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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

    • #154
    #154

    I will get this right this time!

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    People hate... people here hate me.. I hate me.. life is ***** at times. I can tell I'm falling into a downward spiral and there's no way out of it. I don't even know why I'm posting this? Sometimes I just think what's the point anymore? Really, what is the point!? I give up. Give up on life, on me, on everything.

    I don't know where to go from here.. it's like I'm wondering aimlessly around the place, with this freaking desire to starve myself to death. And it's working.

    Just ignore this.. I'm just ranting away as per.

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    I wanted to rep up Cinnie, but apparently I've already up-repped you too much recently.

    Your last point to Riku was so tactfully, eloquently and deftly put.

    To the last Anonymous poster on "a rant". I want to extent this question to you, and everyone else feeling remotely similar. You know when you go on one of those "I just need to yell out, not at anyone in particular, just... I need to get it out!" Rants?

    Did you know that those rants are you... wanting to tell YOU something? The frustration builds when you know both the question and the answer to your own dilemmas and problems, but you almost blind yourself to both elements.

    Next time you want to scream because you "don't know what to do", stop and think. You DO know what to do. You just refuse to accept what your mind already knows.
    • #154
    #154

    (Original post by TotoMimo)

    To the last Anonymous poster on "a rant". I want to extent this question to you, and everyone else feeling remotely similar. You know when you go on one of those "I just need to yell out, not at anyone in particular, just... I need to get it out!" Rants?

    Did you know that those rants are you... wanting to tell YOU something? The frustration builds when you know both the question and the answer to your own dilemmas and problems, but you almost blind yourself to both elements.

    Next time you want to scream because you "don't know what to do", stop and think. You DO know what to do. You just refuse to accept what your mind already knows.
    Haha, I'm always on a rant here.. which guys I do apologise for .
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    But today.. I feel like bleugh... thinking that am I doing here, what am I doing with my life. I can't answer any of these questions.. which in turn makes me turn to not eating at all. And you know what, I've lose weight.

    Not eating is the only thing that is making me live cause it secretly makes me happy. That's bad I know!

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Haha, I'm always on a rant here.. which guys I do apologise for .
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    But today.. I feel like bleugh... thinking that am I doing here, what am I doing with my life. I can't answer any of these questions.. which in turn makes me turn to not eating at all. And you know what, I've lose weight.

    Not eating is the only thing that is making me live cause it secretly makes me happy. That's bad I know!

    The thing is, anon, it's a total lie! It's not making you live at all, it's slowly killing you. You can't just starve and expect to wake up one day skinny and happy. One day you might not wake up at all, and we really don't want that.

    Be confused and angry about your life. If you need to loose weight (within the healthy range) then eat healthily, but using it as a coping mechanism is only getting you into trouble! I'm not saying you can just will yourself out of it, but you can recognise that it will never make you happy! You need to want things to get better!
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    (Original post by Riku)
    x
    Your mother does not mind when you say no to cake! Stop feeling guilty :hugs:

    I'm doing pretty well thank you.
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    I started to become bulimic which was a complete shock, but it's under control now and i'm focusing really hard on recovery. Working on getting my confidence up because i'm more self concious than ever :indiff:. I know i'm fine in theory (still in healthy range, but weigh quite a lot more than I wanted to), so I really want to be confident enough to go and get my hair cut :giggle: I'm working though, so getting out and about


    :hugs:
    • #154
    #154

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    The thing is, anon, it's a total lie! It's not making you live at all, it's slowly killing you. You can't just starve and expect to wake up one day skinny and happy. One day you might not wake up at all, and we really don't want that.

    Be confused and angry about your life. If you need to loose weight (within the healthy range) then eat healthily, but using it as a coping mechanism is only getting you into trouble! I'm not saying you can just will yourself out of it, but you can recognise that it will never make you happy! You need to want things to get better!
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    Ya know, I posted a few days ago about me watching a doc. about ED, and someone asked me to remove it, which I did. So I'll try and keep this as less triggering as possible. But on the doc, there was this one kid, who all she wanted was to thrive to be thin, and would die to get it.

    And you know what? I was watching it.. and it was actually like looking in a mirror with her. I want exactly what she wants. One part of me is telling me "you're losing it" yet the other and stronger one is egging me to go on kind of thing. And I don't know what to do to stop this ****. It's like a constant battle in my freaking mind. Day in and day out. And I really want this to stop :cry: I feel like I'm just going mad.

    If you want me to remove this.. then I will......

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Ya know, I posted a few days ago about me watching a doc. about ED, and someone asked me to remove it, which I did. So I'll try and keep this as less triggering as possible. But on the doc, there was this one kid, who all she wanted was to thrive to be thin, and would die to get it.

    And you know what? I was watching it.. and it was actually like looking in a mirror with her. I want exactly what she wants. One part of me is telling me "you're losing it" yet the other and stronger one is egging me to go on kind of thing. And I don't know what to do to stop this ****. It's like a constant battle in my freaking mind. Day in and day out. And I really want this to stop :cry: I feel like I'm just going mad.

    If you want me to remove this.. then I will......

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    You need to tell this to your GP. So being thin is the most important thing in the world? Is it more important than your family, your friends, your career, your future children or your wonderful mind? Your ED will say yes. It will also justify your thoughts by telling you that other people are starving so they must be doing it for a reason. It's an awful disgusting disorder and if there is any part of you that wants to be healthy and happy grab it with both hands and don't let it go... I can promise you that your best day with your eating disorder will be so much worse than an average day without it.
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    There were some dark places visited by anon posters tonight, and I want to thank the regulars like Cinnie and Riku for being here to show the veteran reasoning.

    Even if you don't think you're fully "recovered", the amount you two exhibit reason, empathy and logic is inspiring.

    I think back on my darkest days. Where I wanted to be. Run parallels with people around you.

    Do you want to be disgustingly emaciated? Is that your goal? Because you may already be there. To be the thinnest you can be is to be a skeleton; ie, a corpse. Well done- guess what, we ALL achieve that some day. One day we'll all be as thin as we can be, lying in a box in the ground.

    For now, don't you want to be special? Different? There are no smart corpses. No funny corpses. No kind corpses.

    There are endless skinny corpses. Xxx
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    My nan said in front of me (to be fair she doesnt know about this) that she wishes she had an eating disorder because she is so fat! I nearly threw up right then and there. Her stupid diet is stressing me out. It's making things worse, because I already ate less than everyone else and now they are cutting down there portions I eat even less. They started exercising, I start doing even more.
    Also I haven't been sleeping properly for ages and now im so tired and doing worse in all my subjects! I just want to sleep. Anyone got any ideas? I was considering sleeping pills but not sure I really want to be taking any more pills, and I don't really need another addiction right now


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    • #48
    #48

    My brain needs to get its arse in gear and realise that I've lost over 50lbs since I was 18, so there is NO ****ing way I can look exactly the same.
    • #154
    #154

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    I don't know what to do... I really don't know what to do.. I haven't eaten for a few days now like nothing at all cause I'm so scared to. This voice/thing I really want it to stop now.

    I'm scared, so freaking scared that I'm going to do something... something bad.. please someone help me.. I haven't slept all night.. it feels like I'm going mental/insane. I just don't know what to do... I'm so shattered and dead right now.

    I don't know what to do :cry2:

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    I don't know what to do... I really don't know what to do.. I haven't eaten for a few days now like nothing at all cause I'm so scared to. This voice/thing I really want it to stop now.

    I'm scared, so freaking scared that I'm going to do something... something bad.. please someone help me.. I haven't slept all night.. it feels like I'm going mental/insane. I just don't know what to do... I'm so shattered and dead right now.

    I don't know what to do :cry2:

    I felt exactly like this last week! Just try to think positively. Think of all the things you have to live for. It can't possibly get worse therefore it has to get better. It helped me to distract myself from the voice. Reading helps, there's something about fictional lives that helps you forget yours. I hope you feel better soon xx


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    • #154
    #154

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    I felt exactly like this last week! Just try to think positively. Think of all the things you have to live for. It can't possibly get worse therefore it has to get better. It helped me to distract myself from the voice. Reading helps, there's something about fictional lives that helps you forget yours. I hope you feel better soon xx


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    I hope your feeling better

    I just ugh.. I can't do this anymore.. I just want it to stop, for everything to just shut the hell up :/.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hope your feeling better

    I just ugh.. I can't do this anymore.. I just want it to stop, for everything to just shut the hell up :/.
    I know ... I don't even know how to help because I can't even help myself at the min but I wish I could


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    • #75
    #75

    I used to come to this thread all the time for inspiration when I was having a rough time (never actually diagnosed) but struggled for many years. I thought I'd pop in to see how everyone is doing but there's so much negativity about, where's all the optimism gone? All the hope that things may eventually get better...get back to normal?? To all the individuals out there still struggling to battle through, it is possible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm living proof of that!! Of course recovery is hard and slip ups are expected but too many of you are picking up on every little thing that goes wrong each day. Stop focussing on all the negatives and think about what you've achieved compared to where you used to be.

    Never give up.
    • #133
    #133

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    My nan said in front of me (to be fair she doesnt know about this) that she wishes she had an eating disorder because she is so fat! I nearly threw up right then and there. Her stupid diet is stressing me out.


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    I've had the same problem. My nan is always dieting and encouraging my mum to do the same. That's fine for them, but she always wants to take me out to eat at restaurants. I love seeing her but ALL she ever talks about is how many calories is in everything. I can't relax.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I used to come to this thread all the time for inspiration when I was having a rough time (never actually diagnosed) but struggled for many years. I thought I'd pop in to see how everyone is doing but there's so much negativity about, where's all the optimism gone? All the hope that things may eventually get better...get back to normal?? To all the individuals out there still struggling to battle through, it is possible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm living proof of that!! Of course recovery is hard and slip ups are expected but too many of you are picking up on every little thing that goes wrong each day. Stop focussing on all the negatives and think about what you've achieved compared to where you used to be.

    Never give up.
    Thanks to this particular anonymous poster. Sometimes I feel it's only a select group of us trying to bolster the morale of the endless Anon-slaught!!

    I don't mind at all, but occasionally it can seem like some sufferers refuse to listen to the words of reason that many posters speak here on TSR.

    There are some smart recovered and recoverING people on this board, and you should really read their stories, influences, and truly absorb their wisdom. It has (and will continue to) really made a difference and made me a better man both inside and outside.

    When you write nothing but extended "FML" posts, stop and think... "Is this REALLY helping me at all?" - is there nothing you can stop and consider? Logically quantify? WHY do you feel trapped?

    Iike I said - you already know the answers. You just need someone on here to hold your hand when the room goes dark, but you have to walk towards that light on your own.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I used to come to this thread all the time for inspiration when I was having a rough time (never actually diagnosed) but struggled for many years. I thought I'd pop in to see how everyone is doing but there's so much negativity about, where's all the optimism gone? All the hope that things may eventually get better...get back to normal?? To all the individuals out there still struggling to battle through, it is possible, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm living proof of that!! Of course recovery is hard and slip ups are expected but too many of you are picking up on every little thing that goes wrong each day. Stop focussing on all the negatives and think about what you've achieved compared to where you used to be.

    Never give up.
    I totally agree. This thread goes through spells of being really helpful and motivating and optimistic, then every now and then it goes through patches where people post negatively (which I'd totally understand if they're having a rough spell and seeking someone who is thinking more logical at that time to help them out) but often it feels like they're not even looking for help, just venting without thought. It makes me feel super low when people are out-of-reach and seemingly helpless, just wish there was a magic spell I could cast to make everyone feel better/see straighter.

    I don't think I'm the best person with words, so it's difficult at times to write the responses I want to that may be of any help to anyone. All I can say is we deserve more than this, all of us. As hard and as tough as the recovery process is, there really is an 'end of the tunnel' - if only we let ourselves reach it. Think of all the time we've wasted already in life, being second in demand of ourselves to this disorder. I have the bad day too, where I feel weight or baggage here and there that wasn't there before...well, of course it wasn't as I was deathly thin, unnaturally thin, so if there isn't stuff here now that wasn't there before I'd be knocking on deaths door! I just think of all the IMPORTANT stuff that has been added, with that tiny layer of healthy flesh too. Like social life, happiness, friends, freedom, dreams & aspirations, a future.
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    I'm sorry if most of my posts in here have come off as solely negative. However before the medication, and perhaps most importantly, before I started eating more my mind was solely concentrated on the negatives . Now I feel happier than I have been in a long time, and am even starting to feel more energetic; and the dark thoughts seem to have completely vanished now that I'm eating more . It's weigh day tomorrow and for the very first time I hope that i haven't lost weight, and now I really want to recover and get my life back .
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    (Original post by JLW95)
    I'm sorry if most of my posts in here have come off as solely negative. However before the medication, and perhaps most importantly, before I started eating more my mind was solely concentrated on the negatives . Now I feel happier than I have been in a long time, and am even starting to feel more energetic; and the dark thoughts seem to have completely vanished now that I'm eating more . It's weigh day tomorrow and for the very first time I hope that i haven't lost weight, and now I really want to recover and get my life back .
    REP!

    I wasn't specifically aiming my post at any particular people, I don't even focus on names when I read posts usually, as it doesn't matter who is posting; I care equally about everyone.

    But it's great to hear such optimism!
 
 
 
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