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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    jazzykinks m'dear, the problem with anorexia specifically is that it is a personal compulsion for calculation and accumulation as well as restriction, into a compulsive routine.

    I personally too suffer from an odd form of alcoholism where I will literally always factor in alcohol calories for the coming day, even if I do not intend to have them; it's not so bad any more, but I think, "I'll have 300 calories of beers tonight, and that'll work out to such and such, then I'll have a..."

    It's weird because I'm still using the "calculate the day ahead" approach even though now it's to a far more healthy number. But in my head it's the only way I could've coped in recovery stage, using my illness as a weapon against itself.

    But the weird thing is, I factor in the beer calories for the day ahead and if I don't feel like them I still drink them, because it's "set". But if I just decide to have a Mars bar instead, I don't get alcohol withdrawals or anything.

    Weird ol' life, so it is!
    In a sense, I agree. I still calculate to a certain extent but it's more because I'm scared of not eating enough. That scares me more than having too much now, strangely enough. I just wondered if there was a link between anorexia and general addictive behaviours. For example, when I was anorexic, I was just addicted to the feeling losing weight gave me, a kind of relief and euphoria. Then I began getting that from alcohol, then sex. Can't seem to do anything without there being some sort of excess! x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    This is just a general question because it's something I've been mulling over for a while. Have any of you noticed any other 'addictions'? I've always thought EDs were kind of like an addiction. I only ask because since recovering from anorexia, I had a stint with alcoholism and sex addiction. I was just wondering because I feel like it's strange -- 3 addictions, 1 person. Anyone else felt they have addictive tendencies towards stuff? x
    That’s something I often muse Jazzy! I personally have off-and-on problems with alcohol (I’m currently sat in my bedroom and I can count 5 empty litre bottles of vodka on my desk, one on the go, and I know there are at least 3 other empties in my drawer. These haven’t been collating for long!), as well as addictions to certain prescription meds and cocaine. While I don’t attribute these problems alongside the anorexia wholly to the addictive personality I clearly have, I certainly think it has played a huge contributory role.

    And toto, I (and I’m sure the majority of anorexics) can relate to the daily quantifying of an alcohol allowance. I often subtract a snack or even a full meal so I can have more to drink. I also rather tragically make sure that I get my food in at a certain time so that my stomach is empty enough by drink time, to ‘maximise’ the effects if you will. I would never calculate what percentage alcohol contributes to my calorie intake, because I know it would be ridiculous (and I wonder why I feel so naff all the time!).

    Whiney rant: My brother’s girlfriend is lovely but BY GUM is she irritating. I recently found out she also had anorexia at some point (I don’t know the full details because my mum told me from pub-gossip she’d heard), and I guess there are still some issues there. I’m just going to note these down because I need to get them off my bosoms, apologies if I come across as a *****y brat;

    - Although slim, she seems to eat a hell of a lot and is constantly saying she’s hungry.
    - Complains we don’t have any nice food at our house (which is tosh, we have loads of delicious things), will go on a hunt for food to eat and open things/cook things and then leave most of it. Wasteful!
    - Rifles through our kitchen without asking, and eats ‘my’ food without asking. This is possibly the most irritating, for example a few days ago during pudding-time I went to get a specific yoghurt I’d been saving (yes I am sad) to find she’d thieved it. Maintaining calm and poise, I thought I’d settle for a couple of penguin bars since there was a full pack in the cupboard last time I checked...NOPE, these were also gone. Still being the epitome of casual, I got a bowl out for some cereal since no one would dare take that away from me. JESUS CHRIST SHE’D EATEN THAT TOO! Dark times.
    - Is always asking me what size I am, how much I weigh, how tall am I, how big is my waist, what bra size..then bizarrely claims to be the same when she is definitely nowhere near (for one thing she has huge knockers which I clearly do not).
    - Constantly asks what I’m going to eat, or when I’m going to eat it, or what I ate earlier like a diet-obsessed police dog. Hush will you!
    - Additionally, seems to magically appear whenever I'm eating or getting food to have a snoop.
    - Claims she ‘doesn’t eat Mcdonalds/chocolate/that brand of pasta’, but then proceeds to eat it anyway.

    Sorry, that had to come out. It’s either that or give her a good *****-slapping (jokes, I’m not violent).
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    maybe its not a case of one person, many addictions, but more a 'swap one addiction for something else' type thing. I personally find i either cut, or i starve, i don't do both at the same time.
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    I agree about addictions. I think many of us have addictive personalities, or seem to. It's like a perfectionist thing, we don't go HALF into things. It's the whole hog. Go hard or go home. We dieted..and we were good at it. Too good at it. Our commitment was our eventual downfall. However, there are POSITIVE addictions. If I'm swapping my anorexia, I wanna swap it for something good.

    I wanna be addicted to...smiling
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    (Original post by cloppy)
    That’s something I often muse Jazzy! I personally have off-and-on problems with alcohol (I’m currently sat in my bedroom and I can count 5 empty litre bottles of vodka on my desk, one on the go, and I know there are at least 3 other empties in my drawer. These haven’t been collating for long!), as well as addictions to certain prescription meds and cocaine. While I don’t attribute these problems alongside the anorexia wholly to the addictive personality I clearly have, I certainly think it has played a huge contributory role.

    Whiney rant: My brother’s girlfriend is lovely but BY GUM is she irritating. I recently found out she also had anorexia at some point (I don’t know the full details because my mum told me from pub-gossip she’d heard), and I guess there are still some issues there. I’m just going to note these down because I need to get them off my bosoms, apologies if I come across as a *****y brat;

    - Although slim, she seems to eat a hell of a lot and is constantly saying she’s hungry.
    - Complains we don’t have any nice food at our house (which is tosh, we have loads of delicious things), will go on a hunt for food to eat and open things/cook things and then leave most of it. Wasteful!
    - Rifles through our kitchen without asking, and eats ‘my’ food without asking. This is possibly the most irritating, for example a few days ago during pudding-time I went to get a specific yoghurt I’d been saving (yes I am sad) to find she’d thieved it. Maintaining calm and poise, I thought I’d settle for a couple of penguin bars since there was a full pack in the cupboard last time I checked...NOPE, these were also gone. Still being the epitome of casual, I got a bowl out for some cereal since no one would dare take that away from me. JESUS CHRIST SHE’D EATEN THAT TOO! Dark times.
    - Is always asking me what size I am, how much I weigh, how tall am I, how big is my waist, what bra size..then bizarrely claims to be the same when she is definitely nowhere near (for one thing she has huge knockers which I clearly do not).
    - Constantly asks what I’m going to eat, or when I’m going to eat it, or what I ate earlier like a diet-obsessed police dog. Hush will you!
    - Additionally, seems to magically appear whenever I'm eating or getting food to have a snoop.
    - Claims she ‘doesn’t eat Mcdonalds/chocolate/that brand of pasta’, but then proceeds to eat it anyway.

    Sorry, that had to come out. It’s either that or give her a good *****-slapping (jokes, I’m not violent).
    Of course. I mean, I think I generally have an addictive thing going on. Ironically, I was overweight before I was anorexic and I was addicted to eating out, then not eating, then alcohol and sex. I was just wondering if perhaps anorexia can be connected to addictive personalities/inclinations, as sort of a personal research thing to help with my eating disorder group at uni. I don't know about anyone else here, but I kind of want to have an explanation for what happened to me.

    As for your bro's girlfriend, she sounds awful. Does she know your problems? She is being really inconsiderate. Perhaps you could talk to your brother and then ask if he could perhaps talk to her about how her behaviour is making you feel and that it's only making you feel worse. x
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    maybe its not a case of one person, many addictions, but more a 'swap one addiction for something else' type thing. I personally find i either cut, or i starve, i don't do both at the same time.
    I think it's partially to do with how we feel. An addiction or addiction to a specific feeling makes us feel better about our predicament, therefore we do it over and over again. x

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    I agree about addictions. I think many of us have addictive personalities, or seem to. It's like a perfectionist thing, we don't go HALF into things. It's the whole hog. Go hard or go home. We dieted..and we were good at it. Too good at it. Our commitment was our eventual downfall. However, there are POSITIVE addictions. If I'm swapping my anorexia, I wanna swap it for something good.

    I wanna be addicted to...smiling
    I definitely agree. That is such a lovely addiction to have I wish I had it! Right now I'm addicted to updating Twitter and sleeping -- could be worse. I'm just curious because I think seeing if we have addictive personalities would help people that I'll be speaking to at my ED group at uni x
    • #82
    #82

    I'm currently coming to the end of freshers week, and I haven't drunk that much but I've decided I want to give up alcohol completely. I find it so much harder to eat properly if I've drunk the past day or know I'm drinking later, but then again not drinking is isolating me slightly from social things.
    Spoiler:
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    Also, I can't decide whether I've decided to give up alcohol so I sort my eating out, or whether because I think it'll make it easier to lose weight. I think it's a bit of both, and I'm scared my disordered thoughts are coming back more strongly - I bought some bathroom scales and I've lost quite a bit of weight the past 12 days, and immediately after dinner today I went to the gym, even though it's a friday night and it seemed a really odd thing to do.

    I also have an occupational health appointment at the medical school about my 'history' (They know about both my anorexia and bulimia) and I have no idea what to say.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Of course. I mean, I think I generally have an addictive thing going on. Ironically, I was overweight before I was anorexic and I was addicted to eating out, then not eating, then alcohol and sex. I was just wondering if perhaps anorexia can be connected to addictive personalities/inclinations, as sort of a personal research thing to help with my eating disorder group at uni. I don't know about anyone else here, but I kind of want to have an explanation for what happened to me.

    As for your bro's girlfriend, she sounds awful. Does she know your problems? She is being really inconsiderate. Perhaps you could talk to your brother and then ask if he could perhaps talk to her about how her behaviour is making you feel and that it's only making you feel worse. x
    I definitely get where you're coming from. It's just deflecting your demons through some method, or creating a safety barrier between you and what you dislike about life through your own bizarre systems and compulsions. I have no credible sources to reference, but just through listening to people and talking to people and general observation I'd be positive that there are linkages between these types of behaviours. When I read your initial post I didn't think a sex addiction applied to me, but actually now I look back there was a large period of time where I was in a recovery 'phase' and I was very promiscuous.

    Perplexing thoughts!

    As for my broseph's gf, she is aware I have some 'problems' but I think she is only aware of other things aside from the anorexia (i.e. previous suicide attempts and drug problems) since for the most part I eat reasonably and my family don't think of me as anorexic...more just weird. And they are right.

    I am going to say something about her eating my food because more often than not it's something I've paid for. At the moment when she starts questioning my body parts I just ask her about her bazookas. She likes talking about them and it distracts her from me!

    XXX
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    "addiction quantification" is common amongst anorexics.

    It's a psychological expectation you will deflect your anorexia into a new format; it's moat often cigarette, cups of coffee or alcoholic intake.

    we are textbook!!

    We feel the need to quantify SOMETHING and create... Yes, CREATE, A NEW ADDICTION!!

    We rely on the numbers. It's nothing insane, it makes sense really. Xxx
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    Hey everyone, I've not been on in ages but I came back or two reasons, both of which revolve around me actually having a little time for myself for one (uni started back, picked a dissertation topic, planning MY wedding!, planning a law ball - and of course, the baby )

    Firstly, I came back to see how everyone was doing and from reading the last two pages it doesn't seem to be that great. I'm sorry things are going so bad for you guys and I just want to give massive hugs to each and everyone of you, pass around the tea pot and tell you all it will get better!

    Secondly, I thought I had been getting 'better' and was more 'healthy', however, after my little reflection period about half an hour ago, I'm not so sure anymore. Which is both worrying, and upsetting. I took the advice of a nutritionist on a calorie count/fitness forum I used and took a week off exercise, ate relatively healthy but never counted calories to give my metabolism a little time to reset, and in the past 2-3 weeks I've been going to body attack twice a week and I plan on going to attack once and pump once when I reach my goal weight. I've also been eating 'healthier' and drinking more water - I've been eating more, almost
    Spoiler:
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    1200kcal
    on occassion and it's been good. I've actually lost a few lbs doing that, and I was ecstatic - plataeu broken!

    However, now I'm not so sure I'm getting better or, in fact, healthier for a number of reasons, but here are a few:

    - I still have to calorie count everything I eat and keep track of it all - ffrom the smallest amount of ketchup, to my dinners at night.
    - carbs still frighten me, and I do everything to try eat as little as possible of them.
    - the feeling I got when I realised I'd lost weight was euphoric, and I need to do it again.
    - I get on the scales every. single. morning. and I still base my day on that number.
    - I've totally avoided 'junk' food, but last night at work (I work in a bar) there was a private function and they gave us some quality streets at the end. In the space of less than 5 minutes I'd scoffed around 7 of them and then I actually had to force myself to go elsewhere before I binged on them. The feeling of guilt after those sweets was unbearable, despite them still being in my calorie allowance for the day.
    - I go to body attack twice a week, and the thought of not being able to go still sends me into a panic with shaking hands and such.
    - I still cannot bring myself to eat my goal calorie target per day, I have to be under, even if it is only be 100-200kcals.
    - I was talking about food with my little sister earlier (her friend stayed, they got a massive munch last night!) and I had to make an excuse to leave because I could feel the desire to binge and purge coming back, just so I could justify some of that yummyness passing my lips.
    - This weekend I am having my son all to myself for the first time in ages (he's normally at his paternal grandmothers) and I asked him what he wanted to do - he said chinese for dinner with the chocolate waterfall (a buffet near us with a chocolate fountain) and to make cakes. This in itself poses no problem for me, I'd happily take him wherever he wanted, regardless of how I was feeling, and I'm going to treat my fiance, mum, dad and sister as well - to be nice. However, because I know we may be going there tonight, I have found a way of justifying only having 2 slices of wholemeal toast beforehand - even though I get full quick at buffets and barely never eat. And then saying I'll make up for it tomorrow because we're shopping and I'll walk lots and won't eat crap because we'll be out and it's easily avoidable ...

    Looking at these few things I know I'm not better, and I'm not healthy. I might be eating better and I might be eating healthier, but these things, the way I do eat, the things I do eat, it's still ED. It's crushing to realise that.
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    Oh and as for the addiction thing, I didn't think about it before now, but it does seem likely.

    My first boyfriend was my first sexual partner, and it was with him and the abuse and all that he inflicted on me, that my ED really started. I was 14/15 and petrified - I lost 3 dress sizes in about 5 months but didn't realise it was ED, I thought it was just a 'diet' (silly, young, naive me).

    However, when we broke up, I was no longer scared. Around 2 months after that I became very promiscuous and in the space of 6 months I'd slept with 5 people (although one turned into a long term 'relationship' - despite being far from what a relationship was - and he is the father of my son). I never really realised that during those months I was 'better' - I ate more, I was healthier, I had more energy, but I needed that fix of something which in turn lead me to sex.

    I've slept with 8 people - one of which caused my ED, 5 of which were because of my ED, one because I gave up on someone and one being my fiance. Only three of those lasted more than one night/a few times.

    It's weird to think about, but does definitely explain it, well, maybe.
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    Rubix, I hate the patronising "Oh, go you, well done, yay, go girl" nonsense that we as sufferers are constantly fed.

    But your understanding and realisation of your issues and bulletpointing the underlying issues is truly commendable and you should be proud. Remember, there are multiple BIG steps to conquering an ED (well, this is how it happened in my case):

    FIRST STEP: REALISATION - What you are doing is abnormal.
    SECOND STEP: ACCEPTANCE - You have a problem.
    THIRD STEP: UNDERSTANDING - You are starting to understand the underlying issues as to why you have these behaviours.
    FOURTH STEP: FIGHTING - Even if you are struggling desperately to fight your behaviours and failing, you are TRYING.
    FIFTH STEP: UTILISING - You start to realise the rigid, compulsive behaviours can be used to your advantage; Anorexics in particular are guilty of knowing WAY too much. Use that knowledge.
    SIXTH STEP: AWARENESS - As you fight, you notice the pitfalls that lead to relapse... and purposefully avoid them.



    Even if you've only ticked one of these six boxes, you should really be giving yourself a big pat on the back. Be proud. You are taking the CORRECT steps.
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    Thank you, it just seems like so much of a let down because I've went from truly believing that I am getting better, to realising that although my intentions are good, I'm not really getting better.
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    I'm having one of those days where I don't understand my brain and how its making me think. I feel like I'm on a high, and I'm eating everything, to the point I need to go shopping, and its just mindless but I just can't stop. And then the guilt sets in, and you know whats happens next. I'm so dehydrated its untrue, but I just feel so happy and capable of everything. Today I've had a lot of things to do as part of a job, but in between when I've had one hand in my face, the other has been typing some of the best dissertation work to date.

    I don't understand, and want to scream, and I know tomorrow I'm going to feel awful, and I'm just confused, and just needed to get that off my chest ...
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Rubix, I hate the patronising "Oh, go you, well done, yay, go girl" nonsense that we as sufferers are constantly fed.

    But your understanding and realisation of your issues and bulletpointing the underlying issues is truly commendable and you should be proud. Remember, there are multiple BIG steps to conquering an ED (well, this is how it happened in my case):

    FIRST STEP: REALISATION - What you are doing is abnormal.
    SECOND STEP: ACCEPTANCE - You have a problem.
    THIRD STEP: UNDERSTANDING - You are starting to understand the underlying issues as to why you have these behaviours.
    FOURTH STEP: FIGHTING - Even if you are struggling desperately to fight your behaviours and failing, you are TRYING.
    FIFTH STEP: UTILISING - You start to realise the rigid, compulsive behaviours can be used to your advantage; Anorexics in particular are guilty of knowing WAY too much. Use that knowledge.
    SIXTH STEP: AWARENESS - As you fight, you notice the pitfalls that lead to relapse... and purposefully avoid them.



    Even if you've only ticked one of these six boxes, you should really be giving yourself a big pat on the back. Be proud. You are taking the CORRECT steps.
    True that. And when it all gets too much,

    watch this.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Z3lmidmrY
    • #131
    #131

    I was just wondering whether anyone here has any experience of dealing with rumination syndrome? It's something I've done for most of my life since I was a child and it's only recently that I've started to learn how unhealthy it is after coming across an article on it and try to stop. Mine is completely voluntary and it facilitated my bulimia (I only needed muscle control to bring up food). Generally my bulimia is something that's behind me, but i still ruminate out of habit after meals. I feel a bit lonely because looking on the internet very few people seem to have it (or admit to it) compared to other EDs. It's really embarrassing and a horrible habit but I hope someone can relate :sad:
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    Okay, this is probably going to seem boring and it's probably not even anything to be worried about but here goes...
    One of my best friends is a tiny bit on the chubby side compared to some of the skinny people that go to my school. I didn't even know that she thought she needed to lose weight until she suddenly told me one day that she was going on a diet.
    That went on for a little while until a few months ago, when she asked me if I knew that throwing up could make you lose weight. I told her that I did, and then asked her if she'd done it. She told me that she had, a couple of times.
    I just got really worried about her, and made her promise not to do it anymore. I told her that it wasn't a healthy, and she seemed like she understood but sometimes she makes comments about how fat she is so I'm really not sure if she has done it again or if she is trying to lose weight like before. I know she probably isn't, but it just scares me, y'know? And last week I saw her giving away lots of her food to some of our friends, which made me even more nervous.
    So... yeah...
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    Anon, I don't think a behaviour you've spent a lifetime with truly disappears, but you start to understand it. Melissa, an excellent link... Please people, check it!!
    • #121
    #121

    haha I love that video!! I think it's time to admit that I'm relapsing and that my thoughts and behaviours aren't normal. but I'm too scared to get anyone else involved. Soooo I'll just wait and see what happens.

    Gemmaax - it sounds like you have good reason to be concerned about your friend. And that you're being a good friend to her by looking out for her and wanting her to be ok. Often people won't think they have a problem, or if they do, they aren't yet in a place where they want to or feel able to change their behaviours. I guess all you can do is continue to be there for her so she knows she can talk to you if she needs to, and encourage her to speak to someone about it who can help. This could very easily be nothing major but keep an eye out Alsooo I do believe that throwing up food doesn't actually make you lose weight, and in fact is very damaging, giving you a much higher chance of developing illnesses such as oesophageal cancer, acid reflux, tooth erosion... Don't mean to scare you, just make sure you're aware (and in turn, your friend). Hope you and your friend are ok xxx
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    Anon- Thanks, and I will keep an eye out for her. If I don't see her eating tomorrow I'll have a word with her, and thanks for writing so much :O I can't imagine what you're going through right now (and that goes for anyone else reading this) but my thoughts are with you xx
 
 
 
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