Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -huggggging-
    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Sending mountains of hugs :hugs: xx

    Thanks guys. I'm too scared to eat a proper meal now. I just...

    How are you? :hugs:


    Sorry for any spelling or grammar issues, I'm posting from my phone.
    • #100
    #100

    Just ate a chicken wrap with cheese and I feel.. strangely serene. Cheese used to be a BIG thing for me but it was ok, it really was
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    I can't stop binge eating :cry: I think I'm using it as a form of self harm now. :erm:


    Sorry for any spelling or grammar issues, I'm posting from my phone.
    Someone needs a bit of group :hug:
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    Thanks guys. I'm too scared to eat a proper meal now. I just...

    How are you? :hugs:


    Sorry for any spelling or grammar issues, I'm posting from my phone.
    You definitely should

    I've been better, but i've been much worse - i've run out of citalopram when it had just started to work wonders so i'm a bit apprehensive. 7

    But i'm feeling happy and am making crisps out of the MASSIVE potato and beetroot I picked from my allotment today
    Attached Images
      
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Ugh...

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I am a size 8. I have recovered and am now naturally slim.

    WHY DO I FEEL SO FAT?!

    Unsurprisingly, this has only come over me since being dumped. I feel fat and inadequate. I'm not depriving myself of food (I would probably pass out if I did with the amount of hills in Exeter) because I don't want to. Anorexia has no appeal to me any more and I know that if I want to move on and have guys be interested in me, they want a healthy-looking girl. But I can't help but feel fat. My tummy is just sticking out too much for my liking.

    I don't know what the point of writing this was. I'm just feeling like s*it at the moment.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Anon, major kudos on not just eating the cheese, an item you'd usually avoid, but on your incredible healthy positivity for acceptance of something that is inherently NORMAL and RIGHT to enjoy.

    Jazzy, you are still incredibly wee (size 8?! That's the smallest size standard (not specialist) clothes stores even traditionally stock!!) Your inadequacies obviously stem, as you've pinpointed, from an inherently outward pine for external love and acceptance. The fact you've inversely related weight and size to attractiveness to others leads me to believe the ED is stronger than ever. Just don't do the "My body is healthy so I must be healed" thing - I am bmi 18ish but my bones are still wrecked and my liver and heart have iffies. More dangerous is that I, like many people in our position, feel we can no longer rely on "looking ill" as an excuse for love and affection. Getting attention was easy when we were uber ill, but never mistake all that attention we were getting as positive.

    You may have wrongly made that "lighter/smaller means more love" connotation for that reason, but that is yet another ED norm. Just know that it is DEFINITELY an incorrect connection to be addressed. X
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Ugh...

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I am a size 8. I have recovered and am now naturally slim.

    WHY DO I FEEL SO FAT?!

    Unsurprisingly, this has only come over me since being dumped. I feel fat and inadequate. I'm not depriving myself of food (I would probably pass out if I did with the amount of hills in Exeter) because I don't want to. Anorexia has no appeal to me any more and I know that if I want to move on and have guys be interested in me, they want a healthy-looking girl. But I can't help but feel fat. My tummy is just sticking out too much for my liking.

    I don't know what the point of writing this was. I'm just feeling like s*it at the moment.
    you might feel fat, but you are not fat, and atleast you know that because food isnt the problem than not eating isnt the answer. i think we all need a group hug. Last night i was so wound up/ upset/ fustrated. Managed to deal with those feelings without restricting, gorging myself on food or by cutting. big shiny gold start for me amirite?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I have lost all my friends because of this I hate myself more than ever. They were just trying to help :/
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 05autyt)
    I have lost all my friends because of this I hate myself more than ever. They were just trying to help :/
    If they're true friends, they'll come around. It's a tough job being friends with someone with an ED, but ultimately we're suffering and struggling and we are ill. It's hard to understand when they're not going through it themselves but I'm sure they'll come round, miss your friendship and try to understand if you let them.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    you might feel fat, but you are not fat, and atleast you know that because food isnt the problem than not eating isnt the answer. i think we all need a group hug. Last night i was so wound up/ upset/ fustrated. Managed to deal with those feelings without restricting, gorging myself on food or by cutting. big shiny gold start for me amirite?
    Thanks for replying, dear. I am eating because as I said, I won't get back on the wagon if I don't look healthy. I just have this need to be wanted and because I'm currently not wanted by anyone, I feel fat.

    That's fantastic! Well done! Honestly, that's a huge step forward because it shows that, despite what you're feeling, you can deal with it without taking it out on yourself. x
    • #142
    #142

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    If they're true friends, they'll come around. It's a tough job being friends with someone with an ED, but ultimately we're suffering and struggling and we are ill. It's hard to understand when they're not going through it themselves but I'm sure they'll come round, miss your friendship and try to understand if you let them.
    I know they just want to help me. They tried to get me help and I freaked out :'( I dont know what to do anymore. It's made me lower and worse than ever I miss them but my head is telling me that I cant speak to them anymore
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Thanks for replying, dear. I am eating because as I said, I won't get back on the wagon if I don't look healthy. I just have this need to be wanted and because I'm currently not wanted by anyone, I feel fat.

    That's fantastic! Well done! Honestly, that's a huge step forward because it shows that, despite what you're feeling, you can deal with it without taking it out on yourself. x
    that anon was me. try something like learning how to knit/sew/ have a hot bath with tonnes of bubbles, theres shedloads of ideas for this sort of thing on galadarling. i posted a link to her blog a while back...
    • #147
    #147

    I've posted in here before but I'm using anon because the people I live with know my TSR username. :erm:

    [expand=Spoilered in case it's triggering?]
    I used to be anorexic and now I just binge, but the ana thoughts are coming back. I've been referred for ED-specific help but the waiting lists are just ridiculous.

    It's so hard to ignore the ana thoughts because I'm overweight now and I hate it. I just want a decent relationship with food.

    Anyway, today was pretty bad. I ended up purging. I very rarely purge, even when I was underweight I never purged. I'm having to stop myself from doing it again in case my housemates hear.[/spoiler]
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cinnie)
    You definitely should

    I've been better, but i've been much worse - i've run out of citalopram when it had just started to work wonders so i'm a bit apprehensive. 7

    But i'm feeling happy and am making crisps out of the MASSIVE potato and beetroot I picked from my allotment today
    :hugs: When can you get some more? If you're just going the weekend you should be fine. I spread a months worth of SSRIs out over 5 months and had no ill effects :teehee: Don't follow my example, the doctor got very angry and said that they were now out of my system haha. However, a few days should probably be fine.

    Ooh an allotment, fancy!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Jazzykinks, I hope my last message wasn't ignored; it came from the heart and really hope it resonates personally. Xxx
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Girly one..

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Stressing out because where I hadn't had a period in 3 months, had a random one then went without for another 2 and then had another 2 weeks ago, I've become shockingly bad at taking the pill and I'm getting myself into a tizz over how likely it is for me to be preggers constantly :sigh: I'm just hoping that even though I have the odd period, it doesn't mean my body is capable of actually getting pregnant :erm:
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Jazzy, you are still incredibly wee (size 8?! That's the smallest size standard (not specialist) clothes stores even traditionally stock!!) Your inadequacies obviously stem, as you've pinpointed, from an inherently outward pine for external love and acceptance. The fact you've inversely related weight and size to attractiveness to others leads me to believe the ED is stronger than ever. Just don't do the "My body is healthy so I must be healed" thing - I am bmi 18ish but my bones are still wrecked and my liver and heart have iffies. More dangerous is that I, like many people in our position, feel we can no longer rely on "looking ill" as an excuse for love and affection. Getting attention was easy when we were uber ill, but never mistake all that attention we were getting as positive.

    You may have wrongly made that "lighter/smaller means more love" connotation for that reason, but that is yet another ED norm. Just know that it is DEFINITELY an incorrect connection to be addressed. X
    For me...it's just, I feel kind of worthless now. My heart is in turmoil. I feel like I'm fat because I'm not wanted or loved by anyone so I get what you're saying. I refuse to deprive myself of food and nutrients because I don't want to go back to that place but I can't help feeling useless and horrible. I asked the ex if he wanted to walk down to the club with me yesterday and he said no...then I went alone and saw him in the club. Only adding to feeling crap. I know that I get more attention when I weigh more...but trying to weigh more is hard because I feel fat. Vicious cycle. x
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    For me...it's just, I feel kind of worthless now. My heart is in turmoil. I feel like I'm fat because I'm not wanted or loved by anyone so I get what you're saying. I refuse to deprive myself of food and nutrients because I don't want to go back to that place but I can't help feeling useless and horrible. I asked the ex if he wanted to walk down to the club with me yesterday and he said no...then I went alone and saw him in the club. Only adding to feeling crap. I know that I get more attention when I weigh more...but trying to weigh more is hard because I feel fat. Vicious cycle. x
    -cuddles-
    • #147
    #147

    Trying really hard not to purge. I almost fainted running today because I'd not eaten much and now I've eaten I feel awful. It's like I'm only sane when I'm exercising. Which makes no sense haha.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Trying really hard not to purge. I almost fainted running today because I'd not eaten much and now I've eaten I feel awful. It's like I'm only sane when I'm exercising. Which makes no sense haha.
    The chemical endorphins released whilst exercising are a really temporary replacement for the genuine feelings of nourishment and chemical stims from food. In effect when an ED sufferer gets a rush from their "replacement" chemicals (exercise, narcotics, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol) it is a short-lived "trick" to very briefly boost the body when eating a meal would offer the "real" effects.

    EDs are all about deceit; deceiving mum, dad, friends... And your own mind and body.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
The home of Results and Clearing

2,867

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
Do you want your parents to be with you when you collect your A-level results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.