Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #48
    #48

    Missed my very important doctors appointment. Feel pretty ****ing useless right now. I always screw things up :sad: I don't even know why or how I'm still at uni.
    • #139
    #139

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Missed my very important doctors appointment. Feel pretty ****ing useless right now. I always screw things up :sad: I don't even know why or how I'm still at uni.
    :hugs: no you aren't

    Did you miss it by choice?
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :hugs: no you aren't

    Did you miss it by choice?
    Slept in, since Thursday I haven't been able to wake up before midday - so I've missed two lectures (one marked attendance which is going to affect my degree grade) and this. :sad:

    It seems at the moment my life revolves around the gym, sleeping, eating (or rather, not really eating) and doing a teeny tiny bit of uni work when I can't do either of the other three options.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Slept in, since Thursday I haven't been able to wake up before midday - so I've missed two lectures (one marked attendance which is going to affect my degree grade) and this. :sad:

    It seems at the moment my life revolves around the gym, sleeping, eating (or rather, not really eating) and doing a teeny tiny bit of uni work when I can't do either of the other three options.
    I know exactly how you feel; I'm sat before my book pretty much in tears, unable to concentrate and feeling so full of self-doubt. Just gonna go back to bed then out for a run.
    Hope you're feeling better soon, things like this always pass just like I know I'll pull myself back together at some point.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Girly one..

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Obviously thanks to EDs playing havoic with periods, at what point should i start becoming worried about being late? Mine hadn't stopped completely, just a bit erratic but it's been 7 weeks...
    Ironically as a male anorexic (now recovery stage) I have spoken to far, far more girls in this situation at my clinics than even the girls do with one another; perhaps it's due to feeling less self comparable or conscious.

    I have spoilered "embarrassing talk".

    Spoiler:
    Show


    But yes, your periods will cease temporarily. This happened with me with "male feelings" of sexuality too. It sounds embarrassing to talk about but in reality we're all grown-ups - I was not only physically unable to obtain an erection but felt absolutely no sexual feelings whatsoever as I lost more and more weight and mass.

    This was attributed to my body giving up on all tertiary and then eventually secondary functions. Your body sees what is the highest survival priorities and eventually cuts out all the rest in order to preserve you. Procreation (and thus your periods, sexual feelings, and so forth) become a total non-thought to the body, it's now just thinking "okay, screw the next generation when THIS generation's in real trouble".

    It takes a long time for consistency to come back once you start to recover and regain your lost weight, so stick with it. There is no such thing as "not ill enough". If your body is starting to give up on periods etc erratically, your ED has already harmed your body an insane amount.




    My anorexia was never about vanity, it was far more mechanical and OCD/Anxiety-related, but for those that become anorexic FOR vanity reasons - the ironic thing is that whilst your body shuts down tertiary and then secondary functions whilst you consistently lose weight, one of the first things it gives up on is making you look physically appealing to the opposite sex. Why should it? Genetically we are programmed to procreate, but if we are not in prime physical condition, it is almost your body's way of going "Hey, potential mates, I am not cool for any kind of fornication right now, yeah? So away ye go."
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I know exactly how you feel; I'm sat before my book pretty much in tears, unable to concentrate and feeling so full of self-doubt. Just gonna go back to bed then out for a run.
    Hope you're feeling better soon, things like this always pass just like I know I'll pull myself back together at some point.
    :hugs:

    Today is going a bit better. Had the weirdest nights sleep last night -once again I couldn't sleep very well and it took me ages to drift off, but when I did I felt like I woke up instantly and was surprised to see it was morning! Then my dream came back to me as if I'd just forgotten about it.

    Spoilered for food talk:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Thought I'd treat myself to a nice hot chocolate from Starbucks for a change, which I've tried to stop doing because last year I was drinking like 3 a day and adding a **** load of sugar (not to mention the calories) onto my daily intake the queue was massive so I decided to pop into Boots and see if they had sushi. They had none so I picked up a meal deal instead and forgot all about the hot chocolate... Then as I walked past it, I remembered that some Subway sandwiches are under 300cal a go... so I felt guilty about having 425 calories worth of lunch in my bag (light wrap + some fruit + a smoothie, which I wouldn't normally have but I'm feeling a little run down)... still feel a bit guilty about it because I won't be able to get to the gym today but I'm going to have a nice light dinner and a snack later (yoghurt ) and try to forget about it all.
    I don't think I can get to the gym tomorrow either which is really bothering me :sad: I was walking home earlier (I live at the bottom of a very steep hill) and was out of breath and dizzy at the top of the hill - not sure why


    Counselling session tomorrow, my first CBT session :/
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Link?

    sounds interesting
    http://exeter.tab.co.uk/2012/10/14/t...silent-killer/

    I'm refusing to look at the horrible comments. My editors are happy so I'm pleased.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think I should refuse treatment. I've been following the meal plan for two weeks now, and I've put on nearly a stone. It's obscene, how is it possible to pile on that much? More importantly it has been really easy for me to eat, it's like a relief in a way. If I needed help I wouldn't be able to right? I feel like such a fraud and I know the people at the hospital will think I never had a problem, maybe I never did have a serious problem. At this rate of gain I'll be normal weight in less than a month :eek:

    Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.

    It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Violet_apple)
    I think I should refuse treatment. I've been following the meal plan for two weeks now, and I've put on nearly a stone. It's obscene, how is it possible to pile on that much? More importantly it has been really easy for me to eat, it's like a relief in a way. If I needed help I wouldn't be able to right? I feel like such a fraud and I know the people at the hospital will think I never had a problem, maybe I never did have a serious problem. At this rate of gain I'll be normal weight in less than a month :eek:

    Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.

    It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.

    Happy Birthday . Only cool people are born on the 17th of October ( yes it's my birthday too, I'm a lot older than you though).I know it's easy for me to say but you deserve to be happy and healthy xx
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :hugs:

    Today is going a bit better. Had the weirdest nights sleep last night -once again I couldn't sleep very well and it took me ages to drift off, but when I did I felt like I woke up instantly and was surprised to see it was morning! Then my dream came back to me as if I'd just forgotten about it.

    Spoilered for food talk:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Thought I'd treat myself to a nice hot chocolate from Starbucks for a change, which I've tried to stop doing because last year I was drinking like 3 a day and adding a **** load of sugar (not to mention the calories) onto my daily intake the queue was massive so I decided to pop into Boots and see if they had sushi. They had none so I picked up a meal deal instead and forgot all about the hot chocolate... Then as I walked past it, I remembered that some Subway sandwiches are under 300cal a go... so I felt guilty about having 425 calories worth of lunch in my bag (light wrap + some fruit + a smoothie, which I wouldn't normally have but I'm feeling a little run down)... still feel a bit guilty about it because I won't be able to get to the gym today but I'm going to have a nice light dinner and a snack later (yoghurt ) and try to forget about it all.
    I don't think I can get to the gym tomorrow either which is really bothering me :sad: I was walking home earlier (I live at the bottom of a very steep hill) and was out of breath and dizzy at the top of the hill - not sure why


    Counselling session tomorrow, my first CBT session :/
    How weird is that...it's my first ever CBT session tomorrow too :P been on waiting list for over 2 years! Good luck with yours and let me know how it goes!
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Violet_apple)
    I think I should refuse treatment. I've been following the meal plan for two weeks now, and I've put on nearly a stone. It's obscene, how is it possible to pile on that much? More importantly it has been really easy for me to eat, it's like a relief in a way. If I needed help I wouldn't be able to right? I feel like such a fraud and I know the people at the hospital will think I never had a problem, maybe I never did have a serious problem. At this rate of gain I'll be normal weight in less than a month :eek:

    Idk. I think my feeling that I wasn't really unwell was correct. I seem to always dip in and out of eating disordered behaviours so I'm never that much of a medical risk.

    It's my 21st today and I thought that I could just let myself eat whatever, but I just had an entire sharing bag of maltersers and I feel dreadful., and guilty and all round rubbish. And I haven't even had dinner yet..... sorry just wanted to rant somewhere.
    Don't feel bad, that's amazing! Happy birthday I know it's hard, but you need to keep fighting. The gain won't be that rapid all the time, plus it's initially water weight.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Happy birthday, Violet! Hope you're having a better day now, a rubbish moment doesn't have to make a rubbish day!
    21st :hugs: and one for good luck :hugs: :P

    Happy birthday to Annie too maybe we should put some balloons on the title page of this thread tonight
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    How weird is that...it's my first ever CBT session tomorrow too :P been on waiting list for over 2 years! Good luck with yours and let me know how it goes!
    :hugs:

    Not looking forward to it tomorrow. My stomach's already started playing up (though that could be all the salad I've been eating )... getting a bit nervous. Tomorrow I have:
    9am lecture
    CBT
    Job interview
    First night out with housemates since moving back to uni in September

    No chance to go to the gym and I really will have to eat properly but that itself will be difficult as we're going to cocktail night and it starts at 5pm :/
    • #140
    #140

    (Anon because I don't want this associated with my account... Just incase.)
    Hello everyone,
    Sorry for intruding but I would really appreciate some advice. I've read this thread and maybe posted here before (not sure if I actually worked up the courage) and you all seem to have a lot of ideas for helping each other. I hope you guys can knock some sense into me.

    First of all I should clarify that I don't think I have an eating disorder of any kind, but I do have quite a lot of thoughts that are starting to dictate my behaviour and affect my mood/life in general.

    I suppose I should also mention having had previous problems with excessive dieting and obsessing over weight and calories as a teenager. I lost a fair amount of weight during this time (although I was never severely underweight) through minimal calorie intake and too much exercise.

    This phase of my life 'ended' about 6-7 years ago, but I've been left with some thoughts and behaviours that, as of recenty, have started to bother me more and more.
    I'll put them in some sort of bullet pount system to make the reading easier.

    1. My weighing scales. I've always kept a close check on my weight, weighing myself every day, but lately it's becoming a ridiculous compulsive thing that I can't help but do. I weight myself as soon as I wake up. If the number is lower than I expect I feel the scales are 'tricking' me, so I weigh myself a few more times and take an average. I then weigh again after going to the toilet and after breakfast.
    This morning routine takes a silly amount of time, and decides what and how much I eat for breakfast, as well as what I wear and generally how I feel. If the numbers average is low I feel confident and am allowed a bigger breakfast, if it's high I still eat a sensible amount (because I know I have to) but spend that morning feeling full of guilt and shame.
    I should also mention that the obsessive weighing continues throughout the day. Before and after almost everything I eat. My weight plays a massive part in deciding what I have to eat and whether I am able to enjoy my food or eat it anyway and be left feeling awful.
    I've realised how much of a problem this has become tonight when my partner sugested removing the scales. The thought of not knowing my weight makes me feel that I can't eat, just incase.

    2. The mirror. Along with my weighing routine I check myself in the mirror frequently, and again I've noticed the numbers play a big part here too. My logical brain can tell me that a pount in weight change can't be visibly seen on my body, but I've noticed that if, say, in the morning my scales numbers are lower than expected I feel I look normal, and then if a few hours later they're higher I can really see this weight gain on my body.

    3. My third point is calories. I am almost always keeping a track of my calories, even though I eat enough to maintain my weight, and sometimes more.

    It's almost like I'm causing myself all this agony over nothing, because despite everything that rolls around in my brain I know I'm going to eat a sensible number and a balanced diet, so why do I continue to do this to myself?

    Should I really be concerned about these things when none of it has a significant effect on how much I eat, or my weight?
    Does anyone have any tips to help me with what I'm doing to myself mentally?
    I have logic enough to realise that tormenting myself isn't good, but equally I sort of don't want to stop for fear of putting on weight.
    I also have a counselling appointment coming up. I want to tell him about this but don't know how? I'm also convined he will laugh me out the door and accuse me of lying because surely these thoughts would cause me to lose weight if they were genuinely causing me so much trouble? It's really concerning me that if I do decide to share this nothing will come of it because of my weight (I'm a little over what I should be).

    Any advice is most welcome. I'm fed up of this crazy brain of mine!
    And thanks if you actually got through this!
    • #139
    #139

    Really bad day, binged massively and already purged once, desperately fighting not to a second time :sigh:
    • #141
    #141

    Hi everyone,

    I have been anorexic for about a year and bulimic for 4 years. I am now 3 months free of ED. I will not lie and say that I feel good as I suffer from acid reflux because of this disease. I am still healing my digestive system but hopefully will get better.

    I would like to say that before it gets too late, TAKE Action NOW. I am 1.62m and weighted about 46kgs. Recovery has made me gained only 3kgs! I killed my health for 3 small kgs. Anyway guys and girls, there is a way out and YOU CAN RECOVER. Don't give up

    <3
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    (Anon because I don't want this associated with my account... Just incase.)
    Hello everyone,
    Sorry for intruding but I would really appreciate some advice. I've read this thread and maybe posted here before (not sure if I actually worked up the courage) and you all seem to have a lot of ideas for helping each other. I hope you guys can knock some sense into me.
    [/spoiler]

    First of all I should clarify that I don't think I have an eating disorder of any kind, but I do have quite a lot of thoughts that are starting to dictate my behaviour and affect my mood/life in general.

    I suppose I should also mention having had previous problems with excessive dieting and obsessing over weight and calories as a teenager. I lost a fair amount of weight during this time (although I was never severely underweight) through minimal calorie intake and too much exercise.

    This phase of my life 'ended' about 6-7 years ago, but I've been left with some thoughts and behaviours that, as of recenty, have started to bother me more and more.
    I'll put them in some sort of bullet pount system to make the reading easier.

    1. My weighing scales. I've always kept a close check on my weight, weighing myself every day, but lately it's becoming a ridiculous compulsive thing that I can't help but do. I weight myself as soon as I wake up. If the number is lower than I expect I feel the scales are 'tricking' me, so I weigh myself a few more times and take an average. I then weigh again after going to the toilet and after breakfast.
    This morning routine takes a silly amount of time, and decides what and how much I eat for breakfast, as well as what I wear and generally how I feel. If the numbers average is low I feel confident and am allowed a bigger breakfast, if it's high I still eat a sensible amount (because I know I have to) but spend that morning feeling full of guilt and shame.
    I should also mention that the obsessive weighing continues throughout the day. Before and after almost everything I eat. My weight plays a massive part in deciding what I have to eat and whether I am able to enjoy my food or eat it anyway and be left feeling awful.I've realised how much of a problem this has become tonight when my partner sugested removing the scales. The thought of not knowing my weight makes me feel that I can't eat, just incase.

    2. The mirror. Along with my weighing routine I check myself in the mirror frequently, and again I've noticed the numbers play a big part here too. My logical brain can tell me that a pount in weight change can't be visibly seen on my body, but I've noticed that if, say, in the morning my scales numbers are lower than expected I feel I look normal, and then if a few hours later they're higher I can really see this weight gain on my body.

    3. My third point is calories. I am almost always keeping a track of my calories, even though I eat enough to maintain my weight, and sometimes more.

    It's almost like I'm causing myself all this agony over nothing, because despite everything that rolls around in my brain I know I'm going to eat a sensible number and a balanced diet, so why do I continue to do this to myself?

    Should I really be concerned about these things when none of it has a significant effect on how much I eat, or my weight?
    Does anyone have any tips to help me with what I'm doing to myself mentally?
    I have logic enough to realise that tormenting myself isn't good, but equally I sort of don't want to stop for fear of putting on weight.
    I also have a counselling appointment coming up. I want to tell him about this but don't know how? I'm also convined he will laugh me out the door and accuse me of lying because surely these thoughts would cause me to lose weight if they were genuinely causing me so much trouble? It's really concerning me that if I do decide to share this nothing will come of it because of my weight (I'm a little over what I should be).
    [/spoiler]

    Any advice is most welcome. I'm fed up of this crazy brain of mine!
    And thanks if you actually got through this!
    Anon, I'm going to save you a lot of trouble pondering whether you have cause to concern, bold out everything which sets my alarm bells ringing and say-yes, if your thoughts and mood are this centred on these things, you are cheating yourself out of happiness. Maybe not for nothing-almost certainly a way to cope with something that you haven't yet figured out a better way to manage klike most of us-but there are other ways. Ways that don't cause so much anxiety, insecurity and grief. And regardless of whether that has taken its toll physically yet, it's clearly not made you feel emotionally secure or happy which sooner or later will have consequences. But it can be stopped. You need to look after your mind and well-being as much as your body, in many ways they're one and the same, they are biological extensions of you.
    Really hope your counselling appointment goes well. Be very honest with them, and if they're worth a toss as professionals you'll be taken seriously.
    :hugs: x

    __________________

    Bit of a bad week
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Am I the only one who overeats when they've been getting to sleep well after midnight/just not sleeping and is this just me being weak or needs to be addressed? Feel quite tired.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Bit of a bad week
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Am I the only one who overeats when they've been getting to sleep well after midnight/just not sleeping and is this just me being weak or needs to be addressed? Feel quite tired.
    I probably eat more if that happens. Not that i can remember at the moment. Currently so unwell i nearly passed out after a lecture yesterday, and am in so much pain/ feel so sick I'm not really sleeping either.
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I probably eat more if that happens. Not that i can remember at the moment. Currently so unwell i nearly passed out after a lecture yesterday, and am in so much pain/ feel so sick I'm not really sleeping either.
    Oooh, that's not good :hugs: wish I could offer more help than that. Take it easy! x
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oooh, that's not good :hugs: wish I could offer more help than that. Take it easy! x
    I'm trying to, i've asked my tandem partner if we can do it another day as i'm really in no fit state to speak a foreign language/ correct her english.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
Which accompaniment is best?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.