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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by stratocaster1)
    Hey, this is actually really great advice that I didn't think of!
    Of course, I have tried telling her that she looks better with more weight on, but this has proved ineffective as she has started answering 'yeah but you like fat girls anyway!' Haha. See it has gotten to the point where she cares more about how she looks to herself than how she looks to me, because I have always found her beautiful and sexy anyway. Its a big battle with herself I guess. But maybe if I take the focus away from image completely it will have an impact
    Glad to hear it was of some help good luck and I really hope that with your support she gets back on track to health soon!
    • #200
    #200

    Things have gotten worse but I just contacted the wellbeing office at my uni, briefly detailing my problems and how I feel like I should talk through them with someone. I was going to go to the Doctors but my fears about 'not being taken seriously because I'm a normal weight' took hold...I think I might be cutting out the middle man anyway, as I'm pretty sure the GP would have suggested counselling anyway. I'm feeling hopeful at the moment. I think even just one session would benefit me. Finally, I'm being a bit positive on here!
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    An interesting insight.

    With my group this week I asked them to be absolutely honest with me about if they had "cheated" on their recovery. None of them owned up, and all did the false smiles and "Oh, it was perfect! Absolutely great this week".

    I then said to them, "Well, I've been recovered for almost six months clinically now, and even I didn't have a perfect week. So you're all lying. I want you to all give me at least one way you've been cheating yourselves."

    And you know what, every single one of them recalled multiple instances of cheating themselves. When you think your recovery is going "perfectly", the chances are this is a mental shroud; and your broken ED circuits are making this happen too.

    So long as you keep telling yourself "I'm in recovery!!" and smile, then you often let yourself slip. You're allowed to. You're "recovering". You keep telling yourself that. "I'd better have lunch now. I'm recovering. I'll have the chicken sandwi... the chicken sala... the garden sala... yeah, the garden salad. That's what I fancy today. It's cool, I'm still in recovery, I'm going at my own pace.

    Only you're not recovering at all.

    I asked one of the girls why she cheats herself - she said "it's because I get to feel normal, even though I know I'm not". She wants to be normal, but she doesn't think she is. So instead of simply being normal, she lies to herself and those around her - she gets to dip her toe into the real world by saying "check me out, recovering, doing normal things!" but inside, she's the same void, digging deeper into her habits. It's like a mask, only she loves the look of the mask, never wants to take it off - but underneath her face is gnarled, worn, gaunt. But if you asked her, "would you want your face to BE this mask? For your face to look and feel exactly like this, so you wouldn't NEED the mask any longer? She would refuse. She would rather be a vulnerable, ill girl wearing a healthy girl's mask.

    And when I told her this mask metaphor, she began to cry. She said I was exactly right, and that she was too frightened for the mask tobecome "her forever". She said she loved being able to pretend she was normal but needed the ability to regress and use the illness as an excuse, a weapon, a power - whenever things didn't go her way.

    A terrifying thought, to use your own dying body as ammunition for attention, for solace.

    So what'll it be guys? Wearing a mask as the face underneath dies? Wearing a beautiful mask that makes you appear gorgeous and confident that you adore, whilst you waste away underneath...? Or having your own face that looks that beautiful - and you never need take it off again? When you have only one face, there is nothing obscured, or TO obscure. Your life is clear, and all is beautiful.
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    been really struggling the opposite way to normal, normally cant stop eating, but currently having to force myself to eat

    not coping very well at all
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    been really struggling the opposite way to normal, normally cant stop eating, but currently having to force myself to eat

    not coping very well at all
    Massive hugs poncho!
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Massive hugs poncho!
    Thanks hun, hope your ok!


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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Thanks hun, hope your ok!


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    Not great but I'll be fine!
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    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Not great but I'll be fine!
    You been to the drs yet hun?? :hugs:


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    More SH related than ED related but I know I can come to you guys.

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    So a potential boyfriend is coming down to see me in Exeter (shout out to all my fellow Exeter students). I'm just scared that he may be completely put off by my self-harm scars. They're quite evident, especially since I was self-harming a couple of weeks ago so they're still blood-coloured.

    Does anyone have any experience with having a partner and showing them the scars/they've noticed the scars? Kind of nervous about this. I'm scared he may get put off because, although recovered from the anorexia, it's pretty evident that I still have mental health problems.
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    More SH related than ED related but I know I can come to you guys.

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    So a potential boyfriend is coming down to see me in Exeter (shout out to all my fellow Exeter students). I'm just scared that he may be completely put off by my self-harm scars. They're quite evident, especially since I was self-harming a couple of weeks ago so they're still blood-coloured.

    Does anyone have any experience with having a partner and showing them the scars/they've noticed the scars? Kind of nervous about this. I'm scared he may get put off because, although recovered from the anorexia, it's pretty evident that I still have mental health problems.
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    I've had a really close and intimate relationship with a lovely woman who SH'd (she also had an ED). It didn't make any difference to me. I just loved being with her. We had some really good times and spent a whole ton of moments laughing at whatever, since we got on so well. She tried to hide everything at the beginning but eventually grew to trust me.

    It's up to him if he thinks it is a problem and passes judgement, but if he does, well, from my perspective that would make him a waste of space (a bit harsh I know), someone to be discarded.
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    (Original post by los lobos marinos)
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    I've had a really close and intimate relationship with a lovely woman who SH'd (she also had an ED). It didn't make any difference to me. I just loved being with her. We had some really good times and spent a whole ton of moments laughing at whatever, since we got on so well. She tried to hide everything at the beginning but eventually grew to trust me.

    It's up to him if he thinks it is a problem and passes judgement, but if he does, well, from my perspective that would make him a waste of space (a bit harsh I know), someone to be discarded.
    Thanks for the reply makes me feel slightly more positive that for some guys it's not a big deal and they don't mind. Haha I guess you're right. I just really like him but at the end of the day, I want my next boyfriend to understand me and not be judgmental like my previous one (he tried to convince me that I didn't have mental health problems). x
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    More SH related than ED related but I know I can come to you guys.

    Spoiler:
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    So a potential boyfriend is coming down to see me in Exeter (shout out to all my fellow Exeter students). I'm just scared that he may be completely put off by my self-harm scars. They're quite evident, especially since I was self-harming a couple of weeks ago so they're still blood-coloured.

    Does anyone have any experience with having a partner and showing them the scars/they've noticed the scars? Kind of nervous about this. I'm scared he may get put off because, although recovered from the anorexia, it's pretty evident that I still have mental health problems.
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    my boyfriend has SH scars, and i do too, but not as bad, and neither of us mind at all, i actually find it really comforting to run my fingers across his (i have a thing for touching bumps and stuff)
    but if he doesnt like you because of your scars then he clearly hasnt seen the REAL you, life is about whats one the inside not outside!
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
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    my boyfriend has SH scars, and i do too, but not as bad, and neither of us mind at all, i actually find it really comforting to run my fingers across his (i have a thing for touching bumps and stuff)
    but if he doesnt like you because of your scars then he clearly hasnt seen the REAL you, life is about whats one the inside not outside!
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    I know what you mean, I quite like the feel of them if someone shows me or if I touch mine. I'm proud of them because they remind me of everything I've been through and overcome.

    You're right. I guess this will be the real test of how much he likes me. If he can't accept my past then I can't accept him as a boyfriend because it's shaped so much of who I am now.
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    Hey,
    I have experienced the same thing during my recovery! Been at a day service now for around 6 months and have been assured by many of the people there that these kind of mood changes are quite normal (but I'd seek help and advice if you believe it's becoming detrimental to your recovery). I've been told it's due to suppressed hormones and emotions kicking back in. It's hard to understand how things can change so quickly though isn't it?
    Just ignore it & keep going.

    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Any advice? My mood has been up down up down and I've been getting more and more detached, and people are noticing. People are talking to me and I just don't hear them. More significantly, all three of my housemates are on diets, one of whom is eating no hot food, basically just fruit and salads... But then kind of binging one day a week. It's massively triggering especially as we all spend a lot of time together. I don't know where my head is but I have gained a couple of pounds and it has made me pretty confused about what to do.. To ignore it or diet for a couple of weeks....


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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    You been to the drs yet hun?? :hugs:


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    Umm I've been a bit of a state since uni to be honest but yeah missed my occupational health appointment and now cant go to placement until I've been :'(
    And yeah got forced by welfare team to go to Dr's Thursday.
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    all my flat mates keep saying I look grey and I nearly faint all the time... basically living off celery or nothing and I cant even stop myself I eat anymore I completely freak and throw up, and I go to the gym every day and walk everywhere.. registered just under two weeks ago cos I had to and they weighed me there.. Didn't look because I didn't want to know how horrible I was, but weighed again Thursday and the doctor told me I had lost over a stone in just under two weeks.. which both scared the **** out of me and made me ecstatically happy .. Just don't know where am right now!
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Umm I've been a bit of a state since uni to be honest but yeah missed my occupational health appointment and now cant go to placement until I've been :'(
    And yeah got forced by welfare team to go to Dr's Thursday.
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    all my flat mates keep saying I look grey and I nearly faint all the time... basically living off celery or nothing and I cant even stop myself I eat anymore I completely freak and throw up, and I go to the gym every day and walk everywhere.. registered just under two weeks ago cos I had to and they weighed me there.. Didn't look because I didn't want to know how horrible I was, but weighed again Thursday and the doctor told me I had lost over a stone in just under two weeks.. which both scared the **** out of me and made me ecstatically happy .. Just don't know where am right now!
    oh sweatheart -cuddles-. FWIW, you probably do look grey. I know when i'm cold/ not well, my legs look that horrid bluey/grey/purple colour.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    oh sweatheart -cuddles-. FWIW, you probably do look grey. I know when i'm cold/ not well, my legs look that horrid bluey/grey/purple colour.
    Yeah I properly looked at myself in the mirror and I guess I don't exactly look healthy :/ but it currently doesn't bother me half as much as it should :/
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    I have to interject.

    Last week's group session I set up with my local members really opened my eyes to how people are spurred to get better.

    They say "you catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar". But sometimes, in order to appreciate the sweetness of honey, you need to experience the bitter acidity of vinegar.

    What I'm saying is, when you're struggling, the first reaction is to go BIG HUGS, CUDDLE CUDDLE, THERE THERE, you're doing fine, *wipes your face and sends you on your way*. But this is not productive to help you heal. It's positive reinforcement for negative stimulus.

    You KNOW you're killing yourself. All this talk of feeling "elated" when the numbers go down; what are you achieving? Like, what meaningful event has just occurred? I can answer that - your body has taken yet another significant blow, another massive decrease in health. It may have started as dropping a few pounds - but now, people actively think you look sick and gaunt - early stages of a walking corpse. Maybe your appearance no longer matters to you - it's when this happens that it's the beginning of the end.

    Only YOU are able to stymie your brain when he tells you something innately backwards. "Punching yourself in the face hurts. Punch yourself in the face." Why are you saying "Okay, then. I'm powerless to defy it anyway". - you're never powerless. You are excusing arbitrary things.

    Only when you start to question all the stupid, nonsensical things you're placing worth on do you realise - each time you "succeed" in anorexic behaviours , you take a step backwards. All the reality you're seeing with your own eyes gets one step further away. More elusive.

    Question these things. Question them TODAY, not soon. You'll get no reward or praise from myself and I urge my peers to help me to help YOU guys, and praise our struggling friends ONLY when they seek to help themselves AND make progress to heal - not when they feel pangs of excitement from self-harm and slow death.

    Please trust me on this one.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    I have to interject.

    Last week's group session I set up with my local members really opened my eyes to how people are spurred to get better.

    They say "you catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar". But sometimes, in order to appreciate the sweetness of honey, you need to experience the bitter acidity of vinegar.

    What I'm saying is, when you're struggling, the first reaction is to go BIG HUGS, CUDDLE CUDDLE, THERE THERE, you're doing fine, *wipes your face and sends you on your way*. But this is not productive to help you heal. It's positive reinforcement for negative stimulus.

    You KNOW you're killing yourself. All this talk of feeling "elated" when the numbers go down; what are you achieving? Like, what meaningful event has just occurred? I can answer that - your body has taken yet another significant blow, another massive decrease in health. It may have started as dropping a few pounds - but now, people actively think you look sick and gaunt - early stages of a walking corpse. Maybe your appearance no longer matters to you - it's when this happens that it's the beginning of the end.

    Only YOU are able to stymie your brain when he tells you something innately backwards. "Punching yourself in the face hurts. Punch yourself in the face." Why are you saying "Okay, then. I'm powerless to defy it anyway". - you're never powerless. You are excusing arbitrary things.

    Only when you start to question all the stupid, nonsensical things you're placing worth on do you realise - each time you "succeed" in anorexic behaviours , you take a step backwards. All the reality you're seeing with your own eyes gets one step further away. More elusive.

    Question these things. Question them TODAY, not soon. You'll get no reward or praise from myself and I urge my peers to help me to help YOU guys, and praise our struggling friends ONLY when they seek to help themselves AND make progress to heal - not when they feel pangs of excitement from self-harm and slow death.

    Please trust me on this one.
    You are right. I do know.. I just feel stuck right now. I'm struggling to change it because the sick bit of my brain is enjoying it so much. I feel stuck and trapped
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by 05autyt)
    Yeah I properly looked at myself in the mirror and I guess I don't exactly look healthy :/ but it currently doesn't bother me half as much as it should :/
    And if even you can tell ' O_o, I do look a funny colour, they were right' then you really, really are not well.
 
 
 
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