Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #83
    #83

    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    *hugs* You can do this. Even if you feel you can't speak about these demons to your friends, there's always someone here who will understand you.
    Thank you I am actually making a gp appointment tomorrow, i think it's about time I spoke to someone about this. I've never spoken about it out loud before, apart from once with a counsellor who assumed that because I had gained weight I had 'recovered on my own'.
    • #138
    #138

    Hi,
    I have been following this thread,
    I was hoping for some advice I dont really know what to make of my situation.

    ****TRIGGER*****

    I have always been a fussy eater
    I know alot of people around me with various degrees of eating disorders - when someone's got very bad I tended to avoid them - for self preservation purposes.
    Recently someone close to me developed anorexia severely and is getting help, But I have been feeling increasingly jealous about their weightloss, in general feel very jealous when someone around me looses weight. For the last 4/5 weeks I have been exercising alot restricting my diet to 700 cals and lost some weight - I am still a healthy weight/ and have always been skinny so it isnt that noticeable. I have raised my cals to 1000 (sometimes struggle to eat this much - I want to reduce this going forward and exercise for longer), and have stopped weighing myself as, minor fluctuations would set the tone for my day. I'm afraid to weigh myself as I know I would have put on weight in the time since I have been eating a high cal diet in the last 2 weeks.
    I still enjoy going to restaurants - will choose what I want to eat, but will compensate with exercise, or eating less during the day so that I still hit my cal target for the day
    I have a goal weight in my head which I know is probably underweight and I feel I will stop dieting when I hit it, only this goal weight keeps moving lower and lower.
    I feel disappointed that I have become so obsessed with dieting and exercising and absolutely hate the feeling being full, even when I feel bloated I havent eaten much during the day, I am convinced it is because I have eaten too much, gained weight. etc
    I also have some anxiety issues which I am receiving help.
    • #43
    #43

    I've read a few of your blog entries, but this one's astounding in how much truth it rings, and just what I needed too. Thanks, Melissa
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    I'm looking for a bit of help/wondering whether anyone has similar problems.

    For a bit of background, 3 years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia, had about 9months CBT and got stable. For the next 2 years I just cycled between restriction, binge/purge/lax etc and 'normal' eating. I would probably class myself in the EDNOS category because things change a lot (although I guess I shouldn't self diagnose).

    I've come to realise that my so say normal eating, isn't so normal. It's planned, routine to the exact second of when I can eat. It's tied up with rules that cannot be broken, certain types of food eaten with the same cutlery...need I go on?!

    However, I've moved away from home and my meals are at different times (I live there so EVERY meal is set) I don't have choice over what I eat and we have two cooked meals a day which I struggle with. So...my response to feeling out of control...eat. And eat and eat and eat. I don't even purge much I just keep eating (not that I'm saying I should purge, it just not 'proper binging IMO). But I've notice that this is exactly what happened the last time I moved out. I lived with a family and I didn't have much control over what we had and I reacted in the same way.

    I'm struggling so much and of course I feel like I've gained loads of weight. I just don't quite know how to go about this.

    I'm here for the next year and I want to stay away again next year. This is going to happen throughout life, I need to find a way to handle it. I can deal with everyday food at home through routine but once that isn't possible, I lose it. I've self harmed a bit too recently which I think has happened partly because of work stress plus this just adding to it.

    I just want someone to say I understand or someone to say they found that x y and z worked for them.

    Sorry this is long, I hope it makes sense. X


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I believe it's because of the very erroneous, silly notion that people develop the disorder through a pursuit of vanity.
    Sadly I couldn't agree more with this statement I'm 17 years old now, and I like to think of myself as recovered from my eating disorder, but so many people saw it and still saw it as me being vain and just "liking" being thin.

    For me it started when I was 15, when I left my netball team to join a volleyball club. The change in sports meant I built more muscle and I was doing less cardiovascular exercise so I gained fat too. I didn't notice so much, I was happy!

    One day I came down stairs to find everyone in my family taking it in turns weighing themselves, and they were all saying "go on Molly, weigh yourself, it'll be ok". I told them I didn't want to but they continued, so I got on the scale, and BOOM 10 stone 10. I had always been around 10 stone (I'm 5"9 hourglass figure) and for some reason seeing that larger number crushed me, I cried for hours afterwards. Everyone was telling me to get a grip but they couldn't see that the number had just ruined my self confidence, so I decided to diet. I have always been the best at what I do because I push myself to breaking point, academically and in sports. Dieting soon became no different.

    2 months later I had lost 2 stone, given up volleyball as I couldn't physically keep up and was in the middle of my GCSE's. My mum was so angry at me all the time, and my dad practically ignored me. They thought I was being so vain but mostly that I was being selfish, hurting them as I starved myself. Yet every time I looked in the mirror, I felt as though nothing had changed. They didn't understand that I knew what I was doing was stupid, I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but my anorexic alter-ego, the voice in my head would always win

    Through counselling, I eventually got better, so by the time I started college about 7 months later I had gained the weight I had lost again, but to this day, I still get tempted by that demon. I am happier in myself than I have ever been, but excessive exercise, skipping a meal and losing a little weight still seem like the answer to some of my problems. Will that ever go away?
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Justbychance)
    I'm looking for a bit of help/wondering whether anyone has similar problems.

    For a bit of background, 3 years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia, had about 9months CBT and got stable. For the next 2 years I just cycled between restriction, binge/purge/lax etc and 'normal' eating. I would probably class myself in the EDNOS category because things change a lot (although I guess I shouldn't self diagnose).

    I've come to realise that my so say normal eating, isn't so normal. It's planned, routine to the exact second of when I can eat. It's tied up with rules that cannot be broken, certain types of food eaten with the same cutlery...need I go on?!

    However, I've moved away from home and my meals are at different times (I live there so EVERY meal is set) I don't have choice over what I eat and we have two cooked meals a day which I struggle with. So...my response to feeling out of control...eat. And eat and eat and eat. I don't even purge much I just keep eating (not that I'm saying I should purge, it just not 'proper binging IMO). But I've notice that this is exactly what happened the last time I moved out. I lived with a family and I didn't have much control over what we had and I reacted in the same way.

    I'm struggling so much and of course I feel like I've gained loads of weight. I just don't quite know how to go about this.

    I'm here for the next year and I want to stay away again next year. This is going to happen throughout life, I need to find a way to handle it. I can deal with everyday food at home through routine but once that isn't possible, I lose it. I've self harmed a bit too recently which I think has happened partly because of work stress plus this just adding to it.

    I just want someone to say I understand or someone to say they found that x y and z worked for them.

    Sorry this is long, I hope it makes sense. X


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Is there any way you can talk to the people who are in charge of the meals and tell them about your problems/past problems? I mean, eating to excess is never good and won't help how you feel inside. I've never been in this situation but I get where you're coming from. Try and talk to the people. The last thing they want is someone doing harm to themselves because of the meals. x
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I'm having ego problems at the moment. Basically throwing a hissy-fit when I don't get my own way e.g. I can't sleep right away. Today I've been thinking, what's the point, it's not meant to be this way. If it makes sense, yes I can understand wanting health whchc we all have a right to but now but I'm foolish, I want perfection, and I'm hideously unaware of being imperfect. I think I need to be athletic when I'm really not and that's just the start.
    I feels so proud, so vain and I'm lusting too much in horrible shallow ways that I really should know better than to believe because I don't trust myself to love yet. There's someone who seems to like me but I'm trying to keep my distance because I don't want to hurt them, I'm not yet strong enough and in all honesty don't think I'm that nice, really. Inside. So self-absorbed. Mum's just got back from her honeymoon and all I've done is made her lose sleep and be cranky with her. I'm not sure I'm ready to provide for them, they're vaguely aware of my history (as in knew I was 'ill' for a while but I don't think they know it's on-going).
    I'm trying to overcome my ego but today it's been taken too far and it's no longer just my body but everything-like the fact I'm at university has become selfish ambition so I skived lectures, then it got a bit extreme and I thought being my own personw as too mcuh and this was all a way of God, or the universe, or whatever force there might be telling me that my existence is only to help others, not to have any of my own (I've had my faith tested by this a fair bit)...
    I wish I knew how to stop being so selfishly preoccupied with my outward form, but still respect my inner dreams.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Justbychance)
    I'm looking for a bit of help/wondering whether anyone has similar problems.

    For a bit of background, 3 years ago I was diagnosed with anorexia, had about 9months CBT and got stable. For the next 2 years I just cycled between restriction, binge/purge/lax etc and 'normal' eating. I would probably class myself in the EDNOS category because things change a lot (although I guess I shouldn't self diagnose).

    I've come to realise that my so say normal eating, isn't so normal. It's planned, routine to the exact second of when I can eat. It's tied up with rules that cannot be broken, certain types of food eaten with the same cutlery...need I go on?!

    However, I've moved away from home and my meals are at different times (I live there so EVERY meal is set) I don't have choice over what I eat and we have two cooked meals a day which I struggle with. So...my response to feeling out of control...eat. And eat and eat and eat. I don't even purge much I just keep eating (not that I'm saying I should purge, it just not 'proper binging IMO). But I've notice that this is exactly what happened the last time I moved out. I lived with a family and I didn't have much control over what we had and I reacted in the same way.

    I'm struggling so much and of course I feel like I've gained loads of weight. I just don't quite know how to go about this.

    I'm here for the next year and I want to stay away again next year. This is going to happen throughout life, I need to find a way to handle it. I can deal with everyday food at home through routine but once that isn't possible, I lose it. I've self harmed a bit too recently which I think has happened partly because of work stress plus this just adding to it.

    I just want someone to say I understand or someone to say they found that x y and z worked for them.

    Sorry this is long, I hope it makes sense. X


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Hey I understand how hard such a big change can be. Quite often we can flip between ways of using food to cope: it can give you a false sense of absolute control, or it can do the opposite and reflect the lack of control you feel you have. First you want to accept they're two sides of the same coin, and both are unhelpful because they only create the illusion of control or release, but both can be overcome.
    What's it about moving away and losing control that makes you feel so afraid? That you won't be able to cope (you can, believe in yourself)? That needing others is a sign of 'weakness'? (It's not, we all need people to care and give us love and acceptance just as we do for them). You might not feel like it now, but one of the greatest gifts of being human is the ability to adapt.
    Are there any ways you can try to introduce some routine that gives you security-getting organsied for work, study schedule etc.-but also spontaneity? Could you, for example, suddenly decide to call a friend you haven't spoken to in ages, have a walk in the park on a sunny day, or watch an awesome film? Hercules is my usual fall-back :P point being, there are ways to teach yourself that the element of surprise and going with the flow can be a good thing and even quite fun, which then usually translates into being more relaxed about spontaneous meals/mealtimes well, it did for me. We're all different and have our own ways to cope. But I hope this will work for you too.

    I think Jazzy's right too, if you feel you could talk to someone about your history and current difficulties, that'd give you some relief. I'm sure they'll understand and do everything they can to make the mealtimes and the experience easier for you. Chances are they just don't know. x
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    How can I balance out my eating? Going through the phase of not eating till I starve again then eating till I feel bloated and often craving say a little of everything but since I hate waste and hate reheated food I pig out, this is worse whe I crave take away as I may want mushroom pakora, spicy onions and naan bread and salad but its cheaper to buy a munchy box which includes donner and chips and cheese so I eat that as well(over a period of a day and nothing else before of after)

    So I think I get hungry as I starve then once I eat a lot I feel bloated but as its just once a day I feel "hungry" later in day.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by drbluebox)
    How can I balance out my eating? Going through the phase of not eating till I starve again then eating till I feel bloated and often craving say a little of everything but since I hate waste and hate reheated food I pig out, this is worse whe I crave take away as I may want mushroom pakora, spicy onions and naan bread and salad but its cheaper to buy a munchy box which includes donner and chips and cheese so I eat that as well(over a period of a day and nothing else before of after)

    So I think I get hungry as I starve then once I eat a lot I feel bloated but as its just once a day I feel "hungry" later in day.
    Sorry I never noticed this before now Blue.

    The truth is, I started off in this mentality. That mindset of "Safe" and "Treat". You start off trying to justify big greasy treat foods by fasting, right? Like if you could bank all your calories in one go, you can splurge? Sadly the body's not designed like that unfortunately. I can't starve for two days then eat ten gateaux on day three and see or feel no repercussions.

    Truth is the only way to underpin it is to literally stop viewing foods are "safe" or "good" and "decadent" or "bad". You need to just see food as... food. You eat as much as you need, and that's it. Simple pimples! Of course me SAYING that helps very little, but you know it's a start.

    I'm doing pretty well these days. Realised I'm maybe starting to even out....

    Spoiler:
    Show
    as my weight is fluctuating around the 8 stone 1-3 mark fairly consistently now. Perhaps I'm seeing my body get used to the new diet, finally. My weight is starting to redistribute finally - as you might be able to see from this picture my dad took today (yes, he took three, and this was legitimately the least blurry one - DAD PLUS SMARTPHONE EQUALS FAIL):

    http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/...g?t=1349536123

    even though my face and lower abdomen pockets are still very much taking the brunt of my quick gain on the FORTISIP FORTIRAPE diet, you can see that it's starting to kinda... ease into my torso and thighs etc. Well, I can.

    Anyway, it's positive for me to notice that YES, THEY WEREN'T LYING, time DOES help things.



    I'm just too damned impatient sometimes, but yeah; they're right, I'm just a fusspot.
    • #48
    #48

    I'm such a contradiction at times.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Week one of uni - eat nothing. Week two of uni - eat like a glutton. I mean a glutton. 4 yum yums in five minutes, on top of a full dinner, two bread rolls with a can of soup and two packets of crisps for lunch. Ridiculous. Home for the weekend and regretting my decisions :sad:


    Saw the counsellor last week and admitted (not fully... :/) my eating problems and how I view myself, and she seemed surprised. Hmm.
    • #100
    #100

    I had turkey fajitas for dinner and they were delicious and I enjoyed them.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Is it normal for someone who has never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder to panic if they realise their weight is outside of a very limited range?

    Spoiler:
    Show

    Essentially, I'm weighing myself once a day and if I weigh above 8 stone, I panic. I also don't want to go below about 7 stone 8. It's not that I think I'm fat or that I'll be fat if I go above 8 stone, it's almost like my head's just decided that's the maximum I should weigh and so is freaking out if I go above that. I can't really explain it. I don't have BDD or anything because I really quite like my body, the shape of it anyway.
    • #83
    #83

    Was having a really good week (admittedly was restricting which puts me in a better mood anyway) but now something has happened and my little break from depression seems to be over. I just ate more than I wanted to (not exactly a binge, but 500 calories over my target) and I know that I will probably purge. I keep promising myself I'll never do it again and then I find myself in the exact same place again... and I can't admit it to my doctor because I'm so ashamed
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Anon, remember that for that one day of going over target, think of how many days you were elated, wrongly, for being UNDER target.

    The ED rewards you for neglecting yourself.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    whoever said that living in a flat of girls will singlehandedly ruin your first year. you might be right. I'm now picking what I eat by what is least likely to evoke a response of 'ooh, that not very healthy' or 'do you know how many calories are in that?' from my flatmates, or as it's been tonight, making apple crumble at half 9 at night, so she's unlikely to come out of her room and see me make it.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    whoever said that living in a flat of girls will singlehandedly ruin your first year. you might be right. I'm now picking what I eat by what is least likely to evoke a response of 'ooh, that not very healthy' or 'do you know how many calories are in that?' from my flatmates, or as it's been tonight, making apple crumble at half 9 at night, so she's unlikely to come out of her room and see me make it.
    :hugs:

    Perhaps sit down and talk to her? She may well not realise the impact of what she's saying.

    *cuddles*

    Hospital appointment tuesday.. really don't think I can stomach going :nn:
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    This time next week I should have proudly completed the Cardiff half-marathon to raise money for the local leukaemia unit.
    I've lost too much weight again, joints are weak and so can't do it despite raising £400.
    I feel like such a failure to so many people I just want to cry. Depression and anorexia have ruined it well and truly this time.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    The awkward moment when you and your boyfriend are scared you're pregnant...and the pride you feel because of it. I don't want children full-stop and certainly not now. But it means my body is healthy enough to have something growing inside it. Like, something can be dependent on me because my body is like 'you're well, you're healthy, you can be a mother'. I still have to do a test to make sure but although I'll be getting rid, I cannot help but feel proud. 2 years ago I couldn't even stand up because of anorexia. Now, I am healthy enough to have something living inside me. Recovery is always possible, guys. Impossible really is nothing. x
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    whoever said that living in a flat of girls will singlehandedly ruin your first year. you might be right. I'm now picking what I eat by what is least likely to evoke a response of 'ooh, that not very healthy' or 'do you know how many calories are in that?' from my flatmates, or as it's been tonight, making apple crumble at half 9 at night, so she's unlikely to come out of her room and see me make it.
    Girls in halls are on the whole *****es - I say that having lived in halls twice and only now in my third (technically fourth) year of uni living with people I like. Just do your best to ignore their little comments; what they choose to do with their bodies is their choice, what they choose to say has no bearing on you.

    Or alternatively, you could take the one you trust the most aside and explain that you have an ED and comments like that make you very ill. It depends on whether you think they'll be understanding or not.

    Just don't change your behaviour negatively to fit in with them. It's not worth it. It's tempting but not worth it at all. x
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015

1,698

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.