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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Oh my god. ^ Me again.
    Thanks Cinnie. Oddly enough I've been trying the moderation tactic you mentioned and calmed down a bit
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    The thing with my friend/ is we are still very good friends. Like she said she wanted to be with me but couldn't because of family issues and things which she wanted to solve first-if she ever could.
    Kinda complicated and don't reallly want to go inot it as it's between us, not my place to say but I know it was a mutual breakup with good reasons that will save our friendship. Mixed feelings about that but I'm so happy we haven't cut ties.
    She even saw me in the immediate aftermath of having a breakdown yesterday, two minutes before I was so angry I could have done anything :/ I was thinking of running away. I was in tears thinking I ened to say we should stop seeing each other and break it off but then I was with her and pretty soon laughing. She's just been so understanding and believes I'm a really kind and sweet person suffering something I don't fully understand but that's not my fault, and she'll stick by me through it all. She can actually make me forget I'm ill or 'crazy' or weird or anything and it's lovely.
    I'm blessed to have such good friends, really I am. And thanks to you and everyone here being so supportive to me


    Hope you've been doing okay? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You are doing well hun Maybe you could think about challenging yourself a bit more? :jumphug:

    Is it the loss of complete control aspect that worries you? And do you think this is anything to do with your mothers problems?

    Toto that is a technique I used to the extreme at the start of recovery. Totally surrendered myself to just going with what my family were eating. It did teach me that loosening that control every so often is completely not the end of the world.

    ----------

    On a happy note, even though things have been tough recently, i've been doing ok. It's my sisters birthday meal tomorrow but it's going to be totally fine and it's a special occasion so i'm going to eat to maintenance (i've been slowly loosing some weight for my holiday and toning up, but nothing extreme and have no intention of leaving the healthy weight range).

    It's taken a long time to trust myself to be able to do this and not throw myself back into anorexia, but I cannot believe how much more balanced I am now! I put most of the credit to Jillian Michaels and her daily dose youtube videos - so much emphasis on health, strength and balance.
    Yeah, maybe, I think so. (Laughing at how gradually my answers get less and less sure there haha!) I mean, I've never had an eating plan, even from my therapist, I've always done things my way, made my own decisions on everything. My Mum doesn't have a diet anyone should mimic anyway as it's 70% alcohol and 30% food..I could try the copying a friend but again, a lot of them will always go for McDonalds or just things I really wouldn't consider. I think when I see a food I'll always think "I could have a stir fry, a chocolate bar and an apple" for that amount. I can't snap out of that habit, forever totting things up in my head to work out how I can get the most out of things I eat.

    Control furrrrreeeeek
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    ^^^ My turn :P
    • #168
    #168

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    Really struggling with not restricting lately, just have a non-existent appetite...or that's what I'm telling myself. I'm sort of worried though, because last time it got like this I couldn't concentrate on anything and that would be a huge problem considering I have my A2s coming up soon, and I can't afford to **** up. Also, can't deal with the dizziness and the mood swings, and the general emptiness. I feel like no one even notices though. Or maybe they just don't care. All they ever do is have a go at me about not eating "enough." But it physically makes me feel sick, and ugh. idek.

    Sorry for the rant. Just not sure what to do, really.
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    If it means anything to anyone suffering lately, I had my CBT meeting today and my therapist told me a vast majority of her patients are at the moment. A lot to do with exam period/studies/pressures of education. Let's hope the wave passes!
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    Yeah, maybe, I think so. (Laughing at how gradually my answers get less and less sure there haha!) I mean, I've never had an eating plan, even from my therapist, I've always done things my way, made my own decisions on everything. My Mum doesn't have a diet anyone should mimic anyway as it's 70% alcohol and 30% food..I could try the copying a friend but again, a lot of them will always go for McDonalds or just things I really wouldn't consider. I think when I see a food I'll always think "I could have a stir fry, a chocolate bar and an apple" for that amount. I can't snap out of that habit, forever totting things up in my head to work out how I can get the most out of things I eat.

    Control furrrrreeeeek
    It's think it's really normal and fine to choose your favourite option, so deciding to have a stir fry, chocolate and apple instead of a burger is just a healthy thing to do. However, I think the purpose of the copy-day is to show you that it will not do you any harm to look at food in another way, just for a bit

    In terms of the control, I wasn't meaning your mums food, I was meaning her control in general in terms of alcohol. She is alcohol dependent, which is a loss of control - maybe you are scared of loosing control because of the effect that has had on your Mums life.

    I'm not sure making a devils-pact with your anorexia is a very good idea. That is 'i'm going to keep the best parts of you, i'm going to stay under a healthy bmi but not deathly thin, i'm going to have absolute 100% control, i'm going to maintain on a sub-optimal amount of calories but i'm not going to have other parts of you like the complete starvation'. I think it gives it the opportunity to grab hold at weaker times in your life.
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    ^^

    let me know if im giving bad advice btw anyone just going by experience
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ..
    eating makes you feel bad, and not eating makes you feel awful - so there is really no point in disordered eating. What you are feeling is anxiety and maybe depression. Don't underestimate the validity of your emotions. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you feel these things! You feel sick because you are nervous about your exams. That's OK! It will pass! I recommend yoga and meditation or any gentle exercise to give yourself some down time and reflect on how you actually feel, rather than restricting.
    • #168
    #168

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    eating makes you feel bad, and not eating makes you feel awful - so there is really no point in disordered eating. What you are feeling is anxiety and maybe depression. Don't underestimate the validity of your emotions. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you feel these things! You feel sick because you are nervous about your exams. That's OK! It will pass! I recommend yoga and meditation or any gentle exercise to give yourself some down time and reflect on how you actually feel, rather than restricting.
    I either binge or restrict. There isn't a middle playing field. Restricting helps numbing me out, I don't have to deal with the flashbacks (they're not so...real, I guess, not sure what word I'm looking for here), but I can't concentrate long enough to work. So I'm stuck. Plus, I also think I'm going to fail these exams anyway, I fail at pretty much everything I do. I guess I've just given up. I'm just a waste of space.

    I'll look into yoga/meditation though, just not sure what my joints will allow me to do with out dislocating. :facepalm: Thanks for your advice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's think it's really normal and fine to choose your favourite option, so deciding to have a stir fry, chocolate and apple instead of a burger is just a healthy thing to do. However, I think the purpose of the copy-day is to show you that it will not do you any harm to look at food in another way, just for a bit

    In terms of the control, I wasn't meaning your mums food, I was meaning her control in general in terms of alcohol. She is alcohol dependent, which is a loss of control - maybe you are scared of loosing control because of the effect that has had on your Mums life.

    I'm not sure making a devils-pact with your anorexia is a very good idea. That is 'i'm going to keep the best parts of you, i'm going to stay under a healthy bmi but not deathly thin, i'm going to have absolute 100% control, i'm going to maintain on a sub-optimal amount of calories but i'm not going to have other parts of you like the complete starvation'. I think it gives it the opportunity to grab hold at weaker times in your life.
    Not bad advice at all, very good advice actually. And you're spot on with your explanation, I think that's exactly what I'm doing..keeping the parts of Anorexia that aren't killing me and aren't a real effort to do, almost as a 'flight mode' where I don't really need to think about it. I eat almost the same thing most days just because it's easy and I don't challenge myself. Not a daily eating schedule that causes me to lose weight, just control it. I guess I don't want to try and push myself too far and then revert back to extreme negativity where I'm trying to lose again.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    I hear you. So you're numbing out these flashbacks with starvation - but not giving yourself any longterm skills to deal with them. Some professionals believe that we are stuck with the coping skills we had when we started the ED. So, if you start restricting at 15, by 25 you still have the coping skills of a 15 year old. That doesn't sound fun at all. I really think you need some counselling and possibly some medication that is prescribed specifically to give you the numbing relief that you are trying to achieve by severely damaging yourself! At least that would give you some time to do your exams and slowly learn how to cope.

    I think i'm a waste of space all the time! It's not true. Why should anyone have to justify their existence for crying out loud! Why should you be X and Y in order to be allowed to enjoy your life? I don't know any other mammal in this world that feels guilty for living!

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    x
    At least you've recognised it and can maybe think about ways to challenge it? It's soooo scary, but recovery is being any weight and not having extreme negativity about it - no ifs or buts. I'll be happy as long as i'm X weight. What kind of pressure is that?!! I never learned the techniques to cope with weight, curves and feeling vulnerable because of it, until I actually threw myself into it.
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    ^ sorry, I suuuuuck at unticking this stupid anon thing!
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    I just can't do this anymore. I binge until it hurts or I just restrict until I fall asleep.
    I'm terrified, but not of the ED, of getting fat. I cannot shift this mindset no matter what I try

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    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    ..
    Weight is temporary. It changes all the time, for everyone! It doesn't change who you are inside!

    You restrict and binge because of the incredible pressure you are putting on yourself.

    There are much much much worse things in life than fat. You can believe that and still not be overweight.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Weight is temporary. It changes all the time, for everyone! It doesn't change who you are inside!

    You restrict and binge because of the incredible pressure you are putting on yourself.

    There are much much much worse things in life than fat. You can believe that and still not be overweight.
    Yeah I guess so, but weight and food just seem to be the focual point in my life just now - not eating these foods, not eating this much, doing that much exercise etc.

    Everything is about weight just now -
    When thinking of graduation, I am scared my picture will be taken and I will be huge and it will be like that forever.
    I am applying for jobs and I'm scared to get an interview, because I'm scared I'll be fat and not make a good impression as I won't be happy with myself.
    I'm scared my boyfriend will dump me if I get fat and grotesque, despite him liking me when I was about 15-17lbs heavier than I am now anyway.
    I'm scared I'll be too ashamed to go out on holiday, and ruin it for my son.

    Everything just seems to be weight related, it doesn't matter that the issue is, I can bring it back to weight :/
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    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    If it means anything to anyone suffering lately, I had my CBT meeting today and my therapist told me a vast majority of her patients are at the moment. A lot to do with exam period/studies/pressures of education. Let's hope the wave passes!
    atleast its not just me. Anxiety, do one. Do you realise how crazy you've made me look over the past week.
    • #143
    #143

    Hello, I've bee posting here as anon occasionally, have been striggling with restrcting but you amazing people have been helping me to reinforce in my head that this is stupid. Have tried to eat more today, ate way too much just now but determind not to purge it, really cant deal with this. Cant stop shakinhg, cant breathe properly, even crying as i write ths, how pathetic is that. I really ont know what to do.
    Dont really know what im expecting here, I jiust cant cope.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, I've bee posting here as anon occasionally, have been striggling with restrcting but you amazing people have been helping me to reinforce in my head that this is stupid. Have tried to eat more today, ate way too much just now but determind not to purge it, really cant deal with this. Cant stop shakinhg, cant breathe properly, even crying as i write ths, how pathetic is that. I really ont know what to do.
    Dont really know what im expecting here, I jiust cant cope.
    Calm down, breathe. Think rationally. Your concept of 'way too much' is probably totally skewed and strict, compared to others around you. I guarantee most normal people have at least one day a week where they over-indulge, treat themselves, eat 'too much' but don't even give it a second thought. Maybe a chuckle to themselves 'Gee, I've eaten a lot today.' But shakes, struggling to breathe? That's not right. Don't make yourself feel like this, you don't deserve to have to feel this awful.

    Tomorrow is a brand new day, wipe the slate clean. Today is not a big deal, so don't let your head convince you it is. Do you think in ten years time, you'll be sat with family looking back saying 'oh god do you remember that awful day in April 2013 where I ate too much, oh what a hideous thing for me to do, it's impacted my life ever since'

    Have a glass of water, feel fresh, maybe a shower. Listen to music. Chill. Then get a good nights sleep! Do not purge, it will just make a mountain out of a mole-hill. X
    • Thread Starter
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    This weekend at the stag weekend I have adhered to the "Mimic Therapy". Who else has? I've eaten venison, sandwiches... Egg on toast. My comfort zones have been tested and I've never been more happy.

    I've been normal for three days. I am ecstatic. I am free. No scales, no regulation, only mimicking my fellow normie!

    Who else tried the mimic therapy this weekend? Xx
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Xx
    Me I threw what I thought I was going to be eating out of the window and just did what everyone else was doing. I wouldn't even have eaten rice with my food. I thought of it as just extra calories, but just thought who cares, nice to have a change

    So happy for you toto
 
 
 
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