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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    A support network is absolutely crucial to the recovery process, but it's not necessarily your parents; some people that join my in-person recovery group visit their cousins, friends, and even the parents of friends - it's just someone who you have absolutely NOTHING to hide anything from, that you could tell them what size your poos were, your greatest fear, which Disney villain you secretly fancy, whatever... and feel no shame.

    Once you've established this support network, make a point of seeing this person/these people a specific day every week. God knows you're kidding yourself if you make excuses you "can't" - because we already know that making yourself as ill as you are with the ED, you can make time for all manner of incredibly arbitrary and unnecessary daily habits, as we all are guilty of!!
    I think you're 100% right in terms of the significance of a support network. I do have a small network of people who I confide in and see regularly, one is a teacher whom I talk to everyday and I just spend time with her verbalising some of my thoughts and trying to identify possible triggers for any relapses I might be experiencing. I also have some close friends who help and support me daily.

    I understand this is crucial to aid my recovery but I feel that sometimes I am a burden to them by taking so much of their time to often talk about irrational and nonsensical thoughts that I may be having and this feeling compounds into guilt and just fuels the voice in my head.
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    I am such a bad person. SUCH a bad person.
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    I took a ****ing bulimic into a sweetie shop, selling literally ALL OF THE STUFF she knows from back home but usually can't get here. I TOOK A ****ING BLIMIC INTO A ****ING SWEET SHOP WHEN I KNOW SHE BINGES ON SUGAR. I am such a bad person. Dreading next week as the only other person in the flat isnt here. So the little voice in the back of my head which goes 'why are you eating that, you're fat.' is going mental in a 'You don't have to eat next week because she's not here' sort of a way.
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    I am such a bad person. SUCH a bad person.
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    I took a ****ing bulimic into a sweetie shop, selling literally ALL OF THE STUFF she knows from back home but usually can't get here. I TOOK A ****ING BLIMIC INTO A ****ING SWEET SHOP WHEN I KNOW SHE BINGES ON SUGAR. I am such a bad person. Dreading next week as the only other person in the flat isnt here. So the little voice in the back of my head which goes 'why are you eating that, you're fat.' is going mental in a 'You don't have to eat next week because she's not here' sort of a way.
    :hugs: You can lead a horse to water, doesn't mean it'll drink though.
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    exactly. Snowflake, you pulled no trigger on anyone. You merely offered them a chance to test themselves.

    In reality an ED sufferer gets no better when you wrap them in cotton wool an say "there there!" - you say "coming to lunch?" and watch the ED furiously overclock as they think up an excuse when... They know you know.

    Testing will is the only way to break... Or REGAIN it.
    • #81
    #81

    Hey guys, sorry if this is a bum note but could really use some help.

    Is anyone currently or has been on Fluoxetine? What does/how did it feel like?

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    Getting to the point where I really think this psychiatric nurse is chatting a lot of bs. Think I'm really needing something, anything to treat the syndrome rather than going through all this airy fairy chit chat nonsense whilst the symptoms are still flaring up on such a frequent basis.
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    I am on fluox.

    Remember that it's an antipsychotic, so the reason you're on it is to devoid your head of anarchic thought. You think everyone's out to stifle you, right? Been there. It's bull. It was my head that was wrong. X
    • #81
    #81

    I am having ruminating thoughts on practically everything, my appearance, what i've done in the past that I could have handled better/ done better/ done instead, relationships that I could be fixing, stuff I should be doing instead of what I'm doing right now, FOOD. I ruminate hard. It's a personality trait that I've struggled with but with finals coming up, it's just so off putting and distressing. I just feel like I can't cope.

    JUst hoping the pill would send me off to another planet where I can blissfully carry on with work.
    • #81
    #81

    Hoping it might halt my bulimic tendencies for the time being too.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Since you guys have been so supportive already, I no longer feel the need to be anonymous 167.

    I guess I've suffered from anorexia for the best part of 7 years. There have been moments of recovery where I've entered into normal eating behaviours but there have been consistent relapses.

    My typical behaviours revolve around restriction/fasting where I restrict to 500-700 calories a day and I can fast for anything up to a week and just drink water. This pattern has been something that I've lived by for these 7 years.

    In terms of where this stems from, I guess there are a number of reasons. I haven't had a particularly traumatic experience that this all hinges on but I have seen what obesity has done to my father (numerous health problems) and I've always feared that I would end up like him.

    Also, I'm an extreme perfectionist and this need for perfection particularly in academics has caused me to use food as an obstacle so I ignored it in place of doing more revision.

    I guess the anorexia gave me what I needed- it gave me satisfaction when I'd achieved my goals, it made me feel punished when I'd fallen below perfection etc but ultimately now it's cost me the one thing I wanted more than anything, a career in medicine. Due to my anorexia I bombed my January A level exams and now I realise it wasn't worth it.

    So that's the ins and outs of my disorder, feel free to ask anything else
    First of all congratulations to you wanting to seek help, it is defiantly the hardest thing about recovery in my opinion as you know it will involve changing your entire way of life, and for someone with Anorexia Nervosa it's incredibly intimidating . Regarding perfectionism, Anorexia Nervosa goes hand in hand with perfectionism. For me losing weight was just another way to perfect my life when everything else around me felt like it was in chaos. Thanks to my withdrawal because of the anorexia I achieved 100 UMS in my first AS level exam, and eventually achieved AAB at AS Level; yet at no point was I happy, and I really beat myself up over the B I had, and cause me to become even more depressed. It seems to be really common for Anorexia Nervosa sufferers to be high achievers, and I suppose to maintain the demanding nature of an eating disorder you have to be incredibly motivated and willing to sacrifice other things. As I said, well done for seeking help Despite the inevitable difficult times to come I can tell you that it is worth it seeking recovery, and I feel you will emerge a stronger person

    Hey guys, sorry if this is a bum note but could really use some help.

    Is anyone currently or has been on Fluoxetine? What does/how did it feel like?

    Spoiler:
    I have been on Fluoxetine to treat Anorexia Nervosa since the end of November now as my team couldn't do any physiological work with me until I had restored a healthy weight. For me it didn't really have much of an effect. It slightly numbed the feelings of not wanting to eat, but it didn't have any real effect until I was prescribed Olanzapine. They have recently increased my dosage of Fluoxetine from 20mg (the limit for under 18s) to 30mg and it now finally seems to have numbed some of the thoughts.

    ___________________

    On a separate note I finally posted this http://jlwarner.blogspot.co.uk/ to my closest friends yesterday explaining why I've been off school and why I have not had any contact with them up until now. The amount of support that my friends have given me has made me feel great, and reminded me there is so much more to life than losing weight .
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by JLW95)
    On a separate note I finally posted this http://jlwarner.blogspot.co.uk/ to my closest friends yesterday explaining why I've been off school and why I have not had any contact with them up until now. The amount of support that my friends have given me has made me feel great, and reminded me there is so much more to life than losing weight .
    :hugs: Thank you for that...

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    Your paragraph about the calorie intake of a 'typcal' anorectic kind of hit home... I always considered my problems to be less than worrying because most days I hit just under 1k calories, which in my head is not a problem or a restriction. But I guess you're right :/
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    It's amazing how many arbitrary rules we impose on our lives and how anxious we get when they are not enforced. If you take for example, someone saying "I need to punch a wall until my fist bleeds every day", you might think, "wow, that guy is nuts!" - but you're doing the same thing to your body internally. Every day you starve your body you are actively choosing to harm it, an overt choice to opt to have it self-digest to compensate for the lack of external fuel.

    And that's WHY you lose weight, by the way - bear in mind that the vast majority of your body wastage when you lose weight is muscular, and that includes your main muscle; the heart. The body is exceptional at prioritising; when you starve, it internally digests from the outside, in. This is why it appears as though starving African children seem to bloat on the torso and have stick-limbs, it's a premature "last ditch attempt" at reserving and saving the organs.

    By CHOOSING each day to do this to yourself, you're choosing to damage your body. You might think it's autonomous, mechanical, and helpless, but the thing is... it's a choice. Not easy by any means (in fact, the very practice of CONTINUING to harm ourselves even though we KNOW we're literally just killing ourselves slowly is a testament to the power of mental illness), but we ALWAYS have the choice... remember that!
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    Struggling at the minute I got very stressed about summer exams and so made a revision timetable thy turned into an excercise regime as well, effectively planning out my life hour by hour until mid June. I only realised afterwards that I factored in no time for food, which made me proud I hadn't thought about it! And then I realised how sick that was, but I was so determined to stick to it and I don't want to change it and now I'm all panicky because I know that my head wants me to not eat but I also know that's wrong.. So why does it feel so right and controlled ?


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    • #81
    #81

    (Original post by JLW95)
    F).
    Thank you for that post.

    Can i ask, how did the drugs affect you mentally and physically wise? Did you feel sluggish at any point? Did it affect memory, concentration, reasoning etc?

    Sorry and thanks again!
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Struggling at the minute I got very stressed about summer exams and so made a revision timetable thy turned into an excercise regime as well, effectively planning out my life hour by hour until mid June. I only realised afterwards that I factored in no time for food, which made me proud I hadn't thought about it! And then I realised how sick that was, but I was so determined to stick to it and I don't want to change it and now I'm all panicky because I know that my head wants me to not eat but I also know that's wrong.. So why does it feel so right and controlled ?


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    You have put so much effort into doing well for your exams, so why would you jeopardize it by not eating? When your exams are over, life doesn't end. It goes on and you move onto the next thing. Trust me if you start starving yourself now, by then you will have to halt all of your progress to sort yourself out. That's not very efficient is it?! xx
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    You have put so much effort into doing well for your exams, so why would you jeopardize it by not eating? When your exams are over, life doesn't end. It goes on and you move onto the next thing. Trust me if you start starving yourself now, by then you will have to halt all of your progress to sort yourself out. That's not very efficient is it?! xx
    I really don't want it to effect my exams.. But when I eat i feel disgusting and then I can't concentrate anyway because all I think about constantly is food and losing weight. I'm panicking so much. Just feel like I'm losing control of everything. Thankyou xx


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    Anon 48: Thanks .

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for that post.

    Can i ask, how did the drugs affect you mentally and physically wise? Did you feel sluggish at any point? Did it affect memory, concentration, reasoning etc?

    Sorry and thanks again!
    Flouxetine initially improved my mood considerably, though it didn't make me want to eat more. It made me more restless; and when my mood turned it made me more depressed, though not to my worst level. Olanzapine on the other hand as 5mg was like a living hell for me. I was constantly zonked out, tired, sleeping up to 16 hours a day on some days, and mindless, including make me once even walk out into traffic. It also gave me extreme apathy, I just didn't care anymore. However, mentally it gave me the mindset to recover, mainly just to get off the drug! The effects are relatively similar on 2.5mg, but lighter. Thankfully they don't seem to be keen to use it on eating disorders unless it's absolutely necessary.

    Still, if it's what your doctors are recommending then my only advice is to trust them!
    • #122
    #122

    I don't think i'm bulimic, however, by internet standards I probably am. I don't binge purge regularly. Sometimes 3 times a day then sometimes twice a week; guess it all depends. I've always thought it's just a phase, except it's been around 4 years, I think. Recently i've been experiencing medical side effects. After eating, the food is constantly being brought back up. I try to swallow it again when I can, it's just horrible. It happened in front of my mum the other day, it was so forceful that a bit came out of my mouth. Is this as a result of purging? I always have a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I have bad breath, I don't know if I do or not :/ Also, not often, once every few months I get this intense burning pain in my upper abdomen, between my bottom ribs, it's excruciating, never seems to be regular though; could this be connected?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think i'm bulimic, however, by internet standards I probably am. I don't binge purge regularly. Sometimes 3 times a day then sometimes twice a week; guess it all depends. I've always thought it's just a phase, except it's been around 4 years, I think. Recently i've been experiencing medical side effects. After eating, the food is constantly being brought back up. I try to swallow it again when I can, it's just horrible. It happened in front of my mum the other day, it was so forceful that a bit came out of my mouth. Is this as a result of purging? I always have a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I have bad breath, I don't know if I do or not :/ Also, not often, once every few months I get this intense burning pain in my upper abdomen, between my bottom ribs, it's excruciating, never seems to be regular though; could this be connected?
    These are definitely related to purging. After so long purging regularly, the muscle at the top of the stomach weakens, leading to regurgitation and heartburn. This is only the beginning of medical complications I'm afraid. You may already have electrolyte disturbances, which can cause heart problems and worse. It does sound like you are suffering with bulimia, but only a doctor can diagnose you.

    Please, try and speak to someone, ideally a medical professional, about this. Symptoms like this only occur when things are getting bad and once you start getting some, things can quickly deteriorate. Does anyone know about any of this? :hugs:
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    is being genetically thin an eating disorder? I mean I eat like a
    pig but never gain weight, I have the anorexic label on me for no reason, it's terrible 😢


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    (Original post by lilmissshady)
    is being genetically thin an eating disorder? I mean I eat like a
    pig but never gain weight, I have the anorexic label on me for no reason, it's terrible 😢


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    Being skinny is absolutely nothing to do with the disease of Anorexia Nervosa. It's merely a symptom of the disorder. So no, if you eat as normal with absolutely no change to your lifestyle because of your habits regarding food or eating, then you have no eating disorder.


    REGARDING MEDICATION: I am currently on Fluoxetine and Olanzepine. Fluoxetine is an anti-depressant and Olanzepine is a commonly-used anti-psychotic. The former is used to make your mood a little more optimistic and the latter is used to quell the "manic thoughts/behaviours". In reality though, the latter helps me most. As I said before I suffer from a cognitive axis disorder that controls when I STOP thinking about things; for example, I will often answer a question, re-answer it, then compare my answers, consider a third answer, then find a median of all my answers - I simply cannot stop. The Olanzepine, I am on the highest dose for my body size, and I would say it truly does help with calming me down. The anti-depressants are weird because they appear to do nothing, until you come off them, and realise they WERE working! Of course, results vary depending on the person/people.
 
 
 
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