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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    you really do deserve it :yep:

    i go sort all my rubbish out tomorrow, gonna be weird going back there, but i guess its for the best! hope your nearly packed
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yay!!
    Aww thanks guys :')
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    you really do deserve it :yep:

    i go sort all my rubbish out tomorrow, gonna be weird going back there, but i guess its for the best! hope your nearly packed
    Ahh I hope it goes well for you and I'm sure it will be and haha almost .. I have so much stuff :L Also I'm going up north and I'm always cold as it is so I am going to freeze :L
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    What do you mean by "become a different person"...are you a different person or is your attitude towards yourself different?
    It sounds as though you're definitely in need of some support; a BMI of 17.8 does not sound healthy.
    Yeah basically i'm this fat ugly person, my personality is completely different and i am never happy. A bmi of 17.8 is pretty healthy, it's only just underweight. I do need support, the thing is, nobody can help you lose weight or sort of problems like this. It's down to you as an idividual to do something about it and for me that is now, i am currently on an 1800 calorie diet.
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    (Original post by Evanscence)
    Yeah basically i'm this fat ugly person, my personality is completely different and i am never happy. A bmi of 17.8 is pretty healthy, it's only just underweight. I do need support, the thing is, nobody can help you lose weight or sort of problems like this. It's down to you as an idividual to do something about it and for me that is now, i am currently on an 1800 calorie diet.
    I can't believe that in such a short paragraph, you managed to cite so many pieces of erroneous info!

    For starters, you are already on the lower side of the healthy BMI spectrum. The healthy range is 19-25 (if you are of a particularly small frame this occasionally accommodates down to 18.5, but this is the exception as opposed to the rule.). So how you can be this horrid obese yeti man is truly dysmorphic thinking, and nothing else. I am a short man, 5'7/8, and having gone from BMI 15 to 21, I am not a.blob! Is 9 and a half stones an obese man to you? Would you regard me as a fat man?

    Secondly, 1800 calories is literally the amount that the FDA have as the RDA of calories for 7-8 year old children. In fact, you would maintain your natural weight at this low amount only if you were a woman between 5' and 5' 2 with a small frame.

    I am troubled by how skewed your mind is at the minute. I think you need to really think hard about yourself, your motives, and triggers. Right now, it's all very irrational, and... Quite frankly, outright incorrect.
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    (Original post by Evanscence)
    Yeah basically i'm this fat ugly person, my personality is completely different and i am never happy. A bmi of 17.8 is pretty healthy, it's only just underweight. I do need support, the thing is, nobody can help you lose weight or sort of problems like this. It's down to you as an idividual to do something about it and for me that is now, i am currently on an 1800 calorie diet.
    Agree with what Toto said, trying to restrict your calories is going to cause some real problems in the long run...and if you do lose weight, at which point are you going to be able to stop?
    I think you should be focusing on making your MIND healthy; I know it's hard but it really does sound as though this is only becoming more and more fuelled by a worsening sense of self-esteem and it most certainly sounds like body dysmorphia.
    Have you spoken to a counsellor? I know a counsellor is not able to wave a magic wand and make everything all better but you do need someone to talk to. This 'inside' voice needs to be challenged in some way before you start going rapidly downhill and it will only become harder and harder to get out of.
    Please take care of yourself!
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Agree with what Toto said, trying to restrict your calories is going to cause some real problems in the long run...and if you do lose weight, at which point are you going to be able to stop?
    I think you should be focusing on making your MIND healthy; I know it's hard but it really does sound as though this is only becoming more and more fuelled by a worsening sense of self-esteem and it most certainly sounds like body dysmorphia.
    Have you spoken to a counsellor? I know a counsellor is not able to wave a magic wand and make everything all better but you do need someone to talk to. This 'inside' voice needs to be challenged in some way before you start going rapidly downhill and it will only become harder and harder to get out of.
    Please take care of yourself!
    That's my main concern, there's always the possibilty of me turning anorexic. Last time i lost weight, i was able to stop when i reached my desired goal, i ate the amount required to maintain the weight, which was 2500 calories with a bit of athletics training. Being skinny makes me feel good about myself.

    I know i'm not actually fat, just weigh a bit more than i want to (in reality).
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    (Original post by Evanscence)
    Yeah basically i'm this fat ugly person, my personality is completely different and i am never happy. A bmi of 17.8 is pretty healthy, it's only just underweight. I do need support, the thing is, nobody can help you lose weight or sort of problems like this. It's down to you as an idividual to do something about it and for me that is now, i am currently on an 1800 calorie diet.
    I feel the same as you... I'll PM you
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    Really struggling.

    Since starting my new eating plan last week the voices in my head are getting a lot louder. I've stuck to the plan though, in the hope that this is them getting paranoid and my ED thoughts are getting angry before they gradually fade.

    The CBT stuff is, naturally, very difficult at the minute. One day at a time!
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    (Original post by Mackay)
    Really struggling.

    Since starting my new eating plan last week the voices in my head are getting a lot louder. I've stuck to the plan though, in the hope that this is them getting paranoid and my ED thoughts are getting angry before they gradually fade.

    The CBT stuff is, naturally, very difficult at the minute. One day at a time!
    Okay, straight -up - I've been hard on you, Mackay. The truth is, I'm genuinely proud of how you've acted.

    I have personally never experienced "voices", ghostly chimes leading me astray. Instead I felt a compelling urge that I was always conscious of. The truth is tha the start of recovery feels crazy. Like you think of all the things you despise about yourself but instead want to make those things more prominent.

    I am now a healthy weight but still experience the pull. It's a powerful force. Going for a meal with a friend becomes going to KFC for a zinger burger. You lessen the burden. Then you start to look over the menu. Might get a mini fillet instead. That way, I'm still getting the burger, but less calories. Then you start gauging the zinger salad. It's still the chicken, so I should get that, right?? Less calories still, but I'm getting the chicken!!

    Before long yourself buying the chargrill chicken salad, least amount of calories in any KFC meal, and forget who you're meeting. I mean, does the meeting really matter?! Calories are in check!!


    That is me a year ago, and a very, VERY depressed human being.
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    Hey, sorry if i ever sounded selfish
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Okay, straight -up - I've been hard on you, Mackay. The truth is, I'm genuinely proud of how you've acted.

    I have personally never experienced "voices", ghostly chimes leading me astray. Instead I felt a compelling urge that I was always conscious of. The truth is tha the start of recovery feels crazy. Like you think of all the things you despise about yourself but instead want to make those things more prominent.

    I am now a healthy weight but still experience the pull. It's a powerful force. Going for a meal with a friend becomes going to KFC for a zinger burger. You lessen the burden. Then you start to look over the menu. Might get a mini fillet instead. That way, I'm still getting the burger, but less calories. Then you start gauging the zinger salad. It's still the chicken, so I should get that, right?? Less calories still, but I'm getting the chicken!!

    Before long yourself buying the chargrill chicken salad, least amount of calories in any KFC meal, and forget who you're meeting. I mean, does the meeting really matter?! Calories are in check!!


    That is me a year ago, and a very, VERY depressed human being.
    Thanks for the advice, Toto. I can resonate with everything you've wrote. I will persevere with the eating plan. I pray that the stronger my body gets, the less the 'pull' has to offer.
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    I'm struggling at the moment
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    (Original post by Evanscence)
    Hey, sorry if i ever sounded selfish
    Not at all! Everyone's here to listen and support!
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    Well I'm back but I'll try and focus on my feelings
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    Food-wise, weight is low, hard to eat enough to gain when money's tight, so I just try to eat when hungry.
    I'm actually skinny than I'd like and would like to build muscle and strength back but anyway that's not why I'm here.

    I keep worrying about my girlfriend's best friend (made a thread about it). He's a smart, funny, just really nice guy. She has nicknamed him 'Superman' after his cute glasses and general love of all things geeky. Don't actually know whether he's straight or not but I've assumed he has i.e. may be a threat.

    I don't think she'd cheat on me, I trust her and, dare I say, love her. What I've done is self-deprecate myself in various ways that eventually she is going to make some epiphany that Superman is, in fact, her dream man, see the error of her ways, and gently give me the 'let's just be friends' talk. This can boil down to

    -He's more fun, I reckon he can make her laugh easier/more effectively

    -He is almost certainly more chatty/less anxious around people, more laid-back. She's mentioned the fact they can talk at each other rapid-fire before (just passing in conversation, not as a way to belittle me). Whereas in real life I'm a man of few words

    -He's possibly smarter than me (on her science course, and she goes to him for help with concepts on lectures etc. I do arts so don't take it as an insult)

    -He probably has experience. I'm a virgin. I don't know what I'm doing

    -He knows more geeky stuff than I do, and she loves all that stuff, so it's only a matter of time until their friendship strengthens and will form a more balanced relationship.
    Whereas I think I might have begun to put my lady on a pedestal a bit, wasn't like that at the start.

    -Truth be told I feel afraid that she has grown in confidence from the shy fresher finding her feet to a confident young woman with a large circle of friends. I'm a lone wolf on campus, I have friends outside but that doesn't stop the pangs of loneliness when I'm there. I want to feel proud of her for blossoming but I feel afraid she'll leave and out-grow me, and selfish for thinking that way.

    -He's (probably) not got a mental illness (which I have actually debased to a 'turn-off', following the need to be the alpha male ye again, and it's really hard to recover when I'm telling myself that the fact I stopped binge drinking and started trying to take care of myself )

    I'm finding it hard to accept my very emotional nature. And I want to stop my fits of jealousy because she isn't the first person to have triggered this feeling in me.

    There's a lot that I'm having a go at myself for and if I tell her all this she probably will get fed up sooner or later and leave for a more self-assured guy.



    On a more positive note Diamond, Toto, so happy for you both
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Well I'm back but I'll try and focus on my feelings
    Spoiler:
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    Food-wise, weight is low, hard to eat enough to gain when money's tight, so I just try to eat when hungry.
    I'm actually skinny than I'd like and would like to build muscle and strength back but anyway that's not why I'm here.

    I keep worrying about my girlfriend's best friend (made a thread about it). He's a smart, funny, just really nice guy. She has nicknamed him 'Superman' after his cute glasses and general love of all things geeky. Don't actually know whether he's straight or not but I've assumed he has i.e. may be a threat.

    I don't think she'd cheat on me, I trust her and, dare I say, love her. What I've done is self-deprecate myself in various ways that eventually she is going to make some epiphany that Superman is, in fact, her dream man, see the error of her ways, and gently give me the 'let's just be friends' talk. This can boil down to

    -He's more fun, I reckon he can make her laugh easier/more effectively

    -He is almost certainly more chatty/less anxious around people, more laid-back. She's mentioned the fact they can talk at each other rapid-fire before (just passing in conversation, not as a way to belittle me). Whereas in real life I'm a man of few words

    -He's possibly smarter than me (on her science course, and she goes to him for help with concepts on lectures etc. I do arts so don't take it as an insult)

    -He probably has experience. I'm a virgin. I don't know what I'm doing

    -He knows more geeky stuff than I do, and she loves all that stuff, so it's only a matter of time until their friendship strengthens and will form a more balanced relationship.
    Whereas I think I might have begun to put my lady on a pedestal a bit, wasn't like that at the start.

    -Truth be told I feel afraid that she has grown in confidence from the shy fresher finding her feet to a confident young woman with a large circle of friends. I'm a lone wolf on campus, I have friends outside but that doesn't stop the pangs of loneliness when I'm there. I want to feel proud of her for blossoming but I feel afraid she'll leave and out-grow me, and selfish for thinking that way.

    -He's (probably) not got a mental illness (which I have actually debased to a 'turn-off', following the need to be the alpha male ye again, and it's really hard to recover when I'm telling myself that the fact I stopped binge drinking and started trying to take care of myself )

    I'm finding it hard to accept my very emotional nature. And I want to stop my fits of jealousy because she isn't the first person to have triggered this feeling in me.

    There's a lot that I'm having a go at myself for and if I tell her all this she probably will get fed up sooner or later and leave for a more self-assured guy.



    On a more positive note Diamond, Toto, so happy for you both
    Your girlfriend loves you because you're YOU.
    Please stop comparing yourself to others like this! I know it's easier said than done and I'm guilty of doing this too but remember all the things you DO offer to people. Plus you're only making assumptions about this guy (eg, "probably has experience"). He may come across as more extroverted but who's to say that he doesn't have his insecurities too?
    Be kind to yourself. I'm sure your girlfriend could reassure you!
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    First few days on my eating plan done and I have never felt so bloody full. It's quite a weirdly liberating feeling - it sounds strange, but since being given the eating plan, I've noticed a huge surge in my mood. It kind of feels like I've been waiting for permission to eat all the foods I stupidly 'forbade' myself. The eating plan is still a massive psychological struggle but I've stuck to it. I am not weighing myself, I am not counting calories and I am sticking to my recommendation.

    I really really want to beat this thing. It's a long road ahead but, hopefully, the more weight I gain the more I can deal with psychologically/mentally and the recovery process can really ingrain itself. Hope everyone is well!
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    • #81
    #81

    (Original post by Mackay)
    Really struggling.

    Since starting my new eating plan last week the voices in my head are getting a lot louder. I've stuck to the plan though, in the hope that this is them getting paranoid and my ED thoughts are getting angry before they gradually fade.

    The CBT stuff is, naturally, very difficult at the minute. One day at a time!
    What sort of stuff have you been given/done so far?

    I was provided with worksheets ages ago but have still not gotten round to it; it just feels like I have an invisible shield that repels me from doing them. Negative emotions, fear of failing and all that..
    • #204
    #204

    So I'm halfway to asking for help, and yet always fail at the last minute
    Saw my GP about some low mood/anxiety issues and she asked how my eating was, but she instantly followed it up with 'has your appetite decreased?'... so I just said yes instead of saying 'No!! I've gotten completely lost with normal eating, I get hungry yet I don't let myself eat.'
    Then a friend said they'd noticed I was eating less and losing weight and asked if was ok, I just said I was fine. And a counsellor I saw today asked about my eating, I got as far as saying 'I've lost my way with food. I just don't eat properly anymore', then when he asked me to expand I just said it was a decreased appetite
    How do I go about fixing this if I can't bring myself to tell someone what's really going on?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm halfway to asking for help, and yet always fail at the last minute
    Saw my GP about some low mood/anxiety issues and she asked how my eating was, but she instantly followed it up with 'has your appetite decreased?'... so I just said yes instead of saying 'No!! I've gotten completely lost with normal eating, I get hungry yet I don't let myself eat.'
    Then a friend said they'd noticed I was eating less and losing weight and asked if was ok, I just said I was fine. And a counsellor I saw today asked about my eating, I got as far as saying 'I've lost my way with food. I just don't eat properly anymore', then when he asked me to expand I just said it was a decreased appetite
    How do I go about fixing this if I can't bring myself to tell someone what's really going on?
    If you want help from somebody you have to admit to them you have a problem; it's hard but you have to be honest with both yourself and others.
    Eating disorders thrive in secrecy. Being open to somebody about your problem is the first step to taking control.
    Best of luck! x
 
 
 
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