Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

Announcements
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    really sorry to hear about your bad day

    parents can be so non understanding but know youre not alone in having silly parents:rolleyes: the amount of triggers both mum and stepthing have done are unbelievable but the key is to remain strong. know that they dont have control you do something which has taken me a long time to grasp and i still dont believe it.you didnt binge you only had a little bit and i PROMISE you it wont do you any harm honest hun non whatsoever and there will be no change in you so dont worry please:hugs: even if you ate more thered be no change so remember that and DONT feel down for doing something so natural

    i know how you feel though about the whole eat what you want **** it feeling but then feeling horrid

    youre not alone we're here for you!!!!!!!!!:hugs:
    Thanks, I know it wasn't really a binge now but it scared me how quickly the old feelings with food came back. My parents are normally okay, it's just because of the uni weight - my Mum's trying to get me to go to WeightWatchers FFS, when I'm not even overweight (any more haha)!

    But my healthier attitude to food is back and if I didn't have such a phobia of my parents' eggs all being off I'd go have some poached egg on toast :coma:
    • #30
    #30

    ANON or DELETE, please.

    I'm a med student. I am 22. I have had medical problems since I was 13: bulimia, anorexia and depression. At times I was able to do well academically, despite being very ill and at other times my grades were affected by the eating disorder/depression. I was not continuously very ill for 9 years, I have had ok times and bad times in terms of my health and in terms of grades.

    In any case, I managed to get into med school (AAAbb), still not fully recovered. Sometimes okish and sometimes not.

    The first semester I got a 1st in one exam and overall an OK grade.
    The second semester I failed and had to resit. I failed the resit.
    I took a year off uni.

    I went back and sat the exams again and I passed, but only just. The university rules state that this means it is at the discretion of the med school whether or not to let me continue with my studies i.e. go on to 2nd year.

    Now I have to have a health assessment before I can be allowed to go back, which is reasonable.

    I received a letter from the med school basically expressing their concerns, in their words:

    1. that I continue to struggle academically (my recent grades have not been great, but I have had ups and downs in my grades since school. I am capable of good grades and can do well. I know I am a clever person but sometimes am held back by my illness)
    2. I was unwell at this semester and absent from a no of compulsory classes, they worry the course might be causing me stress and stress might be making me ill (I have had ok and bad times in the past and whilst stress doesn't help anyone, I can't link the bad times to stress in particular, nor does the course give me lots of stress)
    3. that I have difficulty engaging in therapy (wtf? How would they know anyway? They have no info on any such details. They seem to be making this up)
    4. I find daily administrative tasks of life a challenge (they wrote this because I filled in forms to certify my absence beyond the deadline)

    I also spoke on the phone to a tutor who said the above and asked whether I wanted to transfer to another science course, making up lame excuses ("ooh you really enjoyed working in the lab, didn't you? Why don't you do Biology? It might be less stressful?"). She said she thinks it would be better for my health to do a "less stressful" course. (I think it would be beyond devastating for my health if I left medicine)

    Basically, it comes across to me (my boyfriend and mother) that they think I am a waste of time and they are looking for a way to kick me out/not let me into 2nd year. They make unsubstantiated claims/judgements and they have written factual inaccuracies.

    I am worried that they will kick me out of med school.

    For me, it is Medicine or nothing. I cannot imagine doing any other career. I did not work so hard to get in to transfer to Biology/Chemistry. I did not work hard to pass this exam, only to be told I should leave Medicine.

    I feel as though my life will be over if I have to leave Medical School. I have no qualifications/degree, only A Levels and all I have is a job as a nursing assistant for the elderly. I cannot cope with working as a nursing assistant on a permanent basis for the rest of my life.

    I would feel so depressed at leaving med school that there is no way I could complete a 3 year science degree in something else. That's not an easy thing to do, but with no motivation and not doing the subject I want, I simply wouldn't be able to do biology/chemistry. I would be too depressed to do any degree.

    I have not felt suicidal for many years, but I cannot imagine anything worse than leaving Med School. My life would be over. I do not currently feel suicidal, but I think if I really do have to leave/get kicked out I don't know what else I can do.
    Offline

    1
    I know you weren't C :hugs:

    I just hate myself right now no one understands :mad:


    omg Ame :hugs: for having eggs :highfive: :hugs:
    keep healthy and positive thoughts in mind. ive learnt thats key. no binging nothing then occurs hmmm i think youre similar to me in many ways-damn nearly said that as weighs:p: but in the sense that i was a few lbs extra once too still am but not as much hmmmpfff at least im not treating my body like a dustbin like i used to hmmmmmmmmmmmm
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    x
    Of everyone, people here understand :hugs:
    Offline

    1
    anon i replied in your other thread

    dont give up! you can do it work hard if med is your dream imagine how youd feel if you lost med you will get through it
    depression and EDs so can relate so youre not alone and wel be here to support you
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    x
    It's amazing that you have something positive to focus on - medicine, and some big goals. Education and career is obviously really important to people, but is it possible that you are focusing so hard on medicine being the only way to be happy to try and push your other problems to the back? (Tell me if i'm wrong). Is it possible that, whatever happens, you should focus on loving yourself a bit more for being the person that you are, and not letting a 'thing' whether it be ED or medicine, define your whole life?

    To add: I think it's really significant that you think that it's medicine or nothing. I don't know what to say in just one post to help rectify that but you are a person, you are not just a future doctor. :hugs:
    • #30
    #30

    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    anon i replied in your other thread

    dont give up! you can do it work hard if med is your dream imagine how youd feel if you lost med you will get through it
    depression and EDs so can relate so youre not alone and wel be here to support you
    Thank you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by souldoubt)
    **** today.

    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: to everyone.

    So far today is a case of if you haven't got anything good to say, don't say anything for me.

    (Original post by Cinamon)
    :yep:
    Today has turned out to be just... one of those days really. :hugs: to you all, that's all I'm going to say

    Anon, is there someone aside from your tutor who you can explain this to? I can see that as it is your tutor could potentially use that letter to force you to change course and obviously the worry from all this isn't going to help you (even if it isn't triggering, it's only adding to it!) So is there somebody higher-up in the university who you can talk to? Or maybe a different tutor? Just to explain your concerns. Possibly the best option would be to write a letter in response to that one, politely but formally explaining why you disagree with the points, maybe with any medical/therapist support you can get your hands on? Then at least if they try anything you'll have that in writing.

    You clearly deserve to be where you are so massive good luck, hope it turns out okay :hugs:
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Despite the fact today has been pretty much unbearable, I've just eaten a small chicken pie and a few spoonfuls of mashed potato.
    In your face, Tuesday. :unimpressed:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hey, before I start I'd just like to say you're all incredibly strong people and will get through this because you're so much more and deserve it.
    I haven't really got an ED but suffering from disordered eating for some time. Not in any physical sense, but in that I get guilty after eating cake or sweets (meals too on bad days) and get bad obsessive thoughts about them. It's been even worse because I've had cardiophobia from chest pains for the last year or so, so I'm still scared to properly exercise and sometimes think "this'd be easier/hurt less if I ate less, didn't have that cake" etc. Like today I went for a swim and should've been proud of managing even those 20 lengths, but I got a jacket potato with tuna salad in the pool cafe for lunch and I freaked out over the mayo : /
    I'm seeing lots of people and they reckon I've just got to be fairer on myself and less judgmental. CBT's helped loads recently, and a bit of TLC in the last month or so.
    Luckily I'm big on my fruit and big on my walking too, which helps! ^ ^
    Do you think tuna jacket is too unhealthy? Any other suggestions? Thanks
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    How inspirational.


    I have a friend who has previously been admitted with an eating disorder despite this believes weighing 7-6st
    and being a BMI of 17-18 is healthy for her and 'perfect'.

    She makes sure she stands for 5 hours a day, and measures exactly how much activity she does to the tee. She's much better than she was but her mindset hasn't changed- and she doesn't think she needs to change aswell which is sad.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    Today has turned out to be just... one of those days really. :hugs: to you all, that's all I'm going to say

    Anon, is there someone aside from your tutor who you can explain this to? I can see that as it is your tutor could potentially use that letter to force you to change course and obviously the worry from all this isn't going to help you (even if it isn't triggering, it's only adding to it!) So is there somebody higher-up in the university who you can talk to? Or maybe a different tutor? Just to explain your concerns. Possibly the best option would be to write a letter in response to that one, politely but formally explaining why you disagree with the points, maybe with any medical/therapist support you can get your hands on? Then at least if they try anything you'll have that in writing.

    You clearly deserve to be where you are so massive good luck, hope it turns out okay :hugs:
    Musing about this thread...
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Why do we all seem to have **** days at the same time? :curious: It happens with me and one of my friends with an ED too, it's like we don't talk for ages and then when we do we're either both in a ok place or a rubbish place. Some kind of weird ED telepathy or something? :rolleyes:


    Negative exam rant alert...
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I'm just ******* myself over tomorrow's exam. It's so bad I think I might go to bed now/have a nap because I'm just getting into a really **** mood and I just want to skip the exam and just do my English exam because I know I won't fail that. *tempting fate* Obviously, that's stupid and I won't skip the exam but I have a really awful feeling the scholar EVERYONE thinks will come up won't and I can't revise Westphal. I guess even if it's awful, I'll get a *few* marks. I just need my damn A and I need to get into UEA and I'm just like... *meh* about revising for this exam because I don't even know anything now and my brain isn't taking anything in. I feel like I'm rubbish at the stupid paper. But I'm not and I do know the essays- as in... I've read them. I'm just freaking out at the magnitude of what I have to know by tomorrow. 3 essays. Scholarly links and critiques and implications of said essays. One of which is 10 pages long. If Ayer doesn't come up I'll probably cry/walk out of the exam hall. It HAS to come up! It hasn't come up for the past 3 years and it's the only one I can write enough about. I can do Donavan a bit too but please God, not Westphal. Everything in my head is telling me I can't do it and I don't know why. I might not be the best but I'm not stupid FFS. I CAN DO THIS. It won't kill me at any rate. And there are always resits... or maybe UEA will be nice to me. Argh. Stop thinking like that. I can do it and it will be ok.


    Now I've ranted I feel better about revising.
    Contains food and stupid pooey piece of poo logic
    Spoiler:
    Show
    And it's annoying me that my brain isn't working because I haven't eaten anything 'proper' but I can't bring myself to eat anything because I feel so sick and nervous and I bought my granola bar that is always ALWAYS safe and I can't even eat that. I went to cafe nero and revised and got the amazing drink I always get and 2 really small chocolates and now my brain can't even compherend 'eating' anymore because it feels like too much. There IS no too much when my brain needs nourishment and I have an exam tomorrow and the day after. But I'm trying not to cry at the thought of eating. I feel like I don't deserve to because I don't know enough for my exam tomorrow. How the hell does that make sense? :sad:


    On a positive note, this time next week I'll be FREE of exams! And in two days time I'll only have one exam left that I need a relatively low grade in. And it's fun to revise Psychology anyway. It doesn't make me sad. *glares at RS essays*
    I'm going to find a job so I can earn some money and not lounge about in the summer. And I'm going to Paris in August which should be a nice change of scene and I don't need to worry about food because we're renting a house so I can take food with me. And I'm meeting up with friends I haven't seen. And my stepmomma has promised to take me out somewhere. So I DO have things to look forward to and I just need to get through these exams and this blip. I don't like feeling miserable when I have no real reason to be.

    I've just realised I swear a lot. Sorry.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by souldoubt)
    Despite the fact today has been pretty much unbearable, I've just eaten a small chicken pie and a few spoonfuls of mashed potato.
    In your face, Tuesday. :unimpressed:
    *iz vair vair proud of SD* :jumphug:

    I just felt like singing Friday by Rebecca Black after seeing this post even though it's not Friday!
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    *iz vair vair proud of SD* :jumphug:

    I just felt like singing Friday by Rebecca Black after seeing this post even though it's not Friday!
    Thank you :cute:

    Gosh, it is weird how we all have bad days at the same time, isn't it?
    At least we can all struggle together :five: :hugs:

    Please don't sing Friday :afraid: :mmm:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I'm not gonna post how I've been as of late. I feel even including it in spoiler tags will be too triggering for some...

    Might post afterthoughts when I'm through this down period.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antiaris)
    I'm not gonna post how I've been as of late. I feel even including it in spoiler tags will be too triggering for some...

    Might post afterthoughts when I'm through this down period.
    :hugs: Can't really say much more than that. sorry for being useless.

    In other news, I've seriously got to ask my friend to eat something when we go to london for the open day. She just sat there and stared into space whilst we had lunch. V. awkward.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Spoiler:
    Show
    How can you simultaneously feel like you're failing at recovery and failing at your ED? Had half the granola bar.

    Revision is going a little better...
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Well done souldoubt

    Well that was the most embarrassing moment of my life. Walked to the shops and had to sit down on the way back because the world started spinning.

    The looks I got.

    Going to curl up in bed and cringe now
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Spoiler:
    Show
    How can you simultaneously feel like you're failing at recovery and failing at your ED? Had half the granola bar.

    Revision is going a little better...
    Easy. Well, I can see the logic.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    You feel like your failing at recovery because you've not eaten enough, and failing at your ED, because you've eaten.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I assume I have an eating disorder but in the other direction, I can starve for days then pig out and about 6 years ago kept trying to make myself sick and tried taking large doses of laxatives each day.

    Not sure if that messed me up as I was thin before that(though always broad) but after I started taking the laxatives my weight actually went up really fast and has gone up since.

    These days I have severe depression so often starve but I am a cram sort of eater, when I do actually eat I hate leftovers so no matter what be it a pizza a friend bought for us to share and he then decides not to have any I will eat till I feel sick, sometimes thats a few slices.

    Or I have a pack of crumpets and I eat the whole lot or even if I am full with 2 or 3 its stuck on my mind so I will eat them later even if I am in pain eating them.

    I starve often all day and eat at night and waste a lot of food as I struggle to eat anything hence the cramming just so I eat something.

    When I go back to parents for a week despite 2 meals a day and a snack for supper like a sandwich I lose a stone over a week! which goes back on within about 10 days with my diet when I get back.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.