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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    • #155
    #155

    If anyone sees this, you don't have to read on, sorry.

    I don't know why I'm trying to vent here this is so stupid I'm so stupid I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so fat and its actually true. I've had an eating disorder for a long time and have been trying self-recovery and I think it's killing me I really need to talk to someone but I have no one I can bother about this. I'm sorry.
    • #155
    #155

    I really need to talk to someone I'm trying to recover on my own and I think it's killing me I don't know how much longer I can do this I can't do this I'm so pathetic.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If anyone sees this, you don't have to read on, sorry.

    I don't know why I'm trying to vent here this is so stupid I'm so stupid I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so fat and its actually true. I've had an eating disorder for a long time and have been trying self-recovery and I think it's killing me I really need to talk to someone but I have no one I can bother about this. I'm sorry.
    Check if your uni has an SRSH support group:

    http://www.srsh.co.uk/eating-disorder-groups.html

    Even though I have to travel to Manchester, I find them incredibly helpful. I learned I wasn't alone and I wasn't strange and really helped kick-start my recovery.
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    Guys, I absolutely love all of you (how many times have I told timewarpy she can come and crash on my floor??), but I am not in a good place in my head at the moment, and i basically need to sort this just enough so I can cope with exams, revision and everything before I get back to sheff and can see my GP to get my anxiety which has recently got rediculous sorted - I've gone from going several months between panic attacks to only a matter of weeks between severe ones. I love you all, but I cannot look after myself and worry about all of you at the same time. So I'm taking a wee break from this place, will pop in occaisionally to let you all know I'm still alive.

    Snowwy xx
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Guys, I absolutely love all of you (how many times have I told timewarpy she can come and crash on my floor??), but I am not in a good place in my head at the moment, and i basically need to sort this just enough so I can cope with exams, revision and everything before I get back to sheff and can see my GP to get my anxiety which has recently got rediculous sorted - I've gone from going several months between panic attacks to only a matter of weeks between severe ones. I love you all, but I cannot look after myself and worry about all of you at the same time. So I'm taking a wee break from this place, will pop in occaisionally to let you all know I'm still alive.

    Snowwy xx

    Oh hun :hugs: You can come live in a bubble with me if you ever needed to :jumphug:

    Hope you are ok, let me know if you need anything :hugs:
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    Love ya Snowy! :hugs: Take care honey! xxxxx

    I got a letter from my ED psych and my GP today saying that they found my vitamin D levels were 'extremely low'. It does explain the exhaustion and the mental slowness and the muscle weakness. I read all the illnesses low vitamin D levels are linked to and none of them are good. So I have to take high dose supplements. I also found that you get vitamin D deficiency from a strict vegetarian diet which is the diet I keep when I'm not struggling as much as I am now. Maybe I should start eating fish... but I don't like it! Ugh.

    I'm just so stressed and tired and I'm fed up I'm being punished for not being better. My parents don't want me to do anything: not moving out for university, not driving lessons, not going on holiday to New York for my 21st because I'm ~too ill~ and I should wait until I'm better. I don't want to wait anymore. Everybody else is moving on and has a life and I'm at home and unemployed and living with my mum and I rarely leave the house because everytime I try to interact with people or go somewhere new, I freak out. I feel so trapped and feeling trapped is just making everything worse.
    • #81
    #81

    rant

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    Finally managed to sort out an appointment (Jan 18th) with an ED specialist. Initial plan was to see her first so she could "allow" my GP to prescribe a drug for me - (so much crap you have to wade through before you get to pills}.

    However, I've not had a binge/purge for a few days so starting to think whether its worth it or not. I mean I have had a few weeks of back to back sessions but things are looking up.

    Bloody hell, why are we so self deceptive and over optimistic?!

    Sorry rant over.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Guys, I absolutely love all of you (how many times have I told timewarpy she can come and crash on my floor??), but I am not in a good place in my head at the moment, and i basically need to sort this just enough so I can cope with exams, revision and everything before I get back to sheff and can see my GP to get my anxiety which has recently got rediculous sorted - I've gone from going several months between panic attacks to only a matter of weeks between severe ones. I love you all, but I cannot look after myself and worry about all of you at the same time. So I'm taking a wee break from this place, will pop in occaisionally to let you all know I'm still alive.

    Snowwy xx
    Wise decision, good luck you! Take care of yourself and stay strong. I've been doing the same and trying to stay away as I'm having a massive relapse atm, which is frustrating as I'd actually hit my target weight. Have a great Christmas and hope your anxiety eases xx
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    Disenchanted, I am incredibly proud of you.

    Doing what the ED hates makes us terrified, but screw it. That figment's ultimate goal is us dead, so GTF PLZ, as you kids say xxx
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    Enjoy tomorrow guys xx
    • #83
    #83

    Ate so much today. Didn't feel too guilty about it because I knew all of the calories, and I still wasnt over what would make me gain. But I felt so uncomfortably full so I purged. Then later on I just ate more and I did it again. I keep telling myself I'm going to stop, manage it for a few days and then do it again. I don't think I'm ever going to get better
    • #154
    #154

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    I just made myself throw up for the first time ... and I hated it...

    • Thread Starter
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    Anon, imagine doing that multiple times a day through tears, snot and pain. Now weigh up if you want to spend your life that way!!

    I was never ever a purger, but know people who have been hospitalised for ruptured oesophagus (throat), and still purged in hospital despite knowing they could die doing it.
    • #154
    #154

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    As much as I hated doing it, there was a part of me that was happy that I'd done it. It felt like I was finally doing something right in my life yet I absolutely hated doing it. I'm scared I'll do it again...

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    Hi.
    Since I remember I have always had problem with my body.
    I remember when I was 8 and classmates used to call me "fat" "whale" "ugly", making me cry every single time.
    The worst time was the one from the age of 10 to the age of 13. They really had no respect for me, treating me like I was an animal, not their classmate or a person.
    The "funny" thing is that I've never been obese, I was like 5 kilos overweight.
    After that I went to high school, I lost my 5 kilos and more.
    Now I'm a size 10-12 and I should be happy but I am not.
    Last year I've begun to throw up meals. I hated my body, my large hips and my face. I hated myself.
    I was scared when I went out because I thought that people would have noticed my huge body.
    I told my parents about this six months ago because I couldn't deal with it anymore. Right now, I talk with a psychology and I am trying to solve this problem.
    Sometimes I have bad times, when I don't eat and when I don't want to talk with anyone. I still don't like my body but I am trying to appreciate it.



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    Really struggling to cope ATM :'(


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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Really struggling to cope ATM :'(


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    Me too, I hope things pick up for you soon. J x
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    Sorry to hear of all the problems in the thread lately, although I hope your EDs didn't ruin your Christmas too much.

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    Had a weigh in this morning. Despite it feeling like I've just spent the last week doing nothing but constantly eating, and eating a few of my chocolates and sweets I had for Christmas, resulting in me feeling absolutely awful, all I gained was 0.3kg, with even my psychiatrist saying she hoped I would have gained at least a kg Worse thing is my eating disorder feels kind of proud that I didn't go up by that much despite Christmas despite being told I'm still being possibly considered for sectioning due to my weight. At least my blood pressure has gone up slightly, although as I haven't gained weight my anxiety is now that I'm eating more I'll just send my blood pressure and other things rocketing.
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    (Original post by jft18)
    Me too, I hope things pick up for you soon. J x
    You too. I keep thinking I can't feel lower and then it gets worse :'( I just want it to end x


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    Please, please know that it is possible to change and to beat an eating disorder. Eating disorders will thrive on secrecy and isolating you from society. Search the web for any organisations that may be able to help. Go and see the counselling services at your uni and ask them help or ask them to signpost where to go. Please please dig deep and find that part of you that wants to change and fight against the ED that wants it to remain hidden, and talk to someone. What have you got to lose?
 
 
 
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