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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #48
    #48

    Met an old friend last night when I ventured into town for the first time in ages. He spent ages telling my boyfriend how chubby I used to be Trouble is I still see myself as that little overweight girl when I look in the mirror, and that just fuels it...
    • #24
    #24

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Met an old friend last night when I ventured into town for the first time in ages. He spent ages telling my boyfriend how chubby I used to be Trouble is I still see myself as that little overweight girl when I look in the mirror, and that just fuels it...
    It's just one of those things really.

    Do you still see yourself as that 2 foot toddler running around? That 4'2" 5th year?
    No? You change. As you grow older your perceptions about yourself will change too. It will take time to twist out of the paradigm of your youth, but it will eventually sink in that you are a different person, day to day even. To say to dissociate from your weight would be impossible, sadly eating disorders have that long term effect, but you can still feel comfortable in your own skin.

    Relax and let the words flow off. If you look at the mirror look at it as an outsider and slowly begin to recognise yourself anew.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Met an old friend last night when I ventured into town for the first time in ages. He spent ages telling my boyfriend how chubby I used to be Trouble is I still see myself as that little overweight girl when I look in the mirror, and that just fuels it...
    It's just one of those things really.

    Do you still see yourself as that 2 foot toddler running around? That 4'2" 5th year?
    No? You change. As you grow older your perceptions about yourself will change too. It will take time to twist out of the paradigm of your youth, but it will eventually sink in that you are a different person, day to day even. To say to dissociate from your weight would be impossible, sadly eating disorders have that long term effect, but you can still feel comfortable in your own skin.

    Relax and let the words flow off. If you look at the mirror look at it as an outsider and slowly begin to recognise yourself anew.
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    (Original post by lightacandle)
    She doesn't push me to eat in any way - we went to a coffee shop yesterday and she declared the tray bakes too big so we didn't have any, and she believes that a good breakfast is a piece of toast, to give a couple of examples. The house is filled with healthy food and diet options, and portion sizes are small. I'm finding it almost impossible to start on a path to recovery here, which is making me feel even more depressed...but it's the total lack of understanding and support from my mum that is just awful

    All I want is a hug. But apparently, because I'm 21, an adult and this was 'my choice', I don't deserve one.
    :hugs: This is NOT your choice, honestly, this is the last thing we'd choose to have. It's to do with the levels of serotonin in the brain (I'm not going to go all biology nerd on you, even if we did do a lot of work on it for my last exam), ergo not something we can really control.
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    Just read back a few pages...Disenchanted I also suffer from an eating disorder alongside t1 diabetes...I know how hard it is, just wanted you to know you aren't alone. If you want check out www.dwed.org.uk - it's a diabetes/ED charity I volunteer for and they are doing great things to raise more awareness. Keep fighting xxx

    Much love to all of you <3.
    • #43
    #43

    Bit random but what time is it best to shoot for bed if I'm serious about gaining? Because with tendencies to insomnia, deliberately not hitting bed regularly until 3am seems to be pretty careless x
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    (Original post by preciousillusions)
    Just read back a few pages...Disenchanted I also suffer from an eating disorder alongside t1 diabetes...I know how hard it is, just wanted you to know you aren't alone. If you want check out www.dwed.org.uk - it's a diabetes/ED charity I volunteer for and they are doing great things to raise more awareness. Keep fighting xxx

    Much love to all of you <3.
    Thank you for this I have tried to send a message to them and they said to add them on Facebook which I did...but heard nothing since but finally, someone else who's going through the same thing! Is your eating disorder more along the lines of diabulimia? xxx
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    On honey Want to give you a big hug :hugs:

    Some people just don't get it... because either they have never been through anything like it themselves... or because they act in the same way but refuse to believe they have a problem. Firstly big thumbs up for getting yourself to the doctors and onto that waiting list, as well as wanting things to change. It's so so important to acknowledge that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and want things to be better. It sounds like your mum has really influenced and fed your pre-disposition to having an eating disorder - but remember to challenge the things that are going on in your home and not accept them as normal and 'OK'.

    -----------

    I really regret running away from treatment services I have really been struggling lately with my new body and I know that I would have been helped with this if I had accepted help and not done most of it myself. Broke down and my mum finally realised how much of a problem this is and is encouraging me to do counselling . I strongly considered just giving in to a massive relapse ... and felt like the options were either be anorexic or be suicidal.

    Actually i'm not going to accept either of those things. I'm going to be a whole person - with all it's responsibilities, fears and challenges... because the hardest things are the most worthwile.
    Keep fighting, Cinnie. You deserve to be free of this, you deserve to be happy and we're all behind you every step of that difficult but possible path to recovery xx
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    (Original post by lightacandle)
    I was diagnosed with anorexia 3 weeks ago, and am now on a very long waiting list for adult services help. But I'm really really struggling

    My mum is so mad at my diagnosis - she doesn't 'get' anorexia at all and refuses to acknowledge that I have it and that it's a problem I need help with. She is adamant that I need to 'start helping myself, cheer up and get over it' - but as anyone with this awful condition knows, it isn't as simple as that. She still seems to believe that I'm basically just not eating because I don't want to, and being miserable for the sake of it.

    Right now, I am so low and depressed; blacker than I have ever been in my life. I am desperate for some comfort and reassurance from my mum. But she can't even bear to look at me; she says she's fed up of looking at my miserable face. She doesn't push me to eat in any way - we went to a coffee shop yesterday and she declared the tray bakes too big so we didn't have any, and she believes that a good breakfast is a piece of toast, to give a couple of examples. The house is filled with healthy food and diet options, and portion sizes are small. I'm finding it almost impossible to start on a path to recovery here, which is making me feel even more depressed...but it's the total lack of understanding and support from my mum that is just awful

    All I want is a hug. But apparently, because I'm 21, an adult and this was 'my choice', I don't deserve one.
    Congratulations on that massive first step to getting yourself on the treatment list. You've already made your first step into recovering and getting your life back. Keep updating us on how you're doing; we're here to celebrate each other's successes and pick each other up after every fall so we can keep going xx
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    Hi, I'd just like a bit of advice really. I think I come accross as a confident, fun and outgoing person when I'm with my friends and family. Recently though I've become really unhappy with my body, to the point where it feels like it's consuming everything. I don't think anyone would really notice unless I told them because I don't really show it. I feel so frustrated because I feel like such a cliche, just another teenage girl who's obsessed with the way she looks and I wish I didn't feel like this because it just seems so negative and attention seeking but I don't seem to be able to control it. I saw so many of my friends go through weightloss phases a few years ago but I never worried much about my figure as I've grown up doing a lot of sport and being very toned/having high metabolism etc. I'm only a bit less toned than a couple of years ago but I'm not used to the change and although other people might say they'd love to have my figure, it can't change how I feel about myself, it seems like such a big deal to me. I feel like it probably sounds a bit ridiculous and I hate how shallow it might seem to others, especially considering I've never been like this before and got through school without conforming to any of these kinds of pressures. But something has suddenly changed and it's like it's uncontrollable, it makes me so unhappy sometimes, I just hate myself.

    It wasn't until I started uni this year (just finished my first year) that this started. In first term I didn't drink much but I loved the satisfaction of being able to control what I ate and being proud on days when I unintentionally barely ate anything and I know I'd lost weight by Christmas. Then in second term I started drinking and I know that's what changed my shape a little. Lots of people don't like their figures I know, but I've become obsessed with it, I hate it so much now and all I seem to do is think about being thin again, constantly thinking about how I'm going to 'fix it'. I also suffer from OCD and the two sometimes seem to go hand in hand, so I'm kind of worried that my controlling tendencies might have the potential to make all of this even worse. Also, in school when I was pretty happy with the way I looked I did always used to think that if I didn't have my body/wasn't lucky enough to be able to eat a lot and not notice it, I might have the tendency to develop an eating disorder. So I did kind of potentially worry about myself if I wasn't in that position, and I guess that's kind of starting to happen now...

    It feels so lonely sometimes as I don't feel like I can talk about it. Every other aspect of my life is great, I have little to complain about and I'm otherwise very happy but this just seems to smother things a bit :/ The only way out I can see is to get thin until I'm happy, despite how dangerous that sounds. I reckon I might be alright because I was happy before my body started to change so I kind of think if I got to where I want to be I'd be able to not let it go any further... I'm not sure though, that seems a bit naive...

    So basically I'm a bit scared by how strong these feelings are, I'm not saying I have an eating disorder or that I'm going to develop one as clearly this is just the beginning of something. I just don't really know what to do though And I don't think I can see a way out of this, it seems like a downward spiral Thanks for reading, sorry it was a bit long! And any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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    Month and a half till Uni. Lets face the music, its not gonna happen for another year, is it?
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by Dizzycop)
    Hi, I'd just like a bit of advice really. I think I come accross as a confident, fun and outgoing person when I'm with my friends and family. Recently though I've become really unhappy with my body, to the point where it feels like it's consuming everything. I don't think anyone would really notice unless I told them because I don't really show it. I feel so frustrated because I feel like such a cliche, just another teenage girl who's obsessed with the way she looks and I wish I didn't feel like this because it just seems so negative and attention seeking but I don't seem to be able to control it. I saw so many of my friends go through weightloss phases a few years ago but I never worried much about my figure as I've grown up doing a lot of sport and being very toned/having high metabolism etc. I'm only a bit less toned than a couple of years ago but I'm not used to the change and although other people might say they'd love to have my figure, it can't change how I feel about myself, it seems like such a big deal to me. I feel like it probably sounds a bit ridiculous and I hate how shallow it might seem to others, especially considering I've never been like this before and got through school without conforming to any of these kinds of pressures. But something has suddenly changed and it's like it's uncontrollable, it makes me so unhappy sometimes, I just hate myself.

    It wasn't until I started uni this year (just finished my first year) that this started. In first term I didn't drink much but I loved the satisfaction of being able to control what I ate and being proud on days when I unintentionally barely ate anything and I know I'd lost weight by Christmas. Then in second term I started drinking and I know that's what changed my shape a little. Lots of people don't like their figures I know, but I've become obsessed with it, I hate it so much now and all I seem to do is think about being thin again, constantly thinking about how I'm going to 'fix it'. I also suffer from OCD and the two sometimes seem to go hand in hand, so I'm kind of worried that my controlling tendencies might have the potential to make all of this even worse. Also, in school when I was pretty happy with the way I looked I did always used to think that if I didn't have my body/wasn't lucky enough to be able to eat a lot and not notice it, I might have the tendency to develop an eating disorder. So I did kind of potentially worry about myself if I wasn't in that position, and I guess that's kind of starting to happen now...

    It feels so lonely sometimes as I don't feel like I can talk about it. Every other aspect of my life is great, I have little to complain about and I'm otherwise very happy but this just seems to smother things a bit :/ The only way out I can see is to get thin until I'm happy, despite how dangerous that sounds. I reckon I might be alright because I was happy before my body started to change so I kind of think if I got to where I want to be I'd be able to not let it go any further... I'm not sure though, that seems a bit naive...

    So basically I'm a bit scared by how strong these feelings are, I'm not saying I have an eating disorder or that I'm going to develop one as clearly this is just the beginning of something. I just don't really know what to do though And I don't think I can see a way out of this, it seems like a downward spiral Thanks for reading, sorry it was a bit long! And any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Hey Dizzycop, it's great that you've opened up to us it sounds like you could be at risk of an eating disorder. University's often a time when EDs can develop because of unconscious pressures to mature, become independent, and assert your identity in an unknown environment. If you're unsure of how to do this you might try to assert it through your body image, which of course can become very dangerous if not handled with a healthy self-esteem.
    I guess that you recognise this, which means that you're in an early stage and still able to reach out for support. There might seem like no other way out but there is, and that's to find yourself again. Do you feel ready to talk to a close family member, friend or someone you trust like your GP about this?
    There is nothing attention-seeking about suffering, and if you have extreme negative feelings around this it's OK to express that, but they can be expressed in a healthy manner and not acted upon. It'll help you come to terms with it and look towards the positives for a more balanced perspective.

    If you feel genuinely happy with all aspects of life besides your body, what could you do to focus on those good parts like quality time with family and friends and your favourite hobbies, to redirect your attention to somewhere besides your body which will remind you of how great a person you are and good life you have? Do these feelings remain in company and reappear alone, or have they started to turn up when around people too? What can you say that you love about yourself that's completely separate to your body, some personality trait or quirk? You might find there's a body part or parts that you still like as well? What has your body done for you today, something as simple as walking you to the shops maybe, without asking for anything in return that you haven't yet thanked it for? It's a crying shame to take something so selfless for granted.

    If you're unhappy with yourself you can change what you don't like but there are far better ways to do this than through weight; you're beautiful as you are. But being thin (whatever that means) can never make you happy if you're not happy with yourself as a person. :hugs:
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by DitsySoph)
    Month and a half till Uni. Lets face the music, its not gonna happen for another year, is it?
    Who says it won't? Don't count your chickens before they hatch! I think you could have a little more faith in your own abilities. And besides, if you don't make it to uni this year it doesn't matter; there's always next, and if there's not uni there's always something else. Cliche as it sounds, trying your best is all that matters,trying for whatever you truly want out of life. x
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    Thanks everyone for your kindness, it's much appreciated.

    This illness can make you feel so alone, can't it?

    I'm still struggling horribly. Part of me is determined to get better, but another part of me can't physically do it.

    I told my mum I was going to go on a meal plan; I found a couple online and thought it might be a good idea since I have huge anxiety around food and when I should be eating and what I should be having etc. But she flipped out, said I didn't need a meal plan, I just needed to eat normally (but I ?can't!?). Last night I ate all my dinner, while mum and my sister left a good bit of theirs and complained it was fatty. Mum said "That was a lot of food, I can't believe you ate it all" then we had a massive argument when I asked her not to make comments like that, and she told me not to be so silly, what she says shouldn't affect me, I'm a grown woman etc etc. I tried explaining to her that my low mood and anxiety wasn't my fault, it was part of the condition, and she just rolled her eyes and told me to stop reading so much, I was just making myself believe I had a problem.

    I hate being here. I wish I could go and live with a nice, supportive family who actually eat normally.
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    (Original post by lightacandle)
    Thanks everyone for your kindness, it's much appreciated.

    This illness can make you feel so alone, can't it?

    I'm still struggling horribly. Part of me is determined to get better, but another part of me can't physically do it.

    I told my mum I was going to go on a meal plan; I found a couple online and thought it might be a good idea since I have huge anxiety around food and when I should be eating and what I should be having etc. But she flipped out, said I didn't need a meal plan, I just needed to eat normally (but I ?can't!?). Last night I ate all my dinner, while mum and my sister left a good bit of theirs and complained it was fatty. Mum said "That was a lot of food, I can't believe you ate it all" then we had a massive argument when I asked her not to make comments like that, and she told me not to be so silly, what she says shouldn't affect me, I'm a grown woman etc etc. I tried explaining to her that my low mood and anxiety wasn't my fault, it was part of the condition, and she just rolled her eyes and told me to stop reading so much, I was just making myself believe I had a problem.

    I hate being here. I wish I could go and live with a nice, supportive family who actually eat normally.
    Oh sweetheart. If I were at uni I'd so let you come and crash on my floor. Admittedly I'd probably eventually get *******ed by the uni for subletting or whatever, but still. I still get the 'OMG, were you hungry?' comments when I've completely devoured everything infront of me when we've gone out for a meal - it's very rare for me to do it. It's more usual for me to get leery remarks on how much of it's left. If this is any help, when one of the people in here - Custard - went into IP for an eating disorder, the first few weeks there she was given an awful lot of milk to drink.
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    (Original post by lightacandle)
    Thanks everyone for your kindness, it's much appreciated.

    This illness can make you feel so alone, can't it?

    I'm still struggling horribly. Part of me is determined to get better, but another part of me can't physically do it.

    I told my mum I was going to go on a meal plan; I found a couple online and thought it might be a good idea since I have huge anxiety around food and when I should be eating and what I should be having etc. But she flipped out, said I didn't need a meal plan, I just needed to eat normally (but I ?can't!?). Last night I ate all my dinner, while mum and my sister left a good bit of theirs and complained it was fatty. Mum said "That was a lot of food, I can't believe you ate it all" then we had a massive argument when I asked her not to make comments like that, and she told me not to be so silly, what she says shouldn't affect me, I'm a grown woman etc etc. I tried explaining to her that my low mood and anxiety wasn't my fault, it was part of the condition, and she just rolled her eyes and told me to stop reading so much, I was just making myself believe I had a problem.

    I hate being here. I wish I could go and live with a nice, supportive family who actually eat normally.
    :hugs: You are not alone. Over a million people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder. That isn't an excuse to just 'get on with it' because these things are life shattering, but it does mean that anything you are feeling is being felt by someone else right now.

    You don't have to listen to, or prove anything to your Mum. You are your own person and deserve to listen to your true self and be free and happy with it. The ideal situation is that you will have no problems with food, will eat when you are hungry, eat what you feel like, and stop when you're full and move on to the next thing. It's a real possibility, but it's not the reality right now, and isn't just as simple as realising what is right and changing the way you think. It's not that simple, because our minds are so complicated and it takes a while for pathways and processes to change. They do change, though, because it's how any animal learns and survives.

    The purpose of recovery, is not to be bound by rules or 'having' to do certain things or 'be' a certain weight in order to live. However, so much is changing, and naturally, it's going to happen slowly. You are completely confused and paranoid and anxious about things going out of control and not being able to make decent decisions and function - but it won't be this way forever. Baby steps. If you feel like you need a meal plan right now in order to feel safe about decent levels of nutrition then fine! This is your life, your recovery, your future.

    Soon enough, with support (doesn't have to be parents, online, professional, or self help books/websites help) you can take off the shackles one by one. Maybe when you're ready have a day where you go against your meal plan a few times and feel go back to it. Then you can make it less weighted against the plan and more towards instinct. Eventually when you feel safe enough you can get rid of the plans completely.

    With me, I had to take ALL emphasis off of a target weight or plan in order to start really feeling like i'm mentally recovering. All I care about is that i'm in a healthy range (19-25 for us recovering peeps). Things about my body give me anxiety but I have the whole of my life to slowly (very slowly) realise my set-point and make moves to keep it there... but if I have to loosen my grip over my ideal body in order to get mentally stronger i'm prepared to do this. What about you? xx
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    I have read through a few of these posts. Admittedly I haven't wanted to come on this thread because I've had/still have an eating disorder.
    I was admitted into a unit a few years ago and spent 7 months there. It's been a struggle and the last few years have been so up and down..
    I just wanted to say reading loads of these posts makes me remember all those things about it, being so stuck, so angry. It effecting every aspect of my life and being so in denial and hating myself so much!
    It's wonderful to see positive support on here because it does get better. Taking control and saying.. You know what! Piss off voices, I'm beautiful and deserve to be happy. Keep pushing through, make an effort to make POSITIVE decisions. Since I started looking after myself I've been so much happier. Everyone relapses and when I fall back into the habits, stress and all that, I notice not being able to think straight, flipping out over the tiniest things.
    It's a horrible thing to live with an eating disorder. Take control, realise proper happiness and find you. The you you used to be before all these voices came into your head. Listen to wise you and help them along by feeding them a bit.
    Good luck.. It does get better :love:


    Rawr..
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    Think a christmas meet up sounds okay?
    • #48
    #48

    I feel like **** today. Ate too much (apart from I haven't), went for a run and had to turn around because I was going to hurl, so I've spent the last half an hour doing weights and sit ups and **** because I can't think of any other way to make myself feel better (it's not working)

    Spoiler:
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    I can think of one way, but I refuse to do it, I'm not giving in to that again
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like **** today. Ate too much (apart from I haven't), went for a run and had to turn around because I was going to hurl, so I've spent the last half an hour doing weights and sit ups and **** because I can't think of any other way to make myself feel better (it's not working)

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I can think of one way, but I refuse to do it, I'm not giving in to that again
    Take it slow and don't worry. One day is not much in the big picture.
 
 
 
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