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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Did anyone watch Worlds Maddest Job Interview? There was an ex bulimic and I was surprised by the results


    http://www.channel4.com/programmes/w...es-1/episode-1
    I've just finished watching that. Didn't feel that the fact that at the end they'd all employ someone with MH issues, when they were all dead against it at the beginning, was genuine.
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I've just finished watching that. Didn't feel that the fact that at the end they'd all employ someone with MH issues, when they were all dead against it at the beginning, was genuine.
    Lol yeah me too. At the end when the winners admitted their MH history, the bosses did not seem convincing, despite their claims that they would "still hire" them. The cafe owner looked very uncertain and I didn't find the bald guy genuine at all.

    I did however feel hopeful because the winners actually turned out to have serious MH problems and no normal people were chosen. Also I was so relived/hopeful when the bulimic lady was consistently ranked highly/praised by bosses for her abilities (before they knew her MH history). It made me hopeful that recovery IS possible and that even though I have bulimia I can still be a successful and valued person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Lol yeah me too. At the end when the winners admitted their MH history, the bosses did not seem convincing, despite their claims that they would "still hire" them. The cafe owner looked very uncertain and I didn't find the bald guy genuine at all.

    I did however feel hopeful because the winners actually turned out to have serious MH problems and no normal people were chosen. Also I was so relived/hopeful when the bulimic lady was consistently ranked highly/praised by bosses for her abilities (before they knew her MH history). It made me hopeful that recovery IS possible and that even though I have bulimia I can still be a successful and valued person.
    good, atleast it wasnt just me who thought that. But the statistic that 1 in 5 of those who tell their employer about MH issues lose their job, is shocking. And it makes me rediculously glad that uni's don't know this sort of stuff until after we've been given offers.
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    People in recovery stage: how did you keep going and stay strong? I've gained a little (unintentionally; had to give up running for a while because my bones are getting weak) and am 1lb off a healthy bmi but in the last 3 days, despite all the compliments and positivity from everyone, I'm terrified by my changing body and have not had a meal and have spent an hour and a half in the gym every day. My curves look quite nice at times but it just feels so uncomfortable because it's gone straight to my thighs and stomach, even if it's barely noticeable it feels like stones to me. I can feel myself slipping into a massive relapse and I just wish I could push past this and be free of anorexia. This has happened before and I've ended up losing more weight than ever and the same is about to happen.
    Really proud of you! Please don't have a relapse. This is the hardest part -- learning to accept your new body. You need to turn every negative into a positive. For example, you may think you're big, but you're not -- you are now strong and healthy. This new body will support you through anything. Also, you can alter your body shape without losing weight by toning up areas you're not happy with, which is what I do good luck. x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Really proud of you! Please don't have a relapse. This is the hardest part -- learning to accept your new body. You need to turn every negative into a positive. For example, you may think you're big, but you're not -- you are now strong and healthy. This new body will support you through anything. Also, you can alter your body shape without losing weight by toning up areas you're not happy with, which is what I do good luck. x
    Aw thank you was nice to come home tonight to an encouraging message.
    The mirror is more of a battle than ever and I haven't really eaten properly today but I haven't been to the gym. I'm doing toning exercise most days and I can see it's helping but I'm still uneasy; I can see it looks better than jutting bones but the word "fat" just keeps popping into my head as the bones gradually become less obvious.
    Will tone in the morning and do a little cardio but try my very hardest to eat decent meals to make up for it. Hope all's good with you! x
    • #59
    #59

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    D firstly, :hug: Secondly, it will all go to your stomach and thighs in recovery (not sure about why it goes to your thighs). We've all seen Toto taking about his pot belly and stick thin arms, theres a reason it goes there, whats hiding behind your bellybutton? Pretty much all of your organs. And it goes there to protect them and why does it do that, because if they don't work than you probably will end up turning yellow and then die, and that would be rubbish, because you're too nice for that. and we like you.
    Thank you, that's really reassuring and this message made me smile x

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Disenchanted, my bmi is now 18.7/18.8 and it is all lower abdomen and facial; but my therapist would always talk about a "cognitive shift" where you start to simply accept who you are, and not WHAT you are. You begin to appreciate the tissues of your body exist for a reason. You start to be less selfish (anorexics are inherently so).

    I believe this is only starting with me in the past few weeks.

    You have to stick with it longer. Maybe take a breather, don't LOSE any more, but look at who you are, accept it. This is who you are. X
    Thanks Toto, this is encouraging and it's great to see you doing so well, you truly are an inspiration x

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Anon 118 - A doctor first and formost.. which will lead to therapy/group therapy/nutritionist help. Everyone believes they are not sick enough but that's just not the case. If you are not ready, just first tell someone you trust about how much you are struggling. Sometimes just being honest can help you be honest with yourself.

    Disenchanted, firstly it's great that you are near a healthy BMI. I am also on that border, and have exactly the same problem. Stomach an thighs. It helps me to go in stages. I completely hate the change at first, but I tell myself that there is just literally no option of going back to where I was (and yup i've thrown away the clothes that don't fit/look good) . When there is no option I started to tolerate hating it. Then I started to tolerate it.. now it's just... me! It's fine! And it's still very slim so remember that other people see that even if you don't yet.

    Then when I change I hate it again. I am hoping I can stay at the bottom of healthy and my menst cycle will come back, although i'm not too sure =/ sigh.
    Cinnie, this is definitely it and I really do hope that you're getting stronger every single day. Proud of you! Thanks for the encouragement you can do this x
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    I wasn't meant to post anon with that last one btw, I'm a spoon.
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I wasn't meant to post anon with that last one btw, I'm a spoon.
    we won't eat you with spoons for that. Well, I wont, can't really speak for the others.
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    :hugs: to D. I tried posting yesterday but the laptop crashed. Remember that initial recovery's the hardest part physically, but you'll get through it, we all know you will
    I found it helped to adjust using some down-time in a day where I'd play some relaxing music and just observe my body. But more importantly, I'd observe myself; what I've been blessed with and how I too have blessed my world, but more than that who I am in the moment. The meditation and appreciating the present took lots of practice and digging, but you can find your own self-affirmation and come closer to peace with the change. It's a nice barrier to any thoughts about wanting to 'go back', knowing you can find things to love about life without ED. x
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Aw thank you was nice to come home tonight to an encouraging message.
    The mirror is more of a battle than ever and I haven't really eaten properly today but I haven't been to the gym. I'm doing toning exercise most days and I can see it's helping but I'm still uneasy; I can see it looks better than jutting bones but the word "fat" just keeps popping into my head as the bones gradually become less obvious.
    Will tone in the morning and do a little cardio but try my very hardest to eat decent meals to make up for it. Hope all's good with you! x
    I know what you mean. Even after 2 years since I recovered, I have times when I look in the mirror in disgust. I think it's one of the things that never truly leaves you. It's just about putting it all into perspective -- you're going to have those days, but you can't take it out on yourself when you do. Remember, in comparison to everyone else, you're still thin because you're on the lower side of a healthy BMI. That's a great plan! See, you can exercise but in moderation and if you make sure you eat enough to accommodate any exercising good luck! x
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    Hey all!

    I just want you to know that it is possible to recover from and ED. 3 years ago (nearly 4 now) everything in my life that could have gone wrong did go wrong, as a result I stopped eating completely, lied to my mum and my brother about what I supposedly "ate", I would then only eat certain things at set times if it was a minute past I lost any "appetite" I had, I purged and my family couldn't take me out to a restaurant as I became really anxious when surrounded by people, and I started doing excessive exercise and running. My lowest weight was just about 4 stone. (This was not helped by the fact that whenever I saw my grandparents they called me fat and have done for as long as I can recall)

    4 years on, I have more control about what I eat and how I eat and I've regulated the amount of exercise I do. I still have an off day if I'm very stressed but even then I would force myself to eat something even if it's a small bowl of rice. I'm now 7 stone and healthy and last week I managed to fully eat a meal at a restaurant for the first time in as long as I can remember. Every now and again I do feel self conscious but I guess it's an element that remains with you, but the insecurities are now minimal relative to then

    It is possible to recover, if anyone would like to PM me at all or needs someone to talk to then you're more than welcome.

    You are beautiful :love: :hugs:
    • #48
    #48

    My constant need to be in control is starting to become very apparent and it's getting in between me and my family... Shouted at my mum yesterday because she didn't park in the right place in the shopping centre :erm: Nothing to do with food, but sometimes it feels like everything I touch is out of my control including food and eating and being able to control little things like that makes me less anxious and focused.
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    Well my mum's come back from her holiday still seeming pretty broken, her depression's really got to ehr because she had a car crash the other day and I can't help but feel this is my fault because she has her worries and then she's got this **** to deal with too :/ I'm really concerned for her now.
    All the same it annoys me when my loved ones seem to do this incredibly forced, exaggerated laughter and interest at my jokes and when I talk to them. Yeah I'm quite aware my sense of humour and ability to communicate face-to-face, one-on-one with people has greatly diminished since becoming ill, I'm working on that, but you don't have to lie to me. If I'm not funny just. don't. laugh!

    Also feels like everyone's talking about food loads to me when I ask what they've been up to. Not in a 'are you gonna eat' way, more like 'I went to the chippy and bought...' or 'checked out this new restaurant in town' etc. Maybe trying to normalise it in my eyes? Who knows. I'm not even thinking about food that much anymore, until the urge for a behaviour comes in-which is getting rarer, and so it's more annoying when so much emphasis is placed on that.
    I don't know how to react. They're reminding me of my problem by manufacturing its absence, and yet that's the only way they will react if they feel anything about it.
    Could be yet more paranoid thoughts, I am genuinely tired.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Well my mum's come back from her holiday still seeming pretty broken, her depression's really got to ehr because she had a car crash the other day and I can't help but feel this is my fault because she has her worries and then she's got this **** to deal with too :/ I'm really concerned for her now.
    All the same it annoys me when my loved ones seem to do this incredibly forced, exaggerated laughter and interest at my jokes and when I talk to them. Yeah I'm quite aware my sense of humour and ability to communicate face-to-face, one-on-one with people has greatly diminished since becoming ill, I'm working on that, but you don't have to lie to me. If I'm not funny just. don't. laugh!

    Also feels like everyone's talking about food loads to me when I ask what they've been up to. Not in a 'are you gonna eat' way, more like 'I went to the chippy and bought...' or 'checked out this new restaurant in town' etc. Maybe trying to normalise it in my eyes? Who knows. I'm not even thinking about food that much anymore, until the urge for a behaviour comes in-which is getting rarer, and so it's more annoying when so much emphasis is placed on that.
    I don't know how to react. They're reminding me of my problem by manufacturing its absence, and yet that's the only way they will react if they feel anything about it.
    Could be yet more paranoid thoughts, I am genuinely tired.
    -hugging- You're not the only one whos having a bad time ofit atm.
    • #119
    #119

    Hi,

    This is my first post on this thread because it has taken me so long to realise I have a problem.. I am now fed up with the way I think, with what I eat and how guilty it makes me feel.

    My obsession with my looks and weight has been something that has bothered me since an early age, but it only got worse once I started college. During the academic year I struggled to maintain my weight and I noticed I had put on a few pounds during exam season. This was the apparent breaking point so as soon as my exams had finished, I embarked on a strict diet.

    Breakfast usually consisted of two crackers and a cup of orange juice. This was followed by a bowl of salad for lunch and a few shreds of chicken for dinner. I managed to lose a stone and a half in around 5 weeks and was at last happy and content with the way I looked.
    I kept telling myself that I would stop after losing a pound, but this only continued and I still have not stopped. I accept that I have a problem, but I find that I am a prisoner to my own thoughts. I constantly obsess over what I eat - a single crisp has me feeling guilty for the whole day.
    It has got to the point where I can't get up out of bed without feeling dizzy - I have drifted apart from my friends because I don't have the energy to 'socialise' or even talk anymore.

    Life has become hard and I desperately want to change the way I think. I haven't been to the doctors about this, because I'm so afraid that my fears regarding my eating habits will finally turn into a reality.

    I just want some advice and tips on how to deal with this? I realise the road to recovery will be a long one, but I'm willing to start.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just want some advice and tips on how to deal with this? I realise the road to recovery will be a long one, but I'm willing to start.
    You have to want to get better -- genuinely. What I did was think about what my ED was robbing me of. You already mentioned how you've lost friends. How does that make you feel? The ED is separating you from normality and the love from friends that you deserve. Things only go downhill if you continue this path. Another trick is to think of food as medicine, not the enemy. We need food so we can survive. Your brain needs at least 500 calories just to function and not shrink. Your organs all require energy, which only comes from food. You need about 1400 calories just to stay alive. An ED is like a leech. It just drains you, slowly and painfully. It takes away everything. It hurts everyone, not just yourself, but those around you.

    Sorry about the negativity. You do sound like you genuinely want to get better and you've already taken the first step by admitting you have a problem and wanting to stop it sooner rather than later, so well done! Just gradually build up what you eat x
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    (Original post by Riku)
    x
    :hugs: I don't know your friends so wouldn't know if they are paranoid or not but :hugs: get some rest and try not to fret over it

    ---------------

    I say this, but i'm currently up late trying to figure out how i'm going to deal with overeats in the future.. what people do to maintain their weight after overeating. It's all such a headache. What do people do? a big part of my doesn't want to 'get away' with it in case it becomes a habit so I need to compensate in some way (I don't need to gain weight).... oh I just want to smash something up right now.

    • Thread Starter
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    Connie, not entirely the same but I've reached a phase of restriction then release every day; like I will stay "ED'd" until 5pm then eat normally. I understand there is no such thing as "partial day ED" as this effectively screws up the whole day by creating an unhealthy routine. I eat to (just)sub-maintenance (I promise I now never dive below my self-set 1500 per day, though on bad days I struggle)but ultimately I am still gaining body fat due to inconsistent metabolic spikes.

    A calorie is a calorie, but a lot is to be said for the way the body processes them amidst a confused routine. What I mean is, should I consume these same calories more consistently throughout the day, I would not get metabolic slumps where my body slacks off and cannot process my evening meal.

    Short version: Whether or not your ED is restrictive, binge, purge or excess, the body is suffering. I continue, as you guys do, to find the magical "normal".
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -hugging- You're not the only one whos having a bad time ofit atm.
    :hugs: back, hope you're doing OK Snow!


    (Original post by Cinnie)
    :hugs: I don't know your friends so wouldn't know if they are paranoid or not but :hugs: get some rest and try not to fret over it



    ---------------

    I say this, but i'm currently up late trying to figure out how i'm going to deal with overeats in the future.. what people do to maintain their weight after overeating. It's all such a headache. What do people do? a big part of my doesn't want to 'get away' with it in case it becomes a habit so I need to compensate in some way (I don't need to gain weight).... oh I just want to smash something up right now.

    Actually it was me I emant as the 'paranoid' one aha but never mind |
    God, I have no respect for my own boundaries still. I mean sometimes it's alright to change your mind ; like Saturday, I was going to stay completely sober and leave my friend's house party early due to work/getting worried about panicking from being drunk, but ended up playing the Lord of the Rings drinking game instead :P
    So that was fine. I've drunk from peer pressure and anxiety before but never been dependent on it. Today, slightly different. I had a choice between going to the gym as intended and playing badminton with Dad as spur of the moment and I thought 'strength training: my bones are going to pot', also having done my research on LBM and muscle-building etc. (is it common for some recovering individuals to go halfway and end up fitspo instead?). But I couldn't say no and felt I should go and started feeling guilty of the people I know there being disappointed I hadn't turned up again...so I gave up on either and threw the other boundary of trying to be healthy out of the window and binged don't know what to do there.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    I'm trying to put calories and bf% out of my mind from all this binging, but it's hard to ignore the massive sugar load/trans-fats because I'm always stuffing myself with crap these days, moreso because there are days when I eat junk food without it being disordered which is great mentally but makes it a double-whammy physically, and if I think about what's going on in my body as a result too hard it's just scary I might be dying


    My mum's only just been told by her therapist today about how telling me what she thinks I should do all the time can be dangerous. But at elast she knows now, and that's goin g to help a bit

    Cinnie, if I'm honest, I don't think non-ED people think that hard about what to do when they over-eat. If it's become uncomfortable to eat, then they just kinda give it a rest for that day and wait until they're hungry again the next? Of course that's asking what feels like impossible for us, just to accept that there's gonna be a little gain but that's fine because it doesn't mean anything really.
    At the end of the day, I think we significantly overeat or binge because of a) we've gone from one extreme to another and food's still seen as a Holy Grail that we must devour , and related to this b) completely losing control over food is the antithesis of never losing control over food/weight/the hunger. It's still using a physical solution to a problem that was caused by emotions, which is why it never works. I'm sure you understand that logically but to believe it applies to you as I struggle to believe it can apply to me, that'll come in time.


    You're doing amazing, keep it up and I hope this doesn't sound patronising but try not to think about it too hard :hugs:
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    You have to want to get better -- genuinely. What I did was think about what my ED was robbing me of. You already mentioned how you've lost friends. How does that make you feel? The ED is separating you from normality and the love from friends that you deserve. Things only go downhill if you continue this path. Another trick is to think of food as medicine, not the enemy. We need food so we can survive. Your brain needs at least 500 calories just to function and not shrink. Your organs all require energy, which only comes from food. You need about 1400 calories just to stay alive. An ED is like a leech. It just drains you, slowly and painfully. It takes away everything. It hurts everyone, not just yourself, but those around you.

    Sorry about the negativity. You do sound like you genuinely want to get better and you've already taken the first step by admitting you have a problem and wanting to stop it sooner rather than later, so well done! Just gradually build up what you eat x
    So true!!
 
 
 
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