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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    Think of it like this; if you had a broken leg, you would stop running and get better.

    With an ED, your very thoughts are broken. University, and thus MENTAL PURSUITS, are broken.

    Take the break! It is literally just the same damage level.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Might want to keep your distance from the person you know who's been diagnosed for the time being, Jazzy. Sounds horrible but you don't want to be triggered because you can't help anyone then. At the very least if she knows about your history, you've got every right to tell her to well, shut up about it! (Maybe not like that )
    The best you can do is support her as your old friend when she's being less ED-centric and, when she brings it up excessively/nearly triggering, suggest to her if she wants to talk to someone about it because it's concerning you and you know you're not talking entirely to a person then, which is horrible to remember. :hugs:

    Just also wanted to say brilliant news, Mel
    The thing is, it is my domain as I will be helping ED sufferers once we get the group up and running on campus, but this is hard because she was my friends first. She doesn't ever open up about how she's feeling, just food -- my focus is always on emotions because we all know they dictate our eating habits. It just reminds me of how I used to be. It's kind of sad, really. I feel used -- it seems as though she just wants to know me because I know all of this stuff about calories and exercise from my ED days, not because we have a friendship. I feel like her ED is suffocating our friendship, but I don't know whether I should say anything. My boyfriend says to just keep my distance and ignore her rather than telling her to back off because of the damage it may do to her; rejection could trigger a massive binge for her.

    On another note, will be finding out whether or not I'm pregnant tomorrow. Scared but slightly proud. As I said, a couple of years ago, I would never even contemplate pregnancy as a reason why I'm feeling so ill etc. Now it's a possibility. Fingers crossed I'm not though, now really isn't great timing! x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    On another note, will be finding out whether or not I'm pregnant tomorrow. Scared but slightly proud. As I said, a couple of years ago, I would never even contemplate pregnancy as a reason why I'm feeling so ill etc. Now it's a possibility. Fingers crossed I'm not though, now really isn't great timing! x
    good luck. If its a yes, then yay, your insides aren't completely smashed to bits. If its a no, then that its not, but :confused: as to what is making you so ill.
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    (Original post by Annie72)
    Happy Birthday . Only cool people are born on the 17th of October ( yes it's my birthday too, I'm a lot older than you though).I know it's easy for me to say but you deserve to be happy and healthy xx

    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Don't feel bad, that's amazing! Happy birthday I know it's hard, but you need to keep fighting. The gain won't be that rapid all the time, plus it's initially water weight.
    Thanks guys! I'm just under a lot of stress :rolleyes:
    My birthday was alright in the end, didn't go out because I was tired but we're doing good things this week and saw Wicked yesterday I hope your birthday was good Annie.

    Yeah, weight gain has slowed this week, thank god for that! Even though I'm finding it hard I really don't want to go IP which is what will happen if I don't at least maintain...




    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really need to get off tumblr. Just delete my blog and forget that poisonous website even exists...
    Yeah, tumblr is awful. Yet I am completely invested in it and the Ana community on there. I know it's making me worse but it's a compulsion of mine- and Ana's have been my life line for so long I don't know what I'd do without them. I hope you're stronger and a better person than me and delete your blog and aren't tempted to go back. Or join the 'recovery community'. Really it is for the best you aren't like those really sick people on tumblr, although ED's are mental disorders the physical effects at low weights are terrible and aren't worth it.

    Don't take this the wrong way anon. but it doesn’t matter what weight you are you will not be happy. I know this because I am one of those emaciated people at 5'9 (no I don't upload pictures, I don't understand that either) and I still see myself as too big. I look at the pictures of those people too and think they are so much slimmer and more beautiful than me even though most of them weigh more. Ana warps your mind and the fact is people that are healthy ought to be normal weight and when you are healthy you look better: honestly. When you say and think you are ‘a whale’ that is your disorder talking- you’re not seeing what everyone else is. I know myself I literally cannot see myself as I actually am.

    I thought I wasn't having any physical effects because my organs are fine and my bloods kept coming back normal. Well when I went to the hospital they told me my blood count is very low and my immune system is compromised and my skeleton is probably weakened. My hair is thinning and in moments of clarity I can see I look sick. Although people in general probably wouldn't guess people in the know definitely would. These effects can be very subtle and the effect of poor nutrition can occur at any weight so don’t think that because you weigh more you are in the clear.

    I know you don't need to hear that, but I thought I’d let you know that pretty much everyone on tumblr feels the same way, they all think they are too big. Online and in secrecy and with all of the numbers and stats ED’s are very competitive and offer a phoney form of support. I know I’m a hypocrite but take your own advice and stay away from such things!

    I hope that didn’t come across as patronising/harsh/triggering I am not in a place where I can objectively judge how I come across right now. Take care :loveduck:
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    Hi guys, have a good day all, :-)


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    @Violet Apple, I woke up ill on my birthday with what I thought was flu but later turned out to be bronchitis!.So I wasnt feeling that good and did want to celebrate it.I still went out with my hubby for a meal though because he wanted to treat me.I'll certainly remember my 40th birthday that's for sure .

    Went out the next day because I felt loads better and made up for wednesday.
    • #103
    #103

    I'm not in a good place.

    Finally got an appointment for counseling yesterday through the post. January. Yes. I've been on the waiting list since the end of April. I can't wait that long - I'm still waiting for a nutrition appointment, and once again I've been on that waiting list since the end of April too.

    As well as this I'm waiting for a referral regarding my liver but this should be within the next 2 weeks as I've been able to queue jump as they're rather worried. I haven't been taking any Citalopram for the past month-ish as its been conclude these were effecting my liver. Admittedly, they didn't help my mood much but I've noticed I've become as depressed as I used to be at the beginning of the year.

    My cousins and Gran came down this weekend (I thought I'd be ready but my anxiety is still a major issue) and I've practically hated every moment of it, which has upset me a great deal because a year ago I would of been the happiest girl in the world. I would of been able to join in with all the laughs and stuff and I just... can't.

    It seems, to me, that sometimes your able to sort out a 'physical' illness rather than a 'mental' illness sooner because its more 'straight foreword' to treat. My BMI is 15; surely thats worryingly enough?!
    • #37
    #37

    University, Food and feeling down...
    Spoiler:
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    I'm not sure if I should even still be posting on here. I've been discharged for nearly a year now, at a healthy weight and living life. I've just started university and i'm finding things a bit tough at the moment. I don't feel good about myself, I never really have. Buying food at the moment is scary.. I walk around the supermarket and leave with vegetables and biscuits. Today I bought crackers which is a positive note. (It's not like i'm not eating anything else, my [protein comes from tinned beans and lentils and I have rice and pasta already). I'm just finding it a bit hard to cope at the moment, especially with negative things happening in my family. I'm not sure who to talk to... I'm not at a low weight so I can't talk to anyone about eating issues. I just simply don't seem to be comfortable with things atm.
    I don't know feel free to ignore/take down this post.
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    Anon, I am bmi 18.4. Close to "healthy". I am not. "healthy". Not even a little.
    Truth be told life gets even more difficult knowing you can't just point to physical frailty as a reason for your mental anxieties; it seems you don't "deserve" the moniker. In reality you are suffering as we all are.

    Pm me if you need support. X
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    University, Food and feeling down...
    Spoiler:
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    I'm not sure if I should even still be posting on here. I've been discharged for nearly a year now, at a healthy weight and living life. I've just started university and i'm finding things a bit tough at the moment. I don't feel good about myself, I never really have. Buying food at the moment is scary.. I walk around the supermarket and leave with vegetables and biscuits. Today I bought crackers which is a positive note. (It's not like i'm not eating anything else, my [protein comes from tinned beans and lentils and I have rice and pasta already). I'm just finding it a bit hard to cope at the moment, especially with negative things happening in my family. I'm not sure who to talk to... I'm not at a low weight so I can't talk to anyone about eating issues. I just simply don't seem to be comfortable with things atm.
    I don't know feel free to ignore/take down this post.

    Anon - TotoMimo is right... life.. as in real life (not the starved brain world) is SO much harder when you are a normal weight because you can't escape into the starved brain. My anxiety levels have gone X1000 since weight restoration and my need for help is greater than ever. You can talk to someone about your issues. You are very very lucky in that you are at university so you will have access to a counselling service. Please take it. Please visit your GP if you are struggling if you need more specialised therapy.

    BMI's DO NOT MATTER. They only matter to some professionals who do not know much about eating disorders and only realise something is wrong when someone's weight is red on a chart and their organs are failing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    Anon. You need to gain weight in order to mentally recover. It's a complete fact. A BMI of 15 is very worrying - but treatable. Once your body is healing that's when the rest of the work comes in... working through the anxiety and depression problems that caused all of this. :hugs:
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Violet_apple)
    Yeah, tumblr is awful. Yet I am completely invested in it and the Ana community on there. I know it's making me worse but it's a compulsion of mine- and Ana's have been my life line for so long I don't know what I'd do without them. I hope you're stronger and a better person than me and delete your blog and aren't tempted to go back. Or join the 'recovery community'. Really it is for the best you aren't like those really sick people on tumblr, although ED's are mental disorders the physical effects at low weights are terrible and aren't worth it.

    Don't take this the wrong way anon. but it doesn’t matter what weight you are you will not be happy. I know this because I am one of those emaciated people at 5'9 (no I don't upload pictures, I don't understand that either) and I still see myself as too big. I look at the pictures of those people too and think they are so much slimmer and more beautiful than me even though most of them weigh more. Ana warps your mind and the fact is people that are healthy ought to be normal weight and when you are healthy you look better: honestly. When you say and think you are ‘a whale’ that is your disorder talking- you’re not seeing what everyone else is. I know myself I literally cannot see myself as I actually am.

    I thought I wasn't having any physical effects because my organs are fine and my bloods kept coming back normal. Well when I went to the hospital they told me my blood count is very low and my immune system is compromised and my skeleton is probably weakened. My hair is thinning and in moments of clarity I can see I look sick. Although people in general probably wouldn't guess people in the know definitely would. These effects can be very subtle and the effect of poor nutrition can occur at any weight so don’t think that because you weigh more you are in the clear.

    I know you don't need to hear that, but I thought I’d let you know that pretty much everyone on tumblr feels the same way, they all think they are too big. Online and in secrecy and with all of the numbers and stats ED’s are very competitive and offer a phoney form of support. I know I’m a hypocrite but take your own advice and stay away from such things!

    I hope that didn’t come across as patronising/harsh/triggering I am not in a place where I can objectively judge how I come across right now. Take care :loveduck:
    It's all useful to hear, thank you for sharing that with me.

    I feel like a toddler having a tantrum because I can't get what I want. We touched on it in my (first) CBT session last week; all my life is centred around other people and what they're doing, not what I'm doing. It's like a game but I'm always the one who's losing.

    I think in someway I just want someone to notice that I'm not well and sodding do something about it. In the past dealing with depression and self harm it's always been ignored and swept under the rug.

    It's just... I can understand that others feel the same way - and that I don't have the worst end of the stick. But I can't get my head around why you'd want to publicize how bad you feel about yourself if not for knowing deep down that actually, you're not what you think you are? I suppose you're right, it's the competitive 'LOOK I'M THE BIGGEST OF US ALL' vibe that Tumblr has going on.

    It's just too damn addictive. ****.
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    Hay all, I've had a real crap of a day and sparring down hill again, I came right for just over a week and started eating again. But then this guy that I'm sort of seeing told me if I put in weight he wouldn't be with me, every1 likes him think we are good for each other, I would refuse what we have, but I don't wont to be on my own again it's a lonely place out there on your own, so the pro-ana has started again for me,



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    (Original post by jewels1969)
    Hay all, I've had a real crap of a day and sparring down hill again, I came right for just over a week and started eating again. But then this guy that I'm sort of seeing told me if I put in weight he wouldn't be with me, every1 likes him think we are good for each other, I would refuse what we have, but I don't wont to be on my own again it's a lonely place out there on your own, so the pro-ana has started again for me,



    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    I'm a guy, and I think it is literally disgusting that anyone would tell a woman not to gain weight as an ultimatum. This guy doesn't sound like a man, he is either:

    A) a petulant little boy, or
    B) an utter monster.

    Either way, if you feel a pseudo-relationship with either A or B better than being single, go for it, but in my opinion, that is the worst kind of guy (inclusive of physically abusive types). The lowest of low.
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    (Original post by jewels1969)
    Hay all, I've had a real crap of a day and sparring down hill again, I came right for just over a week and started eating again. But then this guy that I'm sort of seeing told me if I put in weight he wouldn't be with me, every1 likes him think we are good for each other, I would refuse what we have, but I don't wont to be on my own again it's a lonely place out there on your own, so the pro-ana has started again for me,



    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
    Honestly, you don't need someone like that in your life because he will never love you unconditionally. He's already showing signs of control. Although being single can be lonely, you need to surround yourself with friends and such that have your best interests at heart. Date other people. He's clearly still a boy, not a man. A real man would never say something like that and would accept you for who you are now, not try and change you. You would be so much better by yourself. x
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    Not pregnant! So happy. It was a tense moment, to say the least. I'm just happy on all fronts. A pregnancy right now would have been awful considering I have other priorities and I don't want children anyway. But I'm just happy that my body is genuinely healthy enough to potentially have a baby. Wow. All those hard moments during recovery were worth it. I can't believe it. Never give up because there really is life after an eating disorder. You can be whole again. x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Not pregnant! So happy. It was a tense moment, to say the least. I'm just happy on all fronts. A pregnancy right now would have been awful considering I have other priorities and I don't want children anyway. But I'm just happy that my body is genuinely healthy enough to potentially have a baby. Wow. All those hard moments during recovery were worth it. I can't believe it. Never give up because there really is life after an eating disorder. You can be whole again. x
    please rate some other member

    I can't wait to be a Mum some day!
    • #139
    #139

    Real don't need an appetite killing bug right now... at least normally I can force down food if I feel hungry enough
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    Thanks for your support I'm trying to put some distance between us, and spend less time with him, I'm 55kgs and some days I'm ok with that and then other days I really hate myself and then he says something like that to me, it really hurts to know I have to move on again, when will I ever be happy in this world, I just want someone to love and care for and to have that inreturn,

    I'm glad your not pregnant if that's not what you wanted, but could imagine the scare it must have given you at the time, all the best

    And a bug at this stage you poor thing, stay strong and drink loads of liquids try flush the bug out, what do they say Starve a bug feed a cold, But by the sounds of it you need to be eating, so try those liquid breakfast and calcium drinks, they may be more gentile on you tummy then food, hope you get well soon xx


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    (Original post by jewels1969)
    Thanks for your support I'm trying to put some distance between us, and spend less time with him, I'm 55kgs and some days I'm ok with that and then other days I really hate myself and then he says something like that to me, it really hurts to know I have to move on again, when will I ever be happy in this world, I just want someone to love and care for and to have that inreturn,

    I'm glad your not pregnant if that's not what you wanted, but could imagine the scare it must have given you at the time, all the best
    I know you want love. You deserve it. But you won't get it from him. Also, I found that once I truly loved myself, other people were able to fall in love with me. Even before I was anorexic, I wondered why I was getting rejected. The thing is, people won't love you if you hate yourself. If you're not in a happy place, you'll only attract people that will make you unhappy. As soon as I got better and truly accepted and loved myself for who I was -- regardless of weight or appearance -- other people became interested in me.

    Thanks! Gosh, we were both scared. We're both too young to be dealing with a baby and we've only been together a year. It was just a wonderful thing to be able to think that I now have the ability to get pregnant. x
 
 
 
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