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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ha, thank you perhaps someday! I love my music. I don't think i'm any good but it's the one thing I don't care that i'm not .. it's such a de-stress and makes me so content.
    It's the same for me. Who are your favourite artists/bands?

    Since starting my eating plan and being completely banned from exercise of any kind, I've found myself listening to music and writing articles quite a lot - so that's a positive. Anybody got any non-exercise ways of passing the time? I've almost exhausted my Breaking Bad box-set. My mum suggested learning a language in my free time.
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    (Original post by Mackay)
    It's the same for me. Who are your favourite artists/bands?

    Since starting my eating plan and being completely banned from exercise of any kind, I've found myself listening to music and writing articles quite a lot - so that's a positive. Anybody got any non-exercise ways of passing the time? I've almost exhausted my Breaking Bad box-set. My mum suggested learning a language in my free time.
    Learning a language is a good one. Keeping a diary is what I did when I was recovering. I wrote anything I was feeling or just random thoughts to get it all out. I actually find reading them quite therapeutic now Poetry, writing songs...erm...
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    Poetry is something I can do! I'm an English literature student, so I guess that fits in well. I've been keeping a diary/journal too, it really is therapeutic. I like trawling through magazines/newspapers and cutting pictures out and sticking them in to give it a visual impact too.
    • #173
    #173

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    I'm eating meals instead of sticking to my restriction and chewing gum diet.

    What is wrong with me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    I'm eating meals instead of sticking to my restriction and chewing gum diet.

    What is wrong with me
    I'm in two minds about this post. If you are legitimate, and stating this as a real doubt about yourself, then what's your issue? That you're starting to act normally again? There is nothing "wrong". There is everything fundamentally "right", and you are moving in the correct direction.

    But I've been getting really, REALLY protective of my group since the negative rep has been eliminated. It makes the vulnerable more vulnerable and trolling has become more rife than ever. I have absolutely no idea why the negative reputation system was eliminated; it just lets the self-entitled to be more so, and the vulnerable susceptible to attack.

    If this is a troll post, I would suggest you thoroughly take a look at the people you are trolling, because if you intend to hurt people in the most susceptible state of their lives, then you are truly an odious, awful being.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I'm in two minds about this post. If you are legitimate, and stating this as a real doubt about yourself, then what's your issue? That you're starting to act normally again? There is nothing "wrong". There is everything fundamentally "right", and you are moving in the correct direction.

    But I've been getting really, REALLY protective of my group since the negative rep has been eliminated. It makes the vulnerable more vulnerable and trolling has become more rife than ever. I have absolutely no idea why the negative reputation system was eliminated; it just lets the self-entitled to be more so, and the vulnerable susceptible to attack.

    If this is a troll post, I would suggest you thoroughly take a look at the people you are trolling, because if you intend to hurt people in the most susceptible state of their lives, then you are truly an odious, awful being.
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    Toto... It's snowy there's no point trying to hide it, it's a cry for help before I plunge head first into self-destruction. I'm struggling to get myself to eat a bowl of soup and toast for dinner tonight. I know I need help but I can't bring myself to seek it because some of me doesn't want to get better...
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    (Original post by Mackay)
    It's the same for me. Who are your favourite artists/bands?

    Since starting my eating plan and being completely banned from exercise of any kind, I've found myself listening to music and writing articles quite a lot - so that's a positive. Anybody got any non-exercise ways of passing the time? I've almost exhausted my Breaking Bad box-set. My mum suggested learning a language in my free time.
    Learn to knit/sew/crochet?
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    (Original post by Mackay)
    Poetry is something I can do! I'm an English literature student, so I guess that fits in well. I've been keeping a diary/journal too, it really is therapeutic. I like trawling through magazines/newspapers and cutting pictures out and sticking them in to give it a visual impact too.
    Another poetry fan? Fabulous Do you have a blog?
    Poetry is my biggest passion...whenever anything else seems like it's going wrong I always have my writing! Writing is indeed therapeutic.
    With regards to your other post about trying to find things to occupy your time, how about learning a new instrument? I've neglected my guitar for about 2 years so want to get back into that or try drums. Can you play anything atm?
    Also well done for the progress you're making already
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Learning a language is a good one. Keeping a diary is what I did when I was recovering. I wrote anything I was feeling or just random thoughts to get it all out. I actually find reading them quite therapeutic now Poetry, writing songs...erm...
    It can be really surprising sometimes how revealing reading your own diaries back can be...it helps to see where things are worse and why and is a reminder (if you kept a diary far back enough) that you were capable of living life before the ED.
    Glad it's working for you
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    (Original post by snowyowl)
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    Toto... It's snowy there's no point trying to hide it, it's a cry for help before I plunge head first into self-destruction. I'm struggling to get myself to eat a bowl of soup and toast for dinner tonight. I know I need help but I can't bring myself to seek it because some of me doesn't want to get better...
    What life is there for you, sweetheart? What life is this?

    A life of anorexia is the following:

    You are a slave to starvation, to calculation, to absolute control. Like a drone you follow a routine of nothing but the absolute mundane of tasks in order to achieve your goal of... well, slow death.

    There is nothing attractive in a person that starves themselves. There are no interesting qualities a person can identify with. All the person can ever think of a devout anorexic is "there's that person that continuously lets me down. Makes excuses not to see me. Hurts themselves. If they could do that kind of damage to THEMSELVES, what could they do to ME?" - this is a sad truth.

    People who are not in the circle of awareness merely see these people as masochistic, suicidal sorts. Because anorexia is not a diet; it is a slow, painful suicide..

    Yet so many anorexics tell me they are afraid of death. But... you're afraid of death and yet you actively edge every day closer to it? Not realising that you're on a conveyorbelt towards it? Even if you don't run towards the end, you'll slowly trundle there anyway. Would an arachnophobic bathe in a bath with 20 spiders in it? Slowly adding more spiders? Deadly spiders? Then ask people "Why on earth am I not adding more black widows? I must be mad!" then add more spiders.

    It's counter-productive and .... FATAL. I mean, Snowy, come on, sweetheart. What are you doing this for? Who? WHY? To kill yourself? That's the absolute ONLY thing you can achieve. And I don't mean that in a dramatic way, I mean that in a LITERAL way. The ONLY thing you are doing is slow, self-induced, painful, heart-wrenching death. If you want that, then you're going about it correctly. If not, then tell me why you act this way.
    • #173
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    What life is there for you, sweetheart? What life is this?

    A life of anorexia is the following:

    You are a slave to starvation, to calculation, to absolute control. Like a drone you follow a routine of nothing but the absolute mundane of tasks in order to achieve your goal of... well, slow death.

    There is nothing attractive in a person that starves themselves. There are no interesting qualities a person can identify with. All the person can ever think of a devout anorexic is "there's that person that continuously lets me down. Makes excuses not to see me. Hurts themselves. If they could do that kind of damage to THEMSELVES, what could they do to ME?" - this is a sad truth.

    People who are not in the circle of awareness merely see these people as masochistic, suicidal sorts. Because anorexia is not a diet; it is a slow, painful suicide..

    Yet so many anorexics tell me they are afraid of death. But... you're afraid of death and yet you actively edge every day closer to it? Not realising that you're on a conveyorbelt towards it? Even if you don't run towards the end, you'll slowly trundle there anyway. Would an arachnophobic bathe in a bath with 20 spiders in it? Slowly adding more spiders? Deadly spiders? Then ask people "Why on earth am I not adding more black widows? I must be mad!" then add more spiders.

    It's counter-productive and .... FATAL. I mean, Snowy, come on, sweetheart. What are you doing this for? Who? WHY? To kill yourself? That's the absolute ONLY thing you can achieve. And I don't mean that in a dramatic way, I mean that in a LITERAL way. The ONLY thing you are doing is slow, self-induced, painful, heart-wrenching death. If you want that, then you're going about it correctly. If not, then tell me why you act this way.
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    Because I just want to lose a bit of weight so I can be perfect. I can stop when I'm there.

    Except I know I can't I... My boyfriend is suffering with SAD and I'm trying to be strong for him but there is no one here to be strong for me so I'm just sinking further and further into restriction

    I just want to be perfect.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Because I just want to lose a bit of weight so I can be perfect. I can stop when I'm there.

    Except I know I can't I... My boyfriend is suffering with SAD and I'm trying to be strong for him but there is no one here to be strong for me so I'm just sinking further and further into restriction

    I just want to be perfect.
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    Snowy, nobody's perfect but you're good enough as you are. Your weight wouldn't change how good your heart is. You're being a really good girlfriend trying to help your partner with his SAD but there's only so much you can do. You need to look after yourself first, how else can you look after him?

    I've been this boyfriend and I know it'd hurt me more if my girlfriend did (which given her history, she could easily do. And yet here she is feeding me Milkybar Buttons and laughing at terribly corny jokes and just this minute blinding me with science and that makes me feel sooo much better than were she just dieting and feeling miserable all the time.

    Restricting will do nothing but make you more hungry and tired and probably cause similar symptoms in you than him, if not worse.
    The best thing you can do is be you. :hugs:
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    x

    (Original post by Riku)
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    Snowy, nobody's perfect but you're good enough as you are. Your weight wouldn't change how good your heart is. You're being a really good girlfriend trying to help your partner with his SAD but there's only so much you can do. You need to look after yourself first, how else can you look after him?

    I've been this boyfriend and I know it'd hurt me more if my girlfriend did (which given her history, she could easily do. And yet here she is feeding me Milkybar Buttons and laughing at terribly corny jokes and just this minute blinding me with science and that makes me feel sooo much better than were she just dieting and feeling miserable all the time.

    Restricting will do nothing but make you more hungry and tired and probably cause similar symptoms in you than him, if not worse.
    The best thing you can do is be you. :hugs:
    Thank you both for your kind words :hugs: I ate my soup and toast in the end, so... That's good, right?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Because I just want to lose a bit of weight so I can be perfect. I can stop when I'm there.

    Except I know I can't I... My boyfriend is suffering with SAD and I'm trying to be strong for him but there is no one here to be strong for me so I'm just sinking further and further into restriction

    I just want to be perfect.
    The threads of fate plucked me away just in time when I was like you.

    8 stones? perfect. Now I can... er, now, I wasn't going to be that guy. The guy who said "7 stone 8." But I guess that can't hurt. That way, I'll be under 8 stones quite comfortably and I can live in perfection".

    Only I got there, and I wanted 7 stone 4. Then 7 stone 1. But you're not like that, right? You don't have an addictive quality of achievement through body loss, do you?

    Neither did I. And yet there I was, a man originally, what, 12 stones in university, sitting there struggling to breathe at under 7 stones as the HR department in my work visited me at home. I hated the thought they were there; this was my situp hour. I needed to do situps now. I needed a six pack.


    "You need to go into hospital now, or else you'll die."

    Me? This dude who's fit as a fiddle, gonna get the girl, can do 1000 situps in a row? Hah!

    "No thanks, I still have to work on myself. I have a lot to do. I thought 7 stones would be right but I still see I have a bit of flabby flesh right there on my lower abdomen. Once I get rid of that, I'll be perfect!!"

    Cue less than a week later, ambulances, one month to live, and the doctor asking me if I had any "special things" I wanted to relay to my family. "Special things" to say? What are you meaning? How awesome I am? How many pressups I can do despite having 6% body fat? What do you mean?

    And yet my mum visited that day and cried. All day, she cried. My skin yellow as a banana, my body too weak to get up and prove I could do a star-jump. My mum so incredibly frustrated that I was this disgusting monster of suicide, of neglect. In my eyes I was becoming ideal; in the world's eyes, I was preparing myself to die.

    I had made myself nice an lean; perfect to fit inside a casket.

    My mum said goodbye that day, and I will never forget that exact minute that visiting hours ended in the hospital. She said, "Please be here tomorrow."
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    The threads of fate plucked me away just in time when I was like you.

    8 stones? perfect. Now I can... er, now, I wasn't going to be that guy. The guy who said "7 stone 8." But I guess that can't hurt. That way, I'll be under 8 stones quite comfortably and I can live in perfection".

    Only I got there, and I wanted 7 stone 4. Then 7 stone 1. But you're not like that, right? You don't have an addictive quality of achievement through body loss, do you?

    Neither did I. And yet there I was, a man originally, what, 12 stones in university, sitting there struggling to breathe at under 7 stones as the HR department in my work visited me at home. I hated the thought they were there; this was my situp hour. I needed to do situps now. I needed a six pack.


    "You need to go into hospital now, or else you'll die."

    Me? This dude who's fit as a fiddle, gonna get the girl, can do 1000 situps in a row? Hah!

    "No thanks, I still have to work on myself. I have a lot to do. I thought 7 stones would be right but I still see I have a bit of flabby flesh right there on my lower abdomen. Once I get rid of that, I'll be perfect!!"

    Cue less than a week later, ambulances, one month to live, and the doctor asking me if I had any "special things" I wanted to relay to my family. "Special things" to say? What are you meaning? How awesome I am? How many pressups I can do despite having 6% body fat? What do you mean?

    And yet my mum visited that day and cried. All day, she cried. My skin yellow as a banana, my body too weak to get up and prove I could do a star-jump. My mum so incredibly frustrated that I was this disgusting monster of suicide, of neglect. In my eyes I was becoming ideal; in the world's eyes, I was preparing myself to die.

    I had made myself nice an lean; perfect to fit inside a casket.

    My mum said goodbye that day, and I will never forget that exact minute that visiting hours ended in the hospital. She said, "Please be here tomorrow."
    Oh Toto... I cried

    I don't know what to say. You've certainly given me food for thought (oh the irony!) - I think I need to go to bed and have a serious think about what I'm doing to myself

    :heart:
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    (Original post by Mackay)
    Poetry is something I can do! I'm an English literature student, so I guess that fits in well. I've been keeping a diary/journal too, it really is therapeutic. I like trawling through magazines/newspapers and cutting pictures out and sticking them in to give it a visual impact too.
    Yaaaaay! I'm all for creativity. It really helps. In my darkest days I've written poetry and it feels as satisfying -- no, more satisfying -- than SHing. x
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    Another poetry fan? Fabulous Do you have a blog?
    Poetry is my biggest passion...whenever anything else seems like it's going wrong I always have my writing! Writing is indeed therapeutic.
    With regards to your other post about trying to find things to occupy your time, how about learning a new instrument? I've neglected my guitar for about 2 years so want to get back into that or try drums. Can you play anything atm?
    Also well done for the progress you're making already

    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    It can be really surprising sometimes how revealing reading your own diaries back can be...it helps to see where things are worse and why and is a reminder (if you kept a diary far back enough) that you were capable of living life before the ED.
    Glad it's working for you
    Yay, poetry enthusiast! I love it. I'm addicted to writing it. I love writing anyway but poetry is incredible.

    Reading my anorexic diaries really help me during bad times. It just makes me so grateful for the life I have now after recovering and shows me how blessed I am. It also helps me from doing something stupid because it shows me I've overcome death. I can do anything if I put my mind to it and so can everyone else here! x
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    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    It can be really surprising sometimes how revealing reading your own diaries back can be...it helps to see where things are worse and why and is a reminder (if you kept a diary far back enough) that you were capable of living life before the ED.
    Glad it's working for you
    I do have a couple of blogs! I'll private message you. Yeah I can muck about with a guitar but nothing major, perhaps an instrument would be a good outlet actually. Great suggestion! Thanks a lot. There's good days and bad days but I'm trying my best not to allow the bad days to hamper my recovery.
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    (Original post by snowyowl)
    Oh Toto... I cried

    I don't know what to say. You've certainly given me food for thought (oh the irony!) - I think I need to go to bed and have a serious think about what I'm doing to myself

    :heart:
    Sweetpea, I am writing this to help you understand that your train of thought, no matter how much you oppose it, is inevitable. You will end you existence this way.

    The difference here is that you have a person that adores you as a partner. And you are in a mindset that you want to improve. For some reason you believe that improvement is emaciation.

    I want you to do the following: Actually ask your betrothed how you could improve.

    Go on, ask them!

    I betcha anything they'll say "I wish they weren't so neurotic/obsessive" etc before they say "I wish she weighed less". I will literally give your ten pounds if this is not the case.

    This person that found you was so lucky. They found Snowyowl. The girl. The YOU. When they found you, they didn't say, "man, this girl is... reasonably awesome, but if only she was skeletal. Then I'd be attracted to her!"

    You're you, and that alone is awesome enough to be attractive beyond words!
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    That was something a lot of ED sufferers need to read toto.

    It's been good to read some of the older members posting and seeming to be getting on so well recently, and want to say to the newer ones it is an uphill battle that often feels two step forwards one step back.

    As for me.. I'm feeling the healthiest I've been in about 18 months and I have a happy face again, by no means easy and by no means always a happy face but every so often that happy Beth reappears and I like it.

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