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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

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    I am leaving uni to take time to sort myself out. Thank you so much to everyone here - you are all amazing people.

    Kicking this ED's ass is a full time job right now... and i'm doing this for the last time.
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by cinnie)
    i am leaving uni to take time to sort myself out. Thank you so much to everyone here - you are all amazing people.

    Kicking this ed's ass is a full time job right now... And i'm doing this for the last time.
    g'won cinnie!
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    I am leaving uni to take time to sort myself out. Thank you so much to everyone here - you are all amazing people.

    Kicking this ED's ass is a full time job right now... and i'm doing this for the last time.
    Are you interrupting your studies or dropping out? I wish you all the best. Please keep us up to date. Always here if you need to talk or anything at all x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Are you interrupting your studies or dropping out? I wish you all the best. Please keep us up to date. Always here if you need to talk or anything at all x
    I'm seeing my GP later but I guess i'm interrupting my studies. I hope they let me =/.
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    New to this thread but I've been following it for a while though. Also I'm not sure how to do spoilers so I apologise if this may be triggering for some people.

    Basically, I was diagnosed anorexic over the summer following months of restriction and inevitably, weight loss. My lowest was around 36kg. Ever since I started restricting even more (around 500-600 cals a day), I would have days where I would binge completely. This lasted for about four weeks with the odd binge here and there. But, they started to become more frequent. In the couple of weeks before starting university, I was binging everyday, followed by hours of exercising. I thought this would stop when I came to university. But it hasn't. It's got worse and it absolutely disgusts me. I'm now 7 and a half stone and I just can't stand it. I tell myself that I will start again tomorrow, but when I start eating, I just can't stop. When it happens, I just can't stop eating. I've even lost the will to exercise 4 hours after the binge; I still exercise but if I'm honest, I just can't be bothered anymore.

    I can't stand it and it's really impacting on me. I can't concentrate on my work, I've spent ridicoluous amounts of money on binge food and I just can't cope. I don't get enough food when I go food shopping as I tell myself that I am on a diet; yet, four hours later, I'll go to the shop and just binge. I'm so unhappy and I just don't know how I'm going to cope anymore. I'm desperate to go back to being skinny, but it's like my body is stopping me, yet I'm so fat again already. Sorry if this is triggering but I just don't know what to do anymore.
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    Meh. All I wanted was somebody to talk to; posted in here three times before yet have never had a response. *Sigh*.
    • Thread Starter
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    Hayley, I have said numerous times that people can private message me if they need to talk. You can appreciate that even though your personal struggle is truly significant, there are a lot of people I speak with (and there have been literally hundreds of anonymous posters beyond that with their own struggles) so it is nothing personal.

    You have two different disorders and sadly you cannot attack them both simultaneously. For starters you are a restrictive-type anorexic, and secondly you are a binge eater. This is actually a common cycle for people who start recovery; they've only ever known restriction, but DO want to eat a healthy number of calories a day, and so restrict heavily, then go hell-for-leather and have a big binge to try to even it out. Sadly, the see-saw that are our bodies doesn't like this and tries to balance it, but our disorders fight one another and as such, we always go even further to extremes.

    The truth is you have to underpin your anorexic restriction FULLY first. What I mean is, eat a normal (1900-2500) amount of calories daily, and as you're only seven and a half stones, I would probably say go for one of the higher amounts to get you to a less frail state. You MIGHT still binge during this period, but whilst your body slowly adjusts to a "normal life" again, the desire to binge will decrease surprisingly rapidly.

    I personally was put on a 3000-4000 calorie a day gaining diet when I was REALLY ill, and after the initial gain, I found it hard to NOT eat everything in sight. But it is NORMAL. Your body needs to take time to readjust to what is NORMAL. Think about a rubber band. You stretch it so far one way for so long, that let go and PING, it flies off in the opposite direction to the extreme, but flicks back almost as quickly. But you HAVE to - and I stress that - HAVE to let go, or it will never happen.

    You might need to address the underlying issues of this first disorder before the other slowly dissipates.

    Once again if anyone needs me, PM.
    • #48
    #48

    My cat was put down last night, and I'm 250 miles from home.

    So I've been going from eating nothing, to making myself feel sick from biscuits, to not wanting to touch anything again depending on what hour of day it is.
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    So I've jumped in and out here more times than a royal family scandal has occured in the papers.

    I've been so busy with wedding planning and trying to get through uni work that I have no me time. I'm going to a wedding fair on Sunday and may get to try on my first wedding dress, however, I'm terrified because they normally run 2 sizes smaller, and the thought of ordering a 'big' dress makes me want to curl up and cry.

    I want to look healthy on my big day, slim but toned. I just don't know how to get there. I've been in a restrict/binge cycle for the past while now that I'm actually getting stomach pains every hour or so - intense stabbing pains at one side.
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    So I've jumped in and out here more times than a royal family scandal has occured in the papers.

    I've been so busy with wedding planning and trying to get through uni work that I have no me time. I'm going to a wedding fair on Sunday and may get to try on my first wedding dress, however, I'm terrified because they normally run 2 sizes smaller, and the thought of ordering a 'big' dress makes me want to curl up and cry.

    I want to look healthy on my big day, slim but toned. I just don't know how to get there. I've been in a restrict/binge cycle for the past while now that I'm actually getting stomach pains every hour or so - intense stabbing pains at one side.
    If they get any worse/ move/ do anything weird. TO THE DOCTORS. Went into town today to try this dress on from this kooky little vintage shop. It's in a size that 'should' fit me. Normally vintage runs small. I have never been drowned in so much fabric. Now so confused as to what size I actually am.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    So I've jumped in and out here more times than a royal family scandal has occured in the papers.

    I've been so busy with wedding planning and trying to get through uni work that I have no me time. I'm going to a wedding fair on Sunday and may get to try on my first wedding dress, however, I'm terrified because they normally run 2 sizes smaller, and the thought of ordering a 'big' dress makes me want to curl up and cry.

    I want to look healthy on my big day, slim but toned. I just don't know how to get there. I've been in a restrict/binge cycle for the past while now that I'm actually getting stomach pains every hour or so - intense stabbing pains at one side.
    Firstly, which side? If it gets worse or carries on past tonight then please go to the doctors - a walk in centre or if you're not near one A+E. It could be a sign of something like appendicitis or a problem with your organs.

    Secondly in my (somewhat limited) experience, wedding dresses actually don't run that small and you'll probably find that the ones in the shop have to be clamped up to stay up when you try them on. Average sample size is a big 14 - and they are big. Remember that the average UK size is a 14 And the wonderful thing about wedding dresses is they can be let out 90% of the time so even if you are bigger than the shop carries, you can still try them on (I think they say the 'two sizes too small' thing for when you actually buy them - my sister was asked if she was planning on losing any weight for the day when she bought hers and as she's tiny and waif like anyway, hers is coming in at pretty much the right size for her, not two sizes different).

    Have fun, wedding dress shopping is :awesome:
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    Note to boyfriend: Don't say "I havent seen u in a few days, u look like uve puts on lots more weight" to your girlfriend, ever. "what?!" "BUT THATS A GOOD THING!" Perhaps, just don't say ANYTHING.
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    YAY. even my tandem partner thinks I'm fat and/or greedy.
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    It varies in sides and how much it hurts - it feels like a cramp, but higher than a cramp. Goes away after about 10 minutes/drink of water etc.

    I'm going to a wedding fair on Sunday, but I don't want to try on dresses - there will be too many people around! How sad is that?
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    Feeling fat. It's one of those days. I was supposed to go to the gym today but lately my health has been stopping me from doing normal things, even going to lectures. I'm fatigued all the time. I wake up tired despite going to bed early. Now, I don't even have insomnia so I do get a lot of sleep. My muscles feel heavy and like I've lifted about 100kgs.

    Blehhhhhhhh. Blood test tomorrow. I just want an answer as to what the hell is going on with my body at the moment.

    But yes, I am feeling fat. How do I cope on these days if I'm a recovered anorexic? Well, I don't take it out on my food. I know that my body needs it. I just talk to loved ones, distract myself and keep busy (even if it means doing extra work or something) and take some time out to think about what I do like about myself, not just physically. Days like these are tough but trust me, you can learn to overcome these 'fat' feelings without taking it out on yourself and your food. x
    • #48
    #48

    Haven't been to the gym in about a week. Just been sitting and eating and feeling sorry for myself. Feel like crap because I know Wednesday will roll around and I'll be disgusting and hideous in my halloween costume :sad:
    • Thread Starter
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    Self-loathing accomplishes nothing, people. Come on, now. Take one thing in your life. Perhaps it's nothing to do with you, perhaps it's a dream, a hope, a hobby, someone you love. Fixate on that. Fixate on how it makes you smile. Now, think about that exact giddy feeling, that excitement and happiness - now think about why you wouldn't want to feel that way about all aspects of your life.

    We live, if we're lucky, 80-odd years. Ten of those years are spent learning what life's all about. The next ten, we're trying to all fit in. The last ten are spent struggling to do ANYTHING, wishing we could be younger so we could do the things we wish we still could. And the years in between? Forty-fifty years in between? Fifty years, TOPS, in the history of the universe, is all we get, to LIVE OUR LIVES and project happiness upon others to enrich their lives as well as our own.

    In our tiny blip of time on Earth, in existence, I'm damn sure I don't want to spend it scrutinising how my bum looks in a pair of jeans. NOT ANY LONGER.

    Think about it. Do you REALLY want that?
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Self-loathing accomplishes nothing, people. Come on, now. Take one thing in your life. Perhaps it's nothing to do with you, perhaps it's a dream, a hope, a hobby, someone you love. Fixate on that. Fixate on how it makes you smile. Now, think about that exact giddy feeling, that excitement and happiness - now think about why you wouldn't want to feel that way about all aspects of your life.

    We live, if we're lucky, 80-odd years. Ten of those years are spent learning what life's all about. The next ten, we're trying to all fit in. The last ten are spent struggling to do ANYTHING, wishing we could be younger so we could do the things we wish we still could. And the years in between? Forty-fifty years in between? Fifty years, TOPS, in the history of the universe, is all we get, to LIVE OUR LIVES and project happiness upon others to enrich their lives as well as our own.

    In our tiny blip of time on Earth, in existence, I'm damn sure I don't want to spend it scrutinising how my bum looks in a pair of jeans. NOT ANY LONGER.

    Think about it. Do you REALLY want that?
    I seriously think you're in the wrong job/ were dumbledore in a past life, because dude. you wise.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I seriously think you're in the wrong job/ were dumbledore in a past life, because dude. you wise.
    LOL

    so true. Except he has a hell of a lot of hair to grow..
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    LOL

    so true. Except he has a hell of a lot of hair to grow..
    yeah, but he could wear a wig, and then just grow a badass beard. OR MAYBE this is what dumblrdore looks like in the muggle world ???
 
 
 
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