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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    I was #171 anon by the way (the one that replied) - it keeps turning itself on =/
    • #172
    #172

    Thank you, everyone. :hugs: It's so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one, but am very sorry to hear that others have had a similar problem.

    Let's hope it won't be for too much longer.
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    Anon, don't feel embarassed by your ailment, we've all dealt with some incredibly embarassing problems due to an eating disorder. The thing that gets me is that when you see a slim model, you think "glamour" and "Fashion"! But now, what I see is bladder and intestinal weakness, feeling like I'm going to pass out, falling over and breaking a bone, and so forth.

    UPDATE ON ME, PERSONALLY: I have to go into hospital on the 29th of this month. Due to the anorexia destroying my bones, my lumbar (lowest backbones) have fused in the osteoporosis. What has now happened is that I have lost three quarters of an inch in height as they joined, and it has pinched my spinal cord. Now, when I walk about, occasionally my legs just give out, and I fall. Yes, I'm serious. I just... fall, because I lose control of my legs. Bear in mind I am now recovering and BMI 18.2-18.3, so I am not what you'd call "deathly". But the ramifications are rampant even now. What the hospital will do is try to "unpinch" this spinal cord nodule and make it so I don't have any lapses in ma synapses, so to speak.

    It's incredible that in only two years, I have reduced my body to the point my doctors describe as "ruinous" in terms of picking up the pieces in recovery. I have gained plenty weight, but there's still a crazy amount left to heal - some of which never will.

    I hope you guys can U-turn before you get to this point, with my endless blessings.
    • #171
    #171

    Good luck Toto, I really hope the op goes well, and that your bone density improves with your continuing recovery. I especially wish you luck with the strong pain killer hallucinations :hugs:

    I remember a nurse a few months back telling me I was 5ft 7 and a half "exactly". I can't be true. I had previously been 5"8 exactly. I have no idea whether my bones have suffered.
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    OH FOR EWGNWUGBW sake!!!

    The ^ was me. Box ticked itself again.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    OH FOR EWGNWUGBW sake!!!

    The ^ was me. Box ticked itself again.
    Thank you Cinnie sweetheart. I don't for one second doubt your anorexia has made you shorter, hell, it happened with me! I was never a tall man to begin with! But this is a disease full of trickery. For each element you believe you're in full control of, you can be sure there are at least five different things totally out of control, destroying you from inside.

    As a poor anon noted, it's like, "I'm thinner today!! Yay!" Yeah, "yay". I'm thinner, but I'm pooing my boxers, peeing the bed, missing meetings with friends, lying to my parents, and cannot physically climb the stairs properly. But yay indeed, right?
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    Can anyone please offer me some advice/slap me out of this. Spoiled for BMI and stuff.

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    I wish I had booked that follow up appointment with the GP about getting referrals for help a year ago. A whole year has passed and I have gained so much weight and I am physically a million times better.. but mentally i'm still crippled by this low self esteem. I have no support network because I wanted to be in control and do it all by myself, and now I don't feel I can ask for help because of my weight.

    I don't doubt the fact that what i've gained - physical health is all worth it, but the underlying problems are still here stewing away.

    On top of this is the pressure of going back to university in September, 3 stone heavier than when I left at the end of last year. What will people think of me? I also have the pressure of a holiday in August, and the fact that, (with it being in the Caribbean), it will be bikinis and shorts - and I can just picture looking big. Really big. My BMI is 22.5 and I never ever imagined getting this big.

    I feel that I have to loose some weight but it is very difficult when I just associate it with amenorrhoea, collapsing, immune system damage and potentially death. There seems to be a brick wall either side.

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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Can anyone please offer me some advice/slap me out of this. Spoiled for BMI and stuff.

    Spoiler:
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    I wish I had booked that follow up appointment with the GP about getting referrals for help a year ago. A whole year has passed and I have gained so much weight and I am physically a million times better.. but mentally i'm still crippled by this low self esteem. I have no support network because I wanted to be in control and do it all by myself, and now I don't feel I can ask for help because of my weight.

    I don't doubt the fact that what i've gained - physical health is all worth it, but the underlying problems are still here stewing away.

    On top of this is the pressure of going back to university in September, 3 stone heavier than when I left at the end of last year. What will people think of me? I also have the pressure of a holiday in August, and the fact that, (with it being in the Caribbean), it will be bikinis and shorts - and I can just picture looking big. Really big. My BMI is 22.5 and I never ever imagined getting this big.

    I feel that I have to loose some weight but it is very difficult when I just associate it with amenorrhoea, collapsing, immune system damage and potentially death. There seems to be a brick wall either side.

    I've been there, but succumbing to the "I just need to lose a little to feel more comfortable with how I look" always, for me, leads to a full relapse. I read this earlier, and it's really helped me understand the recovery process better than ever, and I can see where I've gone wrong on previous attempts.

    Don't give up, health is worth more than unneccesary weight loss :hugs:

    Maybe it would be worth going back and asking for psychological support?
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by Gnome :))
    I've been there, but succumbing to the "I just need to lose a little to feel more comfortable with how I look" always, for me, leads to a full relapse. I read this earlier, and it's really helped me understand the recovery process better than ever, and I can see where I've gone wrong on previous attempts.

    Don't give up, health is worth more than unneccesary weight loss :hugs:

    Maybe it would be worth going back and asking for psychological support?
    Thanks for the link, I really feel that not counting calories is the way forward for me and the article really helped x
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    ^ Ughh that was me.
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    Hi, a bit off topic but how do you guys deal with other people's comments about your size? I went into recovery a few years ago and I'm now a "healthy" weight, but still have all the insecurities about my body and recently have been struggling with people calling me fat. I'm not fat, but I'm squidgy round the edges. It really hurts when people say these things, and even when I try and ignore it and tell myself they're just bullying meanies who have nothing better to do than hurt other people, I can't shake the feeling that I ought to fall back into old habits...

    Do any of you guys know of good coping tactics for these types of situations? It really gets me down and I don't want to start restricting again, but this just makes the urges really strong
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    (Original post by edithwashere)
    Hi, a bit off topic but how do you guys deal with other people's comments about your size? I went into recovery a few years ago and I'm now a "healthy" weight, but still have all the insecurities about my body and recently have been struggling with people calling me fat. I'm not fat, but I'm squidgy round the edges. It really hurts when people say these things, and even when I try and ignore it and tell myself they're just bullying meanies who have nothing better to do than hurt other people, I can't shake the feeling that I ought to fall back into old habits...

    Do any of you guys know of good coping tactics for these types of situations? It really gets me down and I don't want to start restricting again, but this just makes the urges really strong
    Hey I know exactly what you're going through. My ex boyfriend could sometimes get really malicious and call me fat because he knew I had anorexia in the past. I don't think I will ever be able to ignore people's comments because the ED was such a big part of my life. However, I don't let other people define my self-worth any more. I think that if I'm happy in my own skin, people can call me whatever. Yes, it hurts, but nothing would hurt more than relapsing, depriving myself of everything I have worked so hard to achieve and depriving my friends and family of the person I am now because the ED consumes me.

    I don't have any coping strategies other than remembering how sad my life was when I was anorexic and how much better it is now. I can go on holiday, I can attend lectures, I can drive etc. I couldn't do any of that with the ED. x
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by edithwashere)
    x
    :hugs: I'm sorry you've been having these experiences, I know how it feels. Of course you feel insecure, in the grand scheme of things you haven't been recovering for long and are still fragile.

    Other people only belittle other people to make themselves feel better. (I promise to listen to my own advice here and I thank you for giving me the opportunity). Even if you were fat - which you know you are not. There are thousands of other traits, some invisible, which are a million times worse. The reason some people have such a stigma against even a mere pinch of fat, is because of the bombardment of press about the obesity epidemic and how much it drains the NHS. If you have no health problems caused by your weight or eating behaviour then you are perfect as you are.

    You never get a secure, happy person being a bully. They are always projecting their own deep insecurities on you.
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    ..... me again ^ :rolleyes:
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    We all have lapses in common sense, self-judgement, confidence... it's what makes us human, and that's mentally disordered or otherwise! It's what we do in these lapses that harms us, though. Ride through the lapse and you're surprised at how trivial it seemed in hindsight.

    Ever stood in line for a roller coaster and started to panic, freak out, lose your mettle, stop, try to get out of the queue, but you're through the barrier, flip out, now everyone around you is thinking you're a total drama queen, and now it's too late... you need to board, you're freaking out more, OH GOD, THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL TOP THIS, I AM GOING TO DIE.

    And then when you've gotten off the other side you realise, "wow, was I freaking out over .. a ride?!" And you laugh about it with your friends afterwards? About how this safe, normal, utterly trivial thing suddenly became life or death whilst everyone around you just... got on and had fun?

    This is the life of an Eating Disorder sufferer. AM I FAT? OH GOD, I'M FAT. I AM 3LBS MORE. I CAN'T TAKE IT, THIS IS TOO MUCH, I THINK I ATE ONE MORE MALTESER THAN I SHOULD HAVE, OH JESUS. But it's part of the disorder. It's the trivial, simple, mundane things that others shrug off and say, "oh well then, better mental-note that and move on."

    Don't be ashamed; simply understand that it's your neuroses running rampant, and this is one of those lapses of judgement. This is you in the queue for a rollercoaster.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Hey I know exactly what you're going through. My ex boyfriend could sometimes get really malicious and call me fat because he knew I had anorexia in the past. I don't think I will ever be able to ignore people's comments because the ED was such a big part of my life. However, I don't let other people define my self-worth any more. I think that if I'm happy in my own skin, people can call me whatever. Yes, it hurts, but nothing would hurt more than relapsing, depriving myself of everything I have worked so hard to achieve and depriving my friends and family of the person I am now because the ED consumes me.

    I don't have any coping strategies other than remembering how sad my life was when I was anorexic and how much better it is now. I can go on holiday, I can attend lectures, I can drive etc. I couldn't do any of that with the ED. x
    I can't believe your ex would say that to you, are these people for real? I genuinely cannot even grasp the concept that someone would maliciously use a mental disorder as a way to score points without having some kind of conscience deficiency. I'm glad the word 'ex' is there, that's for sure!

    I really love/enjoy/appreciate/admire/take inspiration from your attitude and the things you write on here. When I have those moments of doubt I've been known to go back through this thread and read particular comments that pick me up, snap me out of it and remind me to keep working towards that light post-tunnel. Yours are always key comments! So, thank you.

    For those thinking about falling back into old habits, just take this thread as advice, the comments from those struggling, giving in to the ED, listening to it's negativity, restricting - do they feel you with pity? Sadness? Sympathy?
    And then the comments from those doing so much better, giving the ED the two fingers and getting on with their lives. Full of zest, hope, optimism, FUN. Do you want to be a part of the later party or the former?
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    My depression and anxiety sometimes give me ED like thoughts. I cant imagine everyday like that.
    That would be way too much tea

    "When we put on a pound on society frowns upon us. When we lose a pound society frowns upon us. "
    We talk about society yet ...we are society.
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    I don't think I was affected overly by what society thought of my weight, my biggest critic was myself. Once you're happy with yourself, that's when you can really start to look forward
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    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    I don't think I was affected overly by what society thought of my weight, my biggest critic was myself. Once you're happy with yourself, that's when you can really start to look forward
    I see what you mean I always have an ideal for myself. I guess I automatically compare myself and then hate myself for not being that ideal, which is probably based on other people's perfections.

    Shame that I'm like that because i have a really nice dress which a size or two too big ( I'm not skinny in any shape or form so it doesn't suit me... there I go again).
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    Thoughts to everyone and best luck to Toto and Cinnie returning to uni :hugs:

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    Date tomorrow. 6 months seeing each other and I'm asking her out officially even though we have been pretty much for the last 2.
    So scared. We haven't even kissed yet. Not sure how I'm going to handle showing my body to her if it ever goes that far :K:
 
 
 
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