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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

    • #169
    #169

    yep well thats a half a tub of vanilla ice cream, 5 slices of bread (White), big cookie galaxy bar, couple sun-dried tomatoes (don't ask) washed down with three bowls of fruit 'n' fibre and some random pasta we had as leftover.I feel soooooo great right now. This is what happens when I am alone....I'm sure in half an hour I will probably reach for some more bread and the pot of nutella that is looming in the back of my mind.

    Any advice I cant stop thinking or reaching for food its wearing.
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    I don't speak on behalf of everyone here, but I personally am available to private message when things look a bit iffy for any individual.

    To the latest anon, I understand you're in a bit of a quandary but please spoiler any potentially-triggering stimulus such as your recent binge behaviour. My advice to you is that you ask if you're hungry. Are you hungry? Does your body need this food? Or do you just need happiness in some form? If the latter is a tick, then you probably aren't in need of food. It's gratification you're requiring, and you need to ask yourself why it is you feel the need to secretly gratify. Everyone is allowed to treat themselves. An ice cream. A new top. Masturbate, for christ's sake. It's all normal, it's all real, and it's your way of saying "this is why I live, this feeling of happiness, of elation, of ecstasy".

    If you get that from eating a tub of ice cream, then maybe you need to question why a scoop wouldn't suffice. One is a treat, and one is like you've suffocated your body of treats and now it wants ALL the treats. Have you starved your body and mind of happiness for some reason?
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I don't speak on behalf of everyone here, but I personally am available to private message when things look a bit iffy for any individual.

    [snip]
    Seconding the spoilering the content of binges as it makes me panic. Whether this is an ED/ synesthesia thing i dont know, but the tastes of foods are always incredibly vivid for me, and if i read that you've binged on x, y and z, i can imagine what it would taste like, and hence i think i've actually eaten it.
    And that isnt great when i'm having a massive wobble. Anxiety has flared up. 6 weeks til exams, scared i'll mess them up. Keep meaning to join the gym to help with anxiety, but worried i'll get a little obsessive with it.
    • #169
    #169

    Sorry I had no idea about the trigger issue I was stupid and forgive me if this had an affect on anybody. thanks for the advice it just how to stop when you start a binge, I just feel out of control and unsatisfied for some reason so I turn to food to fulfil that emptiness.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Seconding the spoilering the content of binges as it makes me panic. Whether this is an ED/ synesthesia thing i dont know, but the tastes of foods are always incredibly vivid for me, and if i read that you've binged on x, y and z, i can imagine what it would taste like, and hence i think i've actually eaten it.
    And that isnt great when i'm having a massive wobble. Anxiety has flared up. 6 weeks til exams, scared i'll mess them up. Keep meaning to join the gym to help with anxiety, but worried i'll get a little obsessive with it.
    This is precisely why I messaged. The thing is, for one person speaking up, there are ten more sitting in silence, unable to speak up.

    I'm going to say something I want you all to heed.

    The drug is not the addictive part. It's the excess.

    There is a certain chemical rush in the brain when you know you are eating, exercising, binging to an excess. This is absolutely no surprise when paired with other chemically-intoxicating substances; alcohol, chocolate; even running on a treadmill. They all create a release of pleasurable chemicals and it's ENHANCED by the feeling of excess. Of binge. Of overindulgence.

    If you know the primal, basal facts about why this happens to you, you're less likely to blindly follow them like an animal - the reason you're binging is chemical, and psychological. The binge can be anything. It can be heroin, it can be McVities Jaffa Cakes, it can be the local swimming pool.

    It's a primal chemical reaction that you are above; you're better than that.
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    Just want to wish everyone a happy and peaceful Easter tomorrow as I think everything I want to say has already been said!
    • #30
    #30

    Anyone have any experience of benefits?

    I ask as I'm in daycare for 6-9months Monday to Friday fulltime. I've tried asking my keyworker for advice, but she doesn't seem to have much idea. There seems to be nobody at the hospital who can help with this.

    Some of the other patients are on benefits, but when I ask they don't seem to be clear about them.

    I tried asking my GP and she offered to write me a sick certificate...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this?
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anyone have any experience of benefits?

    I ask as I'm in daycare for 6-9months Monday to Friday fulltime. I've tried asking my keyworker for advice, but she doesn't seem to have much idea. There seems to be nobody at the hospital who can help with this.

    Some of the other patients are on benefits, but when I ask they don't seem to be clear about them.

    I tried asking my GP and she offered to write me a sick certificate...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this?
    My boyfriend says that because I'm in hospital full time and not able to work that I should be able to get benefits and housing benefit...but no idea how to find out or what to do?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend says that because I'm in hospital full time and not able to work that I should be able to get benefits and housing benefit...but no idea how to find out or what to do?
    If you have a job then you give the doctors note to them. They sort out ssp or statutory sick pay which is around £80 a week.

    If not, you need to apply for esa.

    Housing benefit is applied to separately. It depends on your council what you get and how you apply so you'll need to look at their website. Mine let you apply online but not all will. They should have a helpline phone number, but it would help if you wrote a list of specific questions to ask them first if you phone.
    Council tax benefit, if applicable, will be through your county council too. Mine is the same form but I don't know if all are.

    You might also be eligible for DLA. This applies if you have care or mobility needs. Mobility doesn't just apply if you physically can't walk - it can also apply if you need someone with you in case you faint or trip over or have a panic attack. Care can be things like helping you to get washed and dressed but can also be things like reminding you to take your tablets or helping you to prepare and eat a meal.

    Sent from my GT-S5363
    • #103
    #103

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anyone have any experience of benefits?

    I ask as I'm in daycare for 6-9months Monday to Friday fulltime. I've tried asking my keyworker for advice, but she doesn't seem to have much idea. There seems to be nobody at the hospital who can help with this.

    Some of the other patients are on benefits, but when I ask they don't seem to be clear about them.

    I tried asking my GP and she offered to write me a sick certificate...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this?
    I'm not sure about the housing benefits query, but I received sick pay on my job. I had to attend 'occupational health' meetings a my work place, and show what medication I was on, what treatment I was receiving, had to fill out a depression questionnaire amongst other things. Also providing my sick note to the office every 4 weeks. She sorta evaluated my mental stability, and said 'no she isn't fit to work at the moment'.

    Unfortuatly, as I'd only been in my job for under a year and had to go on sick leave, my sick pay was only short, and they had to end my job contrct on incapacity medical grounds - so they didnt sack me just sort of had to terminate it because I had no definate return date. A better way of exlaining it is that if you had a broken leg, you'd know when you'd be suitable to return to work - such illness like eating dirsorders and (quite severe) depression in my case I wouldnt know when I'd be stable enough to return. I completely agree with them to be honest; and they said they'd provide me with a reference when I go back in to some sort of employment, because I was such a good worker

    Your GP (whom I get my sick notes from) will not just 'give you a sick note', they have to see your unfit for work and wont just give them out here right and centre - but if they understand your case well enough there wont be any quarrel.

    I'm currently receiving esa. After a period of time, and if your still unfit to return to work or get a job, you'll have to attend a medical assessment. Unfortunately, I didn't score any points at all and felt the questions asked were more directed at a physical illness rather than mental. Even the assessor said she could quite clearly see I wasn't fit (new depressants, totally out of it, being sick IN THE ASSESSMENT ROOM :eek: ), but they have to assess you via a point scoring check list rather than the 'individual'. We've appealed, and have provided evidence from all my doctors and various other sources, and are awaiting their decision.

    The other week I had to attend a work based interview at the job centre, lovely lady, but all that was was she explained what was actually going on at the benefits office (awaiting someone to look at my case from the evidence we've sent, rather than a point scoring assessment). I've been told this can take from anywhere from one month to 18 months...

    I stil have to send off sick notes from my Doctors and from other medical practitioners to show I'm still unfit, but all we an do is wait... Which doesn't help my mental state either...

    If you have any questions or queries message me, always here to help.
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    I'm really struggling :'( I keep starving and starving and then binging and purging .. and it goes on and on and I can't take it anymore, but I can't seem to eat normally either because it makes me feel horrendous. I've thought of getting help a lot recently, because I keep getting ill, and I think it might be related, and I don't want to fail my exams because of this, but two things are stopping me. One, that I don't want people to know, I don't want to hurt my family' I've always been the one that holds everyone else together. I dont have the choice to fall apart, even though I am. I am the good one, the one that does well. My family were torn to pieces when they found out my little sister had hurt herself once, they have no idea that I do it all the time. The second reason is that I am no where near thin enough to have an eating disorder. I feel like a fraud on this thread all the time; I'm not and have probably never been underweight. Even when my periods stopped I wasn't underweight for my height. I feel like a doctor would take one look at me and laugh. But at the same time I know the way I feel isn't normal and I am just so confused. I hate myself, I look in the mirror all the time, because I swear I am getting bigger by the minute. I hate being like this, but when people have tried to stop me I get so angry because I don't want to not be like this either. I don't know how to explain it, its like I cant live when I eat normally because I detest myself so much. And if I got help, I would gain weight, or be stopped from losing any more weight? And I've not even reached my goal yet, although I dont have a goal just a vision in my head of what I want to be. I feel like if I can control everything, if I can be perfect nothing else will matter. If I'm better people will like me more. Sorry for ranting I just needed to get it out and I feel like I need advice, but I dont even know what I'm asking for advice on :'(.
    Sorry if any of this needed to be spoilered I have no idea how to do it :/
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    I am getting angry reiterating this. YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT IS TOTALLY UNRELATED TO YOUR MENTAL DISORDER.

    The two are not synonymous. They are not absolute bedfellows. You can be a 20 stone anorexic. Your mental disorder stems from a complete lack of control in your life, and eating is an inherent, an intrinsic life behaviour.

    This is why we feel we have such power when we control our eating. Because eating IS life, it IS the perpetuation of our being, that by having absolute power over it, we give the subconscious notion that we are in control of our lives again. When in reality we're just regressing into a state of juvenile-mindedness where we refuse to accept the reality beyond our own boundaries.

    Autyt, I am not angry at you personally. I have just dealt with so many people that keep saying they're not "worth this disorder", and it rips my heart out on so many levels. You're not worth what? Killing yourself? Demeaning yourself mentally to becoming a monotonous robot? Who's not worth more than that?! You are in a place where your life feels outwith your control. And that is a painful time. And sometimes, I feel like arbitrary things are all I can control. Some days I get up and all I can control is which pair of socks I can wear. Those days, I might cry. Most people wouldn't think twice. But on the days I can control everything, down to how many peas are on my plate, how many steps I take... now, is that any more fulfilling an existence, really? Honestly? Does that seem like a full life?

    I'm here to message. That goes to anyone. This ******* of a mental illness takes the best of us all, but I have the dignity to say that though it took the best part of me, I still have enough of me human to still be me after the battle. And that part, I cling to.
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    Realise this is a slightly different problem to most people here but I think I've developed an OCD about asking Mum's permission to go to the gym. And I'm not trying to be flippant to anyone with the diagnosis because I suspect I've got it too. It's either that or some reassurance-seeking.
    Anyway I thought I was good holding back until I was weight recovered to resume more intense exercise but I can't hold back much longer and I still feel 3 times a week is pretty reasonable?
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    I had a sandwich today, and it tasted amazing. STFU carb-phobia


    I will get healthier and I will go to uni.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I am getting angry reiterating this. YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT IS TOTALLY UNRELATED TO YOUR MENTAL DISORDER.

    The two are not synonymous. They are not absolute bedfellows. You can be a 20 stone anorexic. Your mental disorder stems from a complete lack of control in your life, and eating is an inherent, an intrinsic life behaviour.

    This is why we feel we have such power when we control our eating. Because eating IS life, it IS the perpetuation of our being, that by having absolute power over it, we give the subconscious notion that we are in control of our lives again. When in reality we're just regressing into a state of juvenile-mindedness where we refuse to accept the reality beyond our own boundaries.

    Autyt, I am not angry at you personally. I have just dealt with so many people that keep saying they're not "worth this disorder", and it rips my heart out on so many levels. You're not worth what? Killing yourself? Demeaning yourself mentally to becoming a monotonous robot? Who's not worth more than that?! You are in a place where your life feels outwith your control. And that is a painful time. And sometimes, I feel like arbitrary things are all I can control. Some days I get up and all I can control is which pair of socks I can wear. Those days, I might cry. Most people wouldn't think twice. But on the days I can control everything, down to how many peas are on my plate, how many steps I take... now, is that any more fulfilling an existence, really? Honestly? Does that seem like a full life?

    I'm here to message. That goes to anyone. This ******* of a mental illness takes the best of us all, but I have the dignity to say that though it took the best part of me, I still have enough of me human to still be me after the battle. And that part, I cling to.
    I know what you say is 100% right but I don't know how to stop myself thinking and feeling it :/ I just don't know anything anymore
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    (Original post by Gnome :))
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    I had a sandwich today, and it tasted amazing. STFU carb-phobia


    I will get healthier and I will go to uni.
    It's so nice to read positive posts.

    Sarnies are a god send at uni too, sometimes lectures run through lunchtime so you don't get that time to cook something/prepare anything complicated. You need something that's tasty, can be made up beforehand and will give you the energy to see through the lecture/afternoon

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    So true. I really over-think this kind of uni conundrum...
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    like... if you don't have enough time to eat between lectures or before the first one, does it look rude to the lecturer if you eat in their lecture? Does it look like you're not concentrating? And does eating while you're waiting outside the lecture hall look greedy? Is it really disordered to be worrying about these things? lol
    • #122
    #122

    Haven't purged for 3 weeks now!
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    Nice one Gnome! Sarnies are awesome

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    So true. I really over-think this kind of uni conundrum...
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    like... if you don't have enough time to eat between lectures or before the first one, does it look rude to the lecturer if you eat in their lecture? Does it look like you're not concentrating? And does eating while you're waiting outside the lecture hall look greedy? Is it really disordered to be worrying about these things? lol
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    Personally I try not to eat in lectures, partly because they might see it as rude and partly to separate work time from me time. It helps me to relax rather than still be in fight-or-flight mode when being taught. If you're too busy to make 10 minutes to eat in peace, you're too busy! But if you really don't have the time, then I can't see why it'd be a problem. There are far worse things you could do to annoy lecturers than eat while they talk.

    Anything regarding feeling greedy to me is usually a sign of a disordered thought. Are we really greedy for being 2 snacks today instead of 1 because we fancied it? I mean, it's our money, and there are almost certainly another few thousand so it's not like anyone's missing out.
    The only instance I could think of it being genuinely greedy is if someone for example stole someone else's lunch so they had 2 and the other had none. If no-one else is directly deprived from our act then it's not greedy or selfish. And even then you have an unconditional right to eat what you like.
    I can relate to self-consciousness of eating in public. It helps me to think: so what if other people think something of you eating outside lecture halls? It's pretty pathetic if they go around judging people, complete strangers, for something like that anyway. They don't know what else you've been doing that day. Not to mention that to be brutally frank to everyone, most people are so busy with their own thing they don't really care what, when, why or how you're eating. We're taking something mundane an rudimentary to life and thinking we're on stage for it, all eyes watching us. But we're not. It might be ego or it might be anxiety but no-one's watching.



    Do what feels right for you, Cinnie. x
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    So true. I really over-think this kind of uni conundrum...
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    like... if you don't have enough time to eat between lectures or before the first one, does it look rude to the lecturer if you eat in their lecture? Does it look like you're not concentrating? And does eating while you're waiting outside the lecture hall look greedy? Is it really disordered to be worrying about these things? lol
    I've been known to have a cup of coffee and a cereal bar/ these breakfast biscuits before my 9am lectures. I've only ever got funny looks once, and that was off the lecturer! Or I'm devouring breakfast between lectures - especially on a wednesday. I've never eaten in a proper lecture, i'm usually too busy trying to follow whats going on/ worried about making so much noise other people can't hear/ that i get picked up on someone recording of the lecture.
 
 
 
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