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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #48
    #48

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    One piece of cake won't kill me. Eating out with my housemates at the SU is a good social activity.

    Eating is so much effort when you're stressed out about everything under the sun
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Hun, I cannot tell you how nice it is to have my curves on show in tight jeans. Before, my jeans were just hanging off my bum, now they fit as they should! It's a good motivation to have and I feel so womanly and strong. My weight gain has been a little of the fat (it's strange but if I eat creamy and oily things, it always goes to my boobs and bum) but mostly muscle because I've been pumping the weights! x




    To be honest, I DO look better than ever. This is the heaviest I have been in 3 years AND I LOVE IT. I look so healthy and strong. I look womanly. I feel strong and amazing. I also feel extremely confident. I care for my body. I nourish it with good things and the weekly treat but I work out. You CAN have a lovely, thin but strong body. All it takes is moderation of every kind and inner strength to continue. I feel so good right now. I never thought I'd be happy with my body, even after the anorexia -- I still suffered from BDD. But now? I don't have a perfect body. Perfection is not achievable. But if someone asked me to strut my stuff in a bikini, I'd rip my clothes off and take a stride of pride! x
    As I read that the tune Groove Armada "I See You Baby" was going through my head and I felt like high-fiving everyone around me! The above is EXACTLY what motivates me, to aim for that. If I had the absolute obsessiveness in order to get in the skinny place - surely I have the necessary personality traits to get me into a healthy, gym body!
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Hun, I cannot tell you how nice it is to have my curves on show in tight jeans. Before, my jeans were just hanging off my bum, now they fit as they should! It's a good motivation to have and I feel so womanly and strong. My weight gain has been a little of the fat (it's strange but if I eat creamy and oily things, it always goes to my boobs and bum) but mostly muscle because I've been pumping the weights! x




    To be honest, I DO look better than ever. This is the heaviest I have been in 3 years AND I LOVE IT. I look so healthy and strong. I look womanly. I feel strong and amazing. I also feel extremely confident. I care for my body. I nourish it with good things and the weekly treat but I work out. You CAN have a lovely, thin but strong body. All it takes is moderation of every kind and inner strength to continue. I feel so good right now. I never thought I'd be happy with my body, even after the anorexia -- I still suffered from BDD. But now? I don't have a perfect body. Perfection is not achievable. But if someone asked me to strut my stuff in a bikini, I'd rip my clothes off and take a stride of pride! x

    (Original post by MelissaJayne)
    As I read that the tune Groove Armada "I See You Baby" was going through my head and I felt like high-fiving everyone around me! The above is EXACTLY what motivates me, to aim for that. If I had the absolute obsessiveness in order to get in the skinny place - surely I have the necessary personality traits to get me into a healthy, gym body!
    CANNOT have more love for your guys! Needed my arse kicking into gear today.

    Truth is i've been struggling today. Yesterday one cider turned into another, and another and before I knew it I was in binge mode. Just a bump in the road, gotta pick myself up and bring back the positivity. Thanks guys
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    ^^

    seriously does anyone know how to turn off the auto-anon?
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    Unfortunately, much in the same way that the pictures are locked down to spoilers only, the mental health forum seems to lock in this feature, and you have to opt out of it.

    Back to the topic of looking hot whilst gaining a bit of weight - I've not even hit 120lbs yet and I'm being told I'm looking "more like a man and less like a boy", which makes me feel really uplifted. Sure, the weight goes on in dodgy areas first (I look like a saucer-plate face at the moment) but give it time!

    • #43
    #43

    So much love for people's success stories this weekend!


    (Original post by jazzykinks)
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    I've put on 2 kgs in 2 months and I feel so happy. I look really healthy right now and I have fuller curves. Also, I know my number is only going to go up because I'm doing a lot of weight resistance training. The thing is? I couldn't care less. I used to obsess over the numbers when I was anorexic. Now? So long as everything in my wardrobe fits, I really couldn't care less! x
    Jazzy, could you give me some tips on how you moderate the gym? I'm also working for a healthy and strong body after my weight normalised, but have this worry it would be sort of 'cheating' recovery? (Which by the sounds of it it completely untrue ) I always fear my reasons aren't actually psychologically healthy and it's hard to overcome that.
    PM me if it makes you more comfy
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    ^^^ that was me, sorry

    Hang on, why am I saying is it healthy to want to feel hot? :P
    I guess the best sign is we want to feel our best
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    A general rule of thumb; if it impedes or hinders anything else you gad planned on, if you find yourself unable to leave until you reach a number, or goal... You are still being gripped by the ED in the gym.

    This rule of restriction is carried across all ED tenets. If you're working towards something, cool. If you're locked into it.... Uh oh.
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    So I freaked out last night big time, and binged again.
    However, this morning and air of clarity seemed to hit me and I realised that a) I shouldn't panic because I don't know, and panicking won't help either way, and that b) even if I am - it's not the end of the world. I checked online and if I changed my hours at work (something I need/want to do anyway until I get a grad job) then that coupled with tax credits means that I could afford to live with me, my son and anyone else that came along and not have to worry about not being able to afford to live. I have done it before, and now when I'm actually in a more financially stable place, graduating and have a good man by my side (already has a daughter who has been in his full time care since her mother died) - as opposed to the first time round when I had just started uni, no job and an ass as the father - then it is much more doable.

    Either way, I can't panic eat as it's making me stress more which can lead to my period being late and me freaking out for the wrong reasons. I hope I can hold it together for a week or so until I find out one way or the other.

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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    A general rule of thumb; if it impedes or hinders anything else you gad planned on, if you find yourself unable to leave until you reach a number, or goal... You are still being gripped by the ED in the gym.

    This rule of restriction is carried across all ED tenets. If you're working towards something, cool. If you're locked into it.... Uh oh.
    shucks. I feel like I'll never shake it one way or the other. :rolleyes: I guess if I have it in a place where it's not effecting my health in a bad way, that's a start.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So much love for people's success stories this weekend!




    Jazzy, could you give me some tips on how you moderate the gym? I'm also working for a healthy and strong body after my weight normalised, but have this worry it would be sort of 'cheating' recovery? (Which by the sounds of it it completely untrue ) I always fear my reasons aren't actually psychologically healthy and it's hard to overcome that.
    PM me if it makes you more comfy
    Well, I make sure that I eat whatever calories I burn. Most treadmills and cardio machines have a way of calculating what you've burned. That way, I've worked out but haven't lost weight As for weights, just make sure that you listen to your body. Are you feeling the burn? Good. But don't overdo it. When your body is actually saying 'ouch, this is not a good burn and it's hurting me' STOP. As for toning, I only do stomach crunches. I always stop when my tummy is hurting too much. Just listen to your body and don't push it. Your body will know when it's time to stop and listen to it. Going to the gym is NOT cheating at all. When I recovered, I instantly got gym membership and just started to listen to my body and not let my brain rule and that's how you can work out and not lose any weight x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Well, I make sure that I eat whatever calories I burn. Most treadmills and cardio machines have a way of calculating what you've burned. That way, I've worked out but haven't lost weight As for weights, just make sure that you listen to your body. Are you feeling the burn? Good. But don't overdo it. When your body is actually saying 'ouch, this is not a good burn and it's hurting me' STOP. As for toning, I only do stomach crunches. I always stop when my tummy is hurting too much. Just listen to your body and don't push it. Your body will know when it's time to stop and listen to it. Going to the gym is NOT cheating at all. When I recovered, I instantly got gym membership and just started to listen to my body and not let my brain rule and that's how you can work out and not lose any weight x
    That's a good call, really. Much in the same way that you have to slowly learn to listen not to logic, or numbers, or calculated specifics with food and eating (and very gradually understanding the instinctive feelings of hunger, fullness and portion distortion as your BODY dictates it), the same applies to exercise. If you find you cannot leave the gym until you reach a totally arbitrary number as opposed to until you're genuinely burned/tired to a satisfying level, then it's clear the problem is still there.

    So if you're still in that gym in agony but the number's at 145, but you need to hit 250 reps and will not go home until it's there, then you're still gripped by the mental disorder which stems from that compulsive nature the eating disorder instilled.
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    So, last night I decided that I wanted to get better and to motivate myself I have decided that if by a week on Friday I've not slipped I'll apply for Tough Mudder/The Beast Race and do it for charity - then I need to be healthy because it's for charity and it's something I want to do.

    My boyfriend said he'll devise a training plan for me and will do it with me, good on both counts.

    I done very well today but
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    there's more biscuits downstairs and I just want to binge. I had three and realised I was going back into that mode and now I'm just all anxious and panicky because I feel like I need to go and binge
    • #48
    #48

    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    So, last night I decided that I wanted to get better and to motivate myself I have decided that if by a week on Friday I've not slipped I'll apply for Tough Mudder/The Beast Race and do it for charity - then I need to be healthy because it's for charity and it's something I want to do.

    My boyfriend said he'll devise a training plan for me and will do it with me, good on both counts.

    I done very well today but
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    there's more biscuits downstairs and I just want to binge. I had three and realised I was going back into that mode and now I'm just all anxious and panicky because I feel like I need to go and binge
    Good luck getting back on track. I really want to do the Color Run this July (first UK race!) but I need to be really dedicated and sure that I'm healthy enough to do it. Both running wise and eating wise... No-one wants to pass out at a race, let alone one where they're throwing chalk colour powder at you...

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    You've recognised that you're heading down a binge path so now you can stop it by doing whatever helps; deep breathing, distraction, maybe gentle yoga to take your mind off of it or just talk to your BF? You don't need to binge, you are strong enough to enjoy three biscuits and leave it at that!

    And you know what? If you have more biscuits because you fancy more, that's not necessarily a bad thing, biscuits are lovely
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    (Original post by rubixcyoob)

    I done very well today but
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    there's more biscuits downstairs and I just want to binge. I had three and realised I was going back into that mode and now I'm just all anxious and panicky because I feel like I need to go and binge
    I'm proud of you taking this as a motivation for you, honey. This is what you need. But as for your spoilered note, why do you feel this is a *need* for you? Why do you feel you have no power over something that can do you no good? It'll lead to a spiral of shame and unhappiness. You should revel in this newfound power, excitement and motivational goal you've set yourself. Make yourself healthy, strong of both body AND mind. MIND. Remember the body cannot be strong without a clear head.

    I suggest in the future buy only singular packs or individual items that may trigger disordered thoughts. Another good technique is to leave visual cues. For example, what I would do is I started to associate pink Post-Its with mealtimes because I was conditioning myself to remember to eat, at the start of recovery. The same thing can be done with binge/restrict disorder. Get some kind of stimulus that isn't overt (so your family can't say, "sweetheart, why have you made a sign to say STOP NOW?") - it might be stickers, or a bright ribbon, or anything. Start to associate this particular thing with either reminder, or barrier stimulus.

    For example, I would buy pink post-its, and then proceed to plop one on the TV screen before I left for work. When I got in, I needed to remove the post-it from the TV, and I remembered why I had used it in the first place. Your pink post-it could be placed on the biscuit barrel/packet. Nobody will know why it's there if they encounter it, but you will. When you reach for it, you'll begin to question why you're doing it. You were mindful enough to flag it in the first place, so it's clearly important enough to question what you're doing right this minute. Does that make sense m'dear?
    • #48
    #48

    Trying something new (also biscuit related!)

    I looooooove a certain type of biscuit so much that as my eating has got more disordered and complicated, I've banned myself from buying as I will literally gobble the whole packet down in one go (not an uncommon feat with this biscuit brand, admittedly) - today I have bought myself a pack to help aid revision and I will be using them to condition myself to learn the content (hopefully) as well as making sure that I am sensible and don't have 'just one' or 'the whole packet'. A nice moderate revision treat. Eep.
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    My best friend at uni: "Jazzy, I didn't know you when you were anorexic but I am SO proud of you right now. You were on your death-bed and you fought and I am blessed to know you now. You look beautiful. I'm glad you've put on a few kgs now because you look so healthy and happy."

    Me: "Thank you so much. I feel really sexy, surprisingly. I love the way I am now!"
    Her: (she's ordered a burger and chips but just wanted the burger so I'm dipping the chips into mayo and ketchup and munching to help her out) "Did you ever think you could spontaneously help a brother out by munching their chips because they're not hungry enough for a pint, burger and chips?"
    Me: "No, I didn't. I had a fat-phobia."
    Her: "That's why I asked you yesterday how you were about mayo."
    Me: "I love mayo. We don't do this every day. Besides, everyone else eats here and isn't overweight so why not? I deserve a treat. I love chips. I love food. I don't care any more because living my life is more important than how much I weigh."

    Afterwards, on the way to the surgery (INSOMNIA GO AWAY PLZ), we saw an anorexic and we both found it quite painful. My bestie said that she struggles to imagine I was sicker than the lady that walked past us and I was almost in tears. As the bezzer pointed out, it's not attractive. As I said to her, people were afraid to even be my friend when I was anorexic because I looked so unapproachable :\

    It's incredible for me to think that it's almost 3 years now. Stay strong and you CAN do this and still be healthy and strong. x
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    Jazzy, it refuses to let me rate a girl totally deserving of it. Xx
    • #176
    #176

    Hi guys. I've been lurking for a while, a bit scared to post, but reading all your posts made me realise how lovely you are. I won't go into detail about my situation, I understand how easy it is to be triggered. My BMI's currently 20, so a 'healthy' weight, although when do you ever really view it as 'healthy' when you feel like this?
    Anyway, my main reason for posting, especially at this time, was to ask if anyone has found their ED to be a cause of insomnia? I have so much revision and assessments coming up.. not a good time for this to be happening!

    I find your stories to be incredibly motivating, moving and inspiring, you are all so strong and beautiful xxx
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    ^Likewise!

    Thank you for posting that Jazzy, really does give me hope

    Hooray for sanity, logic and prettyfulness- get out there and make the most of it
 
 
 
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