify every decision we make foodwise! To me, freedom from ED in that sense means not having to explain to myself why I am allowed X and just having it. It's a while off yet because I'm sticking to 'healthy' while the binging subsides so that I can treat my body and mind well, but treats will and are being added in a much less structured, natural way, and ultimately you won't need to follow your own meal plan but live according to your own, flexible choice.
    For that matter, we're allowed to be spontaneous in general; allowing and accepting that we're not machines, we are human, and we're prone to impulses and emotions beyond what we 'should' do or is the most logical. It's far better that you develop solid grounds and commitment to your values and principles which you live your life by, and the actions which shape you as a person in the process; that's the direction I think we all need for true happiness. x
    • #39
    #39

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Anon, as unhelpful as this may sound, your boyfriend sounds like a bag of manure. A real man would never want to change his lady.

    A Chinese proverb I like has been used and paraphrased for years now, referring to love. "The largest of oaks is powerful and robust, and yields to nothing. Yet when the wind blows hard, he topples whilst even the flimsiest reed stands, bending to every gust".

    Even the greatest guy initially, if inflexible, will never be a great guy consistently. You are beautiful if you are 8 or 18 stones. Remember that. X
    He's generally really lovely and he's been telling me that it doesn't matter and I'm beautiful regardless, but I find it a lot easier to believe the bad stuff than the good.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Toto is completely right - however. You need, for your own sanity, to stop asking him what he thinks of your body. Guys on the whole really don't have a rational idea of what a) girls think about their bodies and b) what limits a girls body can has. My BF is terrible for doing it too; if I ask him he'll say that I should lose a stone because to him, that's not a lot (he's overweight) but if I did I'd be under a healthy BMI.

    If he doesn't know about your ED how is he meant to know that such comments are damaging to you? If he does, does he know how damaging those comments are to you? Weight is going to be an issue in your relationships if you [let it be an issue in your relationships. To truly love someone else you have to first love yourself.

    On a similar vein - sentiment, relationships for us bring a lot of sacrifice. Whether it's the sacrifice of getting better because we don't want to be seen as struggling or the sacrifice of giving up our old ways for the trust and support that the other can give us... it's hard but when you get into a relationship, it's no longer just you. Be totally honest with him and see what he says.
    He does know about it and he did try to avoid answering at first, like I said it's my fault really I'm seeing him tommorrow though and normally I'm so confident but I'm terrified of him seeing me naked now, I keep thinking that all he's going to do is look at my stomach and be turned off.
    • #81
    #81

    Have any of you guys ever been referred to a therapist by a GP? If so, how long was the wait?

    Also, what's a typical therapy session like?

    Deliberating on whether it's worth pursuing on a referral..
 
 
 
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