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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    So my friends drove round in the middle of the night on Wednesday and told me how worried they were about me.. They said they wanted me to go to a doctor, and after a while I agreed. I know feeling this way isn't right at all. But I am SO scared right now, and I don't know what to expect? I'm just panicking a bit, will they ask questions or do I have to explain first because I honestly don't know how to explain this?
    First of all, BRAVO YOU. Accepting your problem is hands-down, the longest and hardest part. It might not SEEM like it, but because you've spent so long just DOING it and never QUESTIONING it, your ED might have started far earlier than you'd even thought.

    Now, talking to your GP. What I'm going to say sounds strange but it's actually a good thing. YOUR GP IS TRAINED TO TREAT YOU WITHOUT EMOTIONALLY INVOLVING HIM OR HERSELF. He or she is paid to have zero judgement towards you. Like I said, this sounds bad, but is initially a good thing. You are worried how to word, how to articulate, what to say, what not to say - your GP is paid to actually hear the most lurid, bizarre and taboo of things without flinching, and they do it so well because they see you as a human, and not as Bob Bobson.

    You must tell him or her EVERYTHING. If it's in your mind for whatever reason, it's IN there. And it needs to come out. If all you can tell them is that you "know your eating is wrong and it's hurting you", then so be it. If you feel you can tell them exactly how you structure your day around eating (or NOT, as it might be), then do so. The more you can say, the better.

    When I went to my GP initially, I lied a lot. It did me no good. It delayed the process by about two months as they tested me for a bunch of stuff I knew I didn't have. I lied to myself I had a problem, but it "wasn't that bad". But in the end, my GP was a logical, precision instrument, and basically told me "This is all it can be. You MUST be doing something you're not telling me. You NEED to tell me, otherwise, I can't help you." And that's just it - they don't care HOW you tell them, so long as you do. It's almost an unwritten law that even if they know exactly what's wrong with you before YOU do, until you confess and itemise your mental disorder, they aren't able to accurately diagnose.


    To my most recent anon-bud, unfortunately there's no quick-fix. It's like an alcoholic waking up with a death-hangover and placating himself with a pot of coffee. It's called the "rubberband effect". When you stretch yourself really far one way, your initial reaction is to solve it to an equal opposite magnitude. It's inherent of an Eating Disorder or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that you must solve a problem absolutely, actually - to cancel out and eclipse an issue with an opposite action (for example, knowing how many calories are in a bit of chocolate, knowing the amount of calories burned by running up a hill, eating said chocolate and then running up the hill until effectively, cancelled out).

    What you can start off with is making sure you consume enough calories to start your body rebuilding. This means eating more than your calculated maintenance; think of the surplus as "building fuel" and not "fat". Imagine your body is a factory that's been making no money and the repo men have started selling bits of the machines inside. This is why your body is starting to ail. By upping your energy intake, your "factory" can pay it's rent, and start to first piece together the broken, lost bits without adding any "extra annexes", or fat percentage, onto you.

    Secondly, make sure you get protein - you'll need the iron. Focus on getting calcium (and vitamin C to help the calcium absorb into your body), iron, some potassium and good unsaturated fats. Your body will "tell" you when you're doing right.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    First of all, BRAVO YOU. Accepting your problem is hands-down, the longest and hardest part. It might not SEEM like it, but because you've spent so long just DOING it and never QUESTIONING it, your ED might have started far earlier than you'd even thought.

    Now, talking to your GP. What I'm going to say sounds strange but it's actually a good thing. YOUR GP IS TRAINED TO TREAT YOU WITHOUT EMOTIONALLY INVOLVING HIM OR HERSELF. He or she is paid to have zero judgement towards you. Like I said, this sounds bad, but is initially a good thing. You are worried how to word, how to articulate, what to say, what not to say - your GP is paid to actually hear the most lurid, bizarre and taboo of things without flinching, and they do it so well because they see you as a human, and not as Bob Bobson.

    You must tell him or her EVERYTHING. If it's in your mind for whatever reason, it's IN there. And it needs to come out. If all you can tell them is that you "know your eating is wrong and it's hurting you", then so be it. If you feel you can tell them exactly how you structure your day around eating (or NOT, as it might be), then do so. The more you can say, the better.

    When I went to my GP initially, I lied a lot. It did me no good. It delayed the process by about two months as they tested me for a bunch of stuff I knew I didn't have. I lied to myself I had a problem, but it "wasn't that bad". But in the end, my GP was a logical, precision instrument, and basically told me "This is all it can be. You MUST be doing something you're not telling me. You NEED to tell me, otherwise, I can't help you." And that's just it - they don't care HOW you tell them, so long as you do. It's almost an unwritten law that even if they know exactly what's wrong with you before YOU do, until you confess and itemise your mental disorder, they aren't able to accurately diagnose.
    I'm back and although I really hated it at the time, I know it was the right thing to do. I feel like I have spent my day crying. My friends picked me up and I could barely breathe on the way. I don't think I ever really wanted to accept that this had happened. He wanted me to speak to him first and I could hardly get the words out .. there was a female GP at the back too, making notes, is that normal? Then he started asking me questions about life and stuff and how I felt in myself and then about eating. I found it so hard to talk about, it felt physically painful, I knew what I wanted to say I just couldn't get it out. He did a tick box type thing on me and I scored 20-26 putting me in the top band, and it made me realise how bad I had gotten. My best friend was there the whole time and she was so helpful, I dont think I could have done it without her. And my other best friend was there too although he didn't come in with me. It made me realise how much of a ***** I have been. They care so much and I thought they were just trying to make me what I didn't want to be.
    I got put on sertraline .. does anyone know anything about this. I was a bit worried because it said side effects could be loss of appetite and anorexia.. surely thats counter productive. But i guess I need to trust my doctor. I also have to have weekly appointments with my doctor and I'm getting reffered to a specialist as well. I'm so nervous. I feel like this has happened so quickly, but in a way I'm glad. If i had chickened out today I don't think I ever would have done it.
    The worst part was coming home, and having to tell my grandparents who I have so far managed to keep it secret from. To say they were gutted is an understatement and they blamed themselves which made me feel awful. I spent the afternoon mostly crying and trying to explain how I feel. I think a big issue for me is that I cant talk about it. I dont want to, it makes me feel physically sick. I've only ever been able to speak to anyone before today about it online .. even my best friends only got it out of me online.
    I know its going to take me a long time to feel ok again, but I think I realise now, that I want to live, I want to be ok and I want to be the person I used to be. I have university in September and I want to be able to enjoy my time.
    This thread has honestly been so much help to me so I want to thank you all <3
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    I'm back and although I really hated it at the time, I know it was the right thing to do. I feel like I have spent my day crying. My friends picked me up and I could barely breathe on the way. I don't think I ever really wanted to accept that this had happened. He wanted me to speak to him first and I could hardly get the words out .. there was a female GP at the back too, making notes, is that normal? Then he started asking me questions about life and stuff and how I felt in myself and then about eating. I found it so hard to talk about, it felt physically painful, I knew what I wanted to say I just couldn't get it out. He did a tick box type thing on me and I scored 20-26 putting me in the top band, and it made me realise how bad I had gotten. My best friend was there the whole time and she was so helpful, I dont think I could have done it without her. And my other best friend was there too although he didn't come in with me. It made me realise how much of a ***** I have been. They care so much and I thought they were just trying to make me what I didn't want to be.
    I got put on sertraline .. does anyone know anything about this. I was a bit worried because it said side effects could be loss of appetite and anorexia.. surely thats counter productive. But i guess I need to trust my doctor. I also have to have weekly appointments with my doctor and I'm getting reffered to a specialist as well. I'm so nervous. I feel like this has happened so quickly, but in a way I'm glad. If i had chickened out today I don't think I ever would have done it.
    The worst part was coming home, and having to tell my grandparents who I have so far managed to keep it secret from. To say they were gutted is an understatement and they blamed themselves which made me feel awful. I spent the afternoon mostly crying and trying to explain how I feel. I think a big issue for me is that I cant talk about it. I dont want to, it makes me feel physically sick. I've only ever been able to speak to anyone before today about it online .. even my best friends only got it out of me online.
    I know its going to take me a long time to feel ok again, but I think I realise now, that I want to live, I want to be ok and I want to be the person I used to be. I have university in September and I want to be able to enjoy my time.
    This thread has honestly been so much help to me so I want to thank you all <3
    You're so brave, well done sweetheart.

    I can't comment on the rest but the female GP at the back was probably in training (they should've said at the start of the appointment why she was there, but that's the only reason I can think of) and just observing how the doctor dealt with YOU, not you in anyway, how he spoke to you and assessing or observing him. :hugs:
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    The reason a student doctor was probably there is actually likely because even amongst the veteran GPs, it's still a very new area to treat. Mental Health, up until perhaps five years ago, was still being treated with the incorrect amount of firmness and simultaneous tact.

    See it as a constantly learning fledgling subsector of the NHS. By being so honest and truthful, you are making it even EASIER for the next generation to help others too.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The reason a student doctor was probably there is actually likely because even amongst the veteran GPs, it's still a very new area to treat. Mental Health, up until perhaps five years ago, was still being treated with the incorrect amount of firmness and simultaneous tact.

    See it as a constantly learning fledgling subsector of the NHS. By being so honest and truthful, you are making it even EASIER for the next generation to help others too.
    I really hope so!
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    • #122
    #122

    Getting so fed up with these "health side effects" .. I could give anything to stop bringing my food up and being so god damn cold, despite the heating being on 25 degrees with two jumpers on! Nearly 4 weeks with no purging. I will stick at this b*tch!
    • #122
    #122

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Getting so fed up with these "health side effects" .. I could give anything to stop bringing my food up and being so god damn cold, despite the heating being on 25 degrees with two jumpers on! Nearly 4 weeks with no purging. I will stick at this b*tch!
    If I eat less with it make my food stay down more?
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    Anon, stick with it, my friend. You have done so well to come this far. Your body has grown accustomed to a way of life that is slowly killing it and the fact is, your U-turn is ironically something of a shock! Imagine if Cinderella's ugly sisters randomly bought her a new pair of Louboutins and all of FRIENDS on BluRay one day. Cinderella be like, "WHAAA?!" and starts to put her guard up for longer than she would if the ugly sisters had just been neutral.

    What's happening is your body is still in defence mode and burning the last of it's danger mode out. Ride it out though. When it happened to me, I had migraines like you wouldn't believe. Every time I ate a full meal my body seemed to go into this mad kick-my-own-ass mode. But it's not wrong, it's just your body doing it's self preserving routine.

    I am proud, anon.
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    (PS, don't listen to previous anon. This is what your ED is hoping for. Eat normal amounts, and fight it.)
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Anon, stick with it, my friend. You have done so well to come this far. Your body has grown accustomed to a way of life that is slowly killing it and the fact is, your U-turn is ironically something of a shock! Imagine if Cinderella's ugly sisters randomly bought her a new pair of Louboutins and all of FRIENDS on BluRay one day. Cinderella be like, "WHAAA?!" and starts to put her guard up for longer than she would if the ugly sisters had just been neutral.

    What's happening is your body is still in defence mode and burning the last of it's danger mode out. Ride it out though. When it happened to me, I had migraines like you wouldn't believe. Every time I ate a full meal my body seemed to go into this mad kick-my-own-ass mode. But it's not wrong, it's just your body doing it's self preserving routine.

    I am proud, anon.
    I'm sure you've been told so many times, but my, your words of wisdom and comfort help an unbelievable amount. Unassuming, knowledgable and always willing to help others in need. This forum is somewhat my saviour; in the company of people experiencing similar situations, without being judged. I'm not brave enough to seek help, because i'm so ashamed. I hope I can succeed somewhat on my path of self recovery, even if just for a bit. I owe it to you all. x
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    I am off to bed for the night, but I am so, so glad I helped, even a little.

    I'll leave you with this - and not in a preachy way.

    Everyone with an ED - I want you to start envisioning your body as your child. It's no surprise that the human mind evolves faster than the body that contains it, so therefore the body struggles to keep up. The most natural way then, to consider this, is the mother-and-child relationship. A child struggles to adapt to the parental behaviour.

    When you binge and starve, it is akin to giving a child a trip to Disneyland, getting his hopes up for another trip to Disneyland next weekend, but instead throwing him in a dungeon. When you expect your body to be like "oh, we're in Disneyland again, this is amazing!", instead, the next time you go to "Disneyland", he's thinking, "what the hell... I don't know what to think now." He's on the backfoot. He's thinking you're using this as some kind of pre-torture.

    "But I ate 4000 calories on day one but 10 calories on day two!" you say. What, you expect a big gain then a big loss? Nope. Your "child" simply tries to accept it's new environment and "fit in".

    Wouldn't you rather your body - that "child" - be subjected to just a regular, bog-standard house for good than being thrown in the dungeon periodically then randomly "rewarded" with a trip to the Bahamas to make up for it?

    Your body is your child. It knows no better. You dictate, and it tries to keep up... very slowly, but it adapts, and it learns. That's all it is capable of.

    Sweet dreams TSR! X
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    I spoke to a truly brilliant girl today; she had completely recovered from her anorexia nervosa after a total of 8 years suffering it. And she opened my eyes to a very important thought.

    She subscribes to the belief in what many specialists call the "Cognitive Shift" theory. That when you are malnourished to the point of detriment down to an ED, girls experience a "Cognitive Shift" reaching BMI of 19, and men when they reach BMI of 19.5.

    What IS this? Well, it's the inability to physically understand HOW you will ever be cured, this feeling of absolute helplessness, that you will live every day for the rest of existence trapped in the world of the ED. The problem then, is that you are trapped thinking this way, forcing yourself to stay this way, despite your cure perhaps being the exact opposite. It is logically incorrect, but then again, it is a DISorder!

    But reaching this "Cognitive Shift" BMI, many specialists note that the subject almost completely pops. It's almost instantaneous in some cases. The person suddenly learns to appreciate their frame, their being, their existence, as a full human being, restored to health. It is partially psychological, partially physical.

    Now, I felt really sceptical about this. I thought it was yet another "trap" those "evil" therapists set to "trick" me to gain weight. Surely so, right? Pah! But this girl I spoke to - she was insisting the entire time during her ED, to stick to "about BMI 18, because it was just right- skinny, but not deathly skinny". But she still had ED. She still counted calories and only ate "safe foods". After six or so years of life like this, she flipped one day and started just - eating normally. She said initially it scared her. Her clothes didn't fit because she gained weight so fast. She self-harmed. She did unspeakable things. And then one day, she just didn't weigh herself any longer. She was too scared to. But then the next day, she didn't check again... because she didn't feel she needed to. After a week, she checked her weight - exactly the same. She was a BMI of 20, and had started eating normally for the first time. And for a week, eating "normal" food, she stayed the same. Normal.

    She said she suddenly realised that she was the same weight... but she was the exact same PERSON. She realised nobody thought ill of her, and people started talking to her more. She was excited to just be a part of the crowd. It was strange because for so long she'd lived on the edge of reality and now she was like... just another face in a very, very real crowd. And she loved it.

    It dawned on me - the theory of the "Cognitive Shift". I realised it as a metaphor. If you are standing on the edge of a cliff, it is much easier to look over the edge, even if you know all that's down there is doom. Moving away from the edge, it's safe, but wide open ; how far away from the edge should you walk? Just how far is "safe enough"? But when you start walking, you stop counting how far away you are from that edge and just walk. Because the edge - well, now, that's none of your concern any longer.
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    I don't even think I have an eating disorder as such, but my relationship with food has changed the past year and I worry about every little thing that I eat/drink. For example, all my meal portions are tiny and I restrict my food intake to three little meals a day with no snacks even if I'm feeling hungry. I think I'm just so desperate to lose weight and look skinny that I'm doing everything I can to avoid consuming calories. Ah wish I could lose the pounds easily but it's so hard.
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    (Original post by FallonSmith)
    I don't even think I have an eating disorder as such, but my relationship with food has changed the past year and I worry about every little thing that I eat/drink. For example, all my meal portions are tiny and I restrict my food intake to three little meals a day with no snacks even if I'm feeling hungry. I think I'm just so desperate to lose weight and look skinny that I'm doing everything I can to avoid consuming calories. Ah wish I could lose the pounds easily but it's so hard.
    I think you might have some issues with body image. I assume that is a recent picture of yourself on your profile?You look like very normal and not fat, I don't think you need to lose weight. Start eating more
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    (Original post by areebmazhar)
    I think you might have some issues with body image. I assume that is a recent picture of yourself on your profile?You look like very normal and not fat, I don't think you need to lose weight. Start eating more
    Yes that photo was taken about 3 months ago.
    I can't because whenever I do eat something unhealthy like bread/chips/cake I feel really guilty afterwards and feel like punishing myself. I'm 9st so that's healthy for my 5'6 height, however I still feel too big. I'd like to be 8st ideally.
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    (Original post by FallonSmith)
    Yes that photo was taken about 3 months ago.
    I can't because whenever I do eat something unhealthy like bread/chips/cake I feel really guilty afterwards and feel like punishing myself. I'm 9st so that's healthy for my 5'6 height, however I still feel too big. I'd like to be 8st ideally.
    That's a really unhealthy attitude to food and it could be verging on an eating disorder. Why do you feel too big? Do you actually have a lot of fat? I doubt it. It might be a good idea to post anonymous pics of yourself on the fitness forum (I'm not a perv lol) and get an opinion, to me it seems more like you see yourself fatter than you are.

    Also don't categorise food into healthy and unhealthy, there is no such thing. Food is made of macronutrients (carbs, fat and protein) and as long as you get a balanced macronutrient profile (and micronutrients from fruit/veggies) then you don't need to feel guilty about eating chips or cake.

    I eat chocolate everyday and I have lost 5st so far, you need to re-establish a healthy relationship with food. Feelings of guilt are not healthy.
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    (Original post by areebmazhar)
    That's a really unhealthy attitude to food and it could be verging on an eating disorder. Why do you feel too big? Do you actually have a lot of fat? I doubt it. It might be a good idea to post anonymous pics of yourself on the fitness forum (I'm not a perv lol) and get an opinion, to me it seems more like you see yourself fatter than you are.

    Also don't categorise food into healthy and unhealthy, there is no such thing. Food is made of macronutrients (carbs, fat and protein) and as long as you get a balanced macronutrient profile (and micronutrients from fruit/veggies) then you don't need to feel guilty about eating chips or cake.

    I eat chocolate everyday and I have lost 5st so far, you need to re-establish a healthy relationship with food. Feelings of guilt are not healthy.
    I don't think I'd ever establish an eating disorder as it's not that serious considering that I eat three meals a day and therefore I don't skip meals or do excessive exercise. Whatever I do though and even if I eat less I can never seem to drop any weight.

    That's a good idea to post anonymous pictures on the fitness forum I may do that and see what others think, because for me I have fat in horrible places especially my legs/stomach/arms.

    I can't believe you have managed to lose 5st whilst eating chocolate haha how on earth did you manage that?! I know feelings of guilt aren't healthy but in the past I used to make myself throw up after eating takeaways and cake because of the regret.
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    (Original post by FallonSmith)
    I don't think I'd ever establish an eating disorder as it's not that serious considering that I eat three meals a day and therefore I don't skip meals or do excessive exercise. Whatever I do though and even if I eat less I can never seem to drop any weight.

    That's a good idea to post anonymous pictures on the fitness forum I may do that and see what others think, because for me I have fat in horrible places especially my legs/stomach/arms.

    I can't believe you have managed to lose 5st whilst eating chocolate haha how on earth did you manage that?! I know feelings of guilt aren't healthy but in the past I used to make myself throw up after eating takeaways and cake because of the regret.
    There is nothing wrong with chocolate in moderation, I use it as a source of carbs and fats

    I suspect you might have the typical skinny-fat look, where you look good in clothes but naked you have fat in a places such as those you mentioned. If this is the case, then you might want to consider lifting as well to build some muscle, there an internet pic floating around which sort of explains it. But come along to the fitness forum, post some pics for advice, and you can get exercise and diet advice.

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    • #171
    #171

    I hate the term skinny-fat. It just makes people think that they don't look good when they do.

    FallonSmith you are slim! Please don't aim for unhealthy ideals because it's not a good look. It sounds like you do have eating disorder behaviour and are worried so sounds like you need support. It's not normal to feel guilty about eating a treat.

    Eating three meals a day is nothing to do with it. You could be eating 10 meals a day, but it's your attitude to food that is disordered.
 
 
 
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