Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :hugs: you will do AMAZING. And if you don't, so what? Grades aren't the be-all and end-all. I'd rather have a friend who gets Bs and will be there for me, than a friend who's an A* ********. :hugs:
    I hope so. I could geniunely come out with anything from AAA to BBB. To get lower than that, I've spectacularly messed up my June exams. I needed approx 30/120 UMS in biology and chemistry to get a B. I hate the fact track doesnt go live until 8am. I have visions of being like 2-3 UMS off an A in everything, and that can be something stupid like 1 raw mark.
    • #30
    #30

    I've been losing weight since winter 2011. I was the high end of normal for 8-10months, now I am underweight and seeing bones. I feel both worried/scared but also in a strange way relieved. Seeing the bones and being thin again somehow feels like a 'relief'. I don't understand why.

    I have spent most of the last 10 years underweight, a couple of years normal weight and now underweight again.

    I feel a bit guilty about the weight loss too. My boyfriend was cuddling me and said, "Oh God, you're getting scrawny again. Your ribs and hip bones are back."

    I felt very 'fat' when I was normal and high end of normal weight and now I feel relieved that I am no longer 'fat'. My weight feels acceptable to me now, but I know that now I will have to maintain or lose, I will get very upset if I gain.

    tldr: how do you fight the ED, when it feels like the ED *is* you? The ED thoughts are my own thoughts. It's not like someone telling me "you're fat, you need to lose weight", it's my own thoughts "I am too fat, I need to lose more weight. I will feel better if I lose more weight." And certainly yes, there is a temporary relief or buzz from weight loss, but it doesn't last and can only be improved upon by further weight loss. It's a crazy downward spiral.
    • #30
    #30

    Just been talking to one of the Pro Deans at the medical school. I am desperately upset because I am afraid the medical school will not allow me to continue my studies to be a doctor. They are worried that my health (ED) is incompatible with being a doctor, that my case is bad and/or that necessary treatment is not accessible near my university so I wouldn't be able to have treatment and continue my studies.

    The Pro Dean says the medical school needs guidance from a psychiatrist before making any decisions, so I'm due to be assessed by an independent psychiatrist (i.e. not a doctor treating me) as chosen by Occupational Health.

    I'm just so scared the psychiatrist will decide that my condition is not compatible with practicing Medicine and so the med school ask me to leave.

    I know there are other careers besides Medicine, but I am finding the prospect of being kicked out of medical school absolutely devastating and I keep crying and crying every day and feeling suicidal. I am not coping with life. I am still going to my therapist 1 per week, support group 1 per week (SRSH). Even my urge to binge has decreased and I don't take the same pleasure in bingeing or purging. I find it hard to eat at all.

    My parents have given up on me, my boyfriend is finding it hard to cope with me and they all say I need to just move on with my life and get a ****ing job and rent a flat on my own. My boyfriend says I need to grow up. Yes, I probably do and in many ways the ED has held me back, but I don't think growing up or healing will happen overnight.

    I can't think properly because I am so worried about being kicked out of med school. I do not feel hopeful about the future. I did my A Levels in 2007 and have no qualifications since then and just part time work as a healthcare assistant. Who the **** would employ me?

    All I have is dead end jobs open to me. I find this incredibly depressing. "That's life, that's what everyone has to do," say my family/boyfriend. Maybe they're right and maybe this sounds immature/crazy but **** that ****.

    I really don't see the point in working in a **** job in order to pay for a ****ty flat in an area I don't like and having very little money. My boyfriend says it's either that, go on benefits (no thanks, what's the point?) or become someone's dependent - by this he means marry someone willing to look after me, like my ex bf. Sigh.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Accepting the body changes is a necessary evil. To others, you are getting better, but every inch of your ED tells you otherwise.

    Why am I gaining only on my face and stomach? Normal people don't get a big huge belly and round face, even if they gain stones and stones!! You argue points with yourself as your body goes through this rip pull seesaw.

    Here I am today. I am about 8 and a half stones, yet my distribution was quite heavy on the face thus far. On my lower abdomen even moreso:

    http://s1125.photobucket.com/albums/...porary-600.jpg

    But you know what? Like it or not, it has to happen. Cheekbones, flat stomach; bulk THEN cut. Even weightlifters do it. You cannot survive at a terrible rockbottom weight, and even now I am only bmi 18.7, believe it or not- but putting on weight for an anorexic is the only way.

    I post pictures because although I hate it, I dislike my form, I *accept* it.

    Learn to do that, if nothing else xxx
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Toto you do not have a chubby face IMO, you are just very thin below that so it may be a bit more noticeable to friends and family. Mix that with the fact that restricting makes your face suck in something ridiculous and the dismorphia makes a big deal out of it. You are doing great dude keep going!

    I've carried on with my 21 day thing but haven't posted because my internet data allowance has been low. I'm logging it in a diary though x
    Not binged in days and long may it continue.

    .. oh and peeps, thinspo is mind poison! Looking like an 8 year old isn't nice!
    • #48
    #48

    Fed up of how my head works, stupid thoughts and feelings and everything sucks and blah. I wait for the day when I wake up feeling happy and not anxious about the world ending or food or being fat or losing my bf/family.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I do fitspo but I wonder if it hits a point where that becomes unhealthy too? At least image-wise x
    Things are getting better in that most messed-up of ways. I don't understand why I had to go wreck myself on some ten cakes every other day to realise I'm not going to die from eating cheese though. For my personality to return my health and fitness have had to go take a hike-is that the normal way it works sometimes in recovery?
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    I do fitspo but I wonder if it hits a point where that becomes unhealthy too? At least image-wise x
    Things are getting better in that most messed-up of ways. I don't understand why I had to go wreck myself on some ten cakes every other day to realise I'm not going to die from eating cheese though. For my personality to return my health and fitness have had to go take a hike-is that the normal way it works sometimes in recovery?
    I assume fitspo is photoshopped to hell, like every other type of -spo. Can't answer the rest of the post, but yum. Cheese. Apparently its really expensive, so that'll go when I'm at uni. Are we the only two on here going to uni in september?
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I assume fitspo is photoshopped to hell, like every other type of -spo. Can't answer the rest of the post, but yum. Cheese. Apparently its really expensive, so that'll go when I'm at uni. Are we the only two on here going to uni in september?
    Probably, but it doesn't make it much easier
    Oh noes, you can't forgo the cheese! There's always gonna be some budget cheddar or something I had spinach+ricotta cannelloni for lunch with my Mum, my friend and hers, good times ^_^ last year it would've been salmon, soup, salad or nowt, so things are clearly getting better on that side of it!
    Ummm, just finished first year nothing like I expected.
    I really hope you have fun, Snow. It's a chance for a new start, in a good way. No-one, or at least far less immature kids, to judge you or talk down to you. The chance to be yourself and love every minute of it. x
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Probably, but it doesn't make it much easier
    Oh noes, you can't forgo the cheese! There's always gonna be some budget cheddar or something I had spinach+ricotta cannelloni for lunch with my Mum, my friend and hers, good times ^_^ last year it would've been salmon, soup, salad or nowt, so things are clearly getting better on that side of it!
    Ummm, just finished first year nothing like I expected.
    I really hope you have fun, Snow. It's a chance for a new start, in a good way. No-one, or at least far less immature kids, to judge you or talk down to you. The chance to be yourself and love every minute of it. x
    Is this Riku and have you Rikufailed, again? So do I. I hope my flatmates are nice/ I don't end up in a flat of 12. And that I can actually do chemistry.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I assume fitspo is photoshopped to hell, like every other type of -spo. Can't answer the rest of the post, but yum. Cheese. Apparently its really expensive, so that'll go when I'm at uni. Are we the only two on here going to uni in september?
    I'm going into third year in September. New uni house's kitchen is on the basement level, my rooms on the second floor, 6 stair cases in between - can see that becoming a bit of an issue :erm:

    Somehow, I know that cheese is a horrendous food stuff in that it's just fat but I'm addicted to it and eat at least two portions of it a day
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Is this Riku and have you Rikufailed, again? So do I. I hope my flatmates are nice/ I don't end up in a flat of 12. And that I can actually do chemistry.
    It is and I did. But never mind, I'm gonna be Rikuwinning now as I dance for a bit to some funky summer tunes so cool.
    I'm sure they will and I'm sure you will too not much else to say really just the truth! x
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    It is and I did. But never mind, I'm gonna be Rikuwinning now as I dance for a bit to some funky summer tunes so cool.
    I'm sure they will and I'm sure you will too not much else to say really just the truth! x
    If they don't like me I'll make them like me. nothing cake and tea can't fix.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm going into third year in September. New uni house's kitchen is on the basement level, my rooms on the second floor, 6 stair cases in between - can see that becoming a bit of an issue :erm:

    Somehow, I know that cheese is a horrendous food stuff in that it's just fat but I'm addicted to it and eat at least two portions of it a day
    cheese is not a horrendous food stuff
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Realised a binge trigger. The uncomfortable feeling of digesting food. It can be uncomfortable for me, and I actually get the feelings confused with hunger. I have been so confused as to why I feel hungry soon after eating so I think i've solved it. If this doesn't correct itself I may mention it to my doctor - I don't know if it's a common thing or I may have an intolerance (although I know that a lot of recovering anorexics get very sensitive to foods for a while)
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Went for physio on my knee thinking I'd hurt it running and was shocked and upset to discover that it's because my bones are getting weak and my hips can't bear my bodyweight well and are more like an old lady's than a 21-year-old girl's. This has really upset me my weight is still dropping even lower underweight and still the gp is ignoring the letters from other medical staff, because I am "not his problem". He is the only one who can refer me and right now I don't think I have any hope of getting better anymore.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Disenchanted your GP sounds like a complete knob. That's so nasty =[ Can't you change GP's? There are ways in which specialists can help you improve your bone density so don't feel hopeless xx
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Went for physio on my knee thinking I'd hurt it running and was shocked and upset to discover that it's because my bones are getting weak and my hips can't bear my bodyweight well and are more like an old lady's than a 21-year-old girl's. This has really upset me my weight is still dropping even lower underweight and still the gp is ignoring the letters from other medical staff, because I am "not his problem". He is the only one who can refer me and right now I don't think I have any hope of getting better anymore.
    The first step isn't at the GP's office, it's with you. You CAN do this, the information is out there and the willpower to do well with it is yours.

    Carry on pushing for help, but the work is going to be done by you when they come. Sadly there is no pill to make it better, but you can push yourself better.

    Try analyzing what it is that's bringing up these feelings. What is the predominant emotion when you get 'eating disordery'? Where did these feeling come from? Can you push past these feelings after recognising them? Can you maybe divert these feelings?
    • #59
    #59

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Disenchanted your GP sounds like a complete knob. That's so nasty =[ Can't you change GP's? There are ways in which specialists can help you improve your bone density so don't feel hopeless xx
    He is really horrible he just sort of smirked when I went to him last as though I was talking complete cr*p, he's one of those old-fashioned ones who suggests just to "eat more". As you know, it's not that easy and we're not stupid people!
    I am going to change I think, I dread going there.
    And they can? Oh that's a relief, seriously thought I'd done something irreversible and got so upset about it. My mum went nuts when she found out, saying I'm stressing her out. Hope all's going okay for you at the moment! xx
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antiaris)
    The first step isn't at the GP's office, it's with you. You CAN do this, the information is out there and the willpower to do well with it is yours.

    Carry on pushing for help, but the work is going to be done by you when they come. Sadly there is no pill to make it better, but you can push yourself better.

    Try analyzing what it is that's bringing up these feelings. What is the predominant emotion when you get 'eating disordery'? Where did these feeling come from? Can you push past these feelings after recognising them? Can you maybe divert these feelings?
    I know...but my motivation to get better is dwindling as time goes on and it's getting harder and harder to let go of the problem I guess it can be when I feel undervalued or haven't done something "perfectly" or feel lonely/unable to cope with things that the weight loss becomes my stupid security blanket. Thanks for the advice and hope all is okay with you!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.