Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    your boyfriend is awesome. srsly.
    I know with all my past boyfriends, they've called me stupid or whatever because of my depression and my ED past. They haven't cared or treated me with special care because of how fragile I can be. Now I have this one and he's trying so hard.

    If someone had told me that it was possible to recover 2 years ago, I would have laughed. If they told me I would then find a man who understood and cared about me, regardless of how I felt I looked/if I had fat days etc., I would have rolled on the floor laughing. Honestly thought I was going to be the old, depressed cat lady. I guess when you have an ED, you don't believe you're worthy of love. x
    • #43
    #43

    I hate being a workaholic so much, but I'm no longer sure how to break out of it or whether I want to : /
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    I know with all my past boyfriends, they've called me stupid or whatever because of my depression and my ED past. They haven't cared or treated me with special care because of how fragile I can be. Now I have this one and he's trying so hard.

    If someone had told me that it was possible to recover 2 years ago, I would have laughed. If they told me I would then find a man who understood and cared about me, regardless of how I felt I looked/if I had fat days etc., I would have rolled on the floor laughing. Honestly thought I was going to be the old, depressed cat lady. I guess when you have an ED, you don't believe you're worthy of love. x

    you might still get to be like 100 and be surrounded by cats :P. Well, having a panic attack in labs wasnt how i wanted to celebrate my birthday.
    • #143
    #143

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Anon, this person sounds like the epitome, the absolute perfect confidant for your disease. Trust me, you have at least the blessing of having a person like that in your life; a LOT of people on here don't have that luxury.

    Grab the opportunity with both hands; getting better isn't just a possibility, it's either that, or a very painful descent into the ground. Trust me. X
    I know you're right, I know I should talk to her, or a GP. But I really don't know what to say, and I'm terrified.
    How do you start a conversation where you need to tell someone about your E.D.?
    Any advice from anyone would be great, thanks!

    J x
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Sooo I have an interview for Manchester on thursday which I'm super excited and nervous about. But right now my ED is getting stronger and I can't bring myself to eat a single thing. I know I need the energy to do well at the interview but I don't know how I can do it. Anyone got any tips or advice to help me just for me to get through the next two days in a vaguely healthy way? I want to be normal, I want to go to uni and be me again, but I'm scared...
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by Nooshkabob)
    Sooo I have an interview for Manchester on thursday which I'm super excited and nervous about. But right now my ED is getting stronger and I can't bring myself to eat a single thing. I know I need the energy to do well at the interview but I don't know how I can do it. Anyone got any tips or advice to help me just for me to get through the next two days in a vaguely healthy way? I want to be normal, I want to go to uni and be me again, but I'm scared...
    -hugs- what subject did you apply for? If its anything like chemistry, the interview will be to make sure you're not completely stupid. It's likely it'll be based on your PS - mine certainly were. Is there anything you'd particularly like to have/ is there any nibbly bits in the house. Try having a glass of water/ cup of tea. somethimes if i get too hungry, i stop realising that I am.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nooshkabob)
    Sooo I have an interview for Manchester on thursday which I'm super excited and nervous about. But right now my ED is getting stronger and I can't bring myself to eat a single thing. I know I need the energy to do well at the interview but I don't know how I can do it. Anyone got any tips or advice to help me just for me to get through the next two days in a vaguely healthy way? I want to be normal, I want to go to uni and be me again, but I'm scared...
    Listen to your own tips hun. You want to be normal. You want to go to Uni. For that you NEED to be alive. To be alive, you NEED to eat. Why are you stopping yourself from eating, what sense does it make in this universe or any other universe to do that? It's achieving nothing, only diminishing your health, logic and sense. No doubt you've worked damn hard all your life to learn and earn the skills to get you to Manchester for that interview; why throw it away now? For absolutely nothing at all. It'll be hard for you to eat because of this habit of not eating you've gotten yourself into now..but this habit just HAS to be broken, before it breaks you.

    Good luck with your interview. I'm sure you'll make the right decision and do fabulously. X
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    What kind of weird, depraved creature am I?

    Sitting stuffing my face looking through old food diaries (of the healthy variety when I ate clean, consistently and excercised properly), getting upset at the person I let myself become again.

    Hopefully writing down a 4 week food diary will be good. I like routine, and if it's not written, it's not going in my mouth.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    -hugs- what subject did you apply for? If its anything like chemistry, the interview will be to make sure you're not completely stupid. It's likely it'll be based on your PS - mine certainly were. Is there anything you'd particularly like to have/ is there any nibbly bits in the house. Try having a glass of water/ cup of tea. somethimes if i get too hungry, i stop realising that I am.
    I've applied to do music Thankyou, sometimes it can be hard to tell that I'm actually hungry and whenever I do eat I just feel overwhelming guilty even though I know it's good for me... I'll try at least nibbling on some stuff though. I'm generally ok with apples and actimel! I have however been known to be freaked out even by water, which just makes no sense I know...

    MelissaJayne - Thankyou! When you phrase it like that it seems obvious, I just seem to find it so much harder when I'm faced with the reality of a plate of food. But you're right, I have to break it before it breaks me. I need to push through this, because this ED is affecting me far too much at the moment and ruining everything xxx
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Nooshkabob)
    xxx
    In order to do anything you want to do in life, you have to eat food. It's just stuff - it's not a person or anything evil that is going to betray and hurt you. It's a bunch of molecules that your body absolutely needs to break down to convert into energy to let you play your music and live your amazing life. The disordered part of you will tell you that you are not hungry and don't need food, but it is lying, and doesn't care about the longterm effects on your body, but you know this.

    Your disorder will come about in order to help you cope with anxiety, like your interview, but this is the time you can say... actually... I can cope with this because I am just a very cool person - not because I am not eating Eating properly will only do you good and eating certain things won't have an impact on your interview - it will be over in a flash Think about it. That said, it is normal for nerves to make you feel a bit less hungry, but that doesn't mean that you are greedy for having normal meals

    Good luck with your interview =]
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cinnie)
    In order to do anything you want to do in life, you have to eat food. It's just stuff - it's not a person or anything evil that is going to betray and hurt you. It's a bunch of molecules that your body absolutely needs to break down to convert into energy to let you play your music and live your amazing life. The disordered part of you will tell you that you are not hungry and don't need food, but it is lying, and doesn't care about the longterm effects on your body, but you know this.

    Your disorder will come about in order to help you cope with anxiety, like your interview, but this is the time you can say... actually... I can cope with this because I am just a very cool person - not because I am not eating Eating properly will only do you good and eating certain things won't have an impact on your interview - it will be over in a flash Think about it. That said, it is normal for nerves to make you feel a bit less hungry, but that doesn't mean that you are greedy for having normal meals

    Good luck with your interview =]
    Thankyou! That really resonated with me actually. It is just stuff. It's only energy. For some reason in my mind it gets transformed into something evil, but really, its just molecules. It can't hurt me. It's just my thoughts that hurt me i guess. I've realised this evening that I think all the stress about applying to uni has been what's subconsciously triggered this relapse, but I will learn to cope without relying on the ED. Eating can only do me good. Eating can only do me good. That's going to be tomorrow's mantra I think! Thankyou so so much, I hope that you're doing alright xxx
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Well I've ended up on anti-depressants to make therapy easier while I'm going through crisis, starting my prescription tomorrow...I can't help but feel weak. When I first got the call I couldn't stop eating. How ****ing stupid is it that I feel more weak for this than I do for reaching out for help in the first place.
    Anybody have experience of medication?
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by Riku)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Well I've ended up on anti-depressants to make therapy easier while I'm going through crisis, starting my prescription tomorrow...I can't help but feel weak. When I first got the call I couldn't stop eating. How ****ing stupid is it that I feel more weak for this than I do for reaching out for help in the first place.
    Anybody have experience of medication?
    -hugging- no experience of medication, but i get what you mean by feeling weak for asking for help. It's something i am going to HAVE TO do after what happened on tuesday. my tutor probably should be told about this, but im terrified i've let him down, idk how to tell him, or what relelvant/ helpful for him to know.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Snow's done a Riku. As usual.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Riku)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Well I've ended up on anti-depressants to make therapy easier while I'm going through crisis, starting my prescription tomorrow...I can't help but feel weak. When I first got the call I couldn't stop eating. How ****ing stupid is it that I feel more weak for this than I do for reaching out for help in the first place.
    Anybody have experience of medication?
    Yep.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I hate meds The first set made me acutely suicidal, I ended up in A+E twice in a week having tried to top myself, second time round I was in a psychotic break and truly believed that I needed to die. The second set was the same class as the first and made me incredibly tired and weak, I missed a fortnight of uni because I just could not move in the mornings, one morning my BF woke me up, managed to move me to the kitchen and put a cup of tea in my hands, when he got back from his lecture two hours later I was still sat in the same place staring at the wall with a cold full cup of tea. Third lot were a brand new class and completely changed my personality, I'm quite laid back and gentle, but on them I was a complete and utter *****, shouting and swearing at people I barely knew and totally out of it.

    Not good BUT. What didn't work for me may work for you. It may take some time to find the right one for you, you may feel a little better on one and think yes, then try another one and feel amazing, you may have no problems at all. I personally think that my problems may not be simple linear depression and may be chemically based making anti-depressants of the 'normal' kind the worst thing for me; this is NOT a common experience. They can work when they're the right one for you.


    :hugs: What are you on if you don't mind me asking?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Snow's done a Riku. As usual.
    Flattered
    I hope you can. You don't have to tell everything to everyone all at once, just let someone you know and trust know that you're really struggling, and. as you feel more comfortable, begin to open up. You are NOT letting down anyone by asking for help. :hugs:


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yep.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I hate meds The first set made me acutely suicidal, I ended up in A+E twice in a week having tried to top myself, second time round I was in a psychotic break and truly believed that I needed to die. The second set was the same class as the first and made me incredibly tired and weak, I missed a fortnight of uni because I just could not move in the mornings, one morning my BF woke me up, managed to move me to the kitchen and put a cup of tea in my hands, when he got back from his lecture two hours later I was still sat in the same place staring at the wall with a cold full cup of tea. Third lot were a brand new class and completely changed my personality, I'm quite laid back and gentle, but on them I was a complete and utter *****, shouting and swearing at people I barely knew and totally out of it.

    Not good BUT. What didn't work for me may work for you. It may take some time to find the right one for you, you may feel a little better on one and think yes, then try another one and feel amazing, you may have no problems at all. I personally think that my problems may not be simple linear depression and may be chemically based making anti-depressants of the 'normal' kind the worst thing for me; this is NOT a common experience. They can work when they're the right one for you.


    :hugs: What are you on if you don't mind me asking?
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Ahh :hugs: that's my fear too. That they're going to backfire and make me do something I'll regret, or I'll end up dependent on them, or I'll just become not me in the slightest and it feels like I'm only half me at the moment anyway.
    I've actually no idea what I'm on but it's been suggested Prozac's a no-no. Literally saw the doc this morning, they rang my psych. this afternoon, and I was in town watching some carol singers when I got the news :rolleyes: strange life. Hoping it'll be Citalopram, that's what Mum's been on for a year and it hasn't had any side-effects for the last month.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by Riku)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Ahh :hugs: that's my fear too. That they're going to backfire and make me do something I'll regret, or I'll end up dependent on them, or I'll just become not me in the slightest and it feels like I'm only half me at the moment anyway.
    I've actually no idea what I'm on but it's been suggested Prozac's a no-no. Literally saw the doc this morning, they rang my psych. this afternoon, and I was in town watching some carol singers when I got the news :rolleyes: strange life. Hoping it'll be Citalopram, that's what Mum's been on for a year and it hasn't had any side-effects for the last month.
    Citalopram is what I was on the first time But to be fair to it - 1) I didn't tell *anyone* I was going on it and I didn't tell anyone when the thoughts were getting worse and 2) SSRIs have consistently been bad for me; which is quite rare I believe. You sound like you have a lot more support than I did too, I was prescribed them by a doctor I'd never met before (and the second time round too). At the end of the day more people find them to be useful than not so one bad story from me shouldn't cloud your judgement too much. As long as you tell people as soon as possible if you feel worse, then you'll be ok.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Well I've ended up on anti-depressants to make therapy easier while I'm going through crisis, starting my prescription tomorrow...I can't help but feel weak. When I first got the call I couldn't stop eating. How ****ing stupid is it that I feel more weak for this than I do for reaching out for help in the first place.
    Anybody have experience of medication?
    Sorry that things have gotten bad Riku. Just remember that you are not alone in this, things will get better, and it's not your fault.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Firstly, it's not your fault what effects the medication has on you because it is not under your control, just like your brain chemistry at the moment is not under your control :hugs:

    I have been on citalopram (20mg). In week 2 and 3 I have to admit I felt very odd. I was convinced that I was clinically mad and that my sanity had completely exploded. I was planning out how to live my life without having any human contact ever. Just be aware that any bad feelings you have at the beginning are a result of starting the new meds and will not stay.

    Things got better. For me, after about a month, things were less intense in general. I still felt everything, just a numbed out version. I stopped taking them when I crawled back into my denial cave though.

    Sending lots of hugs :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Citalopram is what I was on the first time But to be fair to it - 1) I didn't tell *anyone* I was going on it and I didn't tell anyone when the thoughts were getting worse and 2) SSRIs have consistently been bad for me; which is quite rare I believe. You sound like you have a lot more support than I did too, I was prescribed them by a doctor I'd never met before (and the second time round too). At the end of the day more people find them to be useful than not so one bad story from me shouldn't cloud your judgement too much. As long as you tell people as soon as possible if you feel worse, then you'll be ok.
    Sorry to hear you didn't have much support :/ I feel almost overwhelmed by it to be honest. Feel like I'm going to be seeing Sigmund Freud next! aaaand my local GPhates me now I think. One of their biggest problem patients for the secretaries ¬ ¬
    Thanks for your insight all the same x




    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Sorry that things have gotten bad Riku. Just remember that you are not alone in this, things will get better, and it's not your fault.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Firstly, it's not your fault what effects the medication has on you because it is not under your control, just like your brain chemistry at the moment is not under your control :hugs:

    I have been on citalopram (20mg). In week 2 and 3 I have to admit I felt very odd. I was convinced that I was clinically mad and that my sanity had completely exploded. I was planning out how to live my life without having any human contact ever. Just be aware that any bad feelings you have at the beginning are a result of starting the new meds and will not stay.

    Things got better. For me, after about a month, things were less intense in general. I still felt everything, just a numbed out version. I stopped taking them when I crawled back into my denial cave though.

    Sending lots of hugs :hugs:
    Thanks Cinnie, it's always good to get a second opinion :hugs:
    Spoiler:
    Show

    That's more or less how I've felt the last fortnight. A very twisted side of me broke out which I'd like to keep at bay if possible that I'm fairly sure was insane : / I'm scared really, especially with the idea of numbing. But see how it goes. I'm more scared of never getting better after all.
    Do you think that you'd want to go back on them, then? You seem aware that it wasn't done at recovery. x
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    Thanks Cinnie, it's always good to get a second opinion :hugs:
    Spoiler:
    Show

    That's more or less how I've felt the last fortnight. A very twisted side of me broke out which I'd like to keep at bay if possible that I'm fairly sure was insane : / I'm scared really, especially with the idea of numbing. But see how it goes. I'm more scared of never getting better after all.
    Do you think that you'd want to go back on them, then? You seem aware that it wasn't done at recovery. x
    Spoiler:
    Show

    An insane person has absolutely no grasp on reality and does not recognise any of the things you are recognising or reflect on themselves in the extensive way that you do. We all have our dark moments but that doesn't make us as a person twisted so don't believe that for one second.

    You can stop putting yourself into boxes and categories. No one is going to sit and ask you to explain to them every aspect of your personality and what boxes you put yourself into - so you don't need to define yourself with anything more than 'I am me. I have my ups and downs, twists and turns, and whatever else'. Anyway, big digression. I am having a major rant because I am just sat waiting for my hamsters to wake up so I can play with them. Anyway, erm...

    The numbing helped me think a bit more rationally and go more slowly. It forced me to. I had to have a good think about my priorities because the priorities were all I could deal with (like now - I have left uni because I could hardly hold a conversation without wanting to run away let alone be in lecture full of people). Funnily enough the main priority is looking after your health and that has to be done first.

    I would definitely try SSRI's again (I was given a prescription for sertraline but for some reason tore it up while drunk). It's worth a try.


    Need to take my own advice sometimes.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.