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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm really sorry for you.. I can relate to some parts of your story. I started being "chubby" around 13 years old but i've never really done nothing about it as i didn't felt bad about it and all of my friends were so nice and supporting. Until last year.. I started feeling awful, fat and disgusting, so i reached out to an aunt of mine who's always been extremely fit and beautiful. She is a nurse and has professional experience in body treatments, so she did me 5 or 6 sessions which really helped me losing weight and waist/thighs inches. But my eating habits were really unhealthy as i practically only ate vegetables and didn't exceed 1000kcal per day while spending hours at the gym. I started feeling better about myself, but then I lost control and started getting obsessed. My mother sent me to a nutritionist who i am now seeing. I thought i was doing great and had totally recovered, but these last few days have been so hard on me /: i am feeling obsessed and unhappy again and my mother is kind of freaking out :s
    Thanks :hugs: Sorry to hear about your experiences. That sounds hauntingly similar to the place I've got to. I really hope that you manage to regain control and your eating habits become more stable again soon. :sadnod:

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm sure Toto and others wish they had stopped at the stage that they felt like a fraud or not sick enough. If you have something that is taking over your life and affecting it negatively then it is a problem, and you are as worthy as anyone else to try and recover.



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    Your body was starved and the binges came from your body needing nutrients and your mind wanting freedom. Actually I am happy for your body that you have put the weight back on, because it has obviously been damaged.
    I know how you are feeling, but remember, you look like the same person. You weren't an antelope that has turned into a giraffe! You are still you, and despite how you are feeling about yourself, weight doesn't change who you are. It's so hard not to think of your life in terms of how much you weigh and it's something I still struggle with but it's a distortion, and the only way the binges will stop is when you remember that life isn't something you are saving up for, it's something that is happening right now.

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    Thanks :hugs: I think the bingeing was mainly triggered by the things that were happening around me, I've always been a massive comfort eater. It just makes me feel awful about myself. Not really sure what to do. I can't keep putting weight on like this, it's repulsive.
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    Feeling so good today. Had a healthy breakfast and then I let the boyfriend cook dinner (lasagne and garlic ciabatta) and I didn't worry or calorie count or anything!

    He also got on like a house on fire with my son, which was a major worry.

    Getting more optimistic as the days go on!

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    • #177
    #177

    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    Feeling so good today. Had a healthy breakfast and then I let the boyfriend cook dinner (lasagne and garlic ciabatta) and I didn't worry or calorie count or anything!

    He also got on like a house on fire with my son, which was a major worry.

    Getting more optimistic as the days go on!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Glad to hear so! I really hope you keep on like that! :cute:
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    Good to hear most of the last posts have been faring well!
    Relationship advice would be really helpful please guys. How do I encourage a positive body image for my girlfriend?
    Spoiler:
    Show

    The good news is after thinking we had to break up, she didn't turn me down after all. We're just going to keep it quiet. Further down the line we're going to have to deal with the family issue (the fact she can't tell them) but as a short-term solution it works. I've only told my closest friends who wouldn't gossip anyway.

    I'm not sure how to talk to her about food stuff, from her perspective. I'm very aware that we're both in recovery (even if mine was more a health anxiety thing) but it's unclear who's more recovered than who.
    I'm tempted to say it's me because she's clearly still got underlying issues. When she supports me she'll be very anti-ED and her positivity just makes the issue irrelevant. It almost magically evaporates But when it's herself, she'll be talking about food loads, all sorts particularly cakes, but when it comes to actually eating she's really slow, it looks like a struggle even though she's skinny, she seems to be nervous, and she'll be talking about how she couldn't possibly have another bite, couldn't eat that. It breaks my heart.
    She tries to get me to choose what she can eat and I want to empower her because it's her choice, whether she does or not.
    She's also always hating on her body, calling herself fat and ugly and I try and boost her self-esteem regarding that telling her she's beautiful.
    I wouldn't know whether she's actually underweight and needs to gain weight for health, and I have seen her eat so it's not an immediate threat, but I just want her to be happy.
    I don't really know what to say, it's not my decision. I want to support her but I find it's much easier to do that naturally, taking her mind off it (which in fairness she can do if she lets herself, she's really smart, lively and upbeat on a good day, and her geek factor is adorable :P honestly she's like a dream come true).
    But yeah, I try to naturalise it. We eat whatever we want, however much we want, provided it's genuinely reasonable; we don't obsess, the day doesn't revolve around it, we don't use food or body to cope with feelings, there is nothing that's 'good' or 'bad' to eat or look like. I encourage her to do what her heart tells her, I think she sometimes interprets this as me telling her to eat a cake (which she blatantly wants) but I don't force her. Whether she does or not, the important thing is I'm with her and we have fun.

    Specific example with the body image. I had a bit of a dilemma today while we were snuggling up, she asked me if she wanted me to move or whether. I just said something like 'No, it's fine, I like it'.
    That's not quite what I meant! I meant I like being with her, but I'm afraid it came out as I like her having bony shoulders, implying 'I only like you because you're thin'. Which is stupid because I like her for a lot, a lot more than her body and I'd be the world's worst hypocrite to endorse something like that. I really hope I haven't hurt her although we both parted on a high note

    It's a fine line. I don't want to make her feel pressured to stay skinny because that's not good for her health or ehr self-esteem-but nor do I want to make her worry I think she's too skinny, like I don't find her attractive as she is, because that's wrong. I think it's mostly the psychological impact of her ED I need to help her with. Really it doesn't matter what weight or shape or anything she is as long as she's healthy, happy and feels sexy I just want to give her the confidence she gives to me. Not sure how to go about that though.

    Has anybody got any suggestions? I'm not very experienced with all this! X
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    And we just ordered pizza and I ate it!

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    (Original post by Riku)
    Good to hear most of the last posts have been faring well!
    Relationship advice would be really helpful please guys. How do I encourage a positive body image for my girlfriend?
    Spoiler:
    Show

    The good news is after thinking we had to break up, she didn't turn me down after all. We're just going to keep it quiet. Further down the line we're going to have to deal with the family issue (the fact she can't tell them) but as a short-term solution it works. I've only told my closest friends who wouldn't gossip anyway.

    I'm not sure how to talk to her about food stuff, from her perspective. I'm very aware that we're both in recovery (even if mine was more a health anxiety thing) but it's unclear who's more recovered than who.
    I'm tempted to say it's me because she's clearly still got underlying issues. When she supports me she'll be very anti-ED and her positivity just makes the issue irrelevant. It almost magically evaporates But when it's herself, she'll be talking about food loads, all sorts particularly cakes, but when it comes to actually eating she's really slow, it looks like a struggle even though she's skinny, she seems to be nervous, and she'll be talking about how she couldn't possibly have another bite, couldn't eat that. It breaks my heart.
    She tries to get me to choose what she can eat and I want to empower her because it's her choice, whether she does or not.
    She's also always hating on her body, calling herself fat and ugly and I try and boost her self-esteem regarding that telling her she's beautiful.
    I wouldn't know whether she's actually underweight and needs to gain weight for health, and I have seen her eat so it's not an immediate threat, but I just want her to be happy.
    I don't really know what to say, it's not my decision. I want to support her but I find it's much easier to do that naturally, taking her mind off it (which in fairness she can do if she lets herself, she's really smart, lively and upbeat on a good day, and her geek factor is adorable :P honestly she's like a dream come true).
    But yeah, I try to naturalise it. We eat whatever we want, however much we want, provided it's genuinely reasonable; we don't obsess, the day doesn't revolve around it, we don't use food or body to cope with feelings, there is nothing that's 'good' or 'bad' to eat or look like. I encourage her to do what her heart tells her, I think she sometimes interprets this as me telling her to eat a cake (which she blatantly wants) but I don't force her. Whether she does or not, the important thing is I'm with her and we have fun.

    Specific example with the body image. I had a bit of a dilemma today while we were snuggling up, she asked me if she wanted me to move or whether. I just said something like 'No, it's fine, I like it'.
    That's not quite what I meant! I meant I like being with her, but I'm afraid it came out as I like her having bony shoulders, implying 'I only like you because you're thin'. Which is stupid because I like her for a lot, a lot more than her body and I'd be the world's worst hypocrite to endorse something like that. I really hope I haven't hurt her although we both parted on a high note

    It's a fine line. I don't want to make her feel pressured to stay skinny because that's not good for her health or ehr self-esteem-but nor do I want to make her worry I think she's too skinny, like I don't find her attractive as she is, because that's wrong. I think it's mostly the psychological impact of her ED I need to help her with. Really it doesn't matter what weight or shape or anything she is as long as she's healthy, happy and feels sexy I just want to give her the confidence she gives to me. Not sure how to go about that though.

    Has anybody got any suggestions? I'm not very experienced with all this! X
    Just give her a massive hug and be there when she's having a really crap day.
    • #149
    #149

    Awkward when your little brother (in a room full of people) goes "we don't have any fat people in our family.... hmmmmm" *looks in my direction* *cue nervous giggles from those around me*


    According to bmi I have a healthy body so why am I constantly being called fat by my family and even strangers? Maybe I'm just delusional.. and I don't know what to believe
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Good to hear most of the last posts have been faring well!
    Relationship advice would be really helpful please guys. How do I encourage a positive body image for my girlfriend?
    Spoiler:
    Show

    The good news is after thinking we had to break up, she didn't turn me down after all. We're just going to keep it quiet. Further down the line we're going to have to deal with the family issue (the fact she can't tell them) but as a short-term solution it works. I've only told my closest friends who wouldn't gossip anyway.

    I'm not sure how to talk to her about food stuff, from her perspective. I'm very aware that we're both in recovery (even if mine was more a health anxiety thing) but it's unclear who's more recovered than who.
    I'm tempted to say it's me because she's clearly still got underlying issues. When she supports me she'll be very anti-ED and her positivity just makes the issue irrelevant. It almost magically evaporates But when it's herself, she'll be talking about food loads, all sorts particularly cakes, but when it comes to actually eating she's really slow, it looks like a struggle even though she's skinny, she seems to be nervous, and she'll be talking about how she couldn't possibly have another bite, couldn't eat that. It breaks my heart.
    She tries to get me to choose what she can eat and I want to empower her because it's her choice, whether she does or not.
    She's also always hating on her body, calling herself fat and ugly and I try and boost her self-esteem regarding that telling her she's beautiful.
    I wouldn't know whether she's actually underweight and needs to gain weight for health, and I have seen her eat so it's not an immediate threat, but I just want her to be happy.
    I don't really know what to say, it's not my decision. I want to support her but I find it's much easier to do that naturally, taking her mind off it (which in fairness she can do if she lets herself, she's really smart, lively and upbeat on a good day, and her geek factor is adorable :P honestly she's like a dream come true).
    But yeah, I try to naturalise it. We eat whatever we want, however much we want, provided it's genuinely reasonable; we don't obsess, the day doesn't revolve around it, we don't use food or body to cope with feelings, there is nothing that's 'good' or 'bad' to eat or look like. I encourage her to do what her heart tells her, I think she sometimes interprets this as me telling her to eat a cake (which she blatantly wants) but I don't force her. Whether she does or not, the important thing is I'm with her and we have fun.

    Specific example with the body image. I had a bit of a dilemma today while we were snuggling up, she asked me if she wanted me to move or whether. I just said something like 'No, it's fine, I like it'.
    That's not quite what I meant! I meant I like being with her, but I'm afraid it came out as I like her having bony shoulders, implying 'I only like you because you're thin'. Which is stupid because I like her for a lot, a lot more than her body and I'd be the world's worst hypocrite to endorse something like that. I really hope I haven't hurt her although we both parted on a high note

    It's a fine line. I don't want to make her feel pressured to stay skinny because that's not good for her health or ehr self-esteem-but nor do I want to make her worry I think she's too skinny, like I don't find her attractive as she is, because that's wrong. I think it's mostly the psychological impact of her ED I need to help her with. Really it doesn't matter what weight or shape or anything she is as long as she's healthy, happy and feels sexy I just want to give her the confidence she gives to me. Not sure how to go about that though.

    Has anybody got any suggestions? I'm not very experienced with all this! X
    Riku, firstly, men and women are not alien species; we are very much the same creatures! I often get asked by my friends that stay home every weekend "How come every time I go out to clubs to meet a girl I always find the shallow ones that're nothing like me?!" I tell them, they're at home doing exactly what you're doing right now, asking THEIR pals "how come every time I go out to clubs I only ever meet the shallow guys that're nothing like me?"

    I personally have never been in a relationship where love was instantaneous. It's something inherent in me that I could fall for anyone, and the physicality of it slowly unfolds. What I mean is that I could get to know a woman for weeks and weeks, slowly finding her more and more endearing, then I'd start to see them... totally differently. I'd find myself adoring her physical features more and more. Someone I might've never really considered as "girlfriend material" right from the off suddenly becomes the most beautiful, endearing, wonderful person in the world. In this respect, I feel attraction is something of an absolute; if you're REALLY in love with someone, you view flaws not as weaknesses, but as different kinds of strengths. Maybe it's something like not being able to pronounce a certain word correctly. Maybe she has an odd little Spock ear. Maybe it's the way she laughs. Nothing is irksome, because it's part of the girl you've slowly started to find perfect. And to alter any aspect would be to simply subtract from said perfection.

    In this respect I've never regretted previous relationships and I do have a somewhat "pedestal" mentality towards women, but what I'm getting at in a roundabout way is that if it's love, then neither of you will be looking at anything either of you are doing and scrutinising it. You shouldn't be aiming to change one another; but if the other is wanting to change, you should hope to aid them in their happiness. You can state your opinion, of course, if you think it's the wrong opinion, but don't fixate or hold it against them if they refuse your opinion.

    I bet you never once lay there with her and said, "She's great, but UGH, she's got a whistly snore. And look at her split ends. and UGH, her bony clavicles." And I bet she's never done the same thing with you.

    If either of you did, THEN you'd want to consider why you two were in a relationship with one another, but Riku my man, if you are happy, then that's why we're all here - to make existence that much better for one another, so roll with it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Awkward when your little brother (in a room full of people) goes "we don't have any fat people in our family.... hmmmmm" *looks in my direction* *cue nervous giggles from those around me*


    According to bmi I have a healthy body so why am I constantly being called fat by my family and even strangers? Maybe I'm just delusional.. and I don't know what to believe
    You're not delusional at all! If you have a healthy BMI it means 1 thing: YOU ARE HEALTHY. I cannot believe the audacity of your brother to do that. That's shocking behaviour. Do your family know how you feel? x
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    So today I done something that I shouldn't have done, but I just wanted to clarify something after seeing it on my boyfriends laptop. Before we had our first date, he was seeing some girl and but he told me it was rocky and he was stopping seeing her. It turns out that the night he asked me for a drink he went to the cinemas with her and back to her place. The night before he met me he was supposed to have plans with her but she cancelled. And the night he met me he said he would go back and see her ...

    I suppose I should take comfort in the fact that he never actually went back and seen her, and after the weekend of our first date he cut it all of with her. I also have no right to feel betrayed as we weren't in a relationship and he wasn't in a relationship with her either - he was single, it was one date, and he could do as he pleased elsewhere. I know he wouldn't tell me he was still seeing this other girl during that time either.
    I should also take comfort in the fact that he stopped seeing her before we were official so he could be with me (I'm assuming that's why we are together and not them).

    But my old insecutiries have reared their head. Me and her look sort of similar, same hair style, colour and fashion sense, and all I can think of is "is he with me because I look like her?" and other such thoughts. I also can't stop seeing how beautiful she is, and how he told her so. I have so little self confidence as it is that this knocked me straight out the park.

    I know I am being absurd, I know he is with me, I know he loves me, but I can't help it.
    I felt so bad I went to binge tonight, and normally I'd have mac and cheese and then cookies, chocolate, fizzy sweets etc. Today I walked around Tesco and bought just the cookies and det fizzy juice. I couldn't eat all the cookies (yay not really a binge) but filling up on juice is what I would do to try and not eat - which scares me, as I might fall back that way.

    A spoiler within a spoiler too
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    Also, remember I posted a while ago about missing quite a few of my pills/throwing them up because the binge and purging, well I normally get cramps a few days before I finish my strip and then my period a few days after my last pill. My last pill was Thursday, and I had no cramps before that nothing thus far either - which is very unusual.

    Now for the reason this is spoilered - last night me and the boyfriend were having sex, and it got a big heated and such. We'd had a bit too drink and he went to the toilet and told me he thought he 'cut' me as there was blood. I thought it might be my period so we stopped, I sorted myself out and we went to bed. There was a little cramping and that was that. However, this morning, it was more like spotting and now everything has stopped again, cramps and all.
    I'm getting worried because I've only ever spotted twice - once with my son, once when I had an abortion - and both times went like that. Now I've nearly fully convinced myself I'm definitely pregnant, however, won't test until the weekend coming as that will be my full pill free week. The fact I need to wait is making me stress and anxious, which of course won't help my period should it come anyway, and that's making me even more stressed and anxious.

    I've not told my boyfriend my fears and won't until I need too, as I don't want him to freak out should my period come the next day or whatever - especially since we can't see each other until Friday night anyway.

    My heads all over the place right now and it's doing me no good.


    • #177
    #177

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Awkward when your little brother (in a room full of people) goes "we don't have any fat people in our family.... hmmmmm" *looks in my direction* *cue nervous giggles from those around me*


    According to bmi I have a healthy body so why am I constantly being called fat by my family and even strangers? Maybe I'm just delusional.. and I don't know what to believe

    You're not delusional! You're healthy and, more important than that, you feel good about yourself. You shouldn't let anyone change that!
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    Thanks for the wise words Toto (and Snow!)

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Riku, firstly, men and women are not alien species; we are very much the same creatures! I often get asked by my friends that stay home every weekend "How come every time I go out to clubs to meet a girl I always find the shallow ones that're nothing like me?!" I tell them, they're at home doing exactly what you're doing right now, asking THEIR pals "how come every time I go out to clubs I only ever meet the shallow guys that're nothing like me?"

    I personally have never been in a relationship where love was instantaneous. It's something inherent in me that I could fall for anyone, and the physicality of it slowly unfolds. What I mean is that I could get to know a woman for weeks and weeks, slowly finding her more and more endearing, then I'd start to see them... totally differently. I'd find myself adoring her physical features more and more. Someone I might've never really considered as "girlfriend material" right from the off suddenly becomes the most beautiful, endearing, wonderful person in the world. In this respect, I feel attraction is something of an absolute; if you're REALLY in love with someone, you view flaws not as weaknesses, but as different kinds of strengths. Maybe it's something like not being able to pronounce a certain word correctly. Maybe she has an odd little Spock ear. Maybe it's the way she laughs. Nothing is irksome, because it's part of the girl you've slowly started to find perfect. And to alter any aspect would be to simply subtract from said perfection.

    In this respect I've never regretted previous relationships and I do have a somewhat "pedestal" mentality towards women, but what I'm getting at in a roundabout way is that if it's love, then neither of you will be looking at anything either of you are doing and scrutinising it. You shouldn't be aiming to change one another; but if the other is wanting to change, you should hope to aid them in their happiness. You can state your opinion, of course, if you think it's the wrong opinion, but don't fixate or hold it against them if they refuse your opinion.

    I bet you never once lay there with her and said, "She's great, but UGH, she's got a whistly snore. And look at her split ends. and UGH, her bony clavicles." And I bet she's never done the same thing with you.

    If either of you did, THEN you'd want to consider why you two were in a relationship with one another, but Riku my man, if you are happy, then that's why we're all here - to make existence that much better for one another, so roll with it!
    I gave up on finding anyone in a club a while back, because sometimes it's full of shallow girls, but mostly I just can't hear anything :P
    as it happens I met this girl in a reading group a long time ago but bumped into her in uni again
    I don't want to change her. She's amazing. And she's not shallow at all (although I don't think many people are really). The only thing I would want to change is her being so self-deprecating calling herself things she's not. It's not because it's annoying-she's not attention-seeking and generally doesn't even like showing how she really feels, but now she's opened up well, I see she's hurting-and it hurts me to watch.
    Spoiler:
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    E.g. it would be nice to see her not look at herself with contempt, embarrassment and shame for having a double-cone ice cream when she wants one...she'd been talking about cake all day yet at the van, one scoop had her in fear, two must have been incomprehensible.
    I did ask her not to have it just because I suggested it in case she felt pressured but do what she really feels like doing


    As I said, if she feels happy, that's all I care about. And if she doesn't, I want to be able to put that right however I can, because she deserves a lot more than she gives herself credit for.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Winter, honey, if you feel as though it's becoming detrimental to your life then it is in fact, a real problem. If you find you change your mind to your normal plans to accommodate your disordered thinking towards food and/or body image, then it's an eating disorder at the most elemental level.

    The fact you felt the need to tell us about it means it's really hindering you and plaguing your mind. If you didn't really believe it was a problem, you wouldn't have mentioned it! But the fact is, you've told us now. You know it's a problem and you're nipping it in the bud.

    Unfortunately the most frustrating element of all eating disorders is the point in which you know where the problem is, how it came about, and the elements harming you, but you are unable to break out of the monotony. This is a long and arduous task to recondition your mind to realise you're incorrect, your thoughts are broken, and up is not down after all. But that is why I set up the thread, and that's why I exist; as a mere conduit and pseudo-helpful life pop-up to help with all my friends here. It's a long process, but we're always a click away.

    Rubix, one thing I'm super-proud of you about - you're very, very intense about the prospect of getting better. A lot of people consign themselves to the thought that it's beating them, so why bother?

    Sometimes an eating disorder feels like a whirlpool. You wake up on the edge of the torrent, and swim frantically to escape the pull. Some days, you exhaust yourself fighting that current. Some days, you swim so hard, but one slip and you're pulled straight in. Some days you give up swimming and just "go with it", and when that happens, you get pulled right down to your worst point. The point I'm making is that the feeling of struggle is POSITIVE. It means you're making progress. As you make further progress, the struggle is still constant, but less exhausting. And this is a strange thing because you assume "cured" means "totally better", but in reality it's just the lessening of exhaustion; you just become less and less helpless.

    What I mean is, you expect to be getting stronger; but in reality we are all just becoming less weak.
    Toto, you really are incredible - seeing what you have done for everyone on here really does give me hope. You are so brave and so strong and give so much to everyone else.

    There's definitely a part of me that knows I've got problems, like you said, if I look at it objectively. But I find it hard to accept that actually being me and as soon as I start to think that there is something wrong my head will start making up excuses. I'm not quite ready to properly admit it yet. But equally I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this; the bad thoughts are taking over so clearly something has to change.

    I'm sorry, it's been a tough weekend but I don't want to bring you all down. So on a more positive note, a big achievement (for me) in amongst it: I bought chocolate at work today, even though the friend I was on lunch with didn't, and I ate nearly all of it! Because that's what normal people do at my work.
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    First up - Riku, I'm sure the irony isn't lost on you that you, yourself, have a debilitating eating disorder and yet pity and feel a degree of sadness for someone close to you with an equal illness.

    Deflection strategy is the mind's defence from insult, pain or trauma - when we suffer something, we subconsciously store the reason, but forget the stimulus; Mental Disorder sufferers are actually TOO good at this. What it means is, if we see a piece of litter strewn with abandon in a clinically clean room, we need to clear it away; we don't remember what the litter WAS, whether it was a mars bar wrapper or an old sock, but we fixate on our solution; we become incredibly adept at clearing stuff away. And so an obsession is born.

    An ED is merely a carpet-bomb, an insanely OTT solution to what is hardly even a problem at all.

    Riku, unfortunately in a relationship, there must be a stronger party in order to keep the couple together. When a relationship fails it's because either both parties were butting heads for said position.... or neither felt up the position. It's clear this girl is in a very, very sensitive place and it's up to you to be the strong one, for her. In time, you'll strengthen her faith in humanity and the ability to act more human, and quell the ED.

    Winter, I want to commend you on your most recent post too. What strikes me is that you've said you know the issues and STILL understand that the problem isn't solved at all. This is a sense of awareness not many people are gifted with in ED-land. Kudos to you, and mega-kudos you've tried to kick it in the groin.

    We are all incredibly gifted individuals here on the ED thread, remember that. I like to think of it as something of a release theory. When there is an overabundance of drive, intelligence, ambition; it starts to manifest itself as something arbitrary and pointless, just to get it out of your system. Sadly, the pointless stuff begins to become important to the individual, and then we become obsessed with it.

    There's a direct link between historical genius and antisocial, mental instability, so take that as you will.

    We are all remarkable here - just learn to channel your amazing mental talents, and you will be unstoppable, my friends!
    • #149
    #149

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    You're not delusional at all! If you have a healthy BMI it means 1 thing: YOU ARE HEALTHY. I cannot believe the audacity of your brother to do that. That's shocking behaviour. Do your family know how you feel? x
    My whole family were in the room when he said it so they obviously think i'm fat too. Thanks though.
    • #175
    #175

    Anyone else see a liason nurse? I have seen mine 3 times now - have just started a new treatment programme thingy. I meet her every week. But its weird - all she seems to do at our weekly meetings (which take place in a cafe) is that I need to eat more! She doesnt tell me what or when just disapproves when my weight goes down and says 'eat more'.
    useful.
    anyone else have different liason experiences?
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    Just purged :'( I've been trying so hard ... I want to feel like I can do this but right now I don't feel like I can. I can't eat normally for some reason. I either completely restrict or eat 'normally' which isnt normal for me and purge. And some days I eat way to much and purge to. What is wrong with me


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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Just purged :'( I've been trying so hard ... I want to feel like I can do this but right now I don't feel like I can. I can't eat normally for some reason. I either completely restrict or eat 'normally' which isnt normal for me and purge. And some days I eat way to much and purge to. What is wrong with me


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    I will tolerate any answer any poster makes except the complete copout "I just don't know".

    Tell me why you feel you need to purge when you eat a normal amount, m'dear. What is it inside you that tells you you cannot be normal? What is it deep within that contests you being a regular person?

    Once again, I stress the point - I will cope, deal, accept ANY answer you make that isn't an " I have no clue!" - because we all know what frightens us. We all try to shield everyone else from those issues, but those issues exist, and we know it!

    Tell me all about why you feel you cannot live a normal life, and I'll strive to understand and quantify it. Even if it seems daft to you, I assure you, it's not. X
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I will tolerate any answer any poster makes except the complete copout "I just don't know".

    Tell me why you feel you need to purge when you eat a normal amount, m'dear. What is it inside you that tells you you cannot be normal? What is it deep within that contests you being a regular person?

    Once again, I stress the point - I will cope, deal, accept ANY answer you make that isn't an " I have no clue!" - because we all know what frightens us. We all try to shield everyone else from those issues, but those issues exist, and we know it!

    Tell me all about why you feel you cannot live a normal life, and I'll strive to understand and quantify it. Even if it seems daft to you, I assure you, it's not. X
    I feel completely disgusting when I eat and I break my planned calorie limit :'( I guess I feel like I don't deserve to be happy in some ways. My family left me. I couldn't stop my little sister from hurting. I feel like I should be able to fix everything. Im a perfectionist with school and stuff as well after I failed my first year. I feel like I need to be more than normal.
    A normal amount of food doesn't feel normal to me. I see my family eating and I feel like its a horrendous amount. I spend hours planning what I'm going to eat in the day and then it's ruined by them saying that's not enough. So I eat that I want to please them, I want them to think im ok because I don't want them to hurt. But then I need to get rid or I SH or something because I cant stand myself. And it's so frustrating because I know I can do it, I did it before.
    And more than anything, when I throw up I actually feel something that's almost like happiness... Achievement. If I can just be better, control this then my life will sort itself out. I want to please people. I want to be thin.
    My BMI is healthy but all i see is fat so it must be wrong because it's everywhere. It makes me panic I don't even want to leave the house. I see my reflection and my shadow and I want to hide. Everytime someone laughs they must be laughing at me .. And when people say you look so skinny and how do you do it and you've lost so much weight I want to cry because they must be mocking me. I know I've gained weight.
    I went to the doctors and nothing changed at all, I'm still waiting on the CMHT. I feel like ive given up because I'm so tired I mean I didnt tell my doctor much about the eating side of things and I didn't mention binge purging but I couldn't. Talking about SH knackered me emotionally and then when my friends weren't there at the next appointment I choked and couldn't speak im such a failure :'(
    I'm sorry I'm a complete mess right now, you don't need this


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    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    x
    :jumphug:
    Things will get better. It takes time to learn to be kinder to yourself, and you have to want it too Nothing you have said has made me think you are a bad person or a failure. In fact you are a very strong person and with recovery you can only get stronger.

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