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    http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2013...t-signify.html

    Worth a look for anyone
    Hope everybody's OK X
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    Toto you are amaaaazing loving your last few posts. I've also found that as well as the emotional causes you've addressed, it also becomes addictive because there are short term physical rewards - ie sugar highs, which is why when i have a day higher in sugar, the next day i am more likely to feel a random urge to binge out of the blue (and its not psychological, as in its not because i felt guilty for eating the sugar). Even if things are now not empty, you will still get urges because it has become a pattern that your brain is used to, but riding the wave makes it a pointless waste of energy for your brain to scream 'binge!' for hours... And so it lessens and eventually stops.


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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Why would anyone ever kill themselves to be this creature of self-doubt when those around you would never view you with the evil scrutiny that an ED does?
    So, so true. I agree with Cinnie, your posts have been so motivating!
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    New goals: Cut down on fitspo and get to bed at a reasonable time

    would still like to be able to exercise/'tain' guilt-free, although tbh I don't think I'm in the right mindset for training if I cba going to bed some days

    Thanks Toto man

    Spoiler:
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    Question about sugar high and addiction: what if you feel you have to do it (eat some sugar, eat lots of sugar) because if you don't you''re not overcoming your ED?
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    Riku in regards to your spoiler.. That is exactly how I felt at first in recovery. Recovery is about going outside your comfort zone, but eating an ice cream, then going out with your friends and eating some sweets at the movies to challenge your ed is different to eating a whole tub of ice cream until you feel sick. You talk a lot about wanting to do things properly and perfectly, but its actually counter productive. Do what makes you feel good and that will be different every day - it's something you can't plan or predict and you have to be able to live in the moment.


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    • #81
    #81

    (Original post by Riku)
    http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2013...t-signify.html

    Worth a look for anyone
    Hope everybody's OK X
    One of my favourite blogs.

    "ED Bites" and "Science of Eating Disorders" are also really informative.
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    Putting all the eating stuff to one side, what kills me the most is knowing that no matter what day I'm having food wise (and regardless of how long it lasts), I am never happy with myself. Sure my son makes me happy, my boyfriend makes me happy, but I'm never happy because of myself. I constantly doubt myself, worry about every little thing, compare and criticise everything I do etc.

    This isn't ed related and began way before the ed even surfaced, so I've no idea how to cope with that. The ed gives me something to blame such feelings on, and I'm scared to let go because then I need to find out, and face, the reasons for being and feeling the way I am.
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    What many people don`t realise is that the group,Overeaters Anonymous is also for Anorexics and Bulimics. In fact almost half of OA members suffer from either one of these eating disorders. Me, I have a compulsion to eat. The mindset is exactly the same though. The first step is admitting you are powerless over food. That is the hardest thing to come to terms with though. No-one likes to admit this about themselves. But it is a disease,just like alcoholism. It is also progressive, regardlesss of whether you are Anorexic,Bulimic or a Compulsive Overeater. Your thought patterns are the same. It will continue to become worse until you find a way to address it. At OA EVERYONE is encouraged to try and eat 3 healthy meals a day, regardless of whether they are 5 stones or 50 stones. But no eating ANYTHING in between these three meals. No bingeing or purging. Eat three healthy meals and not a thing more. No amount of people saying "just use a bit of willpower" will help. It is a disease, and a progressive one. The pre-occupation with food, how many calories can you restrict yourself by, the guilt at eating too much, or what you perceive to be too much. The body dysmorphia. I find it sad that so many health professionals have never even heard of Overeaters Anonymous. I`m with a group of people who understand exactly how I relate to food, and how it controls my life,my thoughts .
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    I am flattered so many people have found my recent couple of pages of advice to resonate to well.

    Rubix, you in particular are causing me concern. It seems the eating disorder is nowhere near the top of your most distructive of disorders. It's your self-perceptive disorder. You and a few of the other people posting are most definitely in the subset of disorders that might never ever be truly contented with your frame, and no matter which size or shape it becomes, your mind will be bound by an aspirational drive to alter it. I'm certain your current man is not helping you with his head being on his departed ex, as this is giving you a "replacement complex".

    In trying to replace her, you are subconsciously trying to change yourself in so many ways. Perhaps you don't want to BE her, but you know you can't be YOU. In this mindset, you will never be happy or accept your current frame and being.

    You cannot change who you are. Your man is clearly with you because he wants YOU, and though he quite clearly says the wrong things sometimes, he does not want you to STOP BEING YOU.

    So you must find a way out of this mindset of the "replacement mentality"; your attributes as they stand do not need to be altered to better yourself.
    • #183
    #183

    Yesterday I discovered that my eating disorder has caused my stomach to stop functioning correctly, and no longer digests food like it should.

    Large meals cause my intestine to go into spasm, causing 'so much pain people have been known to collapse'. And I can assure you, I have felt this pain on more than one occasion. It hurts so much I can hardly stand.

    Just a warning to anyone on this thread who isn't in too deep to get out while you can. ED's are a dark disgusting thing, and if you can still see the light, seize it, don't put it out.

    Much love x
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    Going back home tomorrow after being away for a month, which means home alone during the day, which in turn means full access to all foods. Not good


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    Only "Not good" if you allow it to be. Any other person in that scenario would be entirely flippant. Remember you're always in charge. You decide what you eat.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I am flattered so many people have found my recent couple of pages of advice to resonate to well.

    Rubix, you in particular are causing me concern. It seems the eating disorder is nowhere near the top of your most distructive of disorders. It's your self-perceptive disorder. You and a few of the other people posting are most definitely in the subset of disorders that might never ever be truly contented with your frame, and no matter which size or shape it becomes, your mind will be bound by an aspirational drive to alter it. I'm certain your current man is not helping you with his head being on his departed ex, as this is giving you a "replacement complex".

    In trying to replace her, you are subconsciously trying to change yourself in so many ways. Perhaps you don't want to BE her, but you know you can't be YOU. In this mindset, you will never be happy or accept your current frame and being.

    You cannot change who you are. Your man is clearly with you because he wants YOU, and though he quite clearly says the wrong things sometimes, he does not want you to STOP BEING YOU.

    So you must find a way out of this mindset of the "replacement mentality"; your attributes as they stand do not need to be altered to better yourself.
    In regards to my boyfriend he only really thought about her because of the day. Aside from that he's never said he wished he were still with her etc.
    He only speaks about her when we talk about our children, the relationship with their other parent and their early upbringing etc - general stuff. He just feels bad that hos daughter won't know her mother, which is acceptable.

    In relation to everything else, you're spot on. There are so many issues which cause me to be unhappy with myself and all of them were before the ed started, and may have contributed to the fact that I developed an ed in the first place.

    I just don't know how I'm supposed to overcome this, I clearly cannot get over it on my own, but I don't know how to seek help ... and I'm too scared to do so.


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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Only "Not good" if you allow it to be. Any other person in that scenario would be entirely flippant. Remember you're always in charge. You decide what you eat.
    Most of the time i dont though. Iv even had some days where i have no idea what iv eaten or how much


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    Reading my last posts is quite scary. I go from an almost normal thought process, to eratic nonsense, to seemingly normal again. All the while that crazy is just around the corner.

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    • #81
    #81

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yesterday I discovered that my eating disorder has caused my stomach to stop functioning correctly, and no longer digests food like it should.

    Large meals cause my intestine to go into spasm, causing 'so much pain people have been known to collapse'. And I can assure you, I have felt this pain on more than one occasion. It hurts so much I can hardly stand.

    Just a warning to anyone on this thread who isn't in too deep to get out while you can. ED's are a dark disgusting thing, and if you can still see the light, seize it, don't put it out.

    Much love x
    bulimia nervosa?
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Riku in regards to your spoiler.. That is exactly how I felt at first in recovery. Recovery is about going outside your comfort zone, but eating an ice cream, then going out with your friends and eating some sweets at the movies to challenge your ed is different to eating a whole tub of ice cream until you feel sick. You talk a lot about wanting to do things properly and perfectly, but its actually counter productive. Do what makes you feel good and that will be different every day - it's something you can't plan or predict and you have to be able to live in the moment.


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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Only "Not good" if you allow it to be. Any other person in that scenario would be entirely flippant. Remember you're always in charge. You decide what you eat.
    Sorry for quoting out of context btw
    But I thought we'd established that 'what makes me happy' is superficial (even though really I don't think it is) and I can't be trusted to decide what I eat/when I exercise?
    That's basically the point of self-sabotage. I assume I can no longer be trusted and what I do can no longer make others happy.
    I'm still having this conversation with my parents and they keep saying 'do what makes you happy'. Moderate exercise is what keeps my anxiety in check, gives me the mood boost for the day.
    Again the whole saying 'sometimes saying no to cake' is me wanting to exercise my own will. I love cake. Also I've been out to 4 outings in the last week which have exposed me to what would previously have been regarded as 'junk' to the point where it's no longer the highlight of the day.
    I want to get back to the way I used to do things (but a bit easier on myself) but I'm not sure how I can decide these things for myself when my mind's got a skewed perception :/


    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    Reading my last posts is quite scary. I go from an almost normal thought process, to eratic nonsense, to seemingly normal again. All the while that crazy is just around the corner.

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    Snap Rubix
    :hugs: Acceptance is the first step
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Snap Rubix
    :hugs: Acceptance is the first step
    I just don't know if the crazy is because of the ed, or happened before it and it has just been amplified.
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    "Pure" Eating Disorders - that is, an eating disorder that does not stem from another mental disorder - believe it or not, are one in over forty.

    That means that you have a 39 in 40 chance that your illness, your skewed vision of eating, is not with the food itself, but with another unrelated issue.

    If you feel you are unworthy of someone's attention, you might choose punishment. If you lack love, ambition, sex - you might find yourself satiating yourself. Food is all around, it's necessary to be alive, and we must do it to survive, so it's a clearly obvious go-to if you want to fill a void - likewise, as the lifeblood that drives us, the fuel that powers us, by begrudging yourself that, you are in effect telling yourself you do not deserve to be driven, to be powered, that day.

    Food is nothing more than energy that takes various forms. A calorie is nothing more than a measurement of heat expended as energy. The more heat generated, the more energy you create.

    Humans live because we consume and expend energy. That's all there is to it. So consider all other aspects of your life. Are you expending a lot of energy? consuming a lot, but not expending?

    The chances are when you boil everything down elementally, you forget that there was an underlying demon the entire time. So, with a 39/40 chance of having some other emotional problem, have you considered why you want to ply yourself with excess energy, or rid your body of it?
    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    "Pure" Eating Disorders - that is, an eating disorder that does not stem from another mental disorder - believe it or not, are one in over forty.

    That means that you have a 39 in 40 chance that your illness, your skewed vision of eating, is not with the food itself, but with another unrelated issue.

    If you feel you are unworthy of someone's attention, you might choose punishment. If you lack love, ambition, sex - you might find yourself satiating yourself. Food is all around, it's necessary to be alive, and we must do it to survive, so it's a clearly obvious go-to if you want to fill a void - likewise, as the lifeblood that drives us, the fuel that powers us, by begrudging yourself that, you are in effect telling yourself you do not deserve to be driven, to be powered, that day.

    Food is nothing more than energy that takes various forms. A calorie is nothing more than a measurement of heat expended as energy. The more heat generated, the more energy you create.

    Humans live because we consume and expend energy. That's all there is to it. So consider all other aspects of your life. Are you expending a lot of energy? consuming a lot, but not expending?

    The chances are when you boil everything down elementally, you forget that there was an underlying demon the entire time. So, with a 39/40 chance of having some other emotional problem, have you considered why you want to ply yourself with excess energy, or rid your body of it?
    This has really struck a chord with me I definitely recognise the feeling of being unworthy. I feel it myself all the time feelings of inadequacy also hover at the front of my mind every day. I don't know how to escape it
 
 
 
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