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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #183
    #183

    (Original post by porridgeandrhi)
    How do you guys cope on birthdays? Last year was awful for me and didn't feel like a birthday - no friends, no party, no cake.

    This year I want to challenge myself and have some sort of cake to share with family (I have no friends to share it with, that's one thing e.d's stole from me ). Getting a cake is symbolic in a way... but I don't want something too challenging that's going to mess up my whole day. It probably seems stupid, but it's a huge step for me. I don't know if I should try, and if so what type of cake... :confused: Maybe I should leave it to family to decide?
    Good for you! I spent my 19th and 20th birthday starving myself and I can safely say this year, for my 21st, it was a much nicer day enjoying great food with my family!
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    I don't think I could add to the great advice already given about your birthday porridgeandrhi - please enjoy it

    I have done a 'draw my life' video featuring my eating disorder story which I have found SO theraputic, so i'm uploading it to youtube and will share i with you guys when it's done. I really recommend doing it.

    Edit: Never mind it turned out rubbish
    • #187
    #187

    Hi everyone. New poster on here so apologies if I'm posting this in the wrong place/thread etc. Part of the reason I've joined this site is so that I can give and receive some advice on a number of things.

    Food has always been an issue for me since I was a little girl. I'm 21, and for large spells during my childhood and teenage years I was overweight. I simply loved food, and it was comforting to me. I still do, although I am now a much healthier weight for my age. At my heaviest, I was about 13 1/2 stone a few years ago. I'm 5"8 and weight just over 10 stone, giving me a BMI of c.21-22.

    However, I'd like to continue to lose weight. I have been praised for my weight loss and told I don't need to. Somehow I don't think I see the same person when I look in the mirror that everybody else sees. Food has become no longer a love, but an obsession, one which I am finding very difficult to conquer. I've been avoiding the usual crisps, choccie, fizzy juice etc. and not eating the biggest of meals. For example, I often have a sandwich for dinner and, more often than not, I'll eat cereal for lunch. I find myself starving by about 3pm/8pm but I don't allow myself to eat until the next meal. I finish one meal and instantly am hit with a feeling of unsatisfaction. But the thought of putting on weight again terrifies me, and say I have bread at lunch one day, I spend the rest of the day beating myself up about it.

    In the last couple of weeks I've been experiencing dizzy spells and pains in my stomach. I am going through a lot at the moment with family problems and I am not sure if this is a side effect of stress or if months of undereating is taking its toll on my body. I told myself to eat a little bit more today, and I have. But now I feel terrible for snacking and for having a sandwich at lunch, and I still feel very hungry. I know that tomorrow I will need to be more strict on myself.

    I know I'm being ridiculous, but I'm starting to lose control. My mum is worried that I may be developing a serious problem and this terrifies me. My friends won't really discuss it with me as they feel the answer is simple: 'go eat something.' My body is craving food but I just do not want to put any weight on. What can I do to snap out of feeling this way?
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    When you do ANYTHING against your body's will, you are indulging disordered thought.

    "Ouch, this hurts... I should keep doing it", a man says, whilst putting his hand into a fire. "Is this normal?, he asks you. Well, of course you're going to tell him it's wrong, and he responds with, "You know, I kinda thought that all along. It really is painful."

    Only, he just keeps putting his hand into the fire.

    You plead with him to stop it as his hand gets more and more charred, more scarred, as he says "I'll stop soon. I'm nearly there."

    Nearly there? What does that even mean? What is he trying to achieve?

    He makes all the excuses he can to keep putting his hand into the fire, but in reality he knows it's wrong, and even HE doesn't know why he continues to do what he's doing. It's long since past time for him to hide, excuse himself, or otherwise conceal or deceive others from what he is doing.

    "Do you think my hand is charred enough?", he asks you. Like he's getting proud of this insanity, or feeling some sense of achievement in it. Only every other person watching on only sees a spectacle of horror, of complete inability to comprehend or understand why he would do this to himself. There is no attraction, no glamour, apparently no upside to doing what he's doing, yet he continues to burn his hand in the fire as everyone around him tires of trying to help, trying to offer solutions, as he seems to ignore their every word.

    THIS IS WHAT AN EATING DISORDER IS, AND IF THIS METAPHOR RINGS EVEN VAGUELY TRUE, YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

    All you're doing... is sticking your hand into a flame. There is no "I am not burnt enough yet", there should be NO element of "burned". It's wrong in any volume, to ANY degree.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    I am not kidding you - you are pretty much me 2 years ago.

    If I had stopped and asked for support where you are now, I wouldn't have wasted 2 years of my life.

    Spoiler:
    Show


    - I too am 5ft 8, and when I decided I needed to loose weight, fast, I was around 12 and a half stone.
    - In 3 months, I lost 3 stone.
    I realised I had a problem at that point, but carried on anyway. This is where you are now.
    I went to uni and starved myself for another year, to be so ill that I was not able to stay in education.

    And guess what - I needed to reefed my body to reverse all of the damage that had been done, and I am exactly the weight you are now. So it was all for nothing. I don't want you to have to go through that too.

    • #187
    #187

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am not kidding you - you are pretty much me 2 years ago.

    If I had stopped and asked for support where you are now, I wouldn't have wasted 2 years of my life.

    Spoiler:
    Show


    - I too am 5ft 8, and when I decided I needed to loose weight, fast, I was around 12 and a half stone.
    - In 3 months, I lost 3 stone.
    I realised I had a problem at that point, but carried on anyway. This is where you are now.
    I went to uni and starved myself for another year, to be so ill that I was not able to stay in education.

    And guess what - I needed to reefed my body to reverse all of the damage that had been done, and I am exactly the weight you are now. So it was all for nothing. I don't want you to have to go through that too.

    Thanks for your response and for sharing your story. I guess it's good I've recognised that there is definitely an issue here. I'm going to attempt to up my calorie intake tomorrow and see how it goes but to tell you the truth, I'm not feeling particularly hopeful of succeeding atm.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for your response and for sharing your story. I guess it's good I've recognised that there is definitely an issue here. I'm going to attempt to up my calorie intake tomorrow and see how it goes but to tell you the truth, I'm not feeling particularly hopeful of succeeding atm.
    Take baby steps, one bit at a time. You will do it You can PM me anytime.
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    There is a great deal of mutual respect on this thread that I will continue to uphold.

    Tomorrow, I have a weekly meeting with my ED psychotherapist. Her job is to ensure I do the bone doctor's work by putting on a bunch of weight to start my osteoblast recovery (and start my bones healing).

    The thing is, I've agreed to my mum coming with us. I don't hide anything from my family, nor do I embellish anything. But there's something about going to an appointment to ensure I've eaten 3000 calories a day and gotten beyond 8 st 5 with my mum watching onwards that fills me with immense dread. Almost like... judgement.

    I will keep on keeping on. But I am uncomfortable. But this is to ensure I do not die of a bone deterioration illness, so big picture, eh, folks. XXX
    • #180
    #180

    Thinking of you Toto, it'll be hard but good for you in the long term. (Also, does increased intake allow more scope for more foodie blog posts? )
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thinking of you Toto, it'll be hard but good for you in the long term. (Also, does increased intake allow more scope for more foodie blog posts? )
    It's certainly a possibility! I am humbled by the continuous support. I always thought my blog posts were falling on deaf ears but I checked my Google Adsense today and I'm getting at the very least, 4000 page views a day. That's not crap.
    • #188
    #188

    I think I've pretty much always had a problem with how much I weigh and my body image, but I think things became more prominent a couple of years ago, when I dropped several stone in a matter of a few months. I was quite large, not gunna lie, but I hated myself and I convinced myself that if I lost weight that I would be happier and more comfortable in my own skin. So, I cut out everything unhealthy, started exercising more... just a normal healthy diet. But then I started starving myself, religiously counting calories, feeling intensely guilty if I ate something as small as a banana and making myself sick to get rid of it.

    I still absolutely hate the way I look, I look in the mirror and all I see is fat, even if everyone assures me that I'm not. If I eat, I feel guilty, no matter how healthy or small it is. And God forbid I eat a biscuit, or drink a full-fat drink. I regularly make myself throw up and I can see how much it's affecting me... I'm pretty much ****ing up my teeth and everything right now, and I can't even stop myself from doing it. The thing is, I know I'm at a healthy weight, but I can't help but look in the mirror and see someone overweight looking back, I know that all I'm just damaging my body.
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    Anon -

    Having a bad body image is something that is difficult to get over - the majority of us on this thread have body dysmorphic disorder or at the least don't like our bodies... but what we can control is how much we let it take over our lives, and whether we put it to one side and live life despite it

    Option 1 - You ask for help and try to get better. You feel fat, but you are healthy and have friends and a social life and a promising future.
    Option 2 - You continue punishing yourself. You feel fat, but you are unhealthy, and isolate yourself. You can't imagine a future.

    And that's just the start! In time many people learn to accept, and then even like their bodies.

    The more you talk about it the weaker your problems become.
    xxxxx
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    okay, did any of you experience crazy leg bruises throughout ED? I can handle them throughout Winter without being too bothered but now wearing shorts without tights is very daunting.. I'm not sure if they are ED related or just some form of general deficiency, but they seem to turn up mighty easily without even bumping myself on things, up and down my shins.

    I'm upping my intake as I go so hopefully they should die down a little but any other tips would be helpful
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    (Original post by shaylux)
    x
    Have you had your bloods done recently? Women tend to bruise more easily than men.. but if you bruise like a peach it hints at some kind of deficiency/malnutrition. x
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    (Original post by shaylux)
    okay, did any of you experience crazy leg bruises throughout ED?
    I get this too? :confused:
    I did a bit of research... If you haven't got the adequate calorie intake, your body obviously starts to shut down and finds it harder to repair itself. It's also a sign of vitamin deficiency. :/ Yup, not a good sign - good luck with increasing your intake!
    In the short-term: You can buy Bruise cream from Boots - it has Arnica in, supposedly a herbal remedy. Or Bio-oil. I use Bio-oil on scars; it's expensive but it works wonders.

    Also, a quick update from my birthday: I did it! I actually had birthday cake yesterday... For the first time in over two years.
    It was a Smarties Little Gift Cake. I was considering getting the nostalgic Caterpillar Cake, but there is only three people in my household... So it would be a waste of money really.
    I did get very anxious, jittery and cranky about it though. I just hope my family understand how much it meant... Anyway, it was nice, and I love smarties
    I've got a Sixth Form open day on Tuesday, which I'm reeeeally panicking about. But thinking positively - I'm hoping that actually getting a life - friends, interests etc will aid with recovery. Recovery is impossible if I'm at home all day with nothing to do.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by porridgeandrhi)
    xxx
    Yayyy!! :banana2::groovy::rave::woo::yay:
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Have you had your bloods done recently? Women tend to bruise more easily than men.. but if you bruise like a peach it hints at some kind of deficiency/malnutrition. x
    Not recently no, the bruises have been pretty consistent though & I had blood tests done around 6months ago at the clinic, with no deficiencies mentioned.

    Arnica sounds like it could do the trick, thanks!
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    (Original post by shaylux)
    okay, did any of you experience crazy leg bruises throughout ED? I can handle them throughout Winter without being too bothered but now wearing shorts without tights is very daunting.. I'm not sure if they are ED related or just some form of general deficiency, but they seem to turn up mighty easily without even bumping myself on things, up and down my shins.

    I'm upping my intake as I go so hopefully they should die down a little but any other tips would be helpful
    i did/ do. I fine a get them over my forearms as well. Anyone else finding that they're effing freezing all of the time. I was so close to crawling into the oven with the sausages we had for tea this evening I was THAT cold.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    i did/ do. I fine a get them over my forearms as well. Anyone else finding that they're effing freezing all of the time. I was so close to crawling into the oven with the sausages we had for tea this evening I was THAT cold.
    Sensitivity to the cold was my WORST symptom even now i'm weight restored. I've got Raynauds syndrome too, but the core of my body feels freezing at times.

    I've started taking flaxseed oil, iron and B12 supplements as well trying to get loads more vitamins in my diet (fortified cereal too) and it has been improving massively.
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    ^ ugrugofdg
 
 
 
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