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    Hey y'all, quick question. I'm not sure how to balance exercise with my ED and my anxiety. I want it back because I haven't had anything more than light exercise/had healthy habits like a good bedtime for long enough now to notice. While still a healthy weight I'm really unfit now and it's taking its toll >_<
    My theory is regular exercise on most but not all days of the week is going to reduce symptoms, put me in a better mood and calmer, and boost my confidence just as it would anyone without a history. The hard part is finding where that balance lies and knowing when it's a healthy coping mechanisms and when it's a behaviour.
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    I haven't really thought about needing to burn for a while but have been a bit preoccupied with 'shaping up', packing on some muscle and things a little more than I'd consider healthy, and body fat percentages are stuck in my mind...on the positive side I'm not judging myself by my weight or shape and most of the reason I want to work out now is to get fitter and feel calmer
    Also it sounds silly but I think a lot of the reason I'd obsess over going to the gym and the like is because I really don't much at all. Maybe if I went and kept enough rest days it'd be OK?

    anybody got tips?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Hey y'all, quick question. I'm not sure how to balance exercise with my ED and my anxiety. I want it back because I haven't had anything more than light exercise/had healthy habits like a good bedtime for long enough now to notice. While still a healthy weight I'm really unfit now and it's taking its toll >_<
    My theory is regular exercise on most but not all days of the week is going to reduce symptoms, put me in a better mood and calmer, and boost my confidence just as it would anyone without a history. The hard part is finding where that balance lies and knowing when it's a healthy coping mechanisms and when it's a behaviour.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    I haven't really thought about needing to burn for a while but have been a bit preoccupied with 'shaping up', packing on some muscle and things a little more than I'd consider healthy, and body fat percentages are stuck in my mind...on the positive side I'm not judging myself by my weight or shape and most of the reason I want to work out now is to get fitter and feel calmer
    Also it sounds silly but I think a lot of the reason I'd obsess over going to the gym and the like is because I really don't much at all. Maybe if I went and kept enough rest days it'd be OK?

    anybody got tips?
    For me, the most sensible thing to do would be to join one or two sports club/societies that mean you can go and train with them about 4 times a week. It takes the isolation and self-competitiveness out of it and makes it fun and social x
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    For me, the most sensible thing to do would be to join one or two sports club/societies that mean you can go and train with them about 4 times a week. It takes the isolation and self-competitiveness out of it and makes it fun and social x
    Hmmm, I was wondering whether to do this. I'm doing badminton with some friends once a week and that's definitely a better feeling to exercising on my own, but haven't looked into anything organised by our SU yet.
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    I don't know how to explain how I feel, it's really confusing. I feel morally at fault now for being skinny, like it's some flaw or weakness in me for not gaining more weight-even though I'm clearly a healthy BMI and in good health according to the doctors.
    I also feel weak/strange for my diet still being mostly healthy with lots of good fats and stuff rather than just straight on to the pies lol not to say I don't eat 'unsafe' food but I find I feel better physically and mentally after food which is good for you than less nutritious stuff mostly and I don't see what the problem with that is.
    My mind's going in circles, I've obsessed over healthy, then felt guilty about healthy, then felt I didn't deserve to be healthy and started binging, then obsessed over healthy again for really long. It needs to stop. I am sick sick sick of feeling guilty, I try my best like everyone else with how I feel, isn't that good enough?

    Wait a minute.
    I've just realised I'm always asking someone else what it's OK and not OK to do/OK and not OK to be...guess that needs to stop too!

    Thanks Cinnie
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    I think what we seem to forget is that we in recovery constantly question what is normal. What's normal exercise? What's normal eating? What's the normal amount to think about calories, and what's the normal amount a normal person might eat in this situation?!

    The truth is, there IS no normal. And that in itself is the root of the problem. We all have to gauge where we regard default to be. And when we take health-freak, skinny model, roid-ragers or the like as OUR normal, default, desired neutral point, we work towards an unhealthy ideal.
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    It's making me so sad tonight that people are making jokes about self harm and harming illnesses like eating disorders I don't understand how people can have that attitude!


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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    It's making me so sad tonight that people are making jokes about self harm and harming illnesses like eating disorders I don't understand how people can have that attitude!


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    Sometimes people laugh/joke at things to hide their uncertainty and insecurity over the subject. Either that, or they're just ignorant.

    Doesn't make it hurt any less though :hugs:
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    (Original post by Gnome :))
    Sometimes people laugh/joke at things to hide their uncertainty and insecurity over the subject. Either that, or they're just ignorant.

    Doesn't make it hurt any less though :hugs:
    It's literally so sick! How can people actually think like that though? I just don't understand at all.
    And thanks needed them tonight
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    Haven't been here in a while...
    I've got some observations for those who are interested.

    Is it just me or does anyone else treat their eating disorder like a 'best friend' type of figure?

    For some strange reason boyfriend dearest seems to not want to speak to me and I don't want to force him into a conversation so I'm waiting to see if he decides to want to speak to me or acknowledge my existence. I don't know what's going on with my best friend but she's ignoring me. My family, who I've tried becoming independent of, are unexpectedly the people I'm becoming closer with because I seem to have lost the two of the most important people in my life (boyfriend and bestfriend). I don't know whether I've lost them temporarily (besst friend most probably is temporary -- she's done this before and came back when she needed something) or permanently, and I just don't know what to think. Since the beginning of the year, I've been totally clean, haven't had an 'anorexic thought', have been consuming around/at least 1200 calories and calmed down significantly on the exercise. I believe this is because of my boyfriend, because before him I used to isolate myself a lot from my family and friends and would fill that loneliness void with my eating disorder. He gave me a sort of happiness that I never really knew. However, now that I feel like I'm losing him, and I seem to have lost my best friend, and I have a few other stressors in my life, I'm starting to remember what life was like before they both came into it and while I'm trying hard not to isolate myself again, I realise the eating disorder thoughts are coming back. If I'm being completely honest then part of me wants my eating disorder to come back. This is going to sound strange/stupid/'off' but it's sort of like my eating disorder gave me a sense of purpose, or fulfillment, or something along those lines. I dunno. I guess it sort of numbs the feeling of loneliness. It's funny how I don't seem to be so physically dependent on it like I used to be. I mean, I'm not exactly ecstatic about my weight but I do feel a strong urge to keep my calories below 900-1000 and to do at least two workouts a day. This is the first time I've felt this urge since September/October last year. God, it's so bittersweet. I hate it but I've missed it.
    (Just to put it out there, I'm not looking for relationship advice if anyone's thinking of giving it, it's just something that's been bugging me because it's leading me to a relapse.)

    This all brings me back to Ana's Song, particularly the "I need you now somehow" line.
    Hmm, I'm listening to Ana's Song now and it made me realise that eating disorders, for those of us who have recovered/are on the road to recovery are sort of like the religious idea of god - some of us rely on the eating disorder(s) because we know at the back of our minds that it'll always be there whether it's a memory/desire/thought. The line "for as long as you're here" (I think that's how it went?) made me think this because people tend to believe god is omnipresent, which, like I mentioned before, the thought of an individual's eating disorder is for them. For me, it's almost as if my eating disorder acts as my mind's saviour when life starts going downhill for me.

    Oh god. Someone tell me if I sound stupid or completely ridiculous. I haven't really thought about what I'm writing -- I'm just writing everything I'm thinking as I'm thinking it. I can't help but laugh at myself. I thought I was so close to recovering. I was even considering upping my calories to 1400 until recently.

    Also, another thing I realised quite a while ago is that I'm more aware of the psychology behind my eating disorder than a lot of people are about theirs. I know this is something that is totally subjective to individuals, but I wonder if anyone else is like this? I mean, to elaborate, I'm keen on getting answers for things like the cause of my ED, the triggers for relapses, why I have certain behaviours (e.g. only eating with a fork or a teaspoon, cutting my food into small pieces, feeling uncomfortable eating in public or even in front of some people I have quite a close relationship with), etc. I don't know exactly how I can explain it in plain english but on psychoanalyticial terms, it's sort of like I've become so comfortable with analysing my subconscious that I'm now using that ability to understand my eating disorder on the unconscious level. I probably sound like I'm going crazy, but it is what it is. God help me...

    tl;dr 1. Does anyone else treat their eating disorder like a 'best friend' type of figure? Sort of like a surrogate which you go to in times of trouble, or when you anticipate trouble.
    2. Without the aid of a professional in the mental health field, is anyone else able to understand their eating disorder on a psychological level which the average person won't be able to? Like, do you look for and find answers behind your eating disorder? "The average person" can refer to the average mentally ill person, or the average person who isn't mentally ill.
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    (Original post by Vixen47)
    Haven't been here in a while...
    I've got some observations for those who are interested.

    Is it just me or does anyone else treat their eating disorder like a 'best friend' type of figure?

    For some strange reason boyfriend dearest seems to not want to speak to me and I don't want to force him into a conversation so I'm waiting to see if he decides to want to speak to me or acknowledge my existence. I don't know what's going on with my best friend but she's ignoring me. My family, who I've tried becoming independent of, are unexpectedly the people I'm becoming closer with because I seem to have lost the two of the most important people in my life (boyfriend and bestfriend). I don't know whether I've lost them temporarily (besst friend most probably is temporary -- she's done this before and came back when she needed something) or permanently, and I just don't know what to think. Since the beginning of the year, I've been totally clean, haven't had an 'anorexic thought', have been consuming around/at least 1200 calories and calmed down significantly on the exercise. I believe this is because of my boyfriend, because before him I used to isolate myself a lot from my family and friends and would fill that loneliness void with my eating disorder. He gave me a sort of happiness that I never really knew. However, now that I feel like I'm losing him, and I seem to have lost my best friend, and I have a few other stressors in my life, I'm starting to remember what life was like before they both came into it and while I'm trying hard not to isolate myself again, I realise the eating disorder thoughts are coming back. If I'm being completely honest then part of me wants my eating disorder to come back. This is going to sound strange/stupid/'off' but it's sort of like my eating disorder gave me a sense of purpose, or fulfillment, or something along those lines. I dunno. I guess it sort of numbs the feeling of loneliness. It's funny how I don't seem to be so physically dependent on it like I used to be. I mean, I'm not exactly ecstatic about my weight but I do feel a strong urge to keep my calories below 900-1000 and to do at least two workouts a day. This is the first time I've felt this urge since September/October last year. God, it's so bittersweet. I hate it but I've missed it.
    (Just to put it out there, I'm not looking for relationship advice if anyone's thinking of giving it, it's just something that's been bugging me because it's leading me to a relapse.)

    This all brings me back to Ana's Song, particularly the "I need you now somehow" line.
    Hmm, I'm listening to Ana's Song now and it made me realise that eating disorders, for those of us who have recovered/are on the road to recovery are sort of like the religious idea of god - some of us rely on the eating disorder(s) because we know at the back of our minds that it'll always be there whether it's a memory/desire/thought. The line "for as long as you're here" (I think that's how it went?) made me think this because people tend to believe god is omnipresent, which, like I mentioned before, the thought of an individual's eating disorder is for them. For me, it's almost as if my eating disorder acts as my mind's saviour when life starts going downhill for me.

    Oh god. Someone tell me if I sound stupid or completely ridiculous. I haven't really thought about what I'm writing -- I'm just writing everything I'm thinking as I'm thinking it. I can't help but laugh at myself. I thought I was so close to recovering. I was even considering upping my calories to 1400 until recently.

    Also, another thing I realised quite a while ago is that I'm more aware of the psychology behind my eating disorder than a lot of people are about theirs. I know this is something that is totally subjective to individuals, but I wonder if anyone else is like this? I mean, to elaborate, I'm keen on getting answers for things like the cause of my ED, the triggers for relapses, why I have certain behaviours (e.g. only eating with a fork or a teaspoon, cutting my food into small pieces, feeling uncomfortable eating in public or even in front of some people I have quite a close relationship with), etc. I don't know exactly how I can explain it in plain english but on psychoanalyticial terms, it's sort of like I've become so comfortable with analysing my subconscious that I'm now using that ability to understand my eating disorder on the unconscious level. I probably sound like I'm going crazy, but it is what it is. God help me...

    tl;dr 1. Does anyone else treat their eating disorder like a 'best friend' type of figure? Sort of like a surrogate which you go to in times of trouble, or when you anticipate trouble.
    2. Without the aid of a professional in the mental health field, is anyone else able to understand their eating disorder on a psychological level which the average person won't be able to? Like, do you look for and find answers behind your eating disorder? "The average person" can refer to the average mentally ill person, or the average person who isn't mentally ill.
    I completely get your first point. My friends ditched me in frustration and my relationship with my family is practically non existent. It's always there; it's a comfort in some ways a ***** in others but it's never left me like everyone else!


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    • #48
    #48

    Throwing my scales out. There is NO ****ing way I've gained over a stone and a half in a month - yes I've not been eating great and the gym has been a bit lax but at that weight I couldn't fit into the jeans I'm now wearing regularly.

    Kinda... ridiculously irrationally scared to let them go and now all I want to do is restrict and exercise which I can't because I have an exam tomorrow so I need food to concentrate and two assignments due before the end of the week. :yy: Yay?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Throwing my scales out. There is NO ****ing way I've gained over a stone and a half in a month - yes I've not been eating great and the gym has been a bit lax but at that weight I couldn't fit into the jeans I'm now wearing regularly.

    Kinda... ridiculously irrationally scared to let them go and now all I want to do is restrict and exercise which I can't because I have an exam tomorrow so I need food to concentrate and two assignments due before the end of the week. :yy: Yay?
    I bet you're still a very slim person. It's so hard getting better when you start not fitting into old clothes etc because it just seems large when really it's only 'larger' than your former super-skinny self. Any healthy life will require you to NOT fit into those jeans. In a way I think they should stop making such small clothing but I guess you get super-petite people whose bodies just fit into them.

    You're right, you need to focus on your assignments and your life, you're future. Stop holding on to that negative past, or more so, stop letting it hold onto you x
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    I want to recommend that MelissaJayne is personally commended in all the time she's spent on here, as well as Cinnie, Riku and all of our regular posters that have been here in my wake.

    I think the belief that the ED becomes "your only friend" is quite apt. The truth is, as you descend into that madness, you slowly become accustomed to the fact that it only really has enough room for either you and your friends, or you and your ED. That lifestyle does not fully accommodate other people. You become more and more isolated, and in a Tom Hanks "Castaway" style, you start to project a personality onto the inanimate, unreal "friend" you've created to replace the real ones you once had.

    It's not insanity; it's a very human coping mechanism we all do. Have pets? We're all guilty of projecting human traits onto those; such as talking to them and responding when they bark, mew or yelp, assuming whatever response you hoped for.

    I think what it boils down to is that an eating disorder is a compound disorder. To cope with our eating disorders we develop social, compulsive, and cognitive disorders to accommodate the anomalies in our lives. Think of it as having one burst tyre, so bursting all of the other three so it's all even, when you're on a road trip. It makes sense, but it's really not the best of options!

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    In terms of my own issues, I am struggling on despite my previous issues. I have found that in order to cope with meeting a daily calorific minimum of 1650 - my maintenance - I am indulging something of a restriction-binge cycle which consists of having tiny, tiny meals throughout the day and then a huuuuuge supper to compensate. As such my weight is fluctuating all over the place despite only ever going to maintenance calories. This is a nuisance, but I will amend it with time.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    .
    Very true Toto. We convince ourselves that we don't need anyone else, but every instinct in our mind tells us that we need to create a 'team' and a structure. We are not solitary animals!
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    My weight fluctuates by about 3lb all the time. One of the perks of having a functioning body is that it's quite a bit more flexible in terms of water, glycogen and waste Hang in there, imagine a day you'll be comfortable and stable enough to give up calorie control. Imagine the freedom, and even more space for your incredible mind to work on more important things. Can we handle more awesomeness?
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    I bet you're still a very slim person. It's so hard getting better when you start not fitting into old clothes etc because it just seems large when really it's only 'larger' than your former super-skinny self. Any healthy life will require you to NOT fit into those jeans. In a way I think they should stop making such small clothing but I guess you get super-petite people whose bodies just fit into them.

    You're right, you need to focus on your assignments and your life, you're future. Stop holding on to that negative past, or more so, stop letting it hold onto you x
    I kinda meant it the other way round, I used to be bigger and the scales were saying that I was at that weight again, but at that higher weight I couldn't wear the jeans I'm in today... Just wish I could translate that into my head :/

    The scales will be in the bin Thursday morning, can't throw them out yet as our bin is full and my housemates will wonder what the hell I'm doing XD
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    I was just wondering if I could ask someone's advice on behalf of a friend I'm kind of concerned about. I've put it into a spoiler because I'm not sure what people don't like being posted on here, so I decided it would be better to er on the side of caution.

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    I have recently discovered my friend makes herself sick after eating a standard sized evening meal. She says she doesn't do it because she wants to be thinner (she's admittedly not a worrying weight) but because she likes to feel empty/clean. She says she only does it after a meal and not after snacks, although the only decent meal she does eat is the one she makes herself throw up - the rest of the day she just snacks on nuts and vegetables. She's also started to take an interest in exercise, which although granted is by no means excessive, is something she never really cared about; and obviously I don't know how much she actually does behind closed doors. She says she isn't bulimic because she doesn't care if she's thin nor bigger, but I don't know - what would you class it as? I want to help her because it's obviously not normal behaviour, but I don't know how to go about it just yet.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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    (Original post by ironandwine)
    I was just wondering if I could ask someone's advice on behalf of a friend I'm kind of concerned about. I've put it into a spoiler because I'm not sure what people don't like being posted on here, so I decided it would be better to er on the side of caution.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I have recently discovered my friend makes herself sick after eating a standard sized evening meal. She says she doesn't do it because she wants to be thinner (she's admittedly not a worrying weight) but because she likes to feel empty/clean. She says she only does it after a meal and not after snacks, although the only decent meal she does eat is the one she makes herself throw up - the rest of the day she just snacks on nuts and vegetables. She's also started to take an interest in exercise, which although granted is by no means excessive, is something she never really cared about; and obviously I don't know how much she actually does behind closed doors. She says she isn't bulimic because she doesn't care if she's thin nor bigger, but I don't know - what would you class it as? I want to help her because it's obviously not normal behaviour, but I don't know how to go about it just yet.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Sounds like Bulimia to me I don't know how you should go about it though, Its a really tricky situation. I know when my friends talked to me about it and told a teacher I got defensive and shut off, even though I knew they were trying to help. So I honestly have no idea! Sorry that I couldn't be more help. Just be sensitive and understanding. People judging you and getting angry is the worst thing ever.. and it just makes you move towards that voice in your head a little bit more. Good luck I hope you can help! They are lucky to have a concerned friend like you!
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Sounds like Bulimia to me I don't know how you should go about it though, Its a really tricky situation. I know when my friends talked to me about it and told a teacher I got defensive and shut off, even though I knew they were trying to help. So I honestly have no idea! Sorry that I couldn't be more help. Just be sensitive and understanding. People judging you and getting angry is the worst thing ever.. and it just makes you move towards that voice in your head a little bit more. Good luck I hope you can help! They are lucky to have a concerned friend like you!
    Yeah, I thought it probably was, thank you for responding you are being helpful haha, thanks, it's really appreciated. I really am worried about broaching the subject, but like you said I guess I'm just going to go about it with as much tact as possible; something I'm not great at, admittedly. Thinking of researching it a little so that I can understand it more, though I won't bombard her with what I find out/etc thank you for your help!
    • #142
    #142

    (Original post by ironandwine)
    Yeah, I thought it probably was, thank you for responding you are being helpful haha, thanks, it's really appreciated. I really am worried about broaching the subject, but like you said I guess I'm just going to go about it with as much tact as possible; something I'm not great at, admittedly. Thinking of researching it a little so that I can understand it more, though I won't bombard her with what I find out/etc thank you for your help!
    Researching it sounds good, the worst thing for me was that my friends didn't.. still don't understand it at all, and keep telling me to get over it. It sounds like you are broaching this very sensibly and very tactfully And that's OK anytime
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    (Original post by ironandwine)
    I was just wondering if I could ask someone's advice on behalf of a friend I'm kind of concerned about. I've put it into a spoiler because I'm not sure what people don't like being posted on here, so I decided it would be better to er on the side of caution.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I have recently discovered my friend makes herself sick after eating a standard sized evening meal. She says she doesn't do it because she wants to be thinner (she's admittedly not a worrying weight) but because she likes to feel empty/clean. She says she only does it after a meal and not after snacks, although the only decent meal she does eat is the one she makes herself throw up - the rest of the day she just snacks on nuts and vegetables. She's also started to take an interest in exercise, which although granted is by no means excessive, is something she never really cared about; and obviously I don't know how much she actually does behind closed doors. She says she isn't bulimic because she doesn't care if she's thin nor bigger, but I don't know - what would you class it as? I want to help her because it's obviously not normal behaviour, but I don't know how to go about it just yet.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    This doesn't sound like bulimia as one "standard" meal is hardly a binge from a clinical standpoint, but this is definitely disordered eating and the diagnosis itself isn't really relevant, but the attitude towards food and her body is. Self-induced vomiting is really dangerous, is there any way you could get her to see a doctor?

    You may find this website helpful for looking up information, and beat is also good and has a helpline too

    Take care of yourself, too. It's great that you want to support your friend, but ensure that you get support in helping her and don't take too much 'responsibility'
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    You guys are incredible, this thread restores my faith nice people do exist in the world!

    Good luck to all you ED sufferers who've posted, and congratulations for taking the first step. Now just keep walking Baby steps and you'll soon be running!
 
 
 
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