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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #193
    #193

    I'm starting uni in september and very scared I'm going to spiral out of control.
    Since May i've managed to get my intakes higher - but when I'm not being told or forced to eat, I don't.
    I'm quite scared going 300 miles away to uni that i'm going to go worse.....

    Doctors don't seem to listen to me very much because I'm normal weight/on the verge of underweight.
    I know at uni I just won't eat... or restrict very low. Even now it kills me to go over 800 calories and I'm taking laxatives and everything.
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    (Original post by Molly648)
    I also have suffered from anorexia. I took both the Zoloft/ Sertraline! Honestly I think I have taken so many different medications. Anyway, I found them useful after a week or two of taking them at the right dose for me, the main problem I had was that they made me incredibly drowsy but they definitely helped. I had to take Fluoxetine before, but they didn't work as well for me as the Sertraline. I suppose each person is different though so hopefully the Sertraline also works for you


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    Hey What are the noticeable differences between Fluoxetine and Sertraline? I'm considering trying medication - it's a huge step because generally I've been against it. The psychiatrist suggested Fluoxetine. I'm a bit unsure... I've heard there are loads of side effects and I really don't want to go on something strong... People seem to be a lot more in favour of Sertraline, is it any better?
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by porridgeandrhi)
    Hey What are the noticeable differences between Fluoxetine and Sertraline? I'm considering trying medication - it's a huge step because generally I've been against it. The psychiatrist suggested Fluoxetine. I'm a bit unsure... I've heard there are loads of side effects and I really don't want to go on something strong... People seem to be a lot more in favour of Sertraline, is it any better?
    If you're going to start an antidepressant, fluoxetine is probably the safest and has the fewest side effects. It's usually the first one which is tried. Personally, I tolerated fluoxetine (but it didn't help me), but I had a really bad reaction to sertraline so had to stop taking it. Everyone reacts differently, so with medication it is a case of trial and error unfortunately.
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    Never posted here before, but recently Iv been struggling more and more with binge eating and really don't know what to do anymore :cry2:


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    Okay, I have a lot of different insights;

    Regarding medication, I want you to be very, very aware that doctors do not assign mood enhancers or depressants readily. If you've been prescribed anti-depressants, it's for a very important reason. Would a doctor assign an incredibly powerful painkiller for a rather nasty scratch? Of course not!

    I have personally been on Fluoxetine and Olanzapine. I will be very overt in saying that for me, Fluoxetine merely made marginal difference to me. Many people see huge difference though. However as my particular neurosis is one that makes my thoughts very manic (to the point I think myself awake) the Olanzapine (which is anti-psychosis) was WAY more helpful for me. It dulls not your intelligence, but the sheer volume of emotional and intellectual information and calculations you shower yourself with.

    So if you think logically the anti-depressal tablet is designed to simply make you less depressed, whereas an anti-psychotic makes you feel less erratic and emotional about your thoughts. If you feel your thoughts are less sad and more manic, you might ask your GP to consider Olanzapine or a similar medication.


    Secondly, I heard "not being able to control my restriction". That's a contradiction. Your restriction IS your control, and you use it to gain some kind of value and worth over a world that you cannot control. Therefore, you are effectively your own solution. To gain back control, sieze it from yourself! You are restricting to garner control... why not garner control by beating restriction? Why not think of your new "mission" to be "special" as recovering and beating some stupid arbitrary number?

    Lastly, our newest member Poncho, I heard you cannot fathom how to stop binge eating. This is actually something most anorexics endure believe it or not. After restricting for so long, you basically face the wrath of the "rubber band" effect, which is when you've been stretched so far one way it is inevitable you will fly the other way. I for one had this for many months. At first I made the excuse "I need to, to get to a healthier weight." Then I started forgetting hunger and started just eating crazily to meet my goal. When I'd done what needed to be done I forgot what food was. I started just using it as a stopgap, a means to an end, more than fuel, it became an obsession in a different way.

    Food is just fuel for the body. Nothing else. When you go nuts thinking about it all day of COURSE you're going to find yourself on one side of the coin - abstaining, or gorging! The only solution is to find a new neurotic obsession. That sounds like a stupid thing to say but I'm being realistic. If you are the sort of person who is obsessive about one thing, you are likely that persona of being that enjoys obsession, addiction, being a zealot.

    Whether it's SuDoku, Pokemon Cards or Chess, you have to divert the obsession somehow. It might seem like you're passing the buck, but in reality you're just diverting your mind from destruction to distraction.

    I suggest Poncho, every time you go to eat something, repeat the phrase, "Am I hungry? Are you hungry?" -if you get into this habit, you will find yourself answering "no" a lot of the times. It sounds like a lame exercise but the more you do it, the more you hear your own voice saying "no, I am not hungry", the more you begin to listen to it. So my advice - every time you go to eat, ask the question. And also, DIVERT THE OBSESSION. These two are key.
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    I agree with toto - I went through binging and it was more unbearable than being unable to eat, but with time and no purging (very important) the urges are getting less and less frequent. I have found its important to be kind to yourself and not set specific or unattainable goals... And also to ride the wave and figure out what you want to numb out xx


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    The sad notion is, the longer you have punished and wrecked your body, the longer it will desire replenishment, The longer you starve your body to death, the more it wants to refeed. This means the longer you kill yourself, the longer you must heal yourself. The longer you starve your body, the more pounds you have to pack back on. Think about it as a long-term deal. An anorexic who starves to a BMI of 17 will have to refeed to BMI 20.5 recover. An anorexic who starves to BMI 16 will have to refeed to BMI 21.5 to fully recover, and exponentially so.

    The more you starve yourself, the more you will have to gain beyond your comfort zone to heal yourself, and that is medical fact.

    I was personally 6.5 stone at my lowest. I cite that not as bragging, but as PURE SHAME. That is DISGUSTING. I am a man nearing my thirties and almost killed myself. But they told me - before I will start to heal my metabolic rate, bone density, muscular structure, and more - I will need to be BMI 22. That freaked me out something rotten, but what can I do? Die instead?

    I want to not die. It was the doctors in the hospital telling me of months to live that made me defy my own mortality and face reality again. Sadly my own negligence had me in this point where I have no option but to do as they say. Plumpen. Chub-up, Whatever. You call it whatever you want. The more you starve, the more you have to deal with this.

    And trust me, to those "latent anorexic pride" sufferers - you know the guys I mean - the ones that secretly LOVE how skinny they are - you only have SO much more weight to gain to get better, the more you starve. And the only other option is death. Have fun in choosing, that's all I'll say, because when it came to my ultimatum? You're damn right I chose a weightier, more painful life in spite of a quick and easy, shameful death. X
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Lastly, our newest member Poncho, I heard you cannot fathom how to stop binge eating. This is actually something most anorexics endure believe it or not. After restricting for so long, you basically face the wrath of the "rubber band" effect, which is when you've been stretched so far one way it is inevitable you will fly the other way. I for one had this for many months. At first I made the excuse "I need to, to get to a healthier weight." Then I started forgetting hunger and started just eating crazily to meet my goal. When I'd done what needed to be done I forgot what food was. I started just using it as a stopgap, a means to an end, more than fuel, it became an obsession in a different way.

    Food is just fuel for the body. Nothing else. When you go nuts thinking about it all day of COURSE you're going to find yourself on one side of the coin - abstaining, or gorging! The only solution is to find a new neurotic obsession. That sounds like a stupid thing to say but I'm being realistic. If you are the sort of person who is obsessive about one thing, you are likely that persona of being that enjoys obsession, addiction, being a zealot.

    Whether it's SuDoku, Pokemon Cards or Chess, you have to divert the obsession somehow. It might seem like you're passing the buck, but in reality you're just diverting your mind from destruction to distraction.

    I suggest Poncho, every time you go to eat something, repeat the phrase, "Am I hungry? Are you hungry?" -if you get into this habit, you will find yourself answering "no" a lot of the times. It sounds like a lame exercise but the more you do it, the more you hear your own voice saying "no, I am not hungry", the more you begin to listen to it. So my advice - every time you go to eat, ask the question. And also, DIVERT THE OBSESSION. These two are key.
    Iv been in a binge mode for a few days now - just ate a family size pie to myself :sad: along with the pack of crisps while it was cooking.
    I was gonna spend the day not eating but that failed

    Its so difficult stopping myself eating i hate it so much but its also a comfort. One thats just getting worse and worse



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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Iv been in a binge mode for a few days now - just ate a family size pie to myself :sad: along with the pack of crisps while it was cooking.
    I was gonna spend the day not eating but that failed

    Its so difficult stopping myself eating i hate it so much but its also a comfort. One thats just getting worse and worse



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    Listen my friend, this is something that will get easier. Like a panic, it seems like you're going to die at first. Then, injury, then cry. But soon you understand that your panic is nothing to have worried about in the first place. You are safe.

    Binge eating in EVERY scenario is a placeholder, a safeguard and a hobby all at once. But what that means is... You are eating to make yourself feel better about something that is awry. What is wrong in your life, Poncho? Let us figure that out.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Iv been in a binge mode for a few days now - just ate a family size pie to myself :sad: along with the pack of crisps while it was cooking.
    I was gonna spend the day not eating but that failed

    Its so difficult stopping myself eating i hate it so much but its also a comfort. One thats just getting worse and worse



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    'I was gonna spend the day not eating but that failed ' - that was what I meant by unattainable goals. An all or nothing mentality will not work and will lead to a binge. Xx




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    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Just spent the afternoon having Indian Buffet and beers with dad. He told me it's great to have his son back.

    JUST before I was about to doubt myself and think, "I'm consuming a lot", he turns around and makes me realise this is what life is. Imagine if I spent every moment fretting and I died in my bed having spent my entire life wondering how many daily calories I had used up on my breakfast that day, instead of spending that whole day having a lovely time with the people I hold dear.
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    Funny you should post this, as I read it just before I came out for dinner at a curry house. I ate with this in mind and didn't think about calorie, merely ate until I was satisfied.

    Now I want to tear myself apart limb from limb to get rid of the calories I have eaten

    The other day I re-downloaded my calorie-counting app, from the aptly named "Fat Secret". I'm ashamed that I did but at the same time I need to know how many I am having
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    x
    Sorry, I'm not sure why it keeps anon-ing me on this thread. That post above was me
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    Snowy, I am living proof that you absolutely do not need to count calories. I used to spend 80% of my mental energy thinking about calories, and now I absolutely could not tell you how many I've had today. I am so much happier for it. You ate until you were satisfied, and that is perfect xx


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    • #194
    #194

    Hello Just found this thread, puts things into perspective! Thought I'd just share, I've never told anyone, only my best friend.

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    I'm fairly young and I suffer everyday because of body hatred, though things are getting better. I wasn't anorexic, I had many symptoms of anorexia nervosa. I didn't even realise and it scared me to death, I hadn't had a period for months and I was petrified and I was alone. But I just told my mum I was struggling with eating, I didn't want to eat, I over exercised and felt bad if I netted around 500 calories. But she just told me (actually it was over text, I'm not good at talking) that I had to eat. I still struggle now and I beat myself up a lot, I'm happy I found this thread though. aah I can't even find the courage to press submit reply, okay I will...
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    Snowyowl, I've known you on this thread a while now and though you are not prone to as many powerful skewings as a few posters, you have had your doubts. I now know you're devoted to recovery, and I think a lot of posters should, if you're SERIOUS about seeing other people in their journey, look through this thread to see similar "panic posts" made by the more confident posters today. You'll understand you were never unique; we all felt the way you do, at some point. Snowy, you are a gem and a hero.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Listen my friend, this is something that will get easier. Like a panic, it seems like you're going to die at first. Then, injury, then cry. But soon you understand that your panic is nothing to have worried about in the first place. You are safe.

    Binge eating in EVERY scenario is a placeholder, a safeguard and a hobby all at once. But what that means is... You are eating to make yourself feel better about something that is awry. What is wrong in your life, Poncho? Let us figure that out.
    Im at the drs next week for a medication check up and im gonna be more honest than ever with her.

    I have depression/anxiety i was extremly badly bullied throughout my school life from age 6 to like 18
    So yeah


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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Snowy, I am living proof that you absolutely do not need to count calories. I used to spend 80% of my mental energy thinking about calories, and now I absolutely could not tell you how many I've had today. I am so much happier for it. You ate until you were satisfied, and that is perfect xx


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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Snowyowl, I've known you on this thread a while now and though you are not prone to as many powerful skewings as a few posters, you have had your doubts. I now know you're devoted to recovery, and I think a lot of posters should, if you're SERIOUS about seeing other people in their journey, look through this thread to see similar "panic posts" made by the more confident posters today. You'll understand you were never unique; we all felt the way you do, at some point. Snowy, you are a gem and a hero.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    I don't know how to explain how I feel. It's like... If someone else were the same size as me, I would consider them slim and brand them insane for wanting to be slimmer. But for me, my size isn't good enough. I will never feel adequate unless I am as small as I possibly can be, and yet I don't know where that limit lies. I don't even know if there is a limit. That's what scares me - if I had a target in mind I would happily restrict until I reached it, but my concern is that I have no target - just a desire to be smaller than I am now.

    I am no hero. I don't deserve that title I'm weak. I've slipped into depression twice in my life (once on the brink of suicide). I have never been anything more than a disappointment for my family, and I want to be perfect I don't know how else to achieve perfection other than losing weight. That's the only thing I was ever praised for - being slim. My partner tells me he likes me as I am, but then he is a self-confessed "chubby chaser" - which lumps me in that chubby category, no? I am a little soft around the edges but although he likes it, I would rip it off with my bear hands if I could.

    I don't know why I'm having a meltdown tonight. I'm sorry you've both said such kind things to be but I just don't deserve it.
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    been a while since I've cried over a meal. Whoops.
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    There are some really great motivating posts on this forum. Glad I logged back on here.
    Really helped pick me up this evening reading a lot of your words
 
 
 
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