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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #139
    #139

    (Original post by los lobos marinos)
    Apologies if I'm interrupting this thread. It's just that I have a couple of questions.

    1. If someone was feeling vulnerable and felt they might possibly be developing an eating disorder, who could they call for advice, support and an informal chat anonymously?
    2. What are the typical emotional and psychological symptoms experienced during the early stages of an eating disorder?


    FYI, this is actually for another thread elsewhere on TSR. Would you mind if I just simply copied & pasted your considered response(s)? I would just post it along the lines of "If anyone reading this feels they may currently have or are developing an eating disorder, you may wish to contact......blah, blah, etc etc...."

    I promised I wouldn't nag any more on that thread, but really want to post one more.
    b-eat is the most well known one or the gp or they can come over here and talk to us

    --

    Anyway, long time no post, how is everyone getting on?
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Hey lovelies. Hope you're ok.

    Just a quick update. Settled into uni now and I can finally say I feel recovered. Properly recovered. It feels amazing - I never actually thought it would happen but something has changed and I feel like a different person. I will have my moments, especially as it's a co morbid disorder, but on the whole I am stronger than ever. I don't restrict or binge, or use food in any way to cope with things... And it doesn't occupy even 1% of my thoughts these days. I couldn't care less about loosing weight now and I just want to live my life every day.

    Thank you toto, Mel, snow and all the others that I've gotten to know and admire over the past 2 and a half years. You are all fab xxxx
    This is amazing news! So happy and proud of you and yaaaaaay! x
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    Officially recovered for 3 years I cannot believe it. I've never looked back once. I commemorated it with another tattoo -- 3 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to get one because I was so weak.

    On another note, there was a radiography experiment on campus yesterday for women aged 18-45. It was about bone density. It seems that anorexia has had a long term effect. My bone density wasn't good but luckily, there's still time for me to raise it so it's normal. What I'm saying is that...it's just not worth it. Now I have to kind of worry about this and if I can't rectify it, I may get osteoporosis later in life. An eating disorder just isn't worth this in the long run.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Officially recovered for 3 years I cannot believe it. I've never looked back once. I commemorated it with another tattoo -- 3 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to get one because I was so weak.

    On another note, there was a radiography experiment on campus yesterday for women aged 18-45. It was about bone density. It seems that anorexia has had a long term effect. My bone density wasn't good but luckily, there's still time for me to raise it so it's normal. What I'm saying is that...it's just not worth it. Now I have to kind of worry about this and if I can't rectify it, I may get osteoporosis later in life. An eating disorder just isn't worth this in the long run.
    There is definitely time - as toto has taught us, the bones need some weight on them to rebuild themselves but it can happen. There may be medications that can help.

    So happy for you
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    Me ^
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    (Original post by los lobos marinos)
    Apologies if I'm interrupting this thread. It's just that I have a couple of questions.

    1. If someone was feeling vulnerable and felt they might possibly be developing an eating disorder, who could they call for advice, support and an informal chat anonymously?
    2. What are the typical emotional and psychological symptoms experienced during the early stages of an eating disorder?


    FYI, this is actually for another thread elsewhere on TSR. Would you mind if I just simply copied & pasted your considered response(s)? I would just post it along the lines of "If anyone reading this feels they may currently have or are developing an eating disorder, you may wish to contact......blah, blah, etc etc...."

    I promised I wouldn't nag any more on that thread, but really want to post one more.
    I have something to confess...

    That is me. That thread is mine.

    I'm sorry everyone. I've failed you all
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    (Original post by snowyowl)
    I have something to confess...

    That is me. That thread is mine.

    I'm sorry everyone. I've failed you all
    You've failed absolutely no-one. What you've done is to post in your other threads, to reach out anonymously, and get some sort of guidance, support, advice and clarity of thought.

    Now it's just a matter of keeping focused of the challenges, day by day. Don't be afraid to face your demons, to confront those distorted thinking patterns that are causing you so much confusion right now.

    There are so many people, maybe friends, family, folks on TSR, plus an array of agencies who will gladly do what they can to support. Don't be afraid. Do acknowledge the step you have taken today (with pride).

    I've given you a +rep for your post, which in this context, in the TSR virtual world, should be considered a hug of support and empathy.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Me ^
    Thanks Cinnie also I'm so proud of you!

    I think some of it has to also do with the fact that I don't have periods because of my pill (my BMI is perfectly healthy, I think 21 or something similar). Not prepared to change my pill though so it looks like I'll be eating a lot of frozen yogurt...I could think of worse things x
    • #173
    #173

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    (Original post by los lobos marinos)
    You've failed absolutely no-one. What you've done is to post in your other threads, to reach out anonymously, and get some sort of guidance, support, advice and clarity of thought.

    Now it's just a matter of keeping focused of the challenges, day by day. Don't be afraid to face your demons, to confront those distorted thinking patterns that are causing you so much confusion right now.

    There are so many people, maybe friends, family, folks on TSR, plus an array of agencies who will gladly do what they can to support. Don't be afraid. Do acknowledge the step you have taken today (with pride).

    I've given you a +rep for your post, which in this context, in the TSR virtual world, should be considered a hug of support and empathy.
    The thing is... I eat. I'm eating. As few calories as I can get away with without feeling hungry, but I'm eating. I just beat myself up about it afterwards, thinking myself weak constantly, berating myself for not having the strength to eat less.

    My partner is suffering from depression and I'm trying to hold it together for him, but I'm struggling if I could find a way of eating less calories and not being hungry, I could be happier and more able to hold it together for my partner.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    The thing is... I eat. I'm eating. As few calories as I can get away with without feeling hungry, but I'm eating. I just beat myself up about it afterwards, thinking myself weak constantly, berating myself for not having the strength to eat less.

    My partner is suffering from depression and I'm trying to hold it together for him, but I'm struggling if I could find a way of eating less calories and not being hungry, I could be happier and more able to hold it together for my partner.
    If you partner has insight into your ill-health and is aware you are withholding the nutrition your body requires to operate efficiently and survive then that may add guilt to his symptoms of depression. That, in turn would make you feel more guilty and thus begins a whole cycle of unwanted emotions for both of you.

    Sometimes, recovery of both parties is aided by each one focusing on their own individual well-being plans. It is my belief that you should be accessing and engaging with services to address all of your personal needs, whether biological, psychological, or a mixture of the two. They can help you to develop a holistic care plan and coping strategy.

    PS. Hope I'm not coming across as judgemental, bossy or anything. But I have little knowledge of EDs and therefore most of what I am saying is purely instinct (hopefully with a touch of empathy sprinkled on top). Even if I cannot fully understand what it must be like, I honestly do feel for you, and appreciate how hard it must be for you to make sense of all those unhelpful and distorted patterns of thought.
    • #122
    #122

    Hey all,

    Day eight of 'recovery' .. feels such a short space of time yet I feel i've come a long way. I'm hoping people who're in recovery/who've recovered from bulimia might be able to answer a couple of my questions.

    I'm having what feels like really awful side effects. My acid reflux is every five minutes and I feel incredibly sick .. not exactly helping the case! I'm also very bloated. How long until these things will begin to simmer down?

    I haven't gotten out of the bulimic mindset. I'm still terrified of weight gain and have thoughts of purging (without the binge). I'm still finding my feet, very mixed and regularly changing emotions etc. I will go to the doctor eventually, i'm thinking if I can get to week 3 or 4 some of the embarrassment may've subsided. One of the big big things holding me back from seeking professional help is how they will use the information I tell them. Will they tell my university? I volunteer heavily for St John Ambulance; will they tell them? Future employers?

    Thank you, Ella. x
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    This has got nothing to do with ED as such but everything to do with the accompanying anxiety

    I want to stop drinking, or at least really cut down on it.
    And I have cut down-but now I feel boring. Like a big kill;joy. And it just reinforces the image of me as squeaky-clean holier-than-thou generally pretentious and unbearable
    To be honest I don't like binge drinking. But I still respect other people's choice. I just don't feel mine can be.

    So sometimes, when I really start worrying about how this is coming across, I just want to head over to the fridge and chug, chug, chug until the room is spinning

    I have a few problems to do with this:

    Spoiler:
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    -What if I'm just cutting calories. I'm not helping myself, I need those extra calories per day or I'm not recovering, whatever the source and whatever its impact on me

    -What if I lose all my friends. Especially as a student, and even some of my old college friends. They've been tolerant of me so far when we're back home and still invite me out, but I know
    they prefer it when I drink. hey assume I'm having a good time-and I am. But I don't tell them about the comedown in the next few days where I get trapped in my own head

    -I'm fairly sure most men look down on other men who don't drink. Do you know how much stick I got for ordering a lemonade the other day

    -I have addictive tendencies. That was actually one of the reasons for my whole healthy eating thing, I hate the feeling of being out of control because when I lose it I know no bounds. It would be soooo easy for me to binge until it hurts and I puke and I have spent a few days just eating or drinking on the street in the worst of my illness but no, I don't want that, I want a good life

    -Even for my family if I don' drink it's taken to me as a sign they know I'm still not well, and it's going to worry them, so why not just them out of their misery and have a beer?
    I have the same problem with refusing cake or going to the gym btw. If I do, even if I genuinely don't want it, surely it means I'm still ill? Because like hell does anyone ever genuinely want to pass on cake (except I do, but no I shouldn't)

    -Also I need a good excuse. 'I don't drink because it triggers paranoia and depression' isn't really going to cut it...

    -Why do I have to justify my not drinking? I don't ask them to justify why they prefer KFC to Burger King so why is it such a ****ing sin for me to drink a Coke instead of a Carling? And yet I do.


    I am so scared and that fear emasculates me even more

    There is a lot of anxiety attached to my drinking and fears of losing even more manhood and respect if I do stop

    Th fact that my girlfriend is growing really popular and confident is also threatening because guys will not relate to me in the same way, and eventually she's going to realise I'm beneath her social status and dump me. I'm not naive, that's the way the world works
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    Dear Ella,

    I commend you giving your recovery a go. Even after a mere week the chances are you'll be feeling it. A general rule of thumb is, if you're feeling the angst, fear, pain and whatnot - it's working. As I previously mentioned, I suffered some horrific symptoms during the early stages of my recovery and it lasted many weeks (and I will not lie - it gets worse before it gets better). Anorexics and Bulimics suffer slightly differently but the universal effects are often most detrimental to your sleep pattern, digestion, and body odour.

    This sounds repulsive but let me assure you, you'll want to fight through it; only through seeing the hardship will you truly appreciate healing.

    Your side-effects might include migraines, "pulsing" circulation (you feel your blood pumping in your extremities), polarised inner temperature (you alternate between being roasting and freezing) and metabolic shifting (some days you'll be super-energetic, then crash out for an entire day for no reason). You will almost certainly experience either diarrhoea and/or constipation as your body begins to appreciate a normal intake again, and this might result in fissure/haemorrhoids, which sounds extreme but let me assure you - everyone gets these at one point in their lives. EVERYONE. And little ones disappear quickly once your body normalises. The "body odour" thing is one of the weirder ones; it depends on if you've been particularly restrictive with one TYPE of food or drink. Your body forgets how to degrade a certain mineral or substance, and struggles with it for a bit. This results in a very inordinate amount of it being diverted, and thus you might have an odd smell for a week or two - of course this is just a temporary thing.

    So what I'm saying is - I'm laying out all the short-term things you might experience so there are no surprises. Especially within the first week or two you'll feel totally bloated and sick. This isn't abnormal in this circumstance, and is very temporary. I'd rather you knew the truth than a stoic back-pat.

    As for your potential employers; it's your call, but I personally wouldn't hide it. In fact, since I divulged my situation and became overt about it, I've become an ambassador for Eating Disorders and Neurotic Psychotic Abnormalities in Central Scotland, and it has become a great strength. You may find they value your particular journey (providing you follow through and properly recover) as invaluable to pass on to potential patients.
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    Riku, in relation to your post, I'm starting to grow increasingly more and more concerned about you.

    You seem to be absolutely hell-bent on a journey of self-sabotage. Though all of our long-term posters on here have been striving to battle their demons (with varying success), you seem to be stuck very firmly in the first stage of recovery, which is a loop of acceptance, denial and sabotage.

    This is the stage where you accept you have an issue, TELL yourself you're recovering, but you're indulging your bad habits regardless; a blinker-style of "recovering", only you're not going anywhere.

    Your style of thinking is still-subpsychotic, and that's not a horrific badge, that just means you're in a perpetual state of believing there is discontent everywhere.

    Have you ever heard the phrase, "You are not a true worrier until you worry about not worrying"? - it's what I call the Hero Paradigm, though I'm sure it's been coined by a different name. It's when you find that your life is ultimately futile and staid unless there's a problem. A hero is not a hero unless he has a villain, and so in a situation where your mind is at peace, all you want to do is make a problem for yourself in order to feel right, heroic, justified, when you go into true "fixing" mode.

    "Fixing mode" can also just be an excuse to indulge your incorrect mental behaviour though; when your situation is in disarray, you try to use that as an excuse to act out of what you KNOW is normal behaviour. It seems to me like you are in a constant state of sabotage to create these problems that do not exist in order to feel some semblance of worth.

    But to address the actual content of your message, alcohol is merely a consumable. You can choose to give it up if that's what you truly want to do, but instead of itemising every single factor that have varying levels of relevance to the actual problem, just ask THREE questions:

    1) Do I ENJOY drinking alcohol, with or without friends?

    If the answer is no, then stop. If the answer is yes, go to 2).

    2) Is drinking alcohol causing you problems in your work, study or relationships?

    If the answer is no, then you're fine. If the answer is yes, then go to 3).

    3) Do the problems stem from over-consumption (inability to stop even if you don't want any more) or the fact your behaviour alters to enhance your other latent worries (the stuff you worry about but don't say suddenly becomes easier to talk about with others)?

    If the answer is the former, then your addiction is CHEMICAL, and you are merely drinking through a hormonal, chemical resistance and yearning for the substance. If it's the latter, your addiction is PSYCHOLOGICAL, and you are using alcohol as a means to convey yourself subconsciously, to explain the problems that you REALLY have to people you normally could not.

    Of course, you can have a mixture of chemical and psychological reliance on alcohol, but I would probably place bets on the notion that you are merely using the Hero Paradigm to self-sabotage again.

    You have to realise, since your first post on our thread, you have had neurotic thoughts about your body, your gender, your girlfriend, your family, your gym, your eating habits - everything. You scrutinise these elements with a razor, down to the bone.

    Did you consider my suggestion of asking the doctor for some form of Antipsychotic medication?
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    Remember that regardless of your personal scenario , you can always depend on the support group here. The darkest of nights become blank canvases, new starts, a blank slate.
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    not posted here in a while, my meds are kinda helping my bingeing i think, but every now and then i will have a giant binge and just feel aweful.

    but things are still up in the air in my life atm, so im hoping when things settle down i will eventually sort my bingeing out hopefully.
    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by los lobos marinos)
    If you partner has insight into your ill-health and is aware you are withholding the nutrition your body requires to operate efficiently and survive then that may add guilt to his symptoms of depression. That, in turn would make you feel more guilty and thus begins a whole cycle of unwanted emotions for both of you.

    Sometimes, recovery of both parties is aided by each one focusing on their own individual well-being plans. It is my belief that you should be accessing and engaging with services to address all of your personal needs, whether biological, psychological, or a mixture of the two. They can help you to develop a holistic care plan and coping strategy.

    PS. Hope I'm not coming across as judgemental, bossy or anything. But I have little knowledge of EDs and therefore most of what I am saying is purely instinct (hopefully with a touch of empathy sprinkled on top). Even if I cannot fully understand what it must be like, I honestly do feel for you, and appreciate how hard it must be for you to make sense of all those unhelpful and distorted patterns of thought.
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    I have spent all day seriously considering a "chewing gun diet"; that is, replacing breakfast and lunch every day with gum instead.

    I think it might be time to accept I need help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    I have spent all day seriously considering a "chewing gun diet"; that is, replacing breakfast and lunch every day with gum instead.

    I think it might be time to accept I need help.
    This is really concerning. It starts off as interest, then research, then it becomes consideration, and then obsession.

    When I was at the worst of my obsession, I counted grams of cucumber. Cucumber is 10 calories per 100g.

    Who knows where the demon's tail ends? Nobody. That's because the tail never ends! You are only going to follow it to hell.
    • #103
    #103

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    This is really concerning. It starts off as interest, then research, then it becomes consideration, and then obsession.

    When I was at the worst of my obsession, I counted grams of cucumber. Cucumber is 10 calories per 100g.

    Who knows where the demon's tail ends? Nobody. That's because the tail never ends! You are only going to follow it to hell.
    I remember at my worse I weighed fizzy drinks - like diet lemonade, 4 calories per 250ml. But now still weigh EVERYTHING and thats quite difficult to let go of.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Riku, in relation to your post, I'm starting to grow increasingly more and more concerned about you.

    You seem to be absolutely hell-bent on a journey of self-sabotage. Though all of our long-term posters on here have been striving to battle their demons (with varying success), you seem to be stuck very firmly in the first stage of recovery, which is a loop of acceptance, denial and sabotage.

    This is the stage where you accept you have an issue, TELL yourself you're recovering, but you're indulging your bad habits regardless; a blinker-style of "recovering", only you're not going anywhere.

    Your style of thinking is still-subpsychotic, and that's not a horrific badge, that just means you're in a perpetual state of believing there is discontent everywhere.

    Have you ever heard the phrase, "You are not a true worrier until you worry about not worrying"? - it's what I call the Hero Paradigm, though I'm sure it's been coined by a different name. It's when you find that your life is ultimately futile and staid unless there's a problem. A hero is not a hero unless he has a villain, and so in a situation where your mind is at peace, all you want to do is make a problem for yourself in order to feel right, heroic, justified, when you go into true "fixing" mode.

    "Fixing mode" can also just be an excuse to indulge your incorrect mental behaviour though; when your situation is in disarray, you try to use that as an excuse to act out of what you KNOW is normal behaviour. It seems to me like you are in a constant state of sabotage to create these problems that do not exist in order to feel some semblance of worth.

    But to address the actual content of your message, alcohol is merely a consumable. You can choose to give it up if that's what you truly want to do, but instead of itemising every single factor that have varying levels of relevance to the actual problem, just ask THREE questions:

    1) Do I ENJOY drinking alcohol, with or without friends?

    If the answer is no, then stop. If the answer is yes, go to 2).

    2) Is drinking alcohol causing you problems in your work, study or relationships?

    If the answer is no, then you're fine. If the answer is yes, then go to 3).

    3) Do the problems stem from over-consumption (inability to stop even if you don't want any more) or the fact your behaviour alters to enhance your other latent worries (the stuff you worry about but don't say suddenly becomes easier to talk about with others)?

    If the answer is the former, then your addiction is CHEMICAL, and you are merely drinking through a hormonal, chemical resistance and yearning for the substance. If it's the latter, your addiction is PSYCHOLOGICAL, and you are using alcohol as a means to convey yourself subconsciously, to explain the problems that you REALLY have to people you normally could not.

    Of course, you can have a mixture of chemical and psychological reliance on alcohol, but I would probably place bets on the notion that you are merely using the Hero Paradigm to self-sabotage again.

    You have to realise, since your first post on our thread, you have had neurotic thoughts about your body, your gender, your girlfriend, your family, your gym, your eating habits - everything. You scrutinise these elements with a razor, down to the bone.

    Did you consider my suggestion of asking the doctor for some form of Antipsychotic medication?
    Spoiler:
    Show


    OK I have a problem but in all honesty I am eating and I’m not massively picky about what I do or don’t, nor am I massively bothered about what weight I am on the scale. The Mum gym worry thing is a circular thought under the assumption ‘I am recovering from an eating disorder, I cannot go to the gym because it is not helping m’ even if it is.
    I do find exercise helps me, testosterone boosts are good for my confidence, whereas alcohol, sugar and late nights are terrible for it (as is stress, ironically)

    Equally as much as I am obsessed about being ‘healthy’, I have moments of panic where I decide health is unacceptable and c0mpuslively overeat especially junk food. F I wanted to I could eat quite a lot of sugar in one go, bu I don’ because it makes m feel ill
    At heart I do want to soothe my anxieties with food as I did as a child, I prefer to soothe them with my body (OK) hobbies (good) and friends (good)

    Which is why I started focussing on the anxiety element. I'm not denying I have a problem, but I don't think the solution is to start eating McDonalds every day. A healthy diet and exercise regime is good for my mental health, so I want to do that (in moderation) alongside rebuilding my social skills, self-confidence and reaching my life goals

    Am I really that neurotic?
    Alcohol:
    1) Yes I enjoy it, but not when stressed
    2) Work: Hangover. Depression/paranoia. Difficulty concentrating. Obsessive circular thoughts. Generally just want to go to bed
    One time nearly picked up an empty bottle lying on the road when walking to work and started drinking. Stopped myself because thought I might get sacked for it

    Study: Worry about who I am if I don’t drink stops me doing coursework, not good if I fail final year

    Relationships: If I don’t drink, I’ll probably lose my friends
    When I do, I’m a lot more impulsive and can be aggressive. For example, once when I got pissed I started a ‘game’ where I see how many times the party host gets winded when I punch him in the groin compared to me (not entirely sure why, this is something I never would have considered when sober)
    I spent the night lying in his bathtub and then profusely apologised the next week

    Another time I tried to lift a tree out of the ground and fell it with my bare hands

    (This was all when I was younger)

    Most times I generally have an intense high/burst of energy followed by an intense low



    3) Bit of both
    -If I’m feeling partiocularly anxious
    I’ve known times when I started quoting mantras I don’t believe like ‘real men have a beer’, I’ll be in the middle of studying and get a sudden urge to chug a few bottles to prove something (specifically that I’m going to be feeling like **** and messing my mind up, but I’m going to take it and get over it) . That I’m going to ‘take it [the stress] like a man’
    I don’t agree with this belief I just doubt the alternative which is that it’s OK to admit my mind’s especially sensitive and vulnerable which makes mind-altering drugs a bad idea

    Likewise it is much much more likely I’ll open up to someone (including random strangers) about how I feel or get something off my chest once I have a drink. This is how a few of my friends found out I had an anxiety problem and how my dad has learned a few things too (not that he deliberately intoxicated me to interrogate me but it just happened when we were relaxing)

    want to be able to drink sometimes, but I feel it's just the 'done thing' to self-medicate with it. I'm going to be ostracised if I have a less sociable drink such as water, and if I have juice or a soft drink they will probably decide I'm a 'watered down' person, thus losing respect for me

    Maybe I really am overthinking. For example I was saying to my girlfriend when she was directing us to the bus stop and knew the time the shops closed, ‘How come I don’t know that?’, which became ‘I should know that, I need to get more organised, I should get out more’, which became ‘I need to sort my life out, I’m not pulling my weight in this relationship, what am I actually contributing or impressing her with, I talk sweert nothings but can I walk the walk? She’s going to dump me soon for someone who knows what they’re doing rather than just being a sheep’

    Again today we both ahd to get up early for her to make a meeting. She admitted to feeling very tired and I am too-she seemed withdrawn, not in the best of moods, on edge
    I got the impression it wasn’t her being up early but the fact I was making bad company today. I was depressing/frustrating her with all my thoughts and again, she’s going to give me the boot soon. She said ‘I love you’ just a few days ago



    Why do I think like this? I've just assume that everything I do-going to the gym, eating X thing instead, not drinking, going to bed on time, watching this film instead of that, staying in to study ratehr than go out because I have a test tomorrow-is stressing everyone to oblivion and pushing them away. It's alway7s me stressing them, not them just being stressed by stuff when I'm there. And I am always an additional stress factor to their life in my view (even though I've tried to soothe and relax my girlfriend and others before, for example, I hope so anyway)
    I might consider anti-psychotics thanks Toto
 
 
 
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