Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

TotoMimo · 04-09-2013 21:57

(Original post by PonchoKid)
Managed to lie to my dr yesterday so she thinks things are getting better. I told her id only binged once in a month

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I hope the "ashamed" smiley is true and heartfelt. You SHOULD be ashamed.

You're doing nothing but prolonging a lifestyle of pain and deception. Do you WANT to be a self-harming liar? No, of course you don't. That's a horrible thing to aspire to be. When you think of all life's stereotypes, there's the hero, the joker, the sceptic, the pious - and the deceptor.

You don't want to be the last guy. He's the one that nobody likes because he's a liar, a swindler, a cheat, and the worst of all - he does it to himself! He thinks by living the way he does, he can benefit himself at another's expense (and you do this by duping a GP, by the way). He doesn't, and soon he realises he's spent so long conning his fellow man that nobody trusts him any longer.

He is rich, but he has zero friends, zero life, and nowhere to go.

PonchoKid · 04-09-2013 22:10

(Original post by TotoMimo)
I hope the "ashamed" smiley is true and heartfelt. You SHOULD be ashamed.

You're doing nothing but prolonging a lifestyle of pain and deception. Do you WANT to be a self-harming liar? No, of course you don't. That's a horrible thing to aspire to be. When you think of all life's stereotypes, there's the hero, the joker, the sceptic, the pious - and the deceptor.

You don't want to be the last guy. He's the one that nobody likes because he's a liar, a swindler, a cheat, and the worst of all - he does it to himself! He thinks by living the way he does, he can benefit himself at another's expense (and you do this by duping a GP, by the way). He doesn't, and soon he realises he's spent so long conning his fellow man that nobody trusts him any longer.

He is rich, but he has zero friends, zero life, and nowhere to go.

I know iv done wrong, but i dont even know why i did it :/ i was so honest last time, im begginning to think i should write down every time i binge and what iv eaten that day :/

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Anonymous · 04-09-2013 22:16

(Original post by snowyowl)
I assume you're having the same problem... How are you dealing with it?

i'm not. I'm pretending it isnt happening. hiding quite how bad my anxiety is from my tutor (he's only aware of my panic attacks, and thats because the disabilty person for my department saw me have a panic attack, and then went and dobbed me in to my tutor...), not mentioning that fact that the urge to SI came back around easter, something i havent wanted to do since being 14... I'm about to start second year in 3 weeks time. Nor that i

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ended up going for pretty much a week without a proper meal just before exam season started, or that I may have had a breakdown just before my final few exams in the summer.

I know i should probably go to the doctors about my anxiety, but I can't, and that i probably ought to go to the ED support group the university runs, but I'm so scared I'll be judged for being fat or for not being thin/sick/crazy enough. And i'm terrified my chinese flatmate will try and forcefeed me again.

Anonymous · 04-09-2013 22:43

(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm not. I'm pretending it isnt happening. hiding quite how bad my anxiety is from my tutor (he's only aware of my panic attacks, and thats because the disabilty person for my department saw me have a panic attack, and then went and dobbed me in to my tutor...), not mentioning that fact that the urge to SI came back around easter, something i havent wanted to do since being 14... I'm about to start second year in 3 weeks time. Nor that i

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ended up going for pretty much a week without a proper meal just before exam season started, or that I may have had a breakdown just before my final few exams in the summer.

I know i should probably go to the doctors about my anxiety, but I can't, and that i probably ought to go to the ED support group the university runs, but I'm so scared I'll be judged for being fat or for not being thin/sick/crazy enough. And i'm terrified my chinese flatmate will try and forcefeed me again.

Definitely get help! An ED has no weight restriction

TotoMimo · 04-09-2013 22:46

I hope my advice isn't being disregarded. Think about it - a mental disorder has no shape. It's ingrained in the brain. If your mind is deluded, ill, hurting, then it still looks like a regular brain; that's the issue in a lot of circumstances.

snowyowl · 04-09-2013 22:47

I meant limit^

Potential trigger:

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Anyway: I found this on Tumblr earlier:

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(Original post by Tumblr.)
“If you’re having to count calories, restrict food and/or exercise purely to “keep your weight down” and allay anxieties about becoming “too big”, then the weight that you’re at is almost definitely not right for your bodyBreathe. Let your body be. It’s fine just how it was before; it’s always fine. All bodies are fine, even yours. It can be hard to accept that sometimes, but it’s true. Not accepting this will only lead to compulsion, misery, low self-esteem and, ultimately, an eating disorder. Breathe. Let your body be.”

Now, this bit:

]“If you’re having to count calories, restrict food and/or exercise purely to “keep your weight down” and allay anxieties about becoming “too big”, then the weight that you’re at is almost definitely not right for your body."

Stood out to me in a bad way. To me, this implies that if you feel the need to lose weight, then you do. I feel this is a dangerous message to be giving out to ED sufferers! It's a bit strange, because the rest of the message is so positive, but this bit sticks out at me like a sore thumb!

Do you agree?

TotoMimo · 04-09-2013 22:58

Jesus, Snowy, stop seeking out problems! I mean it. You're doing that thing where you purposely seek to destroy your mind by seeking out the most toxic stimulus possible. WHY?!

I can tell you why. You're doing that thing a person struggling with a disorder does where they think if they go to the "worst possible scenario" that they actually give themselves a proper template to work from.

Here's a thought. Does a man think, "I'm getting chubby. So I'm going to search for the most obese man possible to equalise myself to, then work from that."

No, of course not! Snowy, you're in a very, VERY destructive state, and it's very concerning. Amost like you're intending on self-destruction.

Stop it.

05autyt · 04-09-2013 23:26

(Original post by TotoMimo)
I hope my advice isn't being disregarded. Think about it - a mental disorder has no shape. It's ingrained in the brain. If your mind is deluded, ill, hurting, then it still looks like a regular brain; that's the issue in a lot of circumstances.

I know there are people that read this thread regularly, myself included, that take in all your advice even if its not meant for us.. So its never being disregarded completely

snowyowl · 05-09-2013 06:33

(Original post by TotoMimo)
Jesus, Snowy, stop seeking out problems! I mean it. You're doing that thing where you purposely seek to destroy your mind by seeking out the most toxic stimulus possible. WHY?!

I can tell you why. You're doing that thing a person struggling with a disorder does where they think if they go to the "worst possible scenario" that they actually give themselves a proper template to work from.

Here's a thought. Does a man think, "I'm getting chubby. So I'm going to search for the most obese man possible to equalise myself to, then work from that."

No, of course not! Snowy, you're in a very, VERY destructive state, and it's very concerning. Amost like you're intending on self-destruction.

Stop it.

I was actually trying to find things that helped but I found that instead. I wasn't sure if I was reading it wrong or if it genuinely did imply what I thought it did.

You're right about the path to self-destruction, I think - but I've got something else causing me huge stress at the moment and I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with both things at once.

jazzykinks · 05-09-2013 11:58

Hey guys

Thought I'd say that with uni coming up in the next couple of weeks, you may be feeling quite anxious about eating and being left to your own devices. If anyone needs any support with that, feel free to PM me. I went to uni less than a year after recovery (when relapsing is apparently most likely) but managed to eat right and enjoy myself. Now I've been recovered for 3 years. University is seriously the best time of your life. You don't want to look back on it 10 years later and wish you could've done it differently. x

porridgeandrhi · 05-09-2013 16:36

Heyy everyone.. I have a quick question. So I've started sixth form and it's going okay... But it's just so exhausting... A couple of times I've had moments where all of a sudden my legs feel really heavy and I can barely move a muscle (feels like I'm paralysed all of a sudden?)
It happened last night and again just now... It keeps making me panic. Just wondering if it's related anorexia and if anyone else has experienced it - if so... what is it?

Anonymous · 05-09-2013 17:01

(Original post by porridgeandrhi)
Heyy everyone.. I have a quick question. So I've started sixth form and it's going okay... But it's just so exhausting... A couple of times I've had moments where all of a sudden my legs feel really heavy and I can barely move a muscle (feels like I'm paralysed all of a sudden?)
It happened last night and again just now... It keeps making me panic. Just wondering if it's related anorexia and if anyone else has experienced it - if so... what is it?

Do you feel like your legs are made of lead and you're wading through a vat of toffee? If so, then I've had that before, and it's awful, and probably definitely related. Have you been restricting more than usual recently?

Anonymous · 05-09-2013 19:32

Posting anon just in case. What do you do when you're "seeing someone" and it could potentially develop into a relationship when you're recovering from anorexia? I'm worried that I won't be able to give him the attention he deserves and that I'm not stable enough for a relationship. Plus I doubt he'd understand and today he told me he "liked me as I am" which really messed with my head because I've been trying desperately to convince myself that my weight is not okay and I do need to gain, but now... argh.

Problem is I do really like him. And I don't want to hurt him. I don't know what to do.

porridgeandrhi · 05-09-2013 20:00

(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you feel like your legs are made of lead and you're wading through a vat of toffee? If so, then I've had that before, and it's awful, and probably definitely related. Have you been restricting more than usual recently?

That's exactly how it feels! And nope, I haven't really made any changes in my eating so it makes no sense

Anonymous · 05-09-2013 20:06

(Original post by porridgeandrhi)
That's exactly how it feels! And nope, I haven't really made any changes in my eating so it makes no sense

i have no idea then chick. MAybe you're more tired than usualy, so more aware of it?

Anonymous · 05-09-2013 21:26

(Original post by porridgeandrhi)
Heyy everyone.. I have a quick question. So I've started sixth form and it's going okay... But it's just so exhausting... A couple of times I've had moments where all of a sudden my legs feel really heavy and I can barely move a muscle (feels like I'm paralysed all of a sudden?)
It happened last night and again just now... It keeps making me panic. Just wondering if it's related anorexia and if anyone else has experienced it - if so... what is it?

Could be anorexia-related or could be part of a cold / virus if you've got one (fairly likely if you've just started sixth form). Sometimes colds make your legs (and other joints) ache pretty badly, as well as making you feel exhausted and getting the sniffles. If you've become more active (even just slightly) due to being at sixth form, this could also cause it as if you're underweight it doesn't take much of an activity change for it to have an effect on your body.

Riku · 06-09-2013 00:35

Not the best day.
Girlfriend broke up with me (albeit mutual and circumstancial based on cultural difference and fears of parental rejection), having to downsize my house, an ATM swallowed up my debit card so I'm broke and need to replace it, and I need a new filling :/

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I got asked if I had a high-sugar diet; not exactly incentive to 'recover'. Aside from the fact I hate going to the dentist :P

I'm not sure what's going on but I'm on autopilot for the time being.
I intellectually understand why we had to end it but I still want to cry. I just find it so had to understand how she could swing between yes and no with me for so long. She blatantly disagrees with her family's traditional view but she loves them too much to defy them-which means she'll deny her own happiness. (Not that she needs me, but we did get close).

Then I get the isnecurities and doubts poking through like what if she lied and the real reason is that I'm too needy or she thinks I'm dumb/ugly/not manly enough (this is a really big fear tbh)

Trying to think it through (can't sleep)-Her fear's holding her back and that's her choice. I can't make it for her...that means it's not me after all, it is her problem. I can be there to help her (since we're staying friends) but if she's cut off the intimate bond from fear, I can only wait until it opens again-maybe never.
It's just awful because I finally met a girl who was into a lot of the same things as me, respected and loved me for who I am, and was above the superficial 'game' culture (which I'm almost getting absorbed into in my insecurity; and the need to gym is linked to that)

I'm trying to resist tears and rage because moping won't solve anything. I'm feeling a little emotionally numb, and eating a bit more comfort food than I'd like, but it could be worse.

TotoMimo · 07-09-2013 18:32

(Original post by Riku)
Not the best day.
Girlfriend broke up with me (albeit mutual and circumstancial based on cultural difference and fears of parental rejection), having to downsize my house, an ATM swallowed up my debit card so I'm broke and need to replace it, and I need a new filling :/

Spoiler:
Show

I got asked if I had a high-sugar diet; not exactly incentive to 'recover'. Aside from the fact I hate going to the dentist :P

I'm not sure what's going on but I'm on autopilot for the time being.
I intellectually understand why we had to end it but I still want to cry. I just find it so had to understand how she could swing between yes and no with me for so long. She blatantly disagrees with her family's traditional view but she loves them too much to defy them-which means she'll deny her own happiness. (Not that she needs me, but we did get close).

Then I get the isnecurities and doubts poking through like what if she lied and the real reason is that I'm too needy or she thinks I'm dumb/ugly/not manly enough (this is a really big fear tbh)

Trying to think it through (can't sleep)-Her fear's holding her back and that's her choice. I can't make it for her...that means it's not me after all, it is her problem. I can be there to help her (since we're staying friends) but if she's cut off the intimate bond from fear, I can only wait until it opens again-maybe never.
It's just awful because I finally met a girl who was into a lot of the same things as me, respected and loved me for who I am, and was above the superficial 'game' culture (which I'm almost getting absorbed into in my insecurity; and the need to gym is linked to that)

I'm trying to resist tears and rage because moping won't solve anything. I'm feeling a little emotionally numb, and eating a bit more comfort food than I'd like, but it could be worse.

It's said that "you've never really had a bad day, until you experience a bad day." I know what this feels like and it seems to me, you do too.

Sadly, my friend, life rarely gives us a single ball to juggle; it likes to throw one or two our way for us to fumble about with. Test our resolve, check we're working as hard as we possibly can to better ourselves. I like to think of these days less as "the worst days ever" and more like "the days where we're forced to wake up."

So many of us just coast and coast, experiencing life but not even really living it. When circumstances just hit you, strip you bare naked and shout to you, "right - show me why you're here, REALLY!" - you're placed on the spot, your mind goes into overdrive considering all the things that make you, you.

Riku, we place so much value on the superficial things. Imagine a building with foundations made out of glass but wallpaper inside of the finest gold leaf and Rembrandt first-hand painted borders. Right now, this is the life lived by many of the ED-sufferers here.

Always fretting about the paint on the walls and forgetting the walls are made of paper.

Anonymous · 07-09-2013 22:27

My mum was bulimic when she was younger; we ended up speaking about it. I wanted to tell her so badly but I became paralysed. She told me about her habits, I asked questions I knew the answers to, how nobody knew. I havent purged for around a week or two now and all I can think about, lying in bed, is that she thought she had to be skinny to be loved and how it was the only way she could exercise control over her life. Its so hard to resist :'(

Anonymous · 07-09-2013 22:32

(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum was bulimic when she was younger; we ended up speaking about it. I wanted to tell her so badly but I became paralysed. She told me about her habits, I asked questions I knew the answers to, how nobody knew. I havent purged for around a week or two now and all I can think about, lying in bed, is that she thought she had to be skinny to be loved and how it was the only way she could exercise control over her life. Its so hard to resist :'(

I dont think im thin enough to be believed about my habits :'( im so ashamed to think that way

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