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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    how do you do spoilers?

    i completed my raised meal plan today (still v low... and they screwed up breakfast and snack, first tried to bring me forti**** which i knew i was NOT meant to have, then just gave me my liquid diet... but sorted for lunchtime).

    and my mood is ok, i am coping! *shock* I kept solids!
    [Xspoiler]TEXT GOES HERE[/spoiler] but without the 'X'

    Well done on today! :hugs:
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    Fab thanks!

    Today's intake in spoiler. It's a v low MP hence spoiler BUT it has solids AND I kept it
    Spoiler:
    Show
    B - 200ml semi-skim milk
    S - 100ml apple juice w/ 100ml water
    L - ½ portion sandwich (1 slice WM bread, 4g butter, 20g chicken) and small salad
    Dr - 200ml tea with milk
    T - ½ portion sandwich (1 slice WM bread, 4g butter, 20g chicken) and small salad
    Dr - Tea with milk
    S - 200ml semi-skim milk
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    how do you do spoilers?

    i completed my raised meal plan today (still v low... and they screwed up breakfast and snack, first tried to bring me forti**** which i knew i was NOT meant to have, then just gave me my liquid diet... but sorted for lunchtime).

    and my mood is ok, i am coping! *shock* I kept solids!
    :hugs: Well done lovely!

    I just saw this from an ED researcher and I liked it so I thought I'd post it here:
    I'll put it in a spoiler just in case. I think it's empowering.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    “From my work, I have drawn the personal conclusion that people are stronger than their eating disorder. Once recovered, most people reconnect with the person they were before ED. They recognize that ED is something that happened to them and that it may have shaped them, but it was never who they really were. Recovery means separating and reclaiming your true self from ED.”
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    Glad today has been another positive day custard
    • Thread Starter
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    I agree morrisman. You're doing so well, custard. Fortisip is disgusting, I personally declined it as I'd rather eat my calories through things I like as opposed to deceiving my body with that rank-a-dank liquid! My theory is that to recover properly I shouldn't be tricking myself into eating, I should do it for myself.

    Already, my body's getting used to the thought of food entering it; I'm eating ALMOST normal meals now without crazy aftereffects!
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    (Original post by Linweth)
    I'll be at the doctors on Monday to get a repeat prescription since I'm on anti-depressants, they will be doing a blood test too. I will probably tell them about how I'm feeling recently to see if there is anything to be done but I'm afraid it will just be "eat more" which is easier said than done.
    I was thinking a little but more along the lines of some blood tests and an ECG to make sure that everything is functioning right and you are not going to drop down dead.

    I would tell your doctor how you ED makes you feel physically too to make sure he/she monitors it.
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    Toto you have made huge steps forward I am sure today will be another good one, enjoy the sunshine and please post another pic so we can see your lovely smiley eyes!
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    I feel like crying. My mum works in a library and they have a counsellor/therapist person who comes in every Saturday. She spoke to the therapist for/about me (even though I told her not to) and I just got off the phone with the therapist. She said she's going to write to my consultant and ask her to speed up my referral as well as call her colleagues and ask if any one local to me can give me cut price therapy until the ED services come through. I have mixed feelings about therapy because I'm really really awful with it, I tend to withhold things and even though I'm always honest, I never really go too deep into things and I usually just stop therapy without warning because talking about things trigger me. I hated my last therapist and she obviously didn't like me and so we didn't really get anywhere. I like to avoid things and when I was in therapy for my depression, I ended up with the ED and when I was in therapy for the ED, it got worse. So I'm really scared about therapy but also really touched that she's trying to help me. I know I need the help because I can't keep avoiding things forever otherwise I'll never get better. But it's very scary and I always feel like the so-called 'underlying issues' aren't enough of a reason for me to be the way I am now and it makes me feel weak. But I'm going to make an effort to work through things during the summer because if I get to university, I shouldn't really go with my head the way it is now. I just can't believe someone would try and help me like that, even though they don't even know me. :cry:

    I'm so glad I'll finally be getting some form of help. I'm determined to work at it this time. No more stopping because it gets too painful.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I feel like crying. My mum works in a library and they have a counsellor/therapist person who comes in every Saturday. She spoke to the therapist for/about me (even though I told her not to) and I just got off the phone with the therapist. She said she's going to write to my consultant and ask her to speed up my referral as well as call her colleagues and ask if any one local to me can give me cut price therapy until the ED services come through. I have mixed feelings about therapy because I'm really really awful with it, I tend to withhold things and even though I'm always honest, I never really go too deep into things and I usually just stop therapy without warning because talking about things trigger me. I hated my last therapist and she obviously didn't like me and so we didn't really get anywhere. I like to avoid things and when I was in therapy for my depression, I ended up with the ED and when I was in therapy for the ED, it got worse. So I'm really scared about therapy but also really touched that she's trying to help me. I know I need the help because I can't keep avoiding things forever otherwise I'll never get better. But it's very scary and I always feel like the so-called 'underlying issues' aren't enough of a reason for me to be the way I am now and it makes me feel weak. But I'm going to make an effort to work through things during the summer because if I get to university, I shouldn't really go with my head the way it is now. I just can't believe someone would try and help me like that, even though they don't even know me. :cry:

    I'm so glad I'll finally be getting some form of help. I'm determined to work at it this time. No more stopping because it gets too painful.
    The bit in bold, totally do that too :ashamed2:

    But proud of you for this just think how amazing it would be to get to uni and not have to worry! I know it's such a massive cliche, but Superchick - Pure that is all
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    The bit in bold, totally do that too :ashamed2:

    But proud of you for this just think how amazing it would be to get to uni and not have to worry! I know it's such a massive cliche, but Superchick - Pure that is all
    :hugs: Thank you! I'm listening to it now! It's a pretty good song! 'This is my brand new day starting now!'
    Hope you're ok hun! You've really helped me! :jumphug:
    • #23
    #23

    Hey guys, whilst I've posted on here about my recovery I think I may be relapsing a bit. I haven't had any real issues for about 4 years but now I've put on a bit of weight and it's driving me crazy. I made bread to go with my dinner but then put in the bin and pretended to my boyfriend I had already eaten it and I made myself sick the other night. I would just do exercise but as my head is in a messed up place and I actually had exercise bulimia I think I need a bit of added support.

    This is more anon so people can't search me and find it, so I can talk about this quite openly and will probably de-anon soon. urgh I hate this.
    • #24
    #24

    Hi, this post is about the medical side of all of these eating disorders. I've been anorexic of the purging variety for a while and I've begun getting blood in my stools. I've been through a rough patch purging wise and as my stomach makes more odd noises and the blood is still appearing... Is this an after-effect of the bulimia or something seperate entirely?

    Just figuring that if anybody would know it would be somebody on this forum.

    I'm worried it may be intestinal lining having dissapeared but I'm not quite sure if this is connected to the eating disorder and whether it is from the body using up itself or the body just getting wear and tear from the vomiting, etc.
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    I just need to take control of my compulsions and not be so anxious
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, this post is about the medical side of all of these eating disorders. I've been anorexic of the purging variety for a while and I've begun getting blood in my stools. I've been through a rough patch purging wise and as my stomach makes more odd noises and the blood is still appearing... Is this an after-effect of the bulimia or something seperate entirely?

    Just figuring that if anybody would know it would be somebody on this forum.

    I'm worried it may be intestinal lining having dissapeared but I'm not quite sure if this is connected to the eating disorder and whether it is from the body using up itself or the body just getting wear and tear from the vomiting, etc.
    Go to your doctor ASAP - it could be pretty serious.
    • Thread Starter
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    Kebbabi, Diamonddust, I'm absolutely heartwarmed to see how much stronger you two have become only in a matter of days. Your positivity is shining through and it'll radiate into your being, and this is all about feeling good about YOU. About making YOU feel like your actions are the correct ones to make, not about tricking yourself into things. If you feel like you're deceiving yourself then you're not quite *there* yet. You have to keep taking the baby steps until you can appreciate the good stuff again; I'm not saying you'll forget all those bad things and scrutinies your ED has given you, but by focusing on those things that give you smiles and strength, you might be able to smile for YOU, a real smile - not a fake one through the mask of the ED.

    Anonymous 23, I think this is the beginning of a very destructive downward spiral for you. If you're already deceiving others you'll soon enough start lying to yourself and the choke-chain of the ED will be in full effect. Throwing away food and keeping empty containers etc, then rushing back to your seat and eating the final mouthful JUST as someone appears (fancy that, what a coincidence, right? Like you'd PLANNED it that way)? "Mmm, that meal was great, sweetheart/mum/dad etc! Thanks for that!" When you start "acting" your life with these little set-pieces, eventually, you'll find that you do them more and more, until eventually your entire life is an act. You are just a husk living the ED's life, a puppet playing out the ED's sick rules and regulations.

    DON'T let this happen. Open up to people and start talking about it. The more you withdraw, the louder the ED can speak.


    Anonymous 24, this sounds like the breakdown of the Large intestinal lining but I could be wrong (I am no doctor, after all). You might well simply have what is termed as an anal fissure (a crack in the intestine/anus) which forms when your bowel is either brutally under or overworked; usually the precursor to haemorrhoids. In any situation heavy restriction totally wrecks your (lower especially) intestines. I would know; I have suffered some quite awful things that I won't repeat through his illness, that I wouldn't wish upon anyone... I suggest you see your GP IMMEDIATELY.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys, whilst I've posted on here about my recovery I think I may be relapsing a bit. I haven't had any real issues for about 4 years but now I've put on a bit of weight and it's driving me crazy. I made bread to go with my dinner but then put in the bin and pretended to my boyfriend I had already eaten it and I made myself sick the other night. I would just do exercise but as my head is in a messed up place and I actually had exercise bulimia I think I need a bit of added support.

    This is more anon so people can't search me and find it, so I can talk about this quite openly and will probably de-anon soon. urgh I hate this.
    :hugs: Like Toto said, EDs thrive on secrecy. Can you tell anyone in real life you feel things are getting bad again?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi, this post is about the medical side of all of these eating disorders. I've been anorexic of the purging variety for a while and I've begun getting blood in my stools. I've been through a rough patch purging wise and as my stomach makes more odd noises and the blood is still appearing... Is this an after-effect of the bulimia or something seperate entirely?

    Just figuring that if anybody would know it would be somebody on this forum.

    I'm worried it may be intestinal lining having dissapeared but I'm not quite sure if this is connected to the eating disorder and whether it is from the body using up itself or the body just getting wear and tear from the vomiting, etc.
    You need to see a GP ASAP. :hugs:

    Toto, your lovely comments mean so much to me. It's like extra validation for doing the right thing. I think you're amazing and you fighting and being so strong makes me feel like fighting too. I hope you're feeling ok? :hugs:

    I can't wait for the summer. I'm desperate for it. I just want these stupid exams to end. I'm so terrified about them, I don't know anything and I'm scared because I don't want to fail. Not again.
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    Anonymous #24 - is it light/bright blood or dark? If it's dark go to A&E. Like, seriously. If It's light/bright get down to your GP.

    Diamond - so pleased you've possibly got the chance of more help. If you find the right person, trust me, it helps. Just having someone LISTEN. . If you don't click with your T it's going to be a nightmare, there will be no trust and of COURSE you'll hold back. A good therapist will support you through to disclose things at your own pace. I STILL haven't brought up the whole situation with my ex *shudders and blanks* and it's been over a year...

    Today -
    MP
    Spoiler:
    Show
    First full day of new MP...

    B - 2 weetabix, 100ml semi-skim milk
    S - 200ml semi-skim milk
    L - ½ portion sandwich (1 slice WM bread, 4g butter, 20g chicken) and small salad
    Dr - 200ml tea with semi-skim milk
    T - ½ portion sandwich (1 slice WM bread, 4g butter, 20g chicken) and small salad
    Dr - 200ml tea with semi-skim milk
    S - 200ml semi-skim milk

    My guts are KILLING from that weetabix

    Hard hard day, but I got through and used the staff. Struggled with breakfast. Snack was ok - I'm ok with drinking the milk for a snack now no problem *big achievement there I guess* . Lunch though... God, I cried and mutilated my sandwich and salad (pretty unlike me to totally destroy something before eating it) but I got through it, spoke later to the nurse who was doing my obs who was really nice. Spoke later on to my keyworker M who is really good (she's the most senior nurse there lol) as well which made me feel better.

    Been sociable this evening though, watched BGT with one of the staff nurses who likes me, she very enthusiastic haha . Then sat on the balcony for ages with the other patients who are sociable and that was really nice, they made me feel included .

    Fingers crossed for a decent night's sleep... Going to have my prn (temazepam) I think to help things along...
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    Ate quite a bit today it's weird but food seems to make me hyper had coke cola for first time this year and im just giggling like mad mood=affecting by food hence when dont eat = moody its so weird need to take control but its hard when mother purposely buys all the food and brings it to your face choc crisps your worse triggers
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    Hard hard day but you got through If I had a hard day I would go to bed with a book and resolve not to get out of bed til the morning, giving my body a good chunk of time to repair itself.

    Great to hear you are using the staff, hopefully tomorrow will be just a tad easier!

    Keep up the inspirational work
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    Anonymous #24 - is it light/bright blood or dark? If it's dark go to A&E. Like, seriously. If It's light/bright get down to your GP.

    Diamond - so pleased you've possibly got the chance of more help. If you find the right person, trust me, it helps. Just having someone LISTEN. . If you don't click with your T it's going to be a nightmare, there will be no trust and of COURSE you'll hold back. A good therapist will support you through to disclose things at your own pace. I STILL haven't brought up the whole situation with my ex *shudders and blanks* and it's been over a year...

    Today -
    MP
    Spoiler:
    Show
    First full day of new MP...

    B - 2 weetabix, 100ml semi-skim milk
    S - 200ml semi-skim milk
    L - ½ portion sandwich (1 slice WM bread, 4g butter, 20g chicken) and small salad
    Dr - 200ml tea with semi-skim milk
    T - ½ portion sandwich (1 slice WM bread, 4g butter, 20g chicken) and small salad
    Dr - 200ml tea with semi-skim milk
    S - 200ml semi-skim milk

    My guts are KILLING from that weetabix

    Hard hard day, but I got through and used the staff. Struggled with breakfast. Snack was ok - I'm ok with drinking the milk for a snack now no problem *big achievement there I guess* . Lunch though... God, I cried and mutilated my sandwich and salad (pretty unlike me to totally destroy something before eating it) but I got through it, spoke later to the nurse who was doing my obs who was really nice. Spoke later on to my keyworker M who is really good (she's the most senior nurse there lol) as well which made me feel better.

    Been sociable this evening though, watched BGT with one of the staff nurses who likes me, she very enthusiastic haha . Then sat on the balcony for ages with the other patients who are sociable and that was really nice, they made me feel included .

    Fingers crossed for a decent night's sleep... Going to have my prn (temazepam) I think to help things along...
    Totally agree with this - the counsellor I had at uni was great and I started to be able to trust her etc. Plus she has all these random things in her office so I don't have to look at her while I tell her stuff

    :hugs: Well done on the food today. How are you now?

    And temazepam :coma: I'm fairly sure that saved my sanity last summer!
 
 
 
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