First and foremost AU, I want to forewarn you of my stern tone; I will speak plainly, and I don't do it to shock or humiliate, I do it because it's what works.
You're not convincing me. You are definitely in a state of hysteria; a blind, illogical panic, and if you were, as you say, interested in helping yourself you would have visited other mental avenues.
Tonight I would like you to do something for me. I want you to pick five things you detest - not dislike, ABHOR - about yourself. Be honest. I am completely indifferent to it being five things about your toenails or your hatred of the colour green. I just want to know what the deep-seeded hatred is. Then, for each, I want you to give the most prominent reason.
If the reason comes quickly, subconsciously, then great. If you have to think about it, then perhaps it is not a real subconscious, ingrained issue, and more a considered issue. For example, I hate how I have the McDonalds Arches haircut (that receding hairline that goes in an "M") because I can't have a cool hairstyle. Simple. But when I hate something like my inability to eat in front of certain people, I am left considering why that is. Judgement? Self-judgement? Are they judging the methods I use, or the things I am eating? Am I worried about eating too fast, or too slo.... wait. Wait. I don't even know. You see? If it's an illogical, considered problem, it has no definite root or simple outcome. It requires digging.
This is what I want from you. Five things, and five reasons. Tell me what you come up with, and how long it takes for each.