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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
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    Put on 5.5kg over exam period due to stress and general eating more. Felt ridiculously fat and had a panic attack when I found out. Now? I'm cool with it. I can spend summer getting fit and eating less and healthier stuff. I felt absolutely worthless but I know my BMI is only 20.5 because my doctor calculated it. He made me feel a lot better, as did my mum. I've realised something that was missing from my life before: MY WEIGHT DOESN'T GIVE OR TAKE AWAY MY WORTH AND VALUE AS A PERSON. My mum still loves me. My dad still loves me. My friends still love me.

    I met a beautiful girl yesterday. Like me, she had a tummy. But it didn't matter because she was still stunning. So why should it matter for me? IT DOESN'T ANY MORE. I AM SO FRICKIN HAPPY I HAVE FINALLY STOPPED PUNISHING MYSELF. When I say punishing, I mean looking in the mirror and crying, saying I'm fat and worthless. Now I look in the mirror and think 'okay, I let myself go a bit. I've got extra weight that is making me look big BUT I can go to the gym'. And that's what I'm doing.
    This makes me so happy to read! Well done you!
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    I'm going into a 12-18 week treatment plan on Monday and I'm absolutely terrified. I tried eating some granola yesterday and completely freaked out for the rest of the day and couldn't get out of bed (I was fun haha) so really nervous about what they're going to expect from me tomorrow. Does anyone have ny words of advice about starting treatment or recovery. Thanks
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    (Original post by Becky_1993)
    I'm going into a 12-18 week treatment plan on Monday and I'm absolutely terrified. I tried eating some granola yesterday and completely freaked out for the rest of the day and couldn't get out of bed (I was fun haha) so really nervous about what they're going to expect from me tomorrow. Does anyone have ny words of advice about starting treatment or recovery. Thanks
    It's going to be hard, but use the support and it will be the best thing you ever did Is it inpatient, daypatient or outpatient?
    These places usually start with an assessment, which can last for quite a while, and can be very draining, but the more honest you are the more they can help you.
    In terms of food they will expect you to eat, but they usually build it up over a few days to a couple of weeks- you probably won't start on the full meal plan.

    Make the most of it- the funding for treatment is limited and you deserve more than this illness :hugs:

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    Looking for a bit of advice I think, if anyone can help. Things haven't been brilliant recently, I've been super stressed about various things and finding things hard food-wise and just in general. But now I'm going away abroad with my uni tomorrow and no-one will really notice or care how much I eat so now I feel like I just don't have to. I've been restricting more already; how can I stop myself just completely giving up when I get the chance to? I know there isn't a magic quick fix. And the worst part is that deep down I really just don't want to try to keep eating, but some part of me knows I have to and I think my head is just a bit all over the place.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by winter10)
    .
    The longer you persevere, the easier it gets.

    The more i've just accepted my body and my past (even though it has been painful) the more I have been able to move on with my life. Eating disorders are miserable and painful... so the more you just float along wanting to restrict whenever you have the chance the longer it will take to recover. You will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.. and the more time you spend healthy, the more you will appreciate that life is so much better that way.

    The responsibility is all on you. No one is going to give you the magic pill. There are only two choices, fighting for recovery, or getting very very sick. Asking for support is not weakness, it's a sign of responsibility and strength, so is there anyone who is going on the trip that you can trust to share this worry with?

    -------------

    My pre-holiday diet has been massively unsuccessful so far, but surprisingly I am getting less and less concerned about it. I have a belly, yes, but I also have (slightly more) warmth and energy and humour and strength. I have actually realised I have been sabotaging my weight loss because I so so do not want to be thin again. A bit less of a belly, but that shell of a person wasn't me! (i'm not saying that being thin makes you a shell, but it's just not me). I don't want to loose myself again, and it's taking a bit of time for me to trust that I won't. My ideal weight in my head is creeping higher and higher and it's actually such a relief. I set out thinking I really want to loose 25 pounds, and now i've realised that it's far more realistic for me to aim for 15.

    I didn't go to the spa with my family this weekend because of my body and it SUCKS but trying to focus on the positives. Calmness around food is increasing all the time

    It was so foolish of me to think that being thin would solve all of my problems, because it just gave me so many more, but i'm glad I took this year out to let the worst of the storm pass before I go out into the rain. My wellie boots are at the ready
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    ^^^
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The longer you persevere, the easier it gets.

    The more i've just accepted my body and my past (even though it has been painful) the more I have been able to move on with my life. Eating disorders are miserable and painful... so the more you just float along wanting to restrict whenever you have the chance the longer it will take to recover. You will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.. and the more time you spend healthy, the more you will appreciate that life is so much better that way.

    The responsibility is all on you. No one is going to give you the magic pill. There are only two choices, fighting for recovery, or getting very very sick. Asking for support is not weakness, it's a sign of responsibility and strength, so is there anyone who is going on the trip that you can trust to share this worry with?

    -------------

    My pre-holiday diet has been massively unsuccessful so far, but surprisingly I am getting less and less concerned about it. I have a belly, yes, but I also have (slightly more) warmth and energy and humour and strength. I have actually realised I have been sabotaging my weight loss because I so so do not want to be thin again. A bit less of a belly, but that shell of a person wasn't me! (i'm not saying that being thin makes you a shell, but it's just not me). I don't want to loose myself again, and it's taking a bit of time for me to trust that I won't. My ideal weight in my head is creeping higher and higher and it's actually such a relief. I set out thinking I really want to loose 25 pounds, and now i've realised that it's far more realistic for me to aim for 15.

    I didn't go to the spa with my family this weekend because of my body and it SUCKS but trying to focus on the positives. Calmness around food is increasing all the time

    It was so foolish of me to think that being thin would solve all of my problems, because it just gave me so many more, but i'm glad I took this year out to let the worst of the storm pass before I go out into the rain. My wellie boots are at the ready
    proud of you x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The longer you persevere, the easier it gets.

    The more i've just accepted my body and my past (even though it has been painful) the more I have been able to move on with my life. Eating disorders are miserable and painful... so the more you just float along wanting to restrict whenever you have the chance the longer it will take to recover. You will get sick and tired of being sick and tired.. and the more time you spend healthy, the more you will appreciate that life is so much better that way.

    The responsibility is all on you. No one is going to give you the magic pill. There are only two choices, fighting for recovery, or getting very very sick. Asking for support is not weakness, it's a sign of responsibility and strength, so is there anyone who is going on the trip that you can trust to share this worry with?

    -------------

    My pre-holiday diet has been massively unsuccessful so far, but surprisingly I am getting less and less concerned about it. I have a belly, yes, but I also have (slightly more) warmth and energy and humour and strength. I have actually realised I have been sabotaging my weight loss because I so so do not want to be thin again. A bit less of a belly, but that shell of a person wasn't me! (i'm not saying that being thin makes you a shell, but it's just not me). I don't want to loose myself again, and it's taking a bit of time for me to trust that I won't. My ideal weight in my head is creeping higher and higher and it's actually such a relief. I set out thinking I really want to loose 25 pounds, and now I've realised that it's far more realistic for me to aim for 15.

    I didn't go to the spa with my family this weekend because of my body and it SUCKS but trying to focus on the positives. Calmness around food is increasing all the time

    It was so foolish of me to think that being thin would solve all of my problems, because it just gave me so many more, but i'm glad I took this year out to let the worst of the storm pass before I go out into the rain. My wellie boots are at the ready
    I do know you're right really, or I'm trying to believe it at least. But right now I just want to be numb, to not have to feel anything. I can't even explain it properly, I think I've just lost any sense that things can or will get better. It's not something I'd feel comfortable talking about with anyone either...I think they'd just think I'm being stupid or attention seeking or there's nothing really wrong, and I just don't think I could.

    Thank you for your words. I've been panicking a bit and you've helped me to calm down and try to think as rationally as possible. I hope that if I can keep remembering that other people have felt much worse than me and have managed to get better then I can do something too. Then maybe eventually I'll start to really believe and want that again too, even if I can't quite see it now. I'm so happy you've made so much progress, that is fantastic.
    • #182
    #182

    Thank you! It's a day patient centre! I'm even nervous about meeting the others who are receiving treatment there!!


    (Original post by Gnome :))
    It's going to be hard, but use the support and it will be the best thing you ever did Is it inpatient, daypatient or outpatient?
    These places usually start with an assessment, which can last for quite a while, and can be very draining, but the more honest you are the more they can help you.
    In terms of food they will expect you to eat, but they usually build it up over a few days to a couple of weeks- you probably won't start on the full meal plan.

    Make the most of it- the funding for treatment is limited and you deserve more than this illness :hugs:

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you! It's a day patient centre! I'm even nervous about meeting the others who are receiving treatment there!!
    Ah ok, I was a daypatient for about 8/9 months, so if you have any more questions just ask

    Meeting the others can be very daunting, but don't worry, I've never had any real issues with other people at such places (except of course when emotions are riding high, but remember you are with a group of people who are pretty vulnerable emotionally, and there is bound to be some intense times. It's best to just remove yourself from such situations if they occur). Everyone is in a similar situation, and remembers how scary the first few days are. The staff are also understanding of this, so try not to be too scared

    Just try not to get overly involved in 'triggering' and unhelpful discussions, or pick up ED habits. Remember everyone will have different 'behaviours' and although they need to work to reduce these, everyone is in a different stage of recovery.

    Let me know how it goes, if you feel up to it :hugs:
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by winter10)
    x)
    I read something really cheesy the other day but it's kind of true. Imagine your mind as a bus... where you are the driver. Any bad thoughts and feelings are unwelcome, difficult passengers, and you have to decide what to do about them. If they are being a little difficult, you will have to just stay strong and wait for them to get off at their stop, hoping it's soon, but if they are kicking and screaming, breaking windows and upsetting other passengers... then a lot more concious effort needs to go into sorting out the problem.

    I know how you feel about wanting to be numb... but if you numb the feelings out you'll never learn the skills to overcome them. I've heard professionals say that you don't grow emotionally while you have a serious eating disorder because it takes over as a coping mechanism... so if it's with you from 15 and you don't recover until 25, then you'll still have the emotional reasoning of a 15 year old. Not sure how true it is but it's worth a thought.

    It will get better if you believe it - you are in control with or without your disorder.
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    dfsnfions sorry me again ^
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    Urgh, and the post before that was me -_- Damn Anon!
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    The bus driver analogy is a good one. Though the thing with that is that your passengers are often strangers - and your memories and thoughts are entirely your own.

    The bus driver is the "ED mentality". Your "stranger" thoughts are those that pass by, that you can absolve yourself of responsibility of, that you harbour but never feel you need to answer to.

    With an eating disorder you tend to stifle real-life problems and become hypocritical in your absolute and unending strictness. Imagine it like a little kid acting like an adult. You're merely PRETENDING. Playing houses. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, bored or otherwise, you just give up and regress back to kidhood. Childhood regression, the shedding of responsibilities and selective focus (and abandonment of said focus at the drop of a hat) are part and parcel of our disorder.

    If you use the "Bus Driver" analogy, you should strive to become a "Taxi Driver", with closer, intimate but less frequent, more focused "passengers", and then eventually the "Dad's car", where you're the guardian of all your passengers to the point you feel the utmost respect and protection of all of your precious individuals in the car.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The bus driver analogy is a good one. Though the thing with that is that your passengers are often strangers - and your memories and thoughts are entirely your own.

    The bus driver is the "ED mentality". Your "stranger" thoughts are those that pass by, that you can absolve yourself of responsibility of, that you harbour but never feel you need to answer to.

    With an eating disorder you tend to stifle real-life problems and become hypocritical in your absolute and unending strictness. Imagine it like a little kid acting like an adult. You're merely PRETENDING. Playing houses. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, bored or otherwise, you just give up and regress back to kidhood. Childhood regression, the shedding of responsibilities and selective focus (and abandonment of said focus at the drop of a hat) are part and parcel of our disorder.

    If you use the "Bus Driver" analogy, you should strive to become a "Taxi Driver", with closer, intimate but less frequent, more focused "passengers", and then eventually the "Dad's car", where you're the guardian of all your passengers to the point you feel the utmost respect and protection of all of your precious individuals in the car.
    PRSOM .. yet again you've inspired me. I don't know how its possible but you help me understand myself more
    • #183
    #183

    Is it possible to get better without getting external help do you think?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Is it possible to get better without getting external help do you think?
    It depends on the person, but I would say it would be very very difficult. I think with something like this you need help and support because you might not necessarily recognize your own behaviors creeping back in etc, without talking to someone about them. I don't know though, I've only recently got help so maybe not the best person to answer this. But I know when I tried to fix it myself I got nowhere.
    • #183
    #183

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    It depends on the person, but I would say it would be very very difficult. I think with something like this you need help and support because you might not necessarily recognize your own behaviors creeping back in etc, without talking to someone about them. I don't know though, I've only recently got help so maybe not the best person to answer this. But I know when I tried to fix it myself I got nowhere.
    Thank you very much

    Depends on the person how? If they are strong willed? What if someone doesn't want outside help, and knows all their issues? Does anyone think it would ever be possible to recover by yourself?
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you very much

    Depends on the person how? If they are strong willed? What if someone doesn't want outside help, and knows all their issues? Does anyone think it would ever be possible to recover by yourself?
    I don't think it's possible. It seems that for many, the ED is a way of internalising/ignoring difficult emotions. A healthy relationship with emotions involves talking to others about them.
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    If there's one thing I would never recommend, it's trying to beat an eating disorder in solitude. It's one of the single worst options available.

    Even the strongest of wills cannot offset the fact your brain is exhibiting some extremely incorrect notions and emotions. It's like telling an alcoholic you trust them, but he can visit the brewery after hours, with nobody around, no cameras to watch him, and no questions will be asked in the morning. Even IF the alcoholic has cheated on his recovery in the brewery, he won't be asked, he won't tell, and if interrogated he'll outright deny it. That's akin to the first stage of an Eating Disorder. Now consider the mental anomaly that he believes beer isn't alcohol, and place him in a similar situation. He will indulge his habit all he wants, because he knows he has a problem but convinces himself that he's helping himself. This is the situation you're proposing.

    Even with the best of intentions your "cures" and "solutions" will be secret self-sabotage; it takes a third-party to notice and stifle those moments.

    Living alone I didn't even see myself dying, because I didn't notice the old habits creeping forth and eventually getting extremely severe.
 
 
 
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