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    (Original post by Riku)
    Not the best day

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    Come home from work (where I'm told I'm too slow in doing things, again) to find one of my colleagues had posted a Facebook status a few weeks ago that went somethinglike this:

    'Well the boy in work today is certainly erm, challenged. Never ever met anyone SO SO AAARGGH!'

    on the same day I was working with her. She must have been referring to me, she gets on

    Why not just say to my face that I'm retarded or a spaz, it's not like I didn't hear it enough in school

    I also get treated like a child by the rest. One girl treats me like I'm dirt on her feet, another guy like I'm 12 even though I'm older than him, this one (who happens to be one of my supervisors!) shows her true colours.
    Only a handful respect me fully, one guy who's just a really nice bloke, the manager (who even still treats me more like her grandchild now she knows about my conditions), and my friends who left when they had enough. There's also one girl who chats to me a lot but the way she does it you'd think she's just feeling sorry for me, which is sad because I think she's a lovely girl.

    The fact the custoemrs think of me as a man, or at least young man, but my colleagues as a boy, is even more disheartening

    Sometimes I really wish I wasn't born Dyspraxic and then sometimes I wish I had the strength to actually make something of myself despite it, and actually this is all my fault and I didn't try hard enough, like all my past achievements were just tokens of sympathy and pity

    This really just confirms my suspicions that my colleagues are talking about me behind my back

    I'm eating my dinner like a good boy because I need lots of energy to seethe like I am right now.

    I'm sorry for the sheer negativity of all that but I'm not receiving any positive feedback from people
    I totally get how you feel. I've just got my first job and I get sworn at by both passengers and supervisors. Obviously, I must be stupid because I'm new to the job. It's the only explanation, never mind that the system we've been trained on doesn't allow us all the functions of the old system. They also treat me badly because I go to university and I'm only just turning 20. I know they're talking behind my back -- the majority of them are Italian and don't realise that I can actually understand it when they b*tch about me!

    The thing you need to do is rise above it and prove them wrong. Acknowledge that yes, they are being two-faced, but do the job to the best of your abilities and kill them with kindness. They won't know what to do. If I let all the s*it at work get to me, I would've quit within the first week. People are always going to be cruel to you throughout every aspect of life and it's up to you to tell yourself that they're wrong. I know it's difficult to be positive about yourself given what you've been going through but you need to. You can't afford to take negativity from colleagues and yourself. x
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Not the best day

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    Come home from work (where I'm told I'm too slow in doing things, again) to find one of my colleagues had posted a Facebook status a few weeks ago that went somethinglike this:

    'Well the boy in work today is certainly erm, challenged. Never ever met anyone SO SO AAARGGH!'

    on the same day I was working with her. She must have been referring to me, she gets on

    Why not just say to my face that I'm retarded or a spaz, it's not like I didn't hear it enough in school

    I also get treated like a child by the rest. One girl treats me like I'm dirt on her feet, another guy like I'm 12 even though I'm older than him, this one (who happens to be one of my supervisors!) shows her true colours.
    Only a handful respect me fully, one guy who's just a really nice bloke, the manager (who even still treats me more like her grandchild now she knows about my conditions), and my friends who left when they had enough. There's also one girl who chats to me a lot but the way she does it you'd think she's just feeling sorry for me, which is sad because I think she's a lovely girl.

    The fact the custoemrs think of me as a man, or at least young man, but my colleagues as a boy, is even more disheartening

    Sometimes I really wish I wasn't born Dyspraxic and then sometimes I wish I had the strength to actually make something of myself despite it, and actually this is all my fault and I didn't try hard enough, like all my past achievements were just tokens of sympathy and pity

    This really just confirms my suspicions that my colleagues are talking about me behind my back

    I'm eating my dinner like a good boy because I need lots of energy to seethe like I am right now.

    I'm sorry for the sheer negativity of all that but I'm not receiving any positive feedback from people
    It seems to me that perhaps you ARE overtrying. There's a very strong notion that "The most revered person is the one that doesn't realise it" - if you clamour for positive reactions, you will never receive them.

    It's the same in all social scenarios. If you're with a girl you like, you don't do something and then ask her to fill out a questionnaire on how much she enjoyed doing that thing, just for a sense of achievement or positive direction. The silence is inherently positive, not awkward. Do a nice thing for a girl, and she remains silent and smiles, and that is RESOUNDINGLY positive feedback. You needn't follow it up with, "so HOW much did you enjoy it, 1/10?"

    You are still gauging your worth by how others see and feel around you. You're placing far too much worth on being outwardly excellent to impress people when by doing this, you probably will never achieve this level of impression.

    "Only a coward will ever be called a hero, and only a hero can ever become a coward."

    If you keep proving yourself and showing yourself to being this pedestal-bound "ideal guy" who attracts attention and reverence, you can only ever be disappointed when it doesn't happen. If you remain the lad who gets on with it, doesn't place too much worth on the trivial matters and does a good job, you will likely end up being the most highly praised of all. The saying "Only a coward will ever be called a hero, and only a hero can ever become a coward" is a strong phrase in this context because the man who bellows how powerful, smart and brave he is has nowhere to go with his words. Even if he acts accordingly, people would've expected it. He talked a big game and walked a big game. It was expected and as such, hardly even impressive. The "coward" in the saying doesn't need to be "cowardly" in a traditional sense, but that person that meekly says nothing at all, but acts beyond his silent state - THAT draws attention in a positive way.

    I'm not slating you because you are clearly totally bound by this self-worth credo dictating you to eat healthy, work out, prove yourself, be the best, show off, look for praise in every avenue - that's the nature of your disorder. I'm just saying you will receive more positive praise by dialling that down quite significantly.

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    Thanks guys

    Big :hugs: to Jazzy. I hope they start respecting you soon, it's not on to judge someone based on their age.

    Toto I see where you're coming from, what you seem to be saying is once again I'm being a drama king :/
    For the record I'm generally quite quiet in work (as in lurk in the shadows until someone comes to talk quiet!), but maybe psychologically yeah I'm trying to be perfect. I'll think about this.
    • #173
    #173

    So after being told off by Toto I have avoided this thread, but I had something of a breakthrough today

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    Although I was initially scared to eat my lunch for fear of calories (as I'd had quite a few thia morning) and desperately looking for ways I can cut them out, I made myself stop and think logically "is that pitta bread REALLY going to make me fat overnight? Is 750 calories before dinner really that much of a disaster?" So I kept making myself think that over and over, until I came to the conclusion that no, it wasn't - so I ate half a pitta bread with my lunchtime salad inside
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So after being told off by Toto I have avoided this thread, but I had something of a breakthrough today

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    Although I was initially scared to eat my lunch for fear of calories (as I'd had quite a few thia morning) and desperately looking for ways I can cut them out, I made myself stop and think logically "is that pitta bread REALLY going to make me fat overnight? Is 750 calories before dinner really that much of a disaster?" So I kept making myself think that over and over, until I came to the conclusion that no, it wasn't - so I ate half a pitta bread with my lunchtime salad inside

    and the best part is it gets easier everytime buddy
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    Hi. I just made an account on this site because I feel like a need to get this off my chest to people that might have had similar experiences. I'm rambling but i hope some of you on here might be able to offer some insight
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    I was diagnosed with an eating disorder this year. I was struggling to stop the bulimia and restricting from getting out of control and went to the doctors in February when I was ready to acknowledge I had a problem .It had been developing for about a year and I decided to try and stop while I still could. I wasn't underweight but I was worrying myself- I had assigned myself a "safe weight" in my mind that I had to be, and i was getting below that and still felt unhappy/unsafe/~out of control~ etc. I've experienced anxiety and sleeping problems before but became the worst they've been yet at this time and my mental state was just generally awful.
    I told a few friends and my family and I have managed to stop restricting and purging after I went travelling with friends in June and had to follow their lead with food. It helped me stop feeling afraid to eat and i'm very grateful that I had that opportunity and experience. I'm struggling with binge eating though. My problem is now that I am living at home with my mother until the student loan comes through in late September when I can afford to move back to my university town. I am heavily binging everyday and it's causing a lot of stress and upset for me, and my mum as it's very frustrating for her to come home on her lunch break to find the bread bin constantly empty. I'm actually crying as i type this, because my mum is shouting, i so feel ashamed/trapped/guilty/disgusting etc.
    Anyway, I thought I'd post on here to see if anyone has had similar experiences, and any advice/insight. I really need to find a way to curb the binge eating whilst i'm at home.I feel determined to stop purging and restricting, though i do still have bad days it feels doable. I am on a waiting list for group therapy in my university town, so I'm hopeful that it will help me develop a better relationship with food when I am living on my own again, without worrying about my mums (justified?) reaction to slip ups. But at the moment I feel so demoralized in regards to binge eating and body image.
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    hey guys!
    just thought I'd ask for a bit of reassurance;

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    After an awful 2wks on holiday where the not being able to anticipate meals/not calorie counting threw me off, I've come back and thrown myself back into mealplanning. I'm wondering if anyone else got so exhausted upon upping their intake?! I've been on around 2700cals for a while now but I'm just so tired all the time, whereas I expected to be bouncing off the walls with all this extra energy. Is this the norm?
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    (Original post by shaylux)
    hey guys!
    just thought I'd ask for a bit of reassurance;

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    After an awful 2wks on holiday where the not being able to anticipate meals/not calorie counting threw me off, I've come back and thrown myself back into mealplanning. I'm wondering if anyone else got so exhausted upon upping their intake?! I've been on around 2700cals for a while now but I'm just so tired all the time, whereas I expected to be bouncing off the walls with all this extra energy. Is this the norm?
    Can totally relate! I was on 3000+ while IP, and unexpectedly felt more tired than I did when I used to restrict. My dietician said it's because all of the energy goes into healing the body from the harm the ED's done to it? Just shows it's really important for your health to keep it up
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Thanks guys

    Big :hugs: to Jazzy. I hope they start respecting you soon, it's not on to judge someone based on their age.

    Toto I see where you're coming from, what you seem to be saying is once again I'm being a drama king :/
    For the record I'm generally quite quiet in work (as in lurk in the shadows until someone comes to talk quiet!), but maybe psychologically yeah I'm trying to be perfect. I'll think about this.
    Don't let those people in work get you down; to be honest if they're that quick to judge, I wouldn't want someone like that as a friend anyways! Keep being you and don't let your doubts hold you back; you're unique. Some people are reserved and some are extroverts; life would be boring if we all had the same traits!
    Keep doing what you're doing. Stand your ground, refuse to change to please others and people will learn to respect you for who you are.
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    I totally understand about being thrown by going away on holiday! I'm going to London this weekend but seeing as it's only for 2 nights I think it'll be a great chance to set a little challenge to just for once treat myself to what I want. Am I going to put on three stone in 1 full day?
    No. It's a manageable little start just for once to try to eat things because they're NICE and I WANT them, not because it stays within a strict calorie limit.
    For one weekend, screw calories. Perhaps it'll prove that actually, my life isn't going to fall to pieces because I allowed myself pizza or chips or a nice meal at a restaurant with a good friend. This is about having a good time with a person who means a lot to me and who I won't be seeing again for a while. THAT'S where all my attention must be focused, not panicking over a menu.
    Thanks to all those who've been posting lately, the brutal honesty has been a much-needed kick up the backside and some of the progress made in your recoveries has set a great example.
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    (Original post by porridgeandrhi)
    Can totally relate! I was on 3000+ while IP, and unexpectedly felt more tired than I did when I used to restrict. My dietician said it's because all of the energy goes into healing the body from the harm the ED's done to it? Just shows it's really important for your health to keep it up
    Thank you, that makes me feel a little better about all this! I suppose I can justify my napping


    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I totally understand about being thrown by going away on holiday! I'm going to London this weekend but seeing as it's only for 2 nights I think it'll be a great chance to set a little challenge to just for once treat myself to what I want. Am I going to put on three stone in 1 full day?
    No. It's a manageable little start just for once to try to eat things because they're NICE and I WANT them, not because it stays within a strict calorie limit.
    For one weekend, screw calories. Perhaps it'll prove that actually, my life isn't going to fall to pieces because I allowed myself pizza or chips or a nice meal at a restaurant with a good friend. This is about having a good time with a person who means a lot to me and who I won't be seeing again for a while. THAT'S where all my attention must be focused, not panicking over a menu.
    Thanks to all those who've been posting lately, the brutal honesty has been a much-needed kick up the backside and some of the progress made in your recoveries has set a great example.
    You sound so brave! I'm going to London this weekend too, actually, but a little freaked out about it all. I'm pretty engrossed in a strict eating schedule at home atm following my low weigh in, any travelling does make me pretty anxious but I'm hoping I'll cope, after all London does have some of the best food places.
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I totally understand about being thrown by going away on holiday! I'm going to London this weekend but seeing as it's only for 2 nights I think it'll be a great chance to set a little challenge to just for once treat myself to what I want. Am I going to put on three stone in 1 full day?
    No. It's a manageable little start just for once to try to eat things because they're NICE and I WANT them, not because it stays within a strict calorie limit.
    For one weekend, screw calories. Perhaps it'll prove that actually, my life isn't going to fall to pieces because I allowed myself pizza or chips or a nice meal at a restaurant with a good friend. This is about having a good time with a person who means a lot to me and who I won't be seeing again for a while. THAT'S where all my attention must be focused, not panicking over a menu.
    Thanks to all those who've been posting lately, the brutal honesty has been a much-needed kick up the backside and some of the progress made in your recoveries has set a great example.
    Exceptional progress and I am super-proud of you my love.

    To the anon that said after I "told them off" they left the thread - why would you do this? That's feeding your ED even further. The truth is a singularity; there are no "versions" of the truth. So if the truth is not a pleasant one, I can't put bells and whistles onto it!

    Sometimes, like Disenchanted mentioned; you NEED to be told the truth. For months and months my mum would pussyfoot about me and didn't want to force me to eat or do anything out of my comfort zone. And what did I do? I milked it. Wrapped myself up in cotton wool and had my anorexic bubble for longer. Then one day my dad snapped and told me to stop ****ing about and taking the mick out of my family, because he knew I was hiding stuff from them now, and I would never get better unless I faced it. And he was right.

    If every time someone gives you a harsh truth you run away and hide, you'll never, EVER get better. So stick to it. Face it. And when problems arise, tell us. But don't run and hide. That's you feeding your broken mindset even more.
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    Hi guys

    I am new tothis thread.I have been a part time lurker before
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    (Original post by Stormclouds)
    Hi guys

    I am new tothis thread.I have been a part time lurker before
    Well met, Stormclouds. Do you have a story to share with us? Even if not, glad to have you as part of the community.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Exceptional progress and I am super-proud of you my love.

    To the anon that said after I "told them off" they left the thread - why would you do this? That's feeding your ED even further. The truth is a singularity; there are no "versions" of the truth. So if the truth is not a pleasant one, I can't put bells and whistles onto it!

    Sometimes, like Disenchanted mentioned; you NEED to be told the truth. For months and months my mum would pussyfoot about me and didn't want to force me to eat or do anything out of my comfort zone. And what did I do? I milked it. Wrapped myself up in cotton wool and had my anorexic bubble for longer. Then one day my dad snapped and told me to stop ****ing about and taking the mick out of my family, because he knew I was hiding stuff from them now, and I would never get better unless I faced it. And he was right.

    If every time someone gives you a harsh truth you run away and hide, you'll never, EVER get better. So stick to it. Face it. And when problems arise, tell us. But don't run and hide. That's you feeding your broken mindset even more.
    Sorry Toto - that was me - I'm mentally in a tough place right now, and I'm finding I see my ED a "safe place" I can hide from everything that's bothering me. To be told the harsh truth was difficult to face, so as you said, I ran away from it.
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    (Original post by snowyowl)
    Sorry Toto - that was me - I'm mentally in a tough place right now, and I'm finding I see my ED a "safe place" I can hide from everything that's bothering me. To be told the harsh truth was difficult to face, so as you said, I ran away from it.
    But sweetpea I'm not picking on you, I'm just telling it as it is! I don't ever want to HURT you or any other suffering individual on here, but the quicker you learn your comfort zone is basically a constant slow death, a very, very slow, painful, sad and lonely world that will end up killing you - the better!

    I was shocked to hear that eating disorders have by FAR the highest death rates of the mental disorders. Mortality issues are REALLY important with EDs. It's because people don't understand how serious things can get in such a short window. For example, a girl at aged 20 weighing 10 st can start a very restrictive eating disorder in January, and by April, if she's 8st through the disorder, she's not only just "lost 2st" but she has in fact caused her liver, kidneys, heart and pancreas especially, quite huge stress. This is why doctors say that after significant weight loss you should try to gain a small amount back, to counterbalance the effects, because recovery is very important.

    If you brutally burnt your arm, you wouldn't continue to burn it, would you? You'd plunge it into cold water, or rub salve on, or SOMETHING, right? Well what you do in anorexia is to take a healthy arm, burn it, burn it some more, hear people saying to "stop burning, your arm is so burnt already!!" and curing it by turning a blind eye to their comments by burning your charred arm. It's the same situation. Taking harm and adding harm to cure it.

    You can have a REAL LIFE you know, you just need to choose it over this dream world of pain and isolation.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Well met, Stormclouds. Do you have a story to share with us? Even if not, glad to have you as part of the community.
    Thanks for wellcoming me.

    I first developed an eating disorder when I was 13.I went in patient for a few months.I managed to complete my GCSE's ed free.

    Unfortunately my eating disorder changed from anorexia to bulimia in sixth form.That sorta slowed down my plan to study medicine...:rolleyes:. The med schools i applied to decided to give be conditional offers based on weight.

    But after a year doing a foundation course(didnt want to stay home doing nothing) I am almost on the right track
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    You can have a REAL LIFE you know, you just need to choose it over this dream world of pain and isolation.
    I don't think this is a choice...though it may seem so in some cases. Definitely, a person with an eating disorder MUST want to get better in order to move on with his/her life, and this can be labeled as a ''choice'', but if we look a bit deeper we will see other, serious emotional problems laying there. just saying

    EDIT: so one simply has to work on those issues as well as dealing with anorexia/bulimia
    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    But sweetpea I'm not picking on you, I'm just telling it as it is! I don't ever want to HURT you or any other suffering individual on here, but the quicker you learn your comfort zone is basically a constant slow death, a very, very slow, painful, sad and lonely world that will end up killing you - the better!

    I was shocked to hear that eating disorders have by FAR the highest death rates of the mental disorders. Mortality issues are REALLY important with EDs. It's because people don't understand how serious things can get in such a short window. For example, a girl at aged 20 weighing 10 st can start a very restrictive eating disorder in January, and by April, if she's 8st through the disorder, she's not only just "lost 2st" but she has in fact caused her liver, kidneys, heart and pancreas especially, quite huge stress. This is why doctors say that after significant weight loss you should try to gain a small amount back, to counterbalance the effects, because recovery is very important.

    If you brutally burnt your arm, you wouldn't continue to burn it, would you? You'd plunge it into cold water, or rub salve on, or SOMETHING, right? Well what you do in anorexia is to take a healthy arm, burn it, burn it some more, hear people saying to "stop burning, your arm is so burnt already!!" and curing it by turning a blind eye to their comments by burning your charred arm. It's the same situation. Taking harm and adding harm to cure it.

    You can have a REAL LIFE you know, you just need to choose it over this dream world of pain and isolation.
    This is all so true but it's easier to run away from the truth than accept it. I think that was my problem. I just need to try harder

    I'm going camping tomorrow until Thursday, and I'm a little bit worried about the prospect of having to eat out a lot, being with my boyfriend 24/7, where I can't control what I eat really (we have huge arguments if I don't want to eat something because of calories or if I try to skip a meal completely). We will be doing a lot of walking through countryside I expect, so I am saying to myself "at least I can burn it off", but... Any tips on how to just enjoy it and not worry so much? Is it okay to think to myself that I will be exercising enough for it to be alright, or is that still disordered thinking?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is all so true but it's easier to run away from the truth than accept it. I think that was my problem. I just need to try harder

    I'm going camping tomorrow until Thursday, and I'm a little bit worried about the prospect of having to eat out a lot, being with my boyfriend 24/7, where I can't control what I eat really (we have huge arguments if I don't want to eat something because of calories or if I try to skip a meal completely). We will be doing a lot of walking through countryside I expect, so I am saying to myself "at least I can burn it off", but... Any tips on how to just enjoy it and not worry so much? Is it okay to think to myself that I will be exercising enough for it to be alright, or is that still disordered thinking?
    I would say that thinking about exercising off everything you eat is disordered thinking.
    This is quite similar but perhaps you could remind yourself :Food is fuel,and you are simply supplying your body with what it needs for walking around

    Eating disorders get in the way of life,and you deserve to have a good time with your boyfriend. I hope your camping trip goes well

    I am sure you have spoken to your bf about how you feel ,but if you have not you could try.
 
 
 
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