Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Great post toto, it really echoes. But what if half of you feels exactly those things, and the other half feels the exact opposite? Life is a constant see-saw every minute and makes it hard to concentrate...'I need to loose weight." "I don't need to, I'll go eat something." "Why did I do that, I've ruined another day." "i bet someone out there is enjoying a pizza, ill go back to how i used to be and have one with no guilt" "oh my god why did i do that?" I make no progress with either side.

    But when I'm with other people it all goes away...


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Cinnie, that's called the law of no context. This is why ED-sufferers that isolate themselves tend to suffer the worst effects of their disorders for between five and ten times longer than those with a support network.

    Imagine the following. You are the last person alive on Earth. Everyone else just disappeared one morning, and you are here alone. You'll live out the rest of your life on your own, knowing fine well that you'll never see anyone ever again. What would your behaviour towards food, towards your form, towards you own body - what would that be? I know a lot of "normal" people that would say, "I'd walk around naked, stuff my face and play videogames" - suddenly, your appearance and actions don't seem so important when you have nothing to convey to another person.

    Then imagine one day in this situation, another, single person appears back on Earth. They've decided they'd take liberties as they too believed they were the last person on Earth, and stuffed their face with double cheeseburgers, did no exercise, never shaved, never showered. Would you judge them? And with no other frame of reference, would you be repulsed by them? Would you merely be accepting of the company, or would you instead return to self-judgement?

    The weird notion is that if we were TRULY alone, we would care far less about our forms. But give ourselves the OPTION to be alone, and we "save up" to "earn" happiness by our own broken logic. Suddenly each commodity is a game of merit, or worth. We have to convey ourselves in a specific way to specific people.

    Once again, long story short, Cinnie, you place too much effort on conveyance. You want people to see you in a specific way, but your ED broken reasoning conflicts with your own knowledge, your own logic. You become a see-saw of extremes, of conveyance to others of a persona that is entirely different to the person deep down. It implies you are a very fragmented person, that you're struggling with your own identity at a basic level. Do you have a lot of major decisions elsewhere still to make in your life? That would explain a bunch. X
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Thanks Toto.

    The support network, well lack of, is something I deeply regret. I fed myself up to a healthy weight but alone could not effectively tackle much else.

    The thing is, people I know would describe me as a very matter-of-fact and logical person. I tend to solve impersonal problems really easily, figuring out the most effective solution, but inside I am constantly changing my mind about what to do about the personal things in my life, like how to approach eating, or loosing that xlb, and what I will do after that, what I will do if I undereat or overeat one day and what effect it would have. Should I be counting calories? If not, what rules will i have? These are all things that float around when I am alone and should be doing something productive.

    Major decisions? I return to uni in September to a course that I don't have any particular passion for, back to the place where it last got seriously bad. I have no decision, though, because I have no choice but to go. I feel like, as my friends from school have all graduated, I am stuck 2 years behind. The job I really want, would involve me living with my Mum for a few more years until I could start earning money and be in a position to move out, and that just isn't plausible. My brother has his brain scan results soon, telling us how much his brain tumour has grown. I don't think these things are relevant though.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Oh deear I've obvs said something stupid :/


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry? I don't get that final comment. I'm not on the boards full-time Cinnie!! I get the odd hour off!! Haha.

    Sweetpea it's clear that you have a lot of things that are somewhat extreme in nature to worry about in your life. I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with the worry of a sibling with a brain tumour, but in a similar ilk your mental disorder will almost cruelly be asking you to try to garner attention and sympathy YOUR way as a coping mechanism. That doesn't make you a rotten being, that's merely basic human psychology. The more you fret, worry and care, the more you fuel your own psychoses.

    If there's one thing that we are not, here on this board, it's apathetic. Neutral. Banal. The problem is extremist behaviour completely dominates our existence, that it's all or nothing, black or white, yes or no. There's no greys, no maybes, no little-bits. We find it difficult to exist with the possibility that we might only be "reasonably good" at something, or just..."liked". We find that unless we are trying for some excruciating goal, that we may as well not exist at all; like the possibility that by attempting something so insane, we will either reach the stars and become one, or we will explode in a brilliant, fiery blast. Either way, all eyes will be on us. We can't stand the notion of just being.... a being.

    The irony of course is that an Eating Disorder alienates us from the world and we just.... happen. We don't DO anything, we just become robotic.... existences.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Love you toto! X


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by getlucky.)
    Okay but can you explain why eating disorders are not present in the animal kingdom?
    Certainly.

    As a being of higher cognitive function, humans are able to discern both the purpose AND the reason FOR purpose of a commodity. That means that in the animal kindgom, it knows that it requires water, but doesn't know for what purpose.

    In humanity, we are able to completely deconstruct the reasoning for a commodity. There are multiple tiers of psychology to human beings; almost forty times more than our closest living species relatives.

    That means in the animal kindom, a beast might get hungry, then eat, then it becomes not hungry. Even at the highest level of mammalian life below humanity, the farthest outwith the normal "hungry eat, not hungry, not eat" cycle is the use of sweet fruits by apes to overindulge in solitude to comfort themselves. Yes, Chimpanzees overeat when alone.

    Humans can discern that can be numerous things; a reward... an energy. A friend, a memory. It is capable of countless forms depending on circumstance. A piece of toast might be a simple 120 calorie piece of energy. It might also be a particular camping trip with a group of friends. It might be a taboo which the individual has a fatal intolerance to, and thus be a marker of death. Animals don't have this layer of complexity.

    With each tier of thought, there is a branching set of logic and reason. Incidentally this is the way brain cells work; like the branches of a tree. They split and contort, and with more branching paths the capacity for new branches appears.

    Animals have problems and solutions. Humans know more solutions than is necessary, and thus, the more you know, the more problem paths you have to create for yourself in order to feel reason within chaos.

    I've indulged your query so I hope you'll oblige me in not hurting my thread followers any more with your gouging questioning.

    Thanks!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Getlucky, expanding on what the others have said.. my brothers dog is a rescue and will not eat in front of others as he used to be beaten for eating - he has associated eating with physical pain and will not eat even when hungry. Humans can have similar, much more complex psychological associations.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Feeling crap and snuck some buiscuits upstairs but feel sick.
    Urgh binge and risk being sick (have emetaphobia)
    Not binge and feel ****



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Damn Toto beat me to it with the response :P

    Get Lucky, much as I was intrigued by your question, everybody else has a good point. It was kind of triggering! That statement re: willpower isn't to many of us here just intellectual, it's a (false!) reality, something ingrained into our psyches. Our self-worth, our happiness, maybe our very lives themselves depend on it. The fact that it's wrong doesn't mean we won't do stupid things to ourselves to affirm its truth in our perception of reality. That's what we're trying to break, the strongly held belief that 2+2=5. Some of us are afraid to admit it's actually 4 (that our understanding of the world is flawed and our lifestyle needs to change), others are still in denial and haven't even considered the possibility it could be anything but 5. I mean, 2+2=5, right? Duh.

    Incidentally I still feel we don't fully understand animals and we are not in fact the most intellectually developed sentient beings. But I could be wrong :P
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am really worried about going to uni, I guess I am a control freak, I have to do things on time, I have to eat a certain amount and count calories religiously and weigh myself. when I get stressed and feel as if I don't have any control or if something goes wrong, then everything goes out the window and I feel as if I shouldn't be eating anything. I am very good a isolating myself from other and just completely blocking everything out to the point of were ill focus on my exams and food, I guess I do this out of fear of failing or not being approved of . I feel that uni is going to be a big step and a big change, especially as I feel as if I have got everything structured amd under my control and I have managed to keep at a balanced weight for a about a month without losing any more. I am worried as soon as I get to uni, I just go back to eating very little because I know I am going to feel as if I don't have any control any more. Do you have any suggestions on what to do or how I can manage the big change without cutting down on calories??
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Getlucky, expanding on what the others have said.. my brothers dog is a rescue and will not eat in front of others as he used to be beaten for eating - he has associated eating with physical pain and will not eat even when hungry. Humans can have similar, much more complex psychological associations.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Reading this kind of made me tear up. I hate it when people are cruel to animals. Poor thing.



    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by treehugger18)
    I am really worried about going to uni, I guess I am a control freak, I have to do things on time, I have to eat a certain amount and count calories religiously and weigh myself. when I get stressed and feel as if I don't have any control or if something goes wrong, then everything goes out the window and I feel as if I shouldn't be eating anything. I am very good a isolating myself from other and just completely blocking everything out to the point of were ill focus on my exams and food, I guess I do this out of fear of failing or not being approved of . I feel that uni is going to be a big step and a big change, especially as I feel as if I have got everything structured amd under my control and I have managed to keep at a balanced weight for a about a month without losing any more. I am worried as soon as I get to uni, I just go back to eating very little because I know I am going to feel as if I don't have any control any more. Do you have any suggestions on what to do or how I can manage the big change without cutting down on calories??
    Uni is a really big change and I ****ed it up royally so I'm not sure I qualify to give advice but my advice would be to just not allow yourself to cut back. I say just but I know it's incredibly difficult but you really do have to sort of harvest that voice that tells you not to eat X and use it to remind yourself that restriction isn't an option. Because it isn't. You don't want to sleepwalk through university and spend your time mentally torturing yourself instead of enjoying ALL of university, not just the academic side. I definitely say use the services available to you at university. The counselling, any eating disorder support groups, mental health services. Also, know when to ask for help and don't delude yourself that everything is fine because insert ED brain induced reason here. Um, what else? Food wise, I don't know how you experience your symptoms but personally, when I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat and have to make a choice, I ponder for ages and then I end up going without so I'd say plan. Not obsessively but have some fail safe meals you know you can eat no matter how hard a time you're having. Also, take a packed lunch if you can? That way you can still 'control' what you're eating but you are eating. Oh and make time for food. I tend to suffer from the but I'm too BUSY to eat syndrome a lot and it's actually a BS excuse. I completely know what you mean though, as someone about to start university for the second time I'm almost paralysed with fear and it's affecting my intake and I'm not even consciously doing anything. I have to keep saying to myself, almost like a mantra that I'm not going to fail and I will be okay whatever happens and I have to accept that I can't control everything. Life isn't meant to be controlled after all, it's meant to be lived. Too much control and you're not living.

    I hope some of that ramble helps!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Uni is a really big change and I ****ed it up royally so I'm not sure I qualify to give advice but my advice would be to just not allow yourself to cut back. I say just but I know it's incredibly difficult but you really do have to sort of harvest that voice that tells you not to eat X and use it to remind yourself that restriction isn't an option. Because it isn't. You don't want to sleepwalk through university and spend your time mentally torturing yourself instead of enjoying ALL of university, not just the academic side. I definitely say use the services available to you at university. The counselling, any eating disorder support groups, mental health services. Also, know when to ask for help and don't delude yourself that everything is fine because insert ED brain induced reason here. Um, what else? Food wise, I don't know how you experience your symptoms but personally, when I'm hungry but I don't know what to eat and have to make a choice, I ponder for ages and then I end up going without so I'd say plan. Not obsessively but have some fail safe meals you know you can eat no matter how hard a time you're having. Also, take a packed lunch if you can? That way you can still 'control' what you're eating but you are eating. Oh and make time for food. I tend to suffer from the but I'm too BUSY to eat syndrome a lot and it's actually a BS excuse. I completely know what you mean though, as someone about to start university for the second time I'm almost paralysed with fear and it's affecting my intake and I'm not even consciously doing anything. I have to keep saying to myself, almost like a mantra that I'm not going to fail and I will be okay whatever happens and I have to accept that I can't control everything. Life isn't meant to be controlled after all, it's meant to be lived. Too much control and you're not living.

    I hope some of that ramble helps!


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    this does help thank you, I really do have to remember not to go back into old ways and keep positive, but I guess its the unknown that I really don't like. its positive to know there are support groups at uni, as I have dealt with my issues on my own with my family and boyfriend and they don't really quiet understand, it can be hard when times get stressful and moving to uni is starting to get really stressful, I really don't know what to expect from it. What was the hardest thing for you? If you don't mind me asking?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Treehugger, although there are lots of brilliant social opportunities at uni, it is also easy to isolate yourself. My advice is to be involved with others as much as possible outside the academic stuff. I found that the more time I spent outside of my own bubble the easier the ed was to ignore.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #173
    #173

    Did my post get deleted? I have pos-rep for a post that doesn't seem to be here any more.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Jazzy, as for your own dilemma, two things. Actually, THREE things; the first is - did you know that 60% of male personal trainers that premeditated this as their chosen career did so because they were unhappy with their bodies, personally? That's more than half of all personal trainers with some form of negative personal body stigma as their drive. There's a high chance he personally feels more conscious of himself than he lets on and that he empathises with your situation pretty damn well.

    Secondly, you noted two things and repeated those two things - you "feel fat, and worthless". Do you realise what you've just done? You've underpinned one of your most obvious clues to healing yourself, and that's the fact you've bunched these terms together almost exclusively. Somehow, you're making a particular link between the two as a cause and a result. Do you feel fat BECAUSE you feel worthless, or do you feel worthless BECAUSE you feel fat? It must be one of the two, otherwise you wouldn't have subconsciously typed it in such a manner.

    If it's the former, you feel fat because you feel worthless - you're signifying that you feel your body size, shape and form MUST be undesirable because your mental state is askew. It's a common sensation - when you're in a foul mood, for example, you automatically assume you must look worse. Even someone without a mental disorder will have angry or sad days where they'd rather people don't see them - not solely because of their emotion, but because they believe their sadness or anger might cause their form to change negatively. Now, we know this isn't true. Save for a few mascara tear-marks or frown-wrinkles, you look exactly the same. But a mentally-drained state can make you believe you look different.

    If it's the latter, you feel worthless because you feel fat - you're very simply putting "skinny on a pedestal", and determining worth by how slim you are. I wouldn't hesitate to suggest (but would never imply) that you perhaps found it endearing that your new man had this insatiable drive for fitness because it was a guilty notion of yours that you could excuse having ED-related thoughts again in order to attain a similar ideal. ED-sufferers, believe it or not, are very liable to find health nuts and drug addicts attractive for the same reasons. An obsessive or self-destructive mindset in a partner becomes a very desirable trait as it lends itself to be an excuse to allow you to indulge your own. But whether or not you have been exacerbated by the notion your partner is a fitness fanatic, if this instance best reflects your situation you're clearly still very much fixated on an "ideal form" for you, which is actually something that does not really exist. You are already the perfect version of you; the current version of you is the one with the most life experience, knowledge and the greatest amount to offer.
    To be fair, I know that he's pretty much hell-bent on becoming more muscular. It's stupid. We both want to 'better' our bodies but we think that the other is drop dead gorgeous anyway. I hate how there's so much media pressure to look a certain way; I think that's why we both feel slightly inadequate.

    I feel worthless because I feel fat. I've never had ED thoughts since I've recovered because going down that path just isn't worth it. I wouldn't say he's destructive but he is dedicated to it. I just kind of wish I had that dedication to getting fit because I know I'm out of shape (objectively, even my parents are telling me this). I don't think I'll ever be happy in my own skin, no matter what I do.
    • #196
    #196

    Hello I just wanted to ask a question I am underweight (7 st 13lbs 5'11) after suffering from a ED for the past year and was just wondering if I could go to the gym and build muscle at this weight? It would make me a lot more comfortable with gaining as at the moment I have just built up the confidence to maintain.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello I just wanted to ask a question I am underweight (7 st 13lbs 5'11) after suffering from a ED for the past year and was just wondering if I could go to the gym and build muscle at this weight? It would make me a lot more comfortable with gaining as at the moment I have just built up the confidence to maintain.
    Not what you want to hear, but throughout my recovery period I have been absolutely discouraged from this behaviour by my medical professionals. I am lucky to have had the Central Scotland ED service behind me, regarded as one of the top three here in the UK, and they are very shrewd and empathetic psychologists and physiologists.

    I was explained the way body mass is accumulated and lost. It was rather enlightening. With an eating disorder, you lose weight (as any dieter would) through your body consuming itself. If you consume less calories than you expend your body turns to it's own reserves of fat, muscle and organ tissue and pulls bits from these areas. Now, some people assume that they just "get thinner", but really, the ratios of the areas you're removing from depend on your body composition.

    However, the inherent problem with losing weight with an eating disorder is that you have purposely neglected your body of fat intake for so long that it chemically regards any fat you have as "very important" status. So the longer you have had an eating disorder, the more value your body begins to place on having fat - and keeping it there.

    It's a very common myth that as you begin to recover the body mass that you lost through the recovery period, you should do so "totally clean". That's fine if you're a bodybuilder or the like, but for an ED-sufferer, the reality is that you're exceptionally susceptible to abnormal rebuilding of body structure.

    That sounds like crap jargon, so I'll break it down. Your body is starved. It desperately covets fat as a substance. It is currently focusing degradation for energy on muscular and organs. If you start to exercise more, the body is going to try to break down your muscles and organs faster. Only by regaining body mass healthily through diet (and yes, sadly, you will gain body fat initially) through a recovery diet, will your body return to the normal "non-hibernation" mentality.

    (Hibernation mentality refers to the fact that a bear takes in a load of fat, hibernates all winter, and yet doesn't wake up in spring rake-thin; the body has gotten so insanely covetous of fat as a commodity that it holds it with all it's might. This is the same phenomenon after an ED).

    As you accumulate mass on your body, composed of all manner of body tissues, your body normalises, redistributes, and everything from chemical balance and metabolic rate goes back to human standards. Only then would a medical professional suggest you undertake a bodybuilding/muscle-building regime.

    Hope this helps.
    • #196
    #196

    Thank you for your help , that sucks but it does seem like fair enough pushishment for what I have being doing to my body, it's amazing just how clever the actual body is itself, I hope this will give me the determination to gain and shut this dam ED up! i also have another question (sorry for being a question whore) but my last blood test results showed I had a low white blood count now the main symptom of this is frequent infections and illnesses but I haven't being ill since January and I also haven't felt this healthy in years although i know I'm not, so is my body just super strong even with low white blood cells or do I just not have anything wrong with my blood cells?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.