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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by jargonglossary)
    Hi all, first time posting here. I'm just going to post a bit of background information. Sorry if it's not very good, I'm at a pretty weak/low point right now and I just really need some help.

    I currently have depression and ADHD, and as a child until the age of 12-13 I struggled with OCD. It is mostly fine on that front now. Compulsions do tend to "occur" sometimes. Sometimes when I get pretty depressed I go through stages of not eating much - the most it's been is probably a few weeks. But this has been going on for longer now. Maybe not long enough for me to really have an ED, but I figured you folks would be really helpful with this. I haven't ate properly for around two months. The most I eat is maybe half a bowl of cereal, half a sandwich, a yoghurt or maybe a bit of chocolate. It's okay at first, for the first few weeks...the hunger pains are almost good, as strange and warped and twisted as that sounds. But it's a distraction from everything going on around me. But then it got worse. I can't tell you how much pain I'm in right now, it feels like my stomach is imploding and I was so hungry and sick earlier that I forced myself to eat, and I think that's made me worse. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm going to die. I need to get back to normal. I have a counsellor, but my phone broke the other day, and her number is now lost. She also doesn't do talking over emails. I won't see her until Tuesday, if I'm lucky. I don't know if I can stand the pain this long.

    I'm sorry to talk so much, and to load this all onto you, but I am struggling so much right now. Thank you.
    Sorry to hear you're struggling :hugs: If the pain is that bad, it might be worth going to A+E/doctors because it doesn't sound like hunger pangs to me. And even if it is, it's a sign that your body isn't coping right now. I know its not what you want to hear, but you need to try and take care of yourself, even if you don't want to :hugs:
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    (Original post by jargonglossary)
    Hi all, first time posting here. I'm just going to post a bit of background information. Sorry if it's not very good, I'm at a pretty weak/low point right now and I just really need some help.

    I currently have depression and ADHD, and as a child until the age of 12-13 I struggled with OCD. It is mostly fine on that front now. Compulsions do tend to "occur" sometimes. Sometimes when I get pretty depressed I go through stages of not eating much - the most it's been is probably a few weeks. But this has been going on for longer now. Maybe not long enough for me to really have an ED, but I figured you folks would be really helpful with this. I haven't ate properly for around two months. The most I eat is maybe half a bowl of cereal, half a sandwich, a yoghurt or maybe a bit of chocolate. It's okay at first, for the first few weeks...the hunger pains are almost good, as strange and warped and twisted as that sounds. But it's a distraction from everything going on around me. But then it got worse. I can't tell you how much pain I'm in right now, it feels like my stomach is imploding and I was so hungry and sick earlier that I forced myself to eat, and I think that's made me worse. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm going to die. I need to get back to normal. I have a counsellor, but my phone broke the other day, and her number is now lost. She also doesn't do talking over emails. I won't see her until Tuesday, if I'm lucky. I don't know if I can stand the pain this long.

    I'm sorry to talk so much, and to load this all onto you, but I am struggling so much right now. Thank you.
    I'm simultaneously going to back-pat you and shake my fist at you. First, the bad.

    You're only killing yourself with this behaviour, and I know you know it. But the good spin on it is that you're curently in the mindset of KNOWING what you're doing is wrong, irrational, and harmful to your life. Usually it reaches a point where you are no longer fully "in charge" of your rationale and it becomes normal to feel excruciating agony every day. And let me tell you, that stage is not glamorous, easy, or simple in any way.

    Like I said - you are actually in a position of more power than you think. The ability to both know and accept what you're doing is inherently wrong is a step beyond where most people are in recovery (whether it's sheer denial, obliviousness or ignorance).

    Of course, you KNOW it's wrong, but doesn't make it easier to rationalise it in your head. Sadly it's a frustrating battle.

    Be mindful of your ailment and don't let up for a minute. The minute you start to ease up on it, suddenly 1500 calories becomes "about 1500 calories", then "I'm sure I've had more than 1000", and before you know it you're weighing lettuce portions per 100g to avoid hitting a cap of 500.

    It's a very slippery slope but you have your eyes on it - that is a luxury a lot of us didn't have. Don't let it creep up and hurt you more and more each day until you become a shell. X
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    (Original post by Riku)
    On other note just wanted to say to Toto, I've just bought Rayman: Origins and first playthrough, dat artwork! Wow. Mind-gushingly creative visuals with a vibe that's nostalgic but refreshing all the same. Rainbow Road put a huuuge smile on my face

    If you've been on the development team, I tip my hat to you, sir. (Not that I didn't already :P)
    Thank you, my most handsome of friends.

    I only had a hand in UI (user interface) art, so all the cool backgrounds and character stuff isn't my doing, though I had plenty of input into the collectibles and interface!

    Back on topic though - I thoroughly appreciate and respect your recent epiphany regarding your own ED and body dysmorphia. You are one of the people on this thread I genuinely believe are making the boldest efforts to recover - though of course, nothing is cut-and-dry.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    My doctor explained to me how I can get better PHYSICALLY. It was not what I wished to hear. She explained the way bones work. Effectively you have Osteoblasts and Osteoclasts. They work in unison. Osteoblasts build "bone tiles" from the inside that they apply to the marrow that gradually work outwards. Osteoclasts take away the outermost tiles.

    Basically, the more physical exertion the body NATURALLY has (ie, existing, not exercising beyond just being alive), the more the bones feel impact and reaction. This is the osteoblastic stimulus - when the osteoblasts feel a pressure on a bone, it starts working. The thinner you get, the less chance there will be any pressure on the bone. So the Osteoblasts work less. But the osteoclasts work no matter what.

    What that means is, the skinnier you get, the leaner you get, naturally, the less osteoblastic recovery you receive. So your bones continue to deconstruct, but do not make any more "new tiles".

    What I was told is that because I was so ill for so long, my osteoblastic production ground to almost nothing, so even though I am facing an already-prevalent bone condition, my anorexia nervosa just served to speed up the complete lack of bone regeneration that any person would experience.

    What does that mean? It means that in order to stimulate osteoblastic regeneration (or rather, my bones not dying any further), I need to be a higher BMI than my bones are currently prepared for, so they feel enough impact to work. This means I must be BMI 20-22 to stop dying.

    In an anorexic mindset this is devastating. People continuously telling me "how much more weight you've put on!" - but there's more to it. I'm not just "getting fatter", I'm being told this is a five to seven year plan (five years at MINIMUM) to stop the bone degeneration and maybe see bone regrowth at some point.

    I am 28 today. To be told I must be respectively plump in comparison to my current frame for at LEAST five years?! Can an anorexic mind be told anything MORE scary?

    Well, I guess I have no choice. Bone death leading to FULL death, or getting weighty, not exercising, having weight around my bones and creating enought osteoblastic activity to regen my body.

    Puts everything into perspective.



    Xxx
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    Umm, so today I decide i'm going to start making a real effort to STOP counting calories. I'm well within the healthy range, so it's not like I need to hit any targets either way.

    Every time i've felt myself counting when making a meal, shopping, or figuring out what i've had throughout the day, i've :hand: stopped myself. I keep questioning whether this is necessary for recovery but my gut instinct says it is? I don't want to constantly be distracted by numbers, but maybe the counting is a coping mechanism for other things. I guess i'll find out.
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    I just want to say I've found it so bloody difficult to get treatment for an eating disorder on the NHS in the West Midlands! It took about 10 visits to the GP to get a referral, and I only got referred when I was suffering also from major depression after a very hard break up and hadn't eaten anything at all in around 9 or 10 days and was on the verge of collapse. Even though my weight was just under 8 stone at 5 foot 9 inches and I'd explained I'd been suffering with terrible eating habits and guilt since I was 12 years old, I wasn't diagnosed with ANY eating disorder.

    I told doctors I weighed myself 50+ times per day, etc etc, pretty much suffered with distorted thinking & body image and self harmed. It was only a few months ago I was diagnosed with EDNOS because my weight wasn't low enough and I feel like they didn't take me seriously at all shunned, as such.

    When I finally had an appointment with a psychologist and ED specialist they agreed I had eating problems (no ****!) and I quote the specialist "if you accept our help we will force you to eat", at which point I walked out in tears.

    Is it just me, or can you not expect someone with long-term eating problems to drop all of their mental health issues and be forced to eat normally as if nothing ever happened? Has anyone else experienced similar? Very disappointed and angry at how I was treated and how long I was ignored even when I tried to get help. I still suffer with EDNOS or anorexic tendencies and am trying to sort out other methods of treatment currently with BUPA.

    I haven't read through the hundreds of posts so sorry if this has been mentioned :-(
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by kate113855)
    I just want to say I've found it so bloody difficult to get treatment for an eating disorder on the NHS in the West Midlands! It took about 10 visits to the GP to get a referral, and I only got referred when I was suffering also from major depression after a very hard break up and hadn't eaten anything at all in around 9 or 10 days and was on the verge of collapse. Even though my weight was just under 8 stone at 5 foot 9 inches and I'd explained I'd been suffering with terrible eating habits and guilt since I was 12 years old, I wasn't diagnosed with ANY eating disorder.

    I told doctors I weighed myself 50+ times per day, etc etc, pretty much suffered with distorted thinking & body image and self harmed. It was only a few months ago I was diagnosed with EDNOS because my weight wasn't low enough and I feel like they didn't take me seriously at all shunned, as such.

    When I finally had an appointment with a psychologist and ED specialist they agreed I had eating problems (no ****!) and I quote the specialist "if you accept our help we will force you to eat", at which point I walked out in tears.

    Is it just me, or can you not expect someone with long-term eating problems to drop all of their mental health issues and be forced to eat normally as if nothing ever happened? Has anyone else experienced similar? Very disappointed and angry at how I was treated and how long I was ignored even when I tried to get help. I still suffer with EDNOS or anorexic tendencies and am trying to sort out other methods of treatment currently with BUPA.

    I haven't read through the hundreds of posts so sorry if this has been mentioned :-(
    :hugs: Correct referral and management of EDs is appalling at times. The service I'm under (a specialist ED service which covers the whole county, with an absolutely tiny team) has a weight criteria which you have to be below to get referred, but that BMI is the same as is recommended for hospitalisation! Ridiculous really. One of the girls I met in hospital was just above this weight for months, so her referral got rejected, then she had a sudden down turn, lost loads of weight, nearly died and ended up on a section before the team had a chance to reassess the situation. So yeah, you aren't alone. I hope you are able to find some helpful support, and feel free to post here if you want to chat or rant x EDNOS is just as much a debilitating and torturous disorder as any other 'form' of ED.
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    I got some incredibly empowering, good news today. Should I put on a great deal of weight further (at my lowest I was 6 and a half stones, now nearly 8 and a half, and they want between nine and ten stones ANYWAY), I may see osteoblastic recovery in almost 60% of my skeleton - the way it works is that the more pressure exerted on your bones, the more impact they feel and the more the osteoblasts recover the bone. So the lighter you get, the less they work, the more your bones degrade - vicious cycle.

    Sadly it also means:

    A) Over 40% of my skeleton including lumbar, pelvis and upper femurs will never fully recover,

    And

    B), I have been put on yet another 2500-3500 calorie diet MINIMUM. I am ripping jeans left, right, and centre, but this is for a purpose greater than I should regard any meaning in.

    If I have any hope of recovering ANY of my bones from complete dismantling and an early death thanks to this stupid disease, I need to suck it up, get to a BMI of 20 from 18.3-18.4, and understand that if I need to carry a bit extra, it's worth any judgement, heartache or lack of control. I must keep going, because I'm not even thirty yet, and nobody wants to die in their thirties from anorexic-exacerbated complete skeletal degeneration. Hardly glamorous!

    So chins up! Fight on! I am here in the same rank, our arms are locked, let's kick some booty!
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    I got some incredibly empowering, good news today. Should I put on a great deal of weight further (at my lowest I was 6 and a half stones, now nearly 8 and a half, and they want between nine and ten stones ANYWAY), I may see osteoblastic recovery in almost 60% of my skeleton - the way it works is that the more pressure exerted on your bones, the more impact they feel and the more the osteoblasts recover the bone. So the lighter you get, the less they work, the more your bones degrade - vicious cycle.

    Sadly it also means:

    A) Over 40% of my skeleton including lumbar, pelvis and upper femurs will never fully recover,

    And

    B), I have been put on yet another 2500-3500 calorie diet MINIMUM. I am ripping jeans left, right, and centre, but this is for a purpose greater than I should regard any meaning in.

    If I have any hope of recovering ANY of my bones from complete dismantling and an early death thanks to this stupid disease, I need to suck it up, get to a BMI of 20 from 18.3-18.4, and understand that if I need to carry a bit extra, it's worth any judgement, heartache or lack of control. I must keep going, because I'm not even thirty yet, and nobody wants to die in their thirties from anorexic-exacerbated complete skeletal degeneration. Hardly glamorous!

    So chins up! Fight on! I am here in the same rank, our arms are locked, let's kick some booty!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    x
    :Wishing you all the best on the bittersweet news, buddy. There's hope yet!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I got some incredibly empowering, good news today. Should I put on a great deal of weight further (at my lowest I was 6 and a half stones, now nearly 8 and a half, and they want between nine and ten stones ANYWAY), I may see osteoblastic recovery in almost 60% of my skeleton - the way it works is that the more pressure exerted on your bones, the more impact they feel and the more the osteoblasts recover the bone. So the lighter you get, the less they work, the more your bones degrade - vicious cycle.

    Sadly it also means:

    A) Over 40% of my skeleton including lumbar, pelvis and upper femurs will never fully recover,

    And

    B), I have been put on yet another 2500-3500 calorie diet MINIMUM. I am ripping jeans left, right, and centre, but this is for a purpose greater than I should regard any meaning in.

    If I have any hope of recovering ANY of my bones from complete dismantling and an early death thanks to this stupid disease, I need to suck it up, get to a BMI of 20 from 18.3-18.4, and understand that if I need to carry a bit extra, it's worth any judgement, heartache or lack of control. I must keep going, because I'm not even thirty yet, and nobody wants to die in their thirties from anorexic-exacerbated complete skeletal degeneration. Hardly glamorous!

    So chins up! Fight on! I am here in the same rank, our arms are locked, let's kick some booty!
    Go you! Hats off to those bones, you've put them through some tough **** but 60% of them are willing to fight back for you. And your B) doesn't have to be negative, have good fun with it! X
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    Thank you, my most adorable and loved/loving of teams. You guys make my life that much sweeter.

    In reality I am actually humbled by how many amazing people surround me, that people can be so understanding, so incredibly empathetic, even when they too experience such horrible mental torments.

    It's a strange thing. We totally disregard our selves by the criteria and mannerisms we exhibit to our peers, pals, and comrades. We think "Good for you mate, that looks delicious" when they order the double burger. We think, "You're badass!" When they polish off that late-night kebab. But when it's US? HELL NAH. We freak out. Don't touch my lips, foul lamb demon!

    We are hypocrites, but at least if we exhibit that level of normality on EACH OTHER, we might have some semblance of normality, full-stop, right?

    Once again, you guys rock the socks on the tellybox. x
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    :hugs: doing the scaredy-pants dance with-ya dude
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    Would anybody like to hear about the two years I spent with bulimia? I never had to go to hospital thankfully, but it still sucked.
    Also, to everyone facing recovery-it's damn worth it. I've gained 20lb or so, but I also get to eat what I want every day and know that I'm doing something great for my body. It'll be worth it for you too.
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    Hey, so I'm in recovery from anorexia in a unit and I'm at the last stage. I have come so unbelievable far that I am unrecognisable from the person I was 6 months ago. However, I have one slight issue and that is that I am hovering 1.5kg below my maintenance band. I have been maintaing here for a while (ironically enough) but I just can't seem to actually get into my band. My problem is that I am scared people will notice if I gain this amount of weight. I have just got back into normal life and been accepted back into my circle of friends and now I am reluctant to take this last step. I know 100% that my friends won't judge me on weight gain but I don't want them to be able to see. I guess what I'm trying to seek is reassurance that no one will notice this amount of weight.... Does anyone know how obvious it will be? Sorry for my rambling; it's just been getting me down!!!
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    (Original post by Sugarcandy)
    Hey, so I'm in recovery from anorexia in a unit and I'm at the last stage. I have come so unbelievable far that I am unrecognisable from the person I was 6 months ago. However, I have one slight issue and that is that I am hovering 1.5kg below my maintenance band. I have been maintaing here for a while (ironically enough) but I just can't seem to actually get into my band. My problem is that I am scared people will notice if I gain this amount of weight. I have just got back into normal life and been accepted back into my circle of friends and now I am reluctant to take this last step. I know 100% that my friends won't judge me on weight gain but I don't want them to be able to see. I guess what I'm trying to seek is reassurance that no one will notice this amount of weight.... Does anyone know how obvious it will be? Sorry for my rambling; it's just been getting me down!!!
    1.5 kg is only 3.3 pounds. It's really not that much! A lot of people I speak to with an ED have a real fear of gaining weight, but trust me, it's not too much I doubt it'll be noticeable to anyone but you!
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    Another thing to remember is that, by hanging on to that "last little bit of underweight", you are not fully accepting you are "better". You get to cling to the fact that you are still "a bit ill", and you don't fully have to return to a full, REAL existence. It's a symbolic thing, like your ED holding on to your ankle as you try to make the last step - you could kick it off, but instead you choose to shout to everyone outside, "Oh no, it's still got me - I still can't come with you JUST yet!"
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    How do you guys cope on birthdays? Last year was awful for me and didn't feel like a birthday - no friends, no party, no cake.

    This year I want to challenge myself and have some sort of cake to share with family (I have no friends to share it with, that's one thing e.d's stole from me ). Getting a cake is symbolic in a way... but I don't want something too challenging that's going to mess up my whole day. It probably seems stupid, but it's a huge step for me. I don't know if I should try, and if so what type of cake... :confused: Maybe I should leave it to family to decide?
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    I realise I'm in a slightly different boat to a lot of you here, but I had some time to think through and thoroughly de-construct one of my most damaging distortions today and I wondered whether it'd help.
    If this seems like common sense and I’m an idiot, you’re probably right. But I needed it, so if it sounds like I’m talking down to you when you’re reading it, it’s because I was at myself.

    Spoiler:
    Show

    First of all I'd like to disclaim that I'm not a doctor, guys! I'm one of you! In no way does this or should this take precedent over the advice of a GP or similar professional. This is especially applicable if you're at a severe stage like IP. If the doc tells you no exercise and a pud with every meal until they say so or your bones will break, you'd better believe them. I don’t want anyone saying I told them it’s OK to relapse, cos I didn’t.
    Take all of this with a pinch of salt.

    OK, with the small print done I'll begin!

    Apparently I seem to have thought the concept of moderation doesn't apply to us afflicted with a mental illness, be it ED or otherwise. When in fact, surely it applies to us especially? Often a disorder emerges when life falls out of balance and one part takes over to the expense of all others. It seems impossible at the time to tame the obsession and restore harmony, but even though it may never disappear fully, reaching a better balance in life can certainly reduce symptoms. And, perhaps more importantly, it’ll make your life more enjoyable and fulfilling for sure. So many recovered people have given testimony to that.
    Easier said than done, of course…

    So here's my extreme thought: 'If I go to the gym or say no to eating a chocolate bar, I'm a bad person. I must punish myself (through a ‘binge’ usually) for hurting my loved ones.'
    To a healthy-minded person this must seem bonkers! Yet to me it was not only logical but undeniable.
    This means either

    a) If one (anybody) goes to the gym, they're a bad person’…whatever ‘bad’ means anyway?!
    (a statement chock-full of sweeping generalisations and extreme moral subjectivity that it’s a headache just to consider as logical)

    Or
    b) If my cool mate (let's call him Bill) goes to the gym, Bill's OK, he’s still a nice guy

    But if I go, I am a ‘bad person’
    (I’m assuming it’d be wrong for me to since I have a history of disordered eating/skewed body image/obsession with food, weight, exercise etc.)

    So by extension I was saying either
    a) I’m some special snowflake above the laws applicable to everyone else, or inferior to the point I need my own elite system of self-flagellating harshness and criticism
    or b) ‘Anyone with ED or similar difficulty is a bad person’
    Lolwut? How hurtful and old-fashioned is that stigma? Might as well suggest I need locking up now before I do a Jack the Ripper on my town.

    All the same, my reasoning for that seemed to be
    ‘A person with mental illness/flawed reasoning who engages in a disordered behaviour is bad-i.e. selfish, irresponsible, reckless, stupid, careless etc….’
    (there’s a nugget of truth here, we have the choice whether to obey the disorder or not, but too many sufferers I know are good people with a bad thing thrust upon them)
    ‘And needs punishment for hurting their loved ones, hurt themselves in turn’
    (What would that resolve? Absolutely nothing.)

    So what’s a more balanced view for me? (And maybe you?)

    ‘Even if you or I have troubles with weight/shape/body image/food etc., or even an official history of an eating disorder
    Going to the gym/exercising/eating healthily/a healthy/lifestyle/hell ‘toning up’ if you really must though beware
    In and of itself does NOT make us bad people’

    A get out of jail free card for ED, perhaps? Here’s the catch.

    It might not make us ‘bad people’ (because that’s a distorted notion of labelling that doing a single bad thing makes us a bad person as a whole)
    But it certainly does indicate the level of obsession you’re still dealing with, the stage you’re at in the illness
    and if your obsession takes priority over everything else which matters-your sex life, your relationships with family and friends, your studies or careers, your other past-times, and all too often even your health-it wouldn’t be unfair to say you’re being a bit selfish or irresponsible.

    e.g. If go to the gym, instead of going to my daughter’s 5th birthday party which she’s been excited about for weeks on end and wanted me there

    something’s up, obviously. I’m still suffering and it has a massive impact.


    The key really is balance. There’s no reason why we can’t do the things that we want to do (even if they’re for the wrong reasons sometimes)-but if they begin to dominate our lives and come at the expense of the rest, well, it kind of is our fault and we might have a big mess to clean up.
    So you know what, guys? If you really want to go lose a few pounds and tone up for summer, go ahead. It’s your choice. It looks like I wanted to, and it'd be difficult to avoid that entirely since I clearly put a lot of emphasis on health.
    But that alone won’t solve everything. There are so, so many other skills we need to keep building like our knowledge, creativity, social skills, assertiveness-a perfect body doesn’t exist and that alone would be pretty bland once you got past the initial attraction stage. You’re all amazing for a lot more than your bodies or a number on the scale or your powers of ‘self-control’.

    And an ill body doesn’t help you or me get anywhere you want in life in the slightest. Don’t let ED tell you otherwise.
    All in moderation, my friends.


    I know that was a bit long-winded, but I hope this can help somebody x
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    (Original post by porridgeandrhi)
    How do you guys cope on birthdays? Last year was awful for me and didn't feel like a birthday - no friends, no party, no cake.

    This year I want to challenge myself and have some sort of cake to share with family (I have no friends to share it with, that's one thing e.d's stole from me ). Getting a cake is symbolic in a way... but I don't want something too challenging that's going to mess up my whole day. It probably seems stupid, but it's a huge step for me. I don't know if I should try, and if so what type of cake... :confused: Maybe I should leave it to family to decide?
    It's hard but you have to ask yourself what life you want-a life where you had an awesome birthday and enjoyed time with family, or a life where your birthday was OK because you didn't want to go above maintenance by eating a cake, but otherwise was quite lonely and felt pretty miserable and held back by something you didn't quite understand or want to face up to and it just kept niggling at the back of your mind.

    I'd pick a cake which you have always wanted to have, maybe nostalgic or , definitely cheery, funny or cutesy. (Caterpillar cake is always the boss imo, or buttercream sponge :P) Only you know what it is.

    You only need to have a slice. Well no, you don't have to have the cake at all (if you don't want)-or alternatively you could have the whole thing, if you wanted to, and no-one would mind. Ideally you'd want everyone to share it with you, symbolically as you say-it'd be like sharing your life, the good times and the bad, with the people who care for you and trust you and would never want to see you unhappy. In a way it's saying thank you for being there for me
    But the only person who would lose out from saying no to the cake is yourself, and to cheat yourself on your own birthday?! You deserve better than that. Cut yourself some slack!
    Most importantly spend it with your family, and show them how much you love them with a smile and being thankful. Even if the cake is too much at the time, that matters more.
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by porridgeandrhi)
    How do you guys cope on birthdays? Last year was awful for me and didn't feel like a birthday - no friends, no party, no cake.

    This year I want to challenge myself and have some sort of cake to share with family (I have no friends to share it with, that's one thing e.d's stole from me ). Getting a cake is symbolic in a way... but I don't want something too challenging that's going to mess up my whole day. It probably seems stupid, but it's a huge step for me. I don't know if I should try, and if so what type of cake... :confused: Maybe I should leave it to family to decide?
    Hey, that's a good idea. It'll be nice to show some minor improvement from the previous birthday at which you view negatively. Don't let it be another year in the same old position, the same rut. For me I think I'd ease myself in by getting cupcakes for my birthday and then I can just have one of those. Nothing too big or daunting but still fun and tasty.
 
 
 
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