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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

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Definitely seem to be restricting a hell of a lot less.. but binging/purging a lot more and taking lots of things i shouldn't be taking yada yada
Original post by Cinnie
Umm

big health victory guys

First period (:colondollar:) in a year and a half :woo:

Crazy times :woo:
This is what it has all been for - it was all worth it :cry:

(And i'm back home and re-discovering the old me)


Woooooooooooooooooooooooo! :biggrin: Congrats!
I go through phases of stuffing myself silly putting on a loads of weight and eating nothing for a while losing a little bit. I've gained a lot of weight in the last few years (suffering from depression I turned to food) and I just keep losing the weight and then putting it on again. I have a big problem with bingeing and it makes me so unhappy yet I can't stop. I know it doesn't make sense, I can't make sense of it. I see a psychologist and psychiatrist for depression/anxiety but I feel too ashamed to talk properly about the eating.
Original post by Gummibaerchen
I go through phases of stuffing myself silly putting on a loads of weight and eating nothing for a while losing a little bit. I've gained a lot of weight in the last few years (suffering from depression I turned to food) and I just keep losing the weight and then putting it on again. I have a big problem with bingeing and it makes me so unhappy yet I can't stop. I know it doesn't make sense, I can't make sense of it. I see a psychologist and psychiatrist for depression/anxiety but I feel too ashamed to talk properly about the eating.


Me too. I still don't get whether it's a 'proper' eating disorder or I'm just being stupid.

Spoiler

Original post by Anonymous
Me too. I still don't get whether it's a 'proper' eating disorder or I'm just being stupid.

Spoiler



Hug? :console:

I made the mistake earlier of facebooking my bfs skinny ex. I'm 5 ft 1 and 10st 3 last time I checked and I know that I have put weight on since then. I feel like utter crap. Sorry I am moaning but I want to cry and I just can't. The last 3 years I have just stuffed my face. When I was 14 ish I didn't eat at all. I don't know if I am off my trolley or what, I feel pathetic not being able to control myself with food :confused:
Original post by Gummibaerchen
Hug? :console:

I made the mistake earlier of facebooking my bfs skinny ex. I'm 5 ft 1 and 10st 3 last time I checked and I know that I have put weight on since then. I feel like utter crap. Sorry I am moaning but I want to cry and I just can't. The last 3 years I have just stuffed my face. When I was 14 ish I didn't eat at all. I don't know if I am off my trolley or what, I feel pathetic not being able to control myself with food :confused:


I bet your bf hated the fact she had no boobs or curves. And they probably couldn't go out and enjoy food together, men find women enjoying food attractive! Plus, if it was so important that she be stick thin, he didn't stay with her for it did he? He's with you. He prefers you! :biggrin:
Original post by MelissaJayne
I bet your bf hated the fact she had no boobs or curves. And they probably couldn't go out and enjoy food together, men find women enjoying food attractive! Plus, if it was so important that she be stick thin, he didn't stay with her for it did he? He's with you. He prefers you! :biggrin:


Thank you so much for that. Sometimes it's so hard to see past my own ideals and actually think straight. I think I just need a massive wake up call.
Original post by Gummibaerchen
Thank you so much for that. Sometimes it's so hard to see past my own ideals and actually think straight. I think I just need a massive wake up call.


You're very much welcome. We all do at times, just need that royal kick up the bottom, insecurities and anxieties can make you totally blind and ignorant to the obvious. That's the nice thing about this thread, people there to put you back in the real world. Xx
Original post by Gummibaerchen
Hug? :console:

I made the mistake earlier of facebooking my bfs skinny ex. I'm 5 ft 1 and 10st 3 last time I checked and I know that I have put weight on since then. I feel like utter crap. Sorry I am moaning but I want to cry and I just can't. The last 3 years I have just stuffed my face. When I was 14 ish I didn't eat at all. I don't know if I am off my trolley or what, I feel pathetic not being able to control myself with food :confused:


:hugs:

I agree with Melissa, he's with you not her! If she was all that, they'd still be together.
Original post by MelissaJayne
You're very much welcome. We all do at times, just need that royal kick up the bottom, insecurities and anxieties can make you totally blind and ignorant to the obvious. That's the nice thing about this thread, people there to put you back in the real world. Xx


It's horrible how our own minds can make us feel so bad about ourselves. Im not seeing my psychologist until January so not sure what to do. I can't hack another few months of binge eating and weight gain. Thanks again xx

Original post by Anonymous
:hugs:
I agree with Melissa, he's with you not her! If she was all that, they'd still be together.


Yeah I'm being a numpty at the moment my head is a bit crazy right now haha thanks for this :smile:
Reply 4710
As someone who has struggled with an eating disorder I truly admire you! It takes so much strength just to realize you are hurting yourself. You are an amazing person and I KNOW you will get through this. Keep believing in yourself. What helped me was getting involved with an organization called project HEAL. We raise money to help send people to get treatment for eating disorders. I feel like I have truly made a difference and maybe doing that will help you. Keep on going and be strong. Cheers. xx
Original post by Gummibaerchen
It's horrible how our own minds can make us feel so bad about ourselves. Im not seeing my psychologist until January so not sure what to do. I can't hack another few months of binge eating and weight gain. Thanks again xx


Try to remember all the things you've learned from your psychologist in the past? The foundations of getting you through it are likely the same - just question your thoughts, is this me, is this an ED behaviour? Don't accept your first reaction to things as it'll probably be negative, distorted or self-critical, and that's not natural. Just step out of yourself every now and again, take a breath and live your life! Don't see between now and Jan as waiting for an appointment..it's valuable time in life, live it. x
Hi guys,
Haven't posted in a while, how is everyone doing?
Really struggling at the moment.. with eating, studying, relationships with friends/family etc.. everything is so hard! My uni course is making me panic too, I don't understand anything this year and my anxiety is awful at the moment, especially around coursework deadlines :frown:
Hope you're all doing okay
J x
^^ That was me!
J x
Reply 4714
^^ That was me!
J x
Can anyone who has been through treatment tell me whether psychotherapy actually works? I'm being assessed to be part of a study tomorrow, and it will involve 20 hours of therapy and a couple of meetings with a dietician. I know I shouldn't be pessimistic before it's even begun but I don't see how 20 hours is going to help me undo 10 years worth of ED thoughts...

If you're at a very low weight then they offer you a max of 30 sessions and 3 weeks ago I would have met those criteria, I've only put on this amount to stay out of hospital. I know I sound so ungrateful considering other people wait years just for CBT but I'm really worried. I'm not sure if I am even motivated to recover because Ana is such a massive part of my life and my concept of what is beautiful. I also suffer from severe anxiety/depression/trauma and I'm not sure if that's going to be dealt with???

I'm starting to think that I am not actually mentally ill but that this is a lifestyle choice on my part, I mean I've done really well at putting on the weight and I'm not scared of food and my brain is continually telling me that I'm not fat and Ana is destroying my life. But then I listen to the other voice instead and hide in my ED comfort blanket. I'm not one of those people who sit there with a salad and cries into it. I am quite happy to eat junk provided I don't gain and that I'm slowly losing....that's not a very Ana thing to do?

IDk, I'm just really stressed out about this assessment and I want them to accept me and for it to work, but at the same time I want to be rejected and get sicker and sicker and end up in hospital. I know that doesn't make any sense...?
I used to have an eating disorder when I was younger but I've been weight restored and okay behaviour wise for years. The past few months I could just feel it coming to the surface to the point where the last two weeks Ive averaged 600 calories a day with a lot of walking and cheerleading/dance and gymnastics. I know its not really enough I dont want it to get out of hand again. I think I want to increase to 800 but I just cant, the idea of what I would eat scares me so much - Im scared it would stop me losing weight even though I know thats not really possible on 800 calories (?)

I think its all because Im at uni so my parents arent around to watch and my boyfriend graduated in the summer. Esentially this is the first year Ive been on my own with food. I fly at cheer (get picked up by other girls and thrown around) and it just embarasses me because I feel too big like im going to hurt people. Also just come off of anti-depressants I was on for anxiety probably hasnt helped, although the anxiety is not a problem any more (I dont have social anxiety or panic attacks anymore)

Ive not lost that much at this point but im on the lower end of normal when my natural body weight is more like bmi 21.5

I dont even know what im asking, Im not sure I even want to change right now except I kind of do, I know it makes me miserable. I want to lose some weight as quickly as possible but I dont want to get sick. Maybe it will all blow over, I dunno ... I feel like if I go to the doctor and start making it all a big problem it might just make it worse.

Will increasing to 800 when my body is used to 600 make me gain weight? (Im honestly not an idiot, and I pretty much know the answer to my question already but I feel like I need to check)
Those moments when you see something potentially triggering and remember what anorexia gave you and you're tempted...and then you think 'what the hell am I thinking?!' and remember how great life is without it. It's hard and sometimes I do think about anorexia but I'm better off without it. We all are.

My boyfriend just bought me a book about Isabelle Caro. She was quite famous. Unfortunately, the book is only available in Italian or French (she was French but dabbled in Italy and there was a famous anti-anorexia campaign with her as the 'star' there). Luckily, I'm studying Italian and my boyfriend is Italian. He said he was reading it on the train and he now understands the illness so much more. He said it helped him understand me. And he's become even more loving because of it. I felt fat last night...and he managed to make me feel so special despite that. I even forgot I had a body, in a sense -- that's how good it felt. It's like I finally have someone in my life that completely understands and is just going to accept me and my horrible past :smile: x
Original post by jazzykinks
Those moments when you see something potentially triggering and remember what anorexia gave you and you're tempted...and then you think 'what the hell am I thinking?!' and remember how great life is without it. It's hard and sometimes I do think about anorexia but I'm better off without it. We all are.

My boyfriend just bought me a book about Isabelle Caro. She was quite famous. Unfortunately, the book is only available in Italian or French (she was French but dabbled in Italy and there was a famous anti-anorexia campaign with her as the 'star' there). Luckily, I'm studying Italian and my boyfriend is Italian. He said he was reading it on the train and he now understands the illness so much more. He said it helped him understand me. And he's become even more loving because of it. I felt fat last night...and he managed to make me feel so special despite that. I even forgot I had a body, in a sense -- that's how good it felt. It's like I finally have someone in my life that completely understands and is just going to accept me and my horrible past :smile: x


your boyfriend is awesome. srsly.
Original post by Anonymous
your boyfriend is awesome. srsly.


I know :smile: with all my past boyfriends, they've called me stupid or whatever because of my depression and my ED past. They haven't cared or treated me with special care because of how fragile I can be. Now I have this one and he's trying so hard.

If someone had told me that it was possible to recover 2 years ago, I would have laughed. If they told me I would then find a man who understood and cared about me, regardless of how I felt I looked/if I had fat days etc., I would have rolled on the floor laughing. Honestly thought I was going to be the old, depressed cat lady. I guess when you have an ED, you don't believe you're worthy of love. x

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