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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    Thanks squiff.

    Mum went shopping...I am realising when I do binge it's in my head something tells me my body needs MORE and MORE but also there is in my head the sensible side saying that you've eaten and you're OK your body doesn't need that Vienesse swhirl or those crisps or all those choccies

    I have to read yall lots posts 2 pages already in less than 24 hours

    i feel like from reading some posts already though each one of us have different disorders some binge then don't eat much others are overweight - like me by a few lbs- yet stlill eat but don't want to hmmmmmmmmm
    no problem yeah everyone is different when i binge its either because im so hungry my body just needs it or i try to have something - maybe even an apple but just because its at the wrong time or i wasn't planning it or i tried not to have it i feel like a fauilre and give up on trying anymore i think whats the point and then spend the whole day binging and purging etc, it always seems like the only option at the time but after the time i feel even worse than if i'd have just ate the original thing and left it at that. i then start cutting down again thinking i'll never binge again because i'll remember how i felt after i did, but then eventually it always happens.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)


    So yeah. That's about it. I know I didn't explain this very well. But.. just any advice would be really great :o:
    :hugs: I know it's easy to say but, I really think you need to tell someone. It sounds like you've done what I guess many of us do - you've normalised it; worked it into your everyday life as if it's just an everyday routine that everyone does. By telling someone (and you need to choose that person carefully - not only someone you're close to, but someone you know won't just accept it as if it's not an issue) you are stopping it being so normal and so acceptable. Personally I find the only thing that really stops me purging is if a friend catches me, physically stops me moving on and tells me straight, 'That is wrong, don't do it.'

    But I know that's easier to say than do - and I also know, that friend might not be there when you need help. If there's really no-one you can tell, then try to avoid buying the food in the first place. When you're in the supermarket, and are tempted to pick up something with the intention of b/ping (i.e. that cake) physically hold your hands together so you can't pick it up, count to ten and then walk away. I've definitely found physical restraint bizarrely helpful, even if it's just me sitting on my hands to stop myself doing whatever. Good luuuck
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    Spent the last hour or so reading through stories on here:

    http://stophatingyourbody.tumblr.com/

    It's really been inspiring me :yep:
    • #29
    #29

    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    :hugs: I know it's easy to say but, I really think you need to tell someone. It sounds like you've done what I guess many of us do - you've normalised it; worked it into your everyday life as if it's just an everyday routine that everyone does. By telling someone (and you need to choose that person carefully - not only someone you're close to, but someone you know won't just accept it as if it's not an issue) you are stopping it being so normal and so acceptable. Personally I find the only thing that really stops me purging is if a friend catches me, physically stops me moving on and tells me straight, 'That is wrong, don't do it.'

    But I know that's easier to say than do - and I also know, that friend might not be there when you need help. If there's really no-one you can tell, then try to avoid buying the food in the first place. When you're in the supermarket, and are tempted to pick up something with the intention of b/ping (i.e. that cake) physically hold your hands together so you can't pick it up, count to ten and then walk away. I've definitely found physical restraint bizarrely helpful, even if it's just me sitting on my hands to stop myself doing whatever. Good luuuck
    On of my issues is, because I just started university this year, I'm in no way close enough to any of my uni friends to be able to admit something like this. "Oh hey, so I go to Sainsburys for fun sometimes to buy food for the sole purpose of throwing it up" isn't really a statement that's going to do wonders friend-wise I don't think :p: and in terms of my long-standing friends.. well I haven't seen my best friend face to face for over 6 months. So, as great as she is, there's no way that telling her would actually help, especially as this is 3-4 times a week, not just once in a blue moon, and I speak to her at max once a week due to our conflicting schedules.
    I just feel like I'm in a difficult situation, because as you said, I've normalised it, and so to an extent don't feel like it's WORTH admitting, because whilst objectively I know it's an issue, it also.. isn't? Raaarghhhhhhhhh. Frustration.
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    (Original post by *custardcream)
    so 4 days of bed rest and 1800-2000 calories and I dropped 0.2kg since Thursday... Ho hum. Not complaining but now I'm DREADING another MP increase which I really don't know that I'll be able to handle
    Hmm, how does that happen? What was the medical teams reaction?
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    I know how you feel squiff

    Sometimes in the past on a good day i'd do well wake up late having not eaten anything but if i eat that one thing i think wtf **** it and then can't stop and think i'll start again tomorrow fresh but it never happens i felt like others were controlling my habits but ive learnt no one can and im in control or so i hope...parents arent, i am hmmmmm
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know what it feels like to live with OCD, many people say how they have their "OCD moments" but living constantly with it is not so much harming but more of like a burden. These things may sound crazy to a few people but when you suffer from the disorder its like you have to act on the complusions because if not although you know that logically nothing is going to happen, there is an underlying fear that something bad is going to happen if you do not perform certian rituals. I've been suffering from this for about 10 years and the obbsessions and compulsions have changed throughout the years but i'll just give you an insight into a few or i'll be here all day!

    It started for me years ago and i never realised what it was until i was older. When i was younger i used to have to wash my hands constantly and my skin on my hands was always in a really bad condition. I used to make my mum give me 16 good night kisses every night and i used to have to do things like turn things on and off 16 times, touch the door 16 times before i walked into a room.

    I also have this thing about praying, where i'd have to when lying in bed say these sort ofpre-scripted prayers where if i didn't pray for everyone i would feel that something bad was going to happen to that person. If i fell asleep during a prayer and didnt get to the end of it (they would last about 45 minutes) i'd have to continue from where i thought i left off in the morning. Sometimes i'd have about 4 pending prayers and it could take me about 3 hours to allow myself to finally sleep.

    When i used to stay for lunch in school i'd have to "stand up and sit down" 4 times whilst looking at the clock... i also have this thing with time, (right now i am sitting in my room with 5 clocks). My friends used to make fun of it and think i was a bit crazy but i used to make it into a joke to try and disguise what i was really doing because i wasn't going to tell them why i behaved in such a way.

    I also am quite germophobic (if thats a word). I'll never touch a button on a traffic light, or in a lift and i refuse to use a bus. Its a bit funny actually at times because if i don't have a key or something on me to press the button at the traffic light i'll just wait for someone else to come and press it and sometimes they've assumed that i have pressed it and we're standing around for a while...

    I could go on and on but i think i'll stop there as i've given a fair idea of my disorder. Its not AS bad as it might sound, i mean i have coped with it for about 10 years and doing psychology A-level when reading about OCD i've seen a passage of a man who wrote a book about how he resolved it himself so i'm planning on getting that book and trying to see if it will work for me. I manage to hide as best as possible from most people, many have no idea of my disorder and when i might perform a compulsion in public and they ask me what on earth i am doing i try to find some way of making logic out of it

    Now, because of my exams i'm kind of at my peak but during summer it should get a lot better!

    Sorry if i've gone on a bit! Just decided to tell my story!
    i can relate a bit for some reason - when i WAS EATING LOTS - i went through a praying mentally doing random stuff phase for a while- touching my nose loads of times, touching the wall, germ freak too i'd never touch a keyboard in school or lift buttons still don't really as caring about germs is surely a good thing :hugs: good luck stay strong in your mind and you WILL thus get through it k :hugs:
    (Original post by squiff93)
    :'( thankyou it means a lot,

    i don't want to hurt myself but i don't want to be here anymore, i don't know whats its like to feel happy anymore

    i just look at myself and i feel ashamed im a mess and everything in my life relects that, i used to actually have a chance at a future now i just feel like i'm settling for something else all the time, i don't feel like i'll ever be happy and i feel like i'm only alive because i'm too scared to hurt my parents.

    it sounds stupid but its like i sit in my room and just look at the mess, all the food wrappers of today bowls and paper that started off as revision and is now just thrown all over the room, all the tracksuit bottoms and pjs which smell like sick its disgusting, im disgusting and such a failure :'(

    hun youre not alone trust me on that a little bit of myself i ccan see proving youre not alone; when i was studying for my a levels you could not see my floor and im nont even joking, i ate masses of food for comfort and as i said we're here for you k trust :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been lurking on this thread for a while, trying to pluck up the courage to post (not exactly sure why, since I'm definitely not ready to de-anon so it doesn't actually make a difference but hey). Anyway, I was just looking for a bit of advice really - spoilered because potential trigger stuff.

    Spoiler:
    Show

    Back-story first. When I was 14 I suffered from anorexia (technically EDNOS as my bmi was never 17) - lost 2 stone in a few months, became really depressed, started SIing, was generally one of the worst times of my life. Things happened, my parents found out, and I recovered for a while (never with professional help, I just sort of got through things myself). Ever since then (now 18) I've been on-and-off bulimic. I was absolutely fine for about the last year, but since I've started uni, things have started to get out of hand again.
    It's got to the stage where when I go and buy food from sainsburys (things I actually need), I instinctively pick up food which I KNOW I'm just going to bring home, eat, then throw up again. Like today I went because I needed muesli - I ended up also buying an angel food cake, eating the whole thing, then throwing it up again straight afterwards. I wasn't even HUNGRY - I'd just been to dinner before I went shopping for gods sake! I even felt sick whilst I was eating it, but just couldn't stop until it was gone.
    I just don't really know what to do, because it seems like such a 'normal' part of my life, and I can't quite admit that it's actually a big problem - I'm normal weight, and to be honest, I've been doing this for so long, it's just a routine. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror after I've thrown up, and think 'god, I really am insane aren't I?', but because it's been part of my life for such a long time, it feels NORMAL, as crazy as that sounds.

    I know I need to stop, because even thought there are no outward physical symptoms right now, I throw up blood sometimes (no pain though), and I'm pretty sure my teeth are starting to be affected. HOWEVER because it all seems so normal to me, I'm not sure I'm able/ready to go and admit this to someone - like, inwardly, I know I have a problem, but outwardly, no-one else knows - not even my best friend of 5 years knows, or even suspects anything, so I'm too terrified to actually tell someone, because that would be admitting that I'm not normal.



    So yeah. That's about it. I know I didn't explain this very well. But.. just any advice would be really great :o:


    it isn't normal. i know the feeling though of looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking wth am i doing this is not right and it isn't. you need to take control though. what is the trigger? you said it yourself you weren't hungry so why did you feel the need to eat the WHOLE cake? how about indulging in one slice ONLY thus subsequently not feeling guilty and being able to sleep restfully during the night knowing you did nothing wrong. as for now youve done a big thing at least telling us that youve got a problem :hugs: i really hope you dont self harm anymore as that is never good and gets you nowhere but im glad youve reached uni and you ARE doing well for yourself remember that . positive thinking and im sure youll get far. cos you can beat this. you are better than it and a lot of negative things/people so remember youl be fine and we're here to help

    one thing that will always help and to remember though is that youre not alone in all this.
    also it could be psychological; do you have any psychological issues? any trauma? hugs. x
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    (Original post by Ruthie!)
    Wow Toto...
    I had absolutely no idea, yet now it all seems to make sense. The way you are so articulate when writing about food, when it's all because of how much you analyse and think about every bite you eat. I don't mean that to sound nasty in any way.

    I don't have an eating disorder, but I have been close, or rather, close to having disordered eating. Which is basically an eating disorder without it being as bad.

    It all started when I was getting bullied for being fat. I now know that with a BMI of 26, I was hardly huge!
    I would exercise every night in secret in my bedroom, while writing out meal plans for the next couple of days. Nothing ever worked because I have so little willpower (probably a good thing) that I never stuck to any routine for long.
    There were days when I would eat at least two chocolate bars on my way to school, and days where I would eat literally nothing.
    I then joined WW with my mum. The doctor ok'd it as I was only 15 at the time. Everyone told me I didn't need to lose any weight but I refused to listen to them.
    I rapidly lost almost two stone, then plateaud at 10 stone. When I look back now, even that was too small for my frame. I have really wide hips (and it is actually my hips not just fat) and super broad shoulders from gymnastics and swimming while growing up. But I was convinced I needed to lose at least a stone more. Never mind the fact I was wearing a size 8-10, and my head looked like a lollipop.
    I began completely restricting what I ate on WW. You can eat anything as long as you count it, but I was filling up on cucumber and cottage cheese, tomatoes and "free" soup and stews. These basically consisted of as many vegetables that I could fit in a pan. I was practically doing the crash cabbage soup diet, while on a "healthy" plan like WW.
    I struggled to lose anymore weight and after putting on some weight over Christmas that year I gave up.
    Over the 5 years since I gave up i have gained 5 stone. I have lost stones, but put them on again. I yoyo so badly.
    I had a gym membership and went as often as possible and stayed as long as possible. I lost over a stone quite quickly, then put on two.
    Over the last two days I have eaten a 400g bar of chocolate almost entirely to myself. And almost no additional food. And I doubt I will, because some days it's all about the calories not the content.
    I've tried so many crash diets and given up, I've tried a liquid only diet even.
    But again and again, no matter how much I hate my body, I cannot lose weight consistently. It's like I'm punishing myself for some reason.
    I worry that I'm sabotaging myself subconsciously because I wanted to take it too far all those years ago.
    I look at myself and feel sick at my reflection, but I sit and pig out on crap...
    Some days I can barely hit 300-400 calories in food, then I'll ruin it all by eating crap. Ruin? What a strange choice of word given I know how bad that few calories in a day is...

    hun one thing to remember is youre not alone. whatsoever . even you loving that choc= me all over also tried the crash diets/ remember you dont need to lose any weight as long as you live a healthy and happy life. someone and many people will love you for you as long as you love yourself. first and foremost. enjoying that meal if it will make your mood and you happy is fine. your happiness is what matters most and by starving yourself your mood will drop i know from experience hence you wont be happy at either weight really will you. we all have piigged out. we've all not eaten enough. you are not alone and by coming here i hope you can get some support. i am also simialr in that I have talked to many carers/. Gps and none take me seriously

    sounding cheeky - must be a yorkshire thing eh high five:p: no seriously though i can also relate in that if i went now to the docs because im not rake thin theyd probably not see a problem but the FACT is i dont eat 3 balanced meals a day
    sometimes ive binged sometimes ive eaten nothing so screw you doc lol

    good luck hun youre not alone :hugs:
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    (Original post by Aemiliana)
    Had a bad day yesterday. Basically, my issues with food have never really been dealt with - the whole eating enough and not feeling bad about it was but the deeper issues were never touched (something I'm trying to work on now). I gained weight at uni and to begin with it was the normal weight most people gain at uni (the whole freedom to eat what you want when you want etc) but then a mix of having a bullying flatmate and exam stress/wanting to be perfect academically lead to me binging on junk food.

    So I'm trying to lose the weight healthily, which is hard because of late my ED's been starting to rear its ugly head. Yesterday I was in a '**** it' mood and asked the parents if I could make biscuits (seeing as I've been eating well all week - not too much and not too little though admittedly not nearly enough fruit and veg) and my Dad started joking around saying I couldn't I needed to lose the weight etc and I absolutely lost it - it was like my ED had been put into his body, even though he was only joking. I ended up binging except in the long run of things it wasn't exactly a binge. It was just a sandwich and a few chocolates but I just felt awful, even while eating it... I dunno why I'm posting, just wanted to get that off my chest. I really need to work on my relationship with food - I used to avoid it when I was upset with my academics or whatever with the odd binge when things got bad but now, whilst it's probably still miles better than before, it's still not healthy.

    EDIT: Oh and on the subject of big boobs - I had them even when I was at my lowest (I think around a 32C, now something like a 34E or EE, I don't even know where they came from. I'm not complaining though, I quite like my boobs :p:)


    really sorry to hear about your bad day

    parents can be so non understanding but know youre not alone in having silly parents:rolleyes: the amount of triggers both mum and stepthing have done are unbelievable but the key is to remain strong. know that they dont have control you do something which has taken me a long time to grasp and i still dont believe it.you didnt binge you only had a little bit and i PROMISE you it wont do you any harm honest hun non whatsoever and there will be no change in you so dont worry please:hugs: even if you ate more thered be no change so remember that and DONT feel down for doing something so natural

    i know how you feel though about the whole eat what you want **** it feeling but then feeling horrid

    youre not alone we're here for you!!!!!!!!!:hugs:
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    im nocturnal hate it
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    I know how you feel squiff

    Sometimes in the past on a good day i'd do well wake up late having not eaten anything but if i eat that one thing i think wtf **** it and then can't stop and think i'll start again tomorrow fresh but it never happens i felt like others were controlling my habits but ive learnt no one can and im in control or so i hope...parents arent, i am hmmmmm
    same yano i can't remember the last time i woke up in the morning and hadn't dreamed about food - like eating to much of it and been scared takes me like 15 mins sometimes longer to realise i didn't eat that and it was a dream ....

    its like an obsession, which is weird because its weird to be obsessed with something your constantly trying to avoid.

    your not the only one who feels like your parents get in the way, TRUST ME, my mums started giving me funny looks again and asking me what i ate for every meal, at the moment i can put some stuff down to being stressed with exams but i'm such a bad liar and so it won't be long before i start getting found out all over again, she used to constantly ask me what i had for dinner and the only thing that would ever come to my head would be cereal, which i'd get in trouble for but i still couldn't think of any other things, i think sometimes i'm even scared of pretending i've eaten a big meal just incase it comes true.... or it means i did!

    soo illogical
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    **** today.
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    (Original post by souldoubt)
    **** today.
    What's wrong?
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    :hugs: to everyone.

    So far today is a case of if you haven't got anything good to say, don't say anything for me.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: to everyone.

    So far today is a case of if you haven't got anything good to say, don't say anything for me.
    :yep:
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    feel horrid had breakfast feel a bit guilty but i did have an urge for an egg but my behaviour is very odd cos id never have a runny yoky egg but i felt like one for some reason damn ED all my life id have them hard lol

    beans/bread:erm:
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    REally quick easy random question to everyone

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    Do you feel like all you ever do is eat but then you compare it with what other people eat and think **** I don't eat much at all?
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    Well I like to think I'm not a bad person for eating a big breakfast; others binge, I used to binge so it's at least better than that. It is bad you don't eat but no one is here to judge. Just try not to feel a sense of achievement if you don't cos it's definitely not a good thing no ED is tbh. You must be eating very little; some days I do too but and I feel so guilty and hate my body when I do eat cos I shouldn't be with this beer belly but the urge for food just sometimes happens but as I said it's better than b/purging so I shouldn't beat myself up too much about it :erm:
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    Well I like to think I'm not a bad person for eating a big breakfast; others binge, I used to binge so it's at least better than that. It is bad you don't eat but no one is here to judge. Just try not to feel a sense of achievement if you don't cos it's definitely not a good thing no ED is tbh. You must be eating very little; some days I do too but and I feel so guilty and hate my body when I do eat cos I shouldn't be with this beer belly but the urge for food just sometimes happens but as I said it's better than b/purging so I shouldn't beat myself up too much about it :erm:
    Eeekkk no sorry hun I wasn't talking about you I feel bad now Of course you're not a bad person!!!!!!!!! Please don't think I was saying it because of your post, it was just a general thought to everybody
 
 
 
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