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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    So my boyfriend convinced me to phone the doctors to make an appointment (not about the ed, but could lead to me mentioning the ed). For a while now I've been getting excruciating stomach cramps after I eat (not every time, but still more than twice a week), along with bloating, nausea etc. We done a little research and it seems like it could be IBS (as a result of me restricting and then binging). However, it's also more frequent when I eat more gluten bases foods, which could indicate an intolerance to that.

    I've also, as a separate issue, seen random bruising on my legs (I've not fallen over or bumped them), very fatigued, dry and weak nails, hair loss etc. Which can be signs of anemia (I had pregnancy related anemia before and it's similar symptoms) or vitamin deficiencies.

    Obviously both of these may be a result of the ed, and it would be a chance to explore that as well. However, my doctors surgery had two appointments left, both next week. I couldn't make either because of the timing so they have offered me a call back because apparnetly you can properly assess someone over the phone.

    Not knowing what is going on is affecting my moods and therefore affecting how I am in regards to the ed also.

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    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Bear in mind that the eating and body dysmorphia are not disorders that you can stifle. If you were burned, would you prioritise an itch?

    Body dysmorphia is a horrid illness to have. Our bodies are merely a vehicle for our beings. I always think to myself, "Why did no girl want me when I had struggled to get myself to such a "perfect" state? Then I realised 7 stones for a guy was actually like being a walking skeleton. I am nine stones four now. Still, nobody regards me with any real reverence. But one girl I'd met said that it was "very admirable" to face my body dysmorphia head-on!

    There's not such thing as perfection. Girls at size 8, 10, 12, 16, whatever. If you are a girl beautiful to my spirit, you are my soulmate. If you're a tiny wee waif or a robust, hearty lady, if you're perfect, you're perfect!

    "Perfection" as a term is so infuriating. I think that it only serves to create a singular person that everyone strives towards, when we are perfect because we are unique.

    Imagine that you looked EXACTLY like the Hugo Boss model. Ladies, imagine that you looked EXACTLY like your perfect female model. Are you perfect?! No. Nowhere near.

    I would quite vigorously contest that a person is perfect if they'd achieved a sculpted body but not understood the mindset.

    In my eyes, the perfect girl is one who is intelligent, but understands that the world is vast; that the universe is exciting and powerful, and that people are varied and assorted. If she wants a man who looks exactly like an Action Man Doll, then... fair enough. If she wants a man who exactly emulates her potbellied father.... so be it. If a girl has her idea of perfection and it coincides with my ideals, regardless of how she appears... she is perfect.
    PRSOM!

    It's such a shame, though, that people with your mindset seem to be few and far between - or at least well-hidden - and that we're bombarded with images of perfection and messages stating this is what we should strive to be.
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    Off to Edinburgh to start a new degree. If I look at where I am now and where I was a year ago, the extent of how much I've gotten better mentally and physically is really apparent. I don't mean to brag, but I just want to let people know who are in a horrible place right now and struggling to make the first steps or those who've been wrapped up in this horrible thing for years that it's worth going through the difficult stages where everything feels wrong because it gets so much better. Life will never be sunshine and happiness for all, but it's also too short to give away to an eating disorder.

    Anyone needs words of support or anything, I'm around to help.
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by Moonburp)
    Off to Edinburgh to start a new degree. If I look at where I am now and where I was a year ago, the extent of how much I've gotten better mentally and physically is really apparent. I don't mean to brag, but I just want to let people know who are in a horrible place right now and struggling to make the first steps or those who've been wrapped up in this horrible thing for years that it's worth going through the difficult stages where everything feels wrong because it gets so much better. Life will never be sunshine and happiness for all, but it's also too short to give away to an eating disorder.

    Anyone needs words of support or anything, I'm around to help.
    University of Edinburgh? I'll be heading there too What are you studying? And thank you for the post, it's always nice to hear that this can be beaten
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    ^^ That was me...
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    Sound Design MSc, how about you? I'll be heading up from the South East as well, weirdly enough!
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by Moonburp)
    Sound Design MSc, how about you? I'll be heading up from the South East as well, weirdly enough!
    Awesome, I'm doing Nursing Oooh spooky! Looking forward to it?
    • #76
    #76

    I'm going to start at a fairly high pressure university this autumn and I'm getting kinda worried about the eating side of it, even though I have been in recovery for nearly a year I find it so hard every day at my particular place it's compulsory to eat dinner as a community which makes me nervous to eat in front of lots of other people, especially ones that I don't know yet. Also I'm worried that because of finances I'll want to spend as little money as possible, i.e. not buy any food in the name of saving money :eek: Plus, as I mentioned it's a high pressure place and I missed my offer but got in anyway, which already makes me feel inadequate so I'm worried the perfectionism side of my ED will kick in again. Does anyone have any ideas or healthy coping mechanisms to suggest?
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm going to start at a fairly high pressure university this autumn and I'm getting kinda worried about the eating side of it, even though I have been in recovery for nearly a year I find it so hard every day at my particular place it's compulsory to eat dinner as a community which makes me nervous to eat in front of lots of other people, especially ones that I don't know yet. Also I'm worried that because of finances I'll want to spend as little money as possible, i.e. not buy any food in the name of saving money :eek: Plus, as I mentioned it's a high pressure place and I missed my offer but got in anyway, which already makes me feel inadequate so I'm worried the perfectionism side of my ED will kick in again. Does anyone have any ideas or healthy coping mechanisms to suggest?
    I completely know how it feels to have missed your offer and to have gotten in anyway. I did that with my course, missed the ABB offer by miles, have finished first year with a 2:1. Saving money by not buying food is bad. Not eating = bad. not eating = making yourself poorly. making yourself poorly potentially means needing to take time out of your degree because you're just too unwell to cope. Eating infront of people you don't know is scary. Eating infront of people who like to go 'I can't eat that on Friday because I'll look fat in my dress', makes you want to grab the nearest heavy object to slap them around the face with it. I'm not a violent person, I swear.

    Go down for dinner every day. Even if it involves sitting in the corner of the room, away from everyone else with just a bowl of soup, and an apple that you've hidden in your pocket, it is better than nothing.
    Make sure you've got some cereal bars, just for those days where you've overslept a bit and are now running late for lectures, and hence don't have time for breakfast, you can shove one in your bag and devour it when you finally get chance, rather than skipping breakfast entirely. I find if I miss breakfast, I miss lunch as well, because 'I've got this far into the day without eating, why should I start now?'
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    Ok I really need help, I'm panicking so so much :'(
    I've got a place to study Primary Education at Durham University starting at the end of September. Part of me is so excited, I've worked so hard for this. but there are multiple things that are really beginning to worry me.
    The first is that Durham is such a high pressure university and I am already a perfectionist. I am scared that the pressure is going to make my mental health problems worse.
    Secondly I am really not sure if I want uni entirely for the right reasons. One of the things that excites me the most is that I get to control my own food, which for me, being honest will probably equate to not buying any food at all. And this prospect really excites me, as does the fact that I will literally live next door to the gym so can go all the time, easily. Which is obviously really bad for my ED... but I do really want to be a teacher and make a difference to kids lives, and I dont want anything to jepordise that although I realise that if I indulge my ED that itself will jepordise it ... I just don't think I am anywhere near strong enough to ignore the ED at the minute. I've only had a few PWP sessions..
    Which leads me to my 3rd worry. All my treatment will have to end, and it might take ages to get it again, and to be honest it took me so long to trust my doctor and the PWP that I've only just started being honest with them .. so all this will be messed up with a new doctor etc, and I dont really want anyone to know at my uni. I want a fresh start.
    The last and biggest worry came today, all students on the primary ed course have to fill in an occupational health questionnaire, and it says at the top that you have to be honest, and that if the information is found to be untrue you can be terminated from training. There are a number of questions on this that are causing me problems. Because I dont want them to chuck me off the course before I've even started .. I need this. One is have you ever been treated in hospital, if yes please give reasons and dates .. about a month ago I ended up in hospital after doing a really bad thing we arent meant to talk about on here. I can hardly put that down can I... it also says have you seen a doctor and been treated for anything in the past year .. I have loads for ED and depression :/ It also says are you currently having any treatment which I guess is my PWP and referral to AN services. It also asks if you have ever suffered from mental health problems .. what and when .. im really scared if I put depression and ED down to present they wont let me on, but I cant lie, I just dont know what to do..
    Please someone help.. any advice would be appreciated so much, I'm so panicky right now. Thanks
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Ok I really need help, I'm panicking so so much :'(
    I've got a place to study Primary Education at Durham University starting at the end of September. Part of me is so excited, I've worked so hard for this. but there are multiple things that are really beginning to worry me.
    The first is that Durham is such a high pressure university and I am already a perfectionist. I am scared that the pressure is going to make my mental health problems worse.
    Secondly I am really not sure if I want uni entirely for the right reasons. One of the things that excites me the most is that I get to control my own food, which for me, being honest will probably equate to not buying any food at all. And this prospect really excites me, as does the fact that I will literally live next door to the gym so can go all the time, easily. Which is obviously really bad for my ED... but I do really want to be a teacher and make a difference to kids lives, and I dont want anything to jepordise that although I realise that if I indulge my ED that itself will jepordise it ... I just don't think I am anywhere near strong enough to ignore the ED at the minute. I've only had a few PWP sessions..
    Which leads me to my 3rd worry. All my treatment will have to end, and it might take ages to get it again, and to be honest it took me so long to trust my doctor and the PWP that I've only just started being honest with them .. so all this will be messed up with a new doctor etc, and I dont really want anyone to know at my uni. I want a fresh start.
    The last and biggest worry came today, all students on the primary ed course have to fill in an occupational health questionnaire, and it says at the top that you have to be honest, and that if the information is found to be untrue you can be terminated from training. There are a number of questions on this that are causing me problems. Because I dont want them to chuck me off the course before I've even started .. I need this. One is have you ever been treated in hospital, if yes please give reasons and dates .. about a month ago I ended up in hospital after doing a really bad thing we arent meant to talk about on here. I can hardly put that down can I... it also says have you seen a doctor and been treated for anything in the past year .. I have loads for ED and depression :/ It also says are you currently having any treatment which I guess is my PWP and referral to AN services. It also asks if you have ever suffered from mental health problems .. what and when .. im really scared if I put depression and ED down to present they wont let me on, but I cant lie, I just dont know what to do..
    Please someone help.. any advice would be appreciated so much, I'm so panicky right now. Thanks
    Mention it. They give you the occupational health questionnnaire to make sure you can cope with the course. Wosrt case scenario, they'd recommend you take leave of absense and deffer starting until next september. Don't mention it, and they find out, they'll chuck you off the course for good.
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    (Original post by .snowflake.)
    Mention it. They give you the occupational health questionnnaire to make sure you can cope with the course. Wosrt case scenario, they'd recommend you take leave of absense and deffer starting until next september. Don't mention it, and they find out, they'll chuck you off the course for good.
    I guess, I just really dont want to deffer
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Ok I really need help, I'm panicking so so much :'(
    I've got a place to study Primary Education at Durham University starting at the end of September. Part of me is so excited, I've worked so hard for this. but there are multiple things that are really beginning to worry me.
    The first is that Durham is such a high pressure university and I am already a perfectionist. I am scared that the pressure is going to make my mental health problems worse.
    Secondly I am really not sure if I want uni entirely for the right reasons. One of the things that excites me the most is that I get to control my own food, which for me, being honest will probably equate to not buying any food at all. And this prospect really excites me, as does the fact that I will literally live next door to the gym so can go all the time, easily. Which is obviously really bad for my ED... but I do really want to be a teacher and make a difference to kids lives, and I dont want anything to jepordise that although I realise that if I indulge my ED that itself will jepordise it ... I just don't think I am anywhere near strong enough to ignore the ED at the minute. I've only had a few PWP sessions..
    Which leads me to my 3rd worry. All my treatment will have to end, and it might take ages to get it again, and to be honest it took me so long to trust my doctor and the PWP that I've only just started being honest with them .. so all this will be messed up with a new doctor etc, and I dont really want anyone to know at my uni. I want a fresh start.
    The last and biggest worry came today, all students on the primary ed course have to fill in an occupational health questionnaire, and it says at the top that you have to be honest, and that if the information is found to be untrue you can be terminated from training. There are a number of questions on this that are causing me problems. Because I dont want them to chuck me off the course before I've even started .. I need this. One is have you ever been treated in hospital, if yes please give reasons and dates .. about a month ago I ended up in hospital after doing a really bad thing we arent meant to talk about on here. I can hardly put that down can I... it also says have you seen a doctor and been treated for anything in the past year .. I have loads for ED and depression :/ It also says are you currently having any treatment which I guess is my PWP and referral to AN services. It also asks if you have ever suffered from mental health problems .. what and when .. im really scared if I put depression and ED down to present they wont let me on, but I cant lie, I just dont know what to do..
    Please someone help.. any advice would be appreciated so much, I'm so panicky right now. Thanks

    Just be 100% honest.You will feel worse if you lie.
    If you they dont suspect anything, you might waste time worrying about being "caught out"

    If they do find out ,they might not be as sympathetic as if you asked.

    I am studying medicine.And I have had to complete lots of fittness to practise stuff.

    The uni I am studying at it ok with my very colourful mental health history.The are really suportive
    Others come up with obscure requirements like "You can come to our med school if you stay within a 4kg weight range for 3 months"
    And one acepted me,but told me to defer the year.

    I don't know what your uni will do,but it probably wont be as bad as you are imagining. Just be honest and I am sure it will work out.
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    (Original post by Stormclouds)
    Just be 100% honest.You will feel worse if you lie.
    If you they dont suspect anything, you might waste time worrying about being "caught out"

    If they do find out ,they might not be as sympathetic as if you asked.

    I am studying medicine.And I have had to complete lots of fittness to practise stuff.

    The uni I am studying at it ok with my very colourful mental health history.The are really suportive
    Others come up with obscure requirements like "You can come to our med school if you stay within a 4kg weight range for 3 months"
    And one acepted me,but told me to defer the year.

    I don't know what your uni will do,but it probably wont be as bad as you are imagining. Just be honest and I am sure it will work out.
    Yeah I think I'm going to have to be honest it will be worse if they find out later! I just really cant cope with another year out of uni. I wanted to be there last year. Thanks for the advice
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Yeah I think I'm going to have to be honest it will be worse if they find out later! I just really cant cope with another year out of uni. I wanted to be there last year. Thanks for the advice
    *e-hugs*

    I hope it all works out.I also hope they don't make you wait ages before they make their mind up.

    If they know they might even come up with things that could help you cope with your E.D at uni.

    My uni has sorta created the following agreement

    They will:
    1.Allow extra time for some assignments
    2.Allow me to have snack breaks after 70 min of exam time
    3.I get extra time with library books I borrow


    I will:
    1.Get weighed by ocupational health once a month, unless I provide a doctors note
    2.If my bmi goes below a certain number I may be asked to leave the course
    3.Live in semi-catered acomodation
    • #76
    #76

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I completely know how it feels to have missed your offer and to have gotten in anyway. I did that with my course, missed the ABB offer by miles, have finished first year with a 2:1. Saving money by not buying food is bad. Not eating = bad. not eating = making yourself poorly. making yourself poorly potentially means needing to take time out of your degree because you're just too unwell to cope. Eating infront of people you don't know is scary. Eating infront of people who like to go 'I can't eat that on Friday because I'll look fat in my dress', makes you want to grab the nearest heavy object to slap them around the face with it. I'm not a violent person, I swear.

    Go down for dinner every day. Even if it involves sitting in the corner of the room, away from everyone else with just a bowl of soup, and an apple that you've hidden in your pocket, it is better than nothing.
    Make sure you've got some cereal bars, just for those days where you've overslept a bit and are now running late for lectures, and hence don't have time for breakfast, you can shove one in your bag and devour it when you finally get chance, rather than skipping breakfast entirely. I find if I miss breakfast, I miss lunch as well, because 'I've got this far into the day without eating, why should I start now?'
    Thank you chickie :penguinhug:
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    (Original post by Stormclouds)
    2.If my bmi goes below a certain number I may be asked to leave the course
    What BMI would that be?
    I haven't even been hinted as to be asked to leave the course, as my BMI is just below 14 which is really underweight referring to the online bmi calculator. My parents often referred to me as a walking skeleton because they can see almost every bone on my body. I do sometimes wonder why I am still alive.:cool:
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    (Original post by Stormclouds)
    *e-hugs*

    I hope it all works out.I also hope they don't make you wait ages before they make their mind up.

    If they know they might even come up with things that could help you cope with your E.D at uni.

    My uni has sorta created the following agreement

    They will:
    1.Allow extra time for some assignments
    2.Allow me to have snack breaks after 70 min of exam time
    3.I get extra time with library books I borrow


    I will:
    1.Get weighed by ocupational health once a month, unless I provide a doctors note
    2.If my bmi goes below a certain number I may be asked to leave the course
    3.Live in semi-catered acomodation
    Ahh thank you, that actually sounds alright I suppose. Its just I've worked so hard for this, and I really think if I cant go to uni then my life will be over. I need this. Thanks again for replying, thats reassured me quite a lot
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    (Original post by nmr1991)
    What BMI would that be?
    I haven't even been hinted as to be asked to leave the course, as my BMI is just below 14 which is really underweight referring to the online bmi calculator. My parents often referred to me as a walking skeleton because they can see almost every bone on my body. I do sometimes wonder why I am still alive.:cool:
    Somehow this post came across as proud in some way, when really it's absolutely nothing to hold pride about. If this wasn't the intention forgive my misplaced intuition.

    You can be ANY BMI with a healthy mindset and the dangers are solely physiological. At a BMI of 13 you are very, very lucky to still be alive; just under 8% of the human populous is capable of life function at that level - hypothetically. But when you introduce an eating or body dysmorphic disorder centred around loss or control, and suddenly the person becomes a self-destructive timebomb.

    With regards to starting a course with a strict health and safety parameter policy, I want to say - do not lie. Lying is the key to strengthening your disordered mind and that includes lying by omission; if you have the opportunity to help yourself but purposely avoid it, that's what I'm talking about.

    A mental disorder might be a terrible thing, but ultimately it is a selfish/egocentric state at it's core; born of an internal struggle put in place to better yourself in a way that ironically harms yourself. Whether or not you started your disorder for yourself (confidence/image), for another (attraction, attention) or autonomy (structure/purpose), it was done with yourself in mind. In the same breath, you could be wrong about your reasons why you want to be at university. If you were wrong about your eating, you could be wrong about your motives and priorities in University.

    That's not to say you SHOULDN'T be in university; but consider this. If you've got an acceptance to university, they regard you as an investment. As potential. Similarly, they saw something in you they did not see in one of the many people turned down for the course. If you should squander your opportunity at the university by being there only to indulge a personal disorder, you're not only kidding yourself but you are demeaning the efforts of not only your peer students, but of those poor sods that didn't get your place to better themselves academically.

    University and by extension higher education is a PRIVILEGE, not a right, and a gift you can't let rot in the sun whilst you focus all of your efforts to the inside of the bubble you created for yourself. If you intend to fight your disordered thoughts whilst you work towards a great grade, fantastic qualification and a better future for yourself, then BRILLIANT, I give you the greatest respect in the world.

    But if you want to be in that environment to focus on your own little world where you're determined to break yourself further, you're doing nothing more than taking that gift you've been graciously given and tossing it aside - and all the other people that weren't given that gift sit at your window, asking, "well, if you're not wanting it, why can't I have it?"
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Bear in mind that the eating and body dysmorphia are not disorders that you can stifle. If you were burned, would you prioritise an itch?

    Body dysmorphia is a horrid illness to have. Our bodies are merely a vehicle for our beings. I always think to myself, "Why did no girl want me when I had struggled to get myself to such a "perfect" state? Then I realised 7 stones for a guy was actually like being a walking skeleton. I am nine stones four now. Still, nobody regards me with any real reverence. But one girl I'd met said that it was "very admirable" to face my body dysmorphia head-on!

    There's not such thing as perfection. Girls at size 8, 10, 12, 16, whatever. If you are a girl beautiful to my spirit, you are my soulmate. If you're a tiny wee waif or a robust, hearty lady, if you're perfect, you're perfect!

    "Perfection" as a term is so infuriating. I think that it only serves to create a singular person that everyone strives towards, when we are perfect because we are unique.

    Imagine that you looked EXACTLY like the Hugo Boss model. Ladies, imagine that you looked EXACTLY like your perfect female model. Are you perfect?! No. Nowhere near.

    I would quite vigorously contest that a person is perfect if they'd achieved a sculpted body but not understood the mindset.

    In my eyes, the perfect girl is one who is intelligent, but understands that the world is vast; that the universe is exciting and powerful, and that people are varied and assorted. If she wants a man who looks exactly like an Action Man Doll, then... fair enough. If she wants a man who exactly emulates her potbellied father.... so be it. If a girl has her idea of perfection and it coincides with my ideals, regardless of how she appears... she is perfect.
    Trying to tell myself this everyday is the only thing stopping me from going insane at the moment. Thank you Toto
 
 
 
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