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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    warning:rant
    [s]o[/s]


    Thank you. The only problem is I'm sick of people CONTROLLING ME hence I will do whatever I WANT TO DO whether that means losing weight or not if it makes me happy why shouldn't I? and if I need to why can't i? The reason I cant' is cos they all treat me like a baby and DONT LET ME. then i think to myself no one is forcing me to eat. yes but in a way they are. you have to rememmber mum buys all the binge trigger foods she knows i can't resist. then i get a constant ''do you want anything to eat from the fisheries'' or my favourite restaurants she knows i cannot resist or say no to good quality food. then i feel guilty and hate myself for being fat - i'm about 9 stone but i have central obesity where i constantly look pregnant/ don't have a flat stomach and this is so embarassing to say. i want to be the real me that is a healthy slim skinny girl BUT NOT THIS FAT COMFORT EATING idiot. and i will takje control and not let them control my life anymore. just cos i stay at home almost every single day it's like boredom is the reason why i eat and also TO PLEASE OTHERS. how pathetic is that? But if i want to lose weight i will but how can i in this junk food environment? but i have the willpower and i will be happy once ive lost it and no one can tell me not to and no one can stop me and im weak and foolish if i don't do it cos that wont make me happy being this fat. im sorry but please dont no one tell me i dont need to lose weight cos a healthy weight for my height is 8.7 stone so i am overweight tbh


    sorry for the rant but just trying to let someone else know what my daily struggle and environment is like everyday. i have a family that think food is my only happiness which yes it is a comfort but no im not happy. and the comfort feeling is only temporary yet i still cant take control. mum once commened my face brightened up when i saw the food from the fisheries:o: see thats why they buy me it. but i will not give in and i will be happier when ive lost some weight no harm in that is there. but i dont want to trigger anyone = guys remember i am overweight it's not a distorted image so i need to lose it most of you guys are under weight so stick to your track to recovery.
    That's the problem because you won't be happier... no matter how much weight you lose it will never be enough, it's foolish to think that happiness will come to you once you've lost x amount of weight, trust me.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: oh hun, don't worry! I was just thinking about lurkers haha! And with regards to the friends thing- tell me about it! Pretty much all my friends are at uni and the ones that aren't are just as sucky as I am at actually meeting up. Well done on making the meal! And are you talking about Regina Specktor? This will be so embarrassing if I'm wrong.
    Sucky, isn't it? :puppyeyes: :console:
    Thank you

    Yes, the lovely Regina :daydreaming:
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    Hya guys, kinda a little worried.

    I've been through a bad period purging wise (once or twice a day last week, nothing over the past couple of days, feel like a stronger person) and now I feel like crap... and I'm wondering whether the anorexia side has become a compulsive overeating thing instead!

    I've eaten;
    Half a large bunch of grapes (punnet sized)
    Half a baked apple with 4 teaspoons fat free yogurt
    Heel slice of bread
    2 Stawberries
    A punnet of blueberries
    A small baked potato, chilli con carne and a couple o' tablespoon of roasted vegetable cous cous
    An apple
    2 slices of dried apple
    A 30g bowl of porridge with a little frozen fruit
    2 scoops of ice cream in a cone
    A cup of Horlicks
    A small amount of chicken and pomegranate seeds

    AND MORE TEA AND COFFEE AND WATER THAN CAN BE BELIEVED.

    Equivelant of 8 cups in the morning, 7 in the afternoon...

    This has been throughout the day, I've been to the gym doing weights an' all for an hour...

    Also I believe I should admit at this point, you know the anonymous person with bleeding? Twas me, too nervous to show my face... I've had terrible water retention recently too... Kinda worried about what's happening. Hell, my oesophagus is hurting whenever I swallow anything.



    just in case it might be a little triggerful...
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    i hate the fact that i constantly get ''oh u want something to eat' ' ive not seen you eat' er just cos i dnt stuff my face in front of u doesnt mean i have to just to please you my fatness = your happiness yeh do one tbh im an adult im not a kid dont tel me have i eaten idiot!


    triggerish
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    I'm in a really, really good mood. Completely different to what I felt this morning.
    Posting here helped a lot, I think.

    I've just eaten half a sandwich, I think I'm gonna keep it down
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    I'm so so tired
    (Don't want to quote the spoiler but that's the bit I'm referring to!)

    I guess I'm stating the obvious here but the increased difficulty eating is because you know you're actually eating it. You can't get it out; this is actual food that is going to stay in your actual body. Terrifying as that is, you need to acknowledge this, to feel that fear and to move past it, in order to move on from the point where your immediate reaction to eating is to throw it straight back up. I know it's a cliche, but it's once you've hit rock bottom with that fear that you can start to climb back up.

    Just want to say I'm pretty sure we're all thinking of you and so, so proud of you for sticking at it x
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
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    i hate the fact that i constantly get ''oh u want something to eat' ' ive not seen you eat' er just cos i dnt stuff my face in front of u doesnt mean i have to just to please you my fatness = your happiness yeh do one tbh im an adult im not a kid dont tel me have i eaten idiot!


    triggerish
    Forgive me for being blunt but you are overreacting a bit in this post. You could just simply say you are not hungry or something.
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    i always give in to my soul destroying impulses

    you dont know what its like linweth! i cant they all act like im a baby and i get the constant suspicions like what is wrong with her she isnt eating?? hate it
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    i always give in to my soul destroying impulses

    you dont know what its like linweth! i cant they all act like im a baby and i get the constant suspicions like what is wrong with her she isnt eating?? hate it
    Rise above it. If you keep showing that your irritated by it and make it into a big deal, they will treat you like a child. It's probably frustrating for them too.

    :hugs:
    • #23
    #23

    Thanks for the advice guys I'm going to talk to my boyfriend about it on weds night/thursday morning as he has an internship covering E3 so will be busy busy and as this could turn into a job I don't wanna let his head be anywhere else.
    I've okay since I admitted it could very easily turn into a huge problem again, need to sort out a nice healthy exercise routine now which will get me fit rather than thin.
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
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    Hya guys, kinda a little worried.

    I've been through a bad period purging wise (once or twice a day last week, nothing over the past couple of days, feel like a stronger person) and now I feel like crap... and I'm wondering whether the anorexia side has become a compulsive overeating thing instead!

    I've eaten;
    Half a large bunch of grapes (punnet sized)
    Half a baked apple with 4 teaspoons fat free yogurt
    Heel slice of bread
    2 Stawberries
    A punnet of blueberries
    A small baked potato, chilli con carne and a couple o' tablespoon of roasted vegetable cous cous
    An apple
    2 slices of dried apple
    A 30g bowl of porridge with a little frozen fruit
    2 scoops of ice cream in a cone
    A cup of Horlicks
    A small amount of chicken and pomegranate seeds

    AND MORE TEA AND COFFEE AND WATER THAN CAN BE BELIEVED.

    Equivelant of 8 cups in the morning, 7 in the afternoon...

    This has been throughout the day, I've been to the gym doing weights an' all for an hour...

    Also I believe I should admit at this point, you know the anonymous person with bleeding? Twas me, too nervous to show my face... I've had terrible water retention recently too... Kinda worried about what's happening. Hell, my oesophagus is hurting whenever I swallow anything.



    just in case it might be a little triggerful...
    Spoiler:
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    Hun, you know I read that back and it doesn't seem like a lot at all. I know how in ED terms everything feels like too much, especially when it was unplanned and feels like a large amount of food but honestly, try and stop thinking about it and start anew tomorrow. :hugs: I have the same worry about my AN becoming compulsive eating too. Especially as there was a day where I made myself eat a ridiculous amount as self punishment and was crying all the way through. I think it's a pretty normal fear and I think it will pass. Did you go to the doctors? I think you should actually go as an emergency case, just in case. It might *feel* like you're making it into a big deal but it might actually be serious.


    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    i always give in to my soul destroying impulses

    you dont know what its like linweth! i cant they all act like im a baby and i get the constant suspicions like what is wrong with her she isnt eating?? hate it
    I agree with souldoubt. I've had screaming matches with my parents and I've had frank discussions. They're more inclined to understand my POV if I sound vaguely rational. I don't think parents ever STOP treating you like a child...
    They get suspicious because they're worried about you. I constantly have to tell my dad 'YES, I'm eating :rolleyes:' but they only ask because they care. Tell them to trust you. If they don't, show them you can be trusted.
    (Original post by souldoubt)
    Rise above it. If you keep showing that your irritated by it and make it into a big deal, they will treat you like a child. It's probably frustrating for them too.

    :hugs:
    This.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice guys I'm going to talk to my boyfriend about it on weds night/thursday morning as he has an internship covering E3 so will be busy busy and as this could turn into a job I don't wanna let his head be anywhere else.
    I've okay since I admitted it could very easily turn into a huge problem again, need to sort out a nice healthy exercise routine now which will get me fit rather than thin.
    :hugs: I'm glad you're going to speak to him.
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    (Original post by laurenl93)

    You sound very much like me though, I love green tea and coffee
    How is your throat now?
    Also out of curiosity do you also feel bloated for days and wake up with a headache and a dry mouth sometimes when you've purged bad? As well as your face going puffier?
    Just to make sure the pain I feel when I look at my tummy in the mirror when it's bloated is real that's all. :confused:
    That bloated pain is definitely real, I get that too and the headache and dry mouth thing, and it's interesting you should say the puffy face thing because I've never actually thought that but I do always think my face looks different after a proper purge! Weird.
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    Yup to all of the above.

    The puffy cheeks is the saliva glands becoming inflamed from the stomach acid and the overproduction or saliva as things happen to try and 'wash the mouth'. My Mum knows instantly if I have puked because she says I become 'chipmunk cheeked'. She's rather blazé about the entire thing, she just looks and blurts 'so have you puked' in an oh so supportive manner. Actually it tends to help, having somebody so down to earth about it all and not tip-toeing! The cheeks takes days/weeks to disappear and takes longer if there is a greater frequency of vomiting. Not nice.

    The throat at the moment is okay, hot drinks are still a little painful but I HAVE scalded my mouth on my coffee's before so it's probably deserved on that side anyway. ( >__>')

    + The bloating is caused by severe dehydration, same with the mouth drying and the headache. When we throw up the body does its best to;
    a) Fill the stomach
    b) Dilute the HCl in our stomach.
    + Because of this water is rushed to our stomach's and we become dehydrated.
    + After severe dehydration the body will hold onto any water we put near it, and so would cause the water retention and bloating. This causes a LOT of trauma for some people with ED's as this can cause big fluctuations in weight and can take WEEKS to even out.



    Oh, and I love coffee and LIQUORICE tea. For some reason I don't like normal tea anymore and I have become ADDICTED to the expensieve Starbucks instant coffee. 2-3 cups of THAT stuff a day, £5.50 when on offer for 24 servings. Awful, I know, but I loves it all!



    Also holding out strong now! Went out with friends today, even had a prawn layered salad and as such dealing with Marie Rosé sauce! (Mayo and ketchup pretty much.) Whilst I am proud for eating tidily I would also say don't go for the Tesco Prawn layered salad for even non-ED reasons. So sauce ridden it's kinda bleh...
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    Just told my best friend everything. I'm so glad.
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    (Original post by souldoubt)
    Just told my best friend everything. I'm so glad.
    That's BRILLIANT!

    Getting it out there really makes a difference. Having somebody behind you can offer a massive comfort, or a massive push if need be. You can talk yourself into things but when need be nothing is better than a friend talking you out of it. Also as so much of ED's are emotionally based it may be good to have somebody to talk your issues through with.
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    (Original post by souldoubt)
    Just told my best friend everything. I'm so glad.
    Well done!
    It makes everything different when it's not your little horrible secret anymore
    Have you got doctor help?
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    (Original post by Antiaris)
    That's BRILLIANT!
    Getting it out there really makes a difference. Having somebody behind you can offer a massive comfort, or a massive push if need be. You can talk yourself into things but when need be nothing is better than a friend talking you out of it. Also as so much of ED's are emotionally based it may be good to have somebody to talk your issues through with.
    :yep: Big weight off my shoulders, we'd been arguing a lot lately too so hopefully he can understand why I've been so stressed. I'm relieved


    (Original post by laurenl93)
    Well done!
    It makes everything different when it's not your little horrible secret anymore
    Have you got doctor help?
    Thank you :hugs:
    Yeah a little, I haven't been 100% open with health professionals yet.. I'm working on it..
    It'll be easier now that I've actually told someone else irl though
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    i'm being pressured into going to the doctors but i feel like i've changed my mind and don't particularly want to go anymore. its at the point where i'm getting nagged everyday and i'm running out of excuses. i don't want to go because i don't want to be referred anywhere again and just don't want to talk about it, i just want to lose a bit of weight and i don't want anyone to get in the way. i also don't feel like its a priority or i have enough time.

    i also don't know what i'd tell them because i feel confused at where my head is, it sounds stupid i don't know whether i'm ill or not. i doubt i'd tell them anything to be honest because i just don't have the time.

    i'm in such a dilemma i don't know what i should do
 
 
 
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