Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Validation is a key problem.

    "I'm not skinny enough to have an ED."

    Nobody is "skinny enough". Nobody is "fat enough". It's irrelevant, and stupid.

    If I was to say to you I was six stones in weight, and a man, would you balk at me and say I was disgustingly thin, and to sort myself out? Of course you would. That's death row right there, and nobody bar a sadist would want that man to suffer.

    Now if I said I was the weight I am - eight stone three/four. That puts me just under BMI 18.5 (healthy). I still count everything I eat. I place every Nestle Smartie into colour category and eat only which colour has the most outstanding. I eat fish from tail to head. I cannot eat my dinner until and exact time, and I cannot use any other fork than the one I have set aside for myself.

    Is the man I am today, the latter man, healed? Normal?! Not at all. But at least I've grown accustomed to, and accept, my issues. The problems are many, but I can't hope to face them until I underpin and accept them.

    This is the message for today - ACCEPT the issues you have. THEN we'll focus on fixing you!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    After thinking through my post a few days ago, while I'm not sure it's full-blown ED anymore I'm clearly still putting too much emphasis on my looks and diet
    I've screwed up my second year of degree too (writing up an essay which is 3 days past the extension I appealed for) and for what? I'm not a bodybuilder, I'm not a model, I don't play sports. I'm the average student, and yet I swapped potentially first-rate academic record for the 'perfect' body. To finally feel sexy.
    And ohhhh dammit that was stupid.



    Spoiler:
    Show

    Also we broke up today because it was too complicated, still friends...amazingly haven't even been bothered to binge or anything...still feel meh...it's cringeworthy to say but she was perfect...one week. I haven't managed a relationship for more than one week. Part of me thinks it wasn't her, it was me :/
    For a while I thought it was something superficial like she just wasn't physically attracted to me but she was the first girl to ever tell me I'm good-looking. Not that it really mattered because I was with her for her.


    I'd like to know why the urge to be able to say No to cake and thins with Mum is still so strong. I think that might be more to do with just being able to assert my right as an adult now though, if it makes sense I actually quite enjoy eating sweet treats, just only if it's my choice to begin with. I'm sick of it being some way of proving I'm healthy or being a good boy or whatever. I guess I'm aware of my past, and it still having an impact in the present, but I don't want it to overshadow my future.

    I'm not sure where this is going
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by Riku)
    x
    Sorry to hear that the relationship hasn't worked out - plenty of fish in the sea and it's great that you're still friends

    Honestly Riku I know you're having some bumps in the road but I think you are doing so so well. Look how far you have come! Don't focus on the problems you've had - think about how hard you've worked on this journey. You have not screwed up anything. One blip with an essay is standard for any student, and if you don't make these mistakes you don't learn anything about yourself. You are capable of rectifying it.

    I am the same with my family and treats. You are trying to assert your boundaries and be your own person. I have 2 'feeders' in my family, my sister and my nan. They will make food decisions for me, put food in front of me or prepare food for me that I haven't even asked for and it crosses boundaries and is not okay. But it not our problem, is my (and your) choice whether to take the food or not depending on whether we actually want it. I'm sure in time we'll be able to distinguish between what we actually want to do. Give it time

    In terms of your looks and diet, try and think of the whole picture. You want to get your degree, look good, have fun (etc..) but when one thing takes over the whole picture, then you are not doing it for the quality of your life any more, you are doing it for the sake of it.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anime Lover)
    I'm sorry to hear about that, are you recovering now? Yeah I know it's a mental illness, I just don't know if I can accept it because I still feel like I look overweight :/ I know the harm I'm doing to my body but I'm fixated with the idea of getting thinner... The sudden weight drop was a bit scary though. Thanks btw, I still have no idea how to send a PM though >.<
    Oh yes, I've been recovered for almost 3 years now It's hard because you know your behaviour is strange but you don't feel as though you qualify but you do. Just because your BMI isn't low enough doesn't mean that you don't have an ED. x
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Any tips for dealing with weight gain? I'm in the very early stages of recovery and still have big increases to make in my diet. I don't know how much I've gained but I know I definitely have, and I'm starting to feel seriously anxious about going out because I feel so big. I'm seeing friends at uni tonight who I haven't seen since I started eating more over the Easter break and while rationally I know they probably won't even notice, I feel like everyone will just be thinking about how big I've got.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    I'm so sick of this.

    I gave myself 'time off' from exercise because the pressure to do a set amount of exercise was leading me to binge more. Now, today, since I've not exercised, I'm not eating - I'm not even hungry, so I don't feel like I'm 'restricting' myself from anything.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    I'm so sick of this.

    I gave myself 'time off' from exercise because the pressure to do a set amount of exercise was leading me to binge more. Now, today, since I've not exercised, I'm not eating - I'm not even hungry, so I don't feel like I'm 'restricting' myself from anything.
    It's best to eat at least something every 3 hours because the hunger might hit you like a tonne of bricks and you'll binge. Take care of yourself honey :jumphug:
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    ^^
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Waiting to hear from the CMHT might actually kill me :'( Cant do this anymore.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Actually eating, just to purge, so I can feel something anything.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Waiting to hear from the CMHT might actually kill me :'( Cant do this anymore.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Actually eating, just to purge, so I can feel something anything.
    Hi, I'm aware that this may appear to be spam but please bear with me and read through my brief few lines. One of my good friends had been unwell due to AN for the past few years now and thankfully, she's strong enough to start up a petition for
    Anorexia sufferers to get intensive support at the start, rather than when they're dying.. Please spare a minute of your time to click on this link and sign the petition and/or share it to friends and family. Many thanks, Anita

    http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/49213
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Waiting to hear from the CMHT might actually kill me :'( Cant do this anymore.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Actually eating, just to purge, so I can feel something anything.
    -hugging you so hard right now- It's not the way to go chick, i know you feel you NEED to do it, but if we all have the ability to hate ourselves so much to do to ourselves what we do, imagine what we could do if we put it towards something positive. (jfc, a bit preachy of me, but let me off, i've been for run and come back before my flatmates' alarms have started going off) If its the whole needing to feel something, try holding onto an icecube until it hurts, snapping a hair bobble against your wrist.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    -hugging you so hard right now- It's not the way to go chick, i know you feel you NEED to do it, but if we all have the ability to hate ourselves so much to do to ourselves what we do, imagine what we could do if we put it towards something positive. (jfc, a bit preachy of me, but let me off, i've been for run and come back before my flatmates' alarms have started going off) If its the whole needing to feel something, try holding onto an icecube until it hurts, snapping a hair bobble against your wrist.
    I just don't know what to do. I can't sleep I can't focus on my revision, my friends are gone, and the only way i can feel anything is that way and sh :'( I just feel like ive given up on my life, but thank you for caring. Don't feel like I deserve it right now


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Does anyone else have a hard time keeping track of things they need to do? My thoughts are always consumed with food, exercise etc. that I regularly forget things and it gets me quite upset and panicky.

    I've resorted to writing down lists on my phone and just deleting it once I've done what I need to do. When I get asked to do something/know I need to do something, I panic in case I forget.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Okay, here is an exercise I want you to do this Saturday. It's one of the single most effective forms of therapy that helped me reach the stage in recovery I'm at. It's called "The Mimic Method", and you can start off doing it once a week, but eventurally you can up the game.

    I'm hearing a lot of the issues you're having comes from what I call the "choice challenge". When an option is presented to you, you go into overdrive and start freaking out. Do I do X or Y? Or Z? Well X has the most points, but Z is the most horizontal, and Y is the simplest, but that doesn't mean it's best but...

    ..


    It's exhausting and half the time you don't choose X, Y OR Z. How many times have you went out with the intention of getting... an ice cream. Just a simple ice cream. Thinking "let's DO this, let's challenge this ******* ED." - you work yourself up, get into the ice cream parlour, and... oh. Chocolate. Vanilla. Cone. Scoop. Toppings. Oh. Em. Em. Crap. Crap. Cannot... cope.

    And you leave. Empty-handed. TELL ME you haven't done this, because if you do, you're 100% lying! All of us have been there in recovery.

    Anyway, do you ever remember having this anxiety as a kid? When your mum would tell you "Dinner!" - and dinner was put down in front of you, barring the moaning sessions of "Ugh, PEAS?!" - you ate it. It's all you knew, it was the only option. You ate it.

    The "Mimic Method" presents the same criteria. You have isolated yourself from the real world, and that's half the issue. But your fears of food and repetition is the other half. This method addresses both.

    Take a whole day, maybe it's the weekend because it's easiest for most people - hang out with someone for the majority of the day. Plan normal things. Just, cinema, park, whatever. But you match your mum, dad, best pal, gran - whoever this person is - you match their behaviour. You can be covert or overt, your choice. This includes foods.

    If your pal orders a small fries, you order a small fries. If they order the steak, get a steak. The choice is no longer yours, you are completely adhering to a normal life routine. This is TRUE normality, as a normal person lives. And you get a brief glimpse of it. You know you have to opportunity to return to anorexia tomorrow, but for this day, you are mimicking your partner.

    Trust me, you feel like it's too much all at once, but this one day is oddly very fulfilling and begins like a holiday, and it feels magical. In the end you want to experience it more and more. As it progresses you pick up new, healthier habits and don't have to "shadow" so much.

    I want you to consider trying this. If you're serious about wanting to quell this son of a ***** disease, I would wholeheartedly recommend this once-a-week method. It is incredibly effective. X
    • #48
    #48

    Just... struggling today :sad:

    Got a dance show later... I have to stand on a stage in front of 150 in hardly any clothes... they're all going to be judging me. God why did I sign up for this
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Okay, here is an exercise I want you to do this Saturday. It's one of the single most effective forms of therapy that helped me reach the stage in recovery I'm at. It's called "The Mimic Method", and you can start off doing it once a week, but eventurally you can up the game.

    I'm hearing a lot of the issues you're having comes from what I call the "choice challenge". When an option is presented to you, you go into overdrive and start freaking out. Do I do X or Y? Or Z? Well X has the most points, but Z is the most horizontal, and Y is the simplest, but that doesn't mean it's best but...

    ..


    It's exhausting and half the time you don't choose X, Y OR Z. How many times have you went out with the intention of getting... an ice cream. Just a simple ice cream. Thinking "let's DO this, let's challenge this ******* ED." - you work yourself up, get into the ice cream parlour, and... oh. Chocolate. Vanilla. Cone. Scoop. Toppings. Oh. Em. Em. Crap. Crap. Cannot... cope.

    And you leave. Empty-handed. TELL ME you haven't done this, because if you do, you're 100% lying! All of us have been there in recovery.

    Anyway, do you ever remember having this anxiety as a kid? When your mum would tell you "Dinner!" - and dinner was put down in front of you, barring the moaning sessions of "Ugh, PEAS?!" - you ate it. It's all you knew, it was the only option. You ate it.

    The "Mimic Method" presents the same criteria. You have isolated yourself from the real world, and that's half the issue. But your fears of food and repetition is the other half. This method addresses both.

    Take a whole day, maybe it's the weekend because it's easiest for most people - hang out with someone for the majority of the day. Plan normal things. Just, cinema, park, whatever. But you match your mum, dad, best pal, gran - whoever this person is - you match their behaviour. You can be covert or overt, your choice. This includes foods.

    If your pal orders a small fries, you order a small fries. If they order the steak, get a steak. The choice is no longer yours, you are completely adhering to a normal life routine. This is TRUE normality, as a normal person lives. And you get a brief glimpse of it. You know you have to opportunity to return to anorexia tomorrow, but for this day, you are mimicking your partner.

    Trust me, you feel like it's too much all at once, but this one day is oddly very fulfilling and begins like a holiday, and it feels magical. In the end you want to experience it more and more. As it progresses you pick up new, healthier habits and don't have to "shadow" so much.

    I want you to consider trying this. If you're serious about wanting to quell this son of a ***** disease, I would wholeheartedly recommend this once-a-week method. It is incredibly effective. X
    I felt like I was doing well and quite recovered but I cannot imagine ever being able to do this.. Perhaps I'm not so well
    • #174
    #174

    Hi i found this thread and just wanted to say that you guys are beautiful no matter what anybody says.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    In work and the binge has started already. I am definitely going to try what Toto suggested at the weekend as I'm with my boyfriend and he's into his health and fitness.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    I felt like I was doing well and quite recovered but I cannot imagine ever being able to do this.. Perhaps I'm not so well
    You are doing well hun Maybe you could think about challenging yourself a bit more? :jumphug:

    Is it the loss of complete control aspect that worries you? And do you think this is anything to do with your mothers problems?

    Toto that is a technique I used to the extreme at the start of recovery. Totally surrendered myself to just going with what my family were eating. It did teach me that loosening that control every so often is completely not the end of the world.

    ----------

    On a happy note, even though things have been tough recently, i've been doing ok. It's my sisters birthday meal tomorrow but it's going to be totally fine and it's a special occasion so i'm going to eat to maintenance (i've been slowly loosing some weight for my holiday and toning up, but nothing extreme and have no intention of leaving the healthy weight range).

    It's taken a long time to trust myself to be able to do this and not throw myself back into anorexia, but I cannot believe how much more balanced I am now! I put most of the credit to Jillian Michaels and her daily dose youtube videos - so much emphasis on health, strength and balance.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Arrrhhhhhhhhh! ^
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
The home of Results and Clearing

1,928

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.