Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. Watch

    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    I know what you mean not wanting to leave; more stressed than I've ever been in my life but am considering having work sent for a month or two so I can be home in a safe environment to get better.
    I am doing better than I was but the pressure is building and the bad days are happening more frequently.
    Want to nip these in the bud before things take a dive; think a few weeks out clearing my head will help.
    Do what YOU feel is right; lecturers are often very understanding and you don't have to struggle through a workload and recovery alone. Be kind to yourself.
    • #203
    #203

    i'm just so exhausted of fighting against my head that i've basically stopped fighting it, i'm just focussing on making it to the end of the semester, passing my exams with a decent grade, and then i'll spend the christmas break re-evaluating and having a think about things

    also horrific timing of a family crisis going on at the moment, so not exactly the best time to suddenly start leaning on my parents for support, so its basically just me and the counsellor working against this with a little bit of help from my personal tutor/a very close friend every now and then.

    just so hard to keep moving forwards.
    • #173
    #173

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Im actually quite excited about the prospect that I won't be able to eat tomorrow. What has become of me?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Having been open to the forums outside of MH about several of my irrational thoughts and demands on myself (specifically Relationships) it's been decided that I'm

    -going to have my girlfriend leave me for another guy
    'really pathetic'
    -'boring'
    -'retarded'
    -a troll I wish I was trolling

    Well that backfired. I think I'm going to have to lie low for a bit.
    Good luck guys.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i'm just so exhausted of fighting against my head that i've basically stopped fighting it, i'm just focussing on making it to the end of the semester, passing my exams with a decent grade, and then i'll spend the christmas break re-evaluating and having a think about things

    also horrific timing of a family crisis going on at the moment, so not exactly the best time to suddenly start leaning on my parents for support, so its basically just me and the counsellor working against this with a little bit of help from my personal tutor/a very close friend every now and then.

    just so hard to keep moving forwards.
    But at least you have looked at this potentially dangerous scenario and thought, "I am vulnerable right now. It is easy to resort to self-harm and starvation once more" - but instead you are taking the more hardworking, healing, dutiful approach that makes sure you focus on your goals.

    The instant response to getting low and feeling alone is to let the incredibly broken bit of your head rule you, and hurt you more. Instead you're letting the rational side of your mind do the legwork, and good on you for that.

    Riku, regarding your last message, I have no idea what you mean by this. We are constantly telling you that you're the victim of your own constant paranoia and that you have to work on your self confidence issues. I see you across the mental health boards asking the same questions continuously and it seems like whatever answer you get, you still want to ask again! I know sometimes you want to cry for help again and again but occasionally the loudest shout for answers is the one you do internally - and not a demand, but a request, asking YOURSELF why you find yourself so lacking. It seems as though on the outside you're simply calling yourself every derogatory statement under the sun, and to be frank, that's as irrational as you can be. Clearly your fears stem from a singular or more central point, so try to focus on that as opposed to saying you're daft, stupid, unwanted, upside down and inside out. You know you're not, and continuously saying the same thing over and over again will only yield the same answers from your pals here my bud.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    Having been open to the forum about several of my irrational thoughts and demands on myself it's been decided that I'm

    -going to have my girlfriend leave me for another guy
    'really pathetic'
    -'boring'
    -'retarded'
    -a troll I wish I was trolling

    Well that backfired. I think I'm going to have to lie low for a bit.
    Good luck guys.
    Well you're listening to the wrong people. Listen to people like me! We care and we're trying to help. Your girlfriend won't leave you for another guy. If she leaves, it's because of your irrational thoughts. As I keep saying, guys and girls can be friends and nothing will happen between them.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    But at least you have looked at this potentially dangerous scenario and thought, "I am vulnerable right now. It is easy to resort to self-harm and starvation once more" - but instead you are taking the more hardworking, healing, dutiful approach that makes sure you focus on your goals.

    The instant response to getting low and feeling alone is to let the incredibly broken bit of your head rule you, and hurt you more. Instead you're letting the rational side of your mind do the legwork, and good on you for that.

    Riku, regarding your last message, I have no idea what you mean by this. We are constantly telling you that you're the victim of your own constant paranoia and that you have to work on your self confidence issues. I see you across the mental health boards asking the same questions continuously and it seems like whatever answer you get, you still want to ask again! I know sometimes you want to cry for help again and again but occasionally the loudest shout for answers is the one you do internally - and not a demand, but a request, asking YOURSELF why you find yourself so lacking. It seems as though on the outside you're simply calling yourself every derogatory statement under the sun, and to be frank, that's as irrational as you can be. Clearly your fears stem from a singular or more central point, so try to focus on that as opposed to saying you're daft, stupid, unwanted, upside down and inside out. You know you're not, and continuously saying the same thing over and over again will only yield the same answers from your pals here my bud.

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Well you're listening to the wrong people. Listen to people like me! We care and we're trying to help. Your girlfriend won't leave you for another guy. If she leaves, it's because of your irrational thoughts. As I keep saying, guys and girls can be friends and nothing will happen between them.
    Sorry guys, I meant to say when I asked people outside of here, MH support etc. Toto have a look at the responses to one of my latest threads about 'is it OK to chill or do you feel you're letting people down'

    But yes I agree and it's up me to change all of this the questions I'm asking are getting so ridiculous they will seem like trolling.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Riku)
    Sorry guys, I meant to say when I asked people outside of here, MH support etc. Toto have a look at the responses to one of my latest threads about 'is it OK to chill or do you feel you're letting people down'

    But yes I agree and it's up me to change all of this the questions I'm asking are getting so ridiculous they will seem like trolling.
    You are NOT a bad guy. No, beyond that - you're not a bad person in any capacity. In fact I would say that any person with the capability to be SO empathetic, SO sympathetic, and SO overcritical over any aspect of their life - well, those people ironically care too much. It's the overuse and constant criticism which eventually makes them ugly in the end, even if the entire time they'd been beautiful, smart and assured. That self-doubt taints the mind, which in turn taints the body, and soon you end up taking the form you never thought you would just because the constant scrutiny has shredded you.

    Your problem is that you, like many of us here - you care way, WAY too much. And yes - that is a bad thing, and yes - it's harder to scale back than it is for a heartless person to learn how to care (if a man is never aware there was a window, then whatever was outside would never bother him, but the man who stares out of the window every second of the day has to learn to forget, or at least lessen the memory of what he's seen).

    But it is definitely possible, and we have a lot of great success stories here on our thread here.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    You are NOT a bad guy. No, beyond that - you're not a bad person in any capacity. In fact I would say that any person with the capability to be SO empathetic, SO sympathetic, and SO overcritical over any aspect of their life - well, those people ironically care too much. It's the overuse and constant criticism which eventually makes them ugly in the end, even if the entire time they'd been beautiful, smart and assured. That self-doubt taints the mind, which in turn taints the body, and soon you end up taking the form you never thought you would just because the constant scrutiny has shredded you.

    Your problem is that you, like many of us here - you care way, WAY too much. And yes - that is a bad thing, and yes - it's harder to scale back than it is for a heartless person to learn how to care (if a man is never aware there was a window, then whatever was outside would never bother him, but the man who stares out of the window every second of the day has to learn to forget, or at least lessen the memory of what he's seen).

    But it is definitely possible, and we have a lot of great success stories here on our thread here.
    Thanks buddy I'm still trying to learn this. Not asking for people's approval is one part, respecting my own boundaries and needs is another. I think it's perfectly possible to put yourself first without becoming a massive **** (which caring too much is what I fear); I just need to figure out how that can be done
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    Oh just great. Not specifically ED but I need some support.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    So the guy I've been talking about here recently? He basically just led me on. He's said that he doesn't want to be with me. I was so hurt because it takes a lot for me to fall for someone and he knew how I felt. Needless to say, in the past few days I've self-harmed, had a panic attack and booked myself a doctors appointment. I just feel like, even without this, my mental health is getting worse. Even before I found out where I stand with him, I've been having frequent panic attacks. How do you guys cope with them? I never had them until the past couple of months.

    I've stopped blaming myself as the reason why he doesn't want to be with me. Clearly it's his problem. I know I'm not perfect but I'm happy with the way I look and who I am, for once in my life!
    • #43
    #43

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Oh just great. Not specifically ED but I need some support.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    So the guy I've been talking about here recently? He basically just led me on. He's said that he doesn't want to be with me. I was so hurt because it takes a lot for me to fall for someone and he knew how I felt. Needless to say, in the past few days I've self-harmed, had a panic attack and booked myself a doctors appointment. I just feel like, even without this, my mental health is getting worse. Even before I found out where I stand with him, I've been having frequent panic attacks. How do you guys cope with them? I never had them until the past couple of months.

    I've stopped blaming myself as the reason why he doesn't want to be with me. Clearly it's his problem. I know I'm not perfect but I'm happy with the way I look and who I am, for once in my life!
    Spoiler:
    Show

    It begs the question Jazzy, if you're really happy and it's his loss, why hurt yourself even more with physical blows than emotional ones?
    Panic attacks are awful but take deep breaths and think of peaceful thoughts. They're not you, they're only your mind racing and making you hyperventilate. Lots of people have them from time to time, but they're not a weakness or a flaw, they're just a (nasty) bi-product of being the hypersensitive individuals we are.
    I find my anxiety gets worse the more I start thinking things like 'I shouldn't be anxious' (remember the plethora of 'men shouldn't show their emotions' threads I made recently? Born from the same thing.) On the contrary, the less I try to fight the feeling, the quicker it will pass or at least ease off.
    Sometimes bad things will happen, and we just need to let it be. There will be plenty of other guys more caring, honest and worthy of you. And if they don't come your way sometime soon, then remember the single life's alright too when you treat yourself like your own best friend! Which you should Jazzy, because you, me and everyone here, we're awesome!

    :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    ^^^
    Me
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Spoiler:
    Show

    It begs the question Jazzy, if you're really happy and it's his loss, why hurt yourself even more with physical blows than emotional ones?
    Panic attacks are awful but take deep breaths and think of peaceful thoughts. They're not you, they're only your mind racing and making you hyperventilate. Lots of people have them from time to time, but they're not a weakness or a flaw, they're just a (nasty) bi-product of being the hypersensitive individuals we are.
    I find my anxiety gets worse the more I start thinking things like 'I shouldn't be anxious' (remember the plethora of 'men shouldn't show their emotions' threads I made recently? Born from the same thing.) On the contrary, the less I try to fight the feeling, the quicker it will pass or at least ease off.
    Sometimes bad things will happen, and we just need to let it be. There will be plenty of other guys more caring, honest and worthy of you. And if they don't come your way sometime soon, then remember the single life's alright too when you treat yourself like your own best friend! Which you should Jazzy, because you, me and everyone here, we're awesome!

    :hugs:
    Thanks Riku

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I was just so emotional about it that I self-harmed but I haven't since that night. I just realised that it's only hurting me and my friends more if I do it and he's not worth it. Now I realise that I haven't lost anything, that it's his loss. It's just hard initially when you're dealt such a blow.

    They're so difficult to get through :\ Hopefully my doctors will help me with them, somehow.

    We definitely are
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Oh just great. Not specifically ED but I need some support.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    So the guy I've been talking about here recently? He basically just led me on. He's said that he doesn't want to be with me. I was so hurt because it takes a lot for me to fall for someone and he knew how I felt. Needless to say, in the past few days I've self-harmed, had a panic attack and booked myself a doctors appointment. I just feel like, even without this, my mental health is getting worse. Even before I found out where I stand with him, I've been having frequent panic attacks. How do you guys cope with them? I never had them until the past couple of months.

    I've stopped blaming myself as the reason why he doesn't want to be with me. Clearly it's his problem. I know I'm not perfect but I'm happy with the way I look and who I am, for once in my life!
    I'm so glad you've stopped blaming yourself and realised you're wonderful as you are!
    Keep your head up and carry on until you find someone who deserves you.
    I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks, they're horrible and can be so unpredictable. I find that conscious breathing exercises can really help...just a minute or two in my day when I'm sitting round waiting for something I focus on taking d-e-e-e-e-e-p breaths (breathing in 4 seconds, holding for 4, releasing for 4 and repeating) slows my heart rate and when I feel an attack coming on I know to switch to this exercise quickly and it usually helps (unless it's a particularly nasty attack!). If you can train yourself to do something which you associate with slowing down and being calm, it can really help
    Stay positive! x
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by x-Disenchanted-x)
    I'm so glad you've stopped blaming yourself and realised you're wonderful as you are!
    Keep your head up and carry on until you find someone who deserves you.
    I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks, they're horrible and can be so unpredictable. I find that conscious breathing exercises can really help...just a minute or two in my day when I'm sitting round waiting for something I focus on taking d-e-e-e-e-e-p breaths (breathing in 4 seconds, holding for 4, releasing for 4 and repeating) slows my heart rate and when I feel an attack coming on I know to switch to this exercise quickly and it usually helps (unless it's a particularly nasty attack!). If you can train yourself to do something which you associate with slowing down and being calm, it can really help
    Stay positive! x
    Thank you! I just realised he wasn't worth it and wasn't worth hurting myself over. And some of my lovely best friends and nights in with movies helped.

    Thanks I'm kind of scared that my doctor is going to put me on more medication which I really don't want. I was thinking of trying breathing/meditation or yoga. x
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    These things, love, empathy, sympathy and interest - they are all amplified when a person such as one of us feels them. It goes part and parcel with the disorder.

    If you think about it, we become so blatantly neurotic and obsessive about individual things that OF COURSE we would also place a similar obsessive weight on the amount we love and care about particular people, situations, and things. It's inversely proportionate to the scrutiny you place upon yourself - the more your scrutinise yourself, the less reasonable you are about how much you REALLY love someone. You begin to think, "I am a monstrous, grotesque creature, so I love X one hundred times more for accepting me!" - yet in reality you are normal, and they are normal, your scales are merely skewed.

    Well done on your realisation that someone that hurts you like this is nothing to covet. Life is too short to spend it inflicting pain on yourself, or allowing yourself to be weak enough for someone else to do it to you. Only through realising your follies do you slap yourself a few times and say, "wow, what am I doing?!" - your love is just as valuable as any other's love - the problem is, those that accept it may never view it with the same value as you do. This is why love is such a circumstance-based commodity - give it as it's deserved, reserve it when it's not, so when you do give someone your heart, it feels so much more special.
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Well done on your realisation that someone that hurts you like this is nothing to covet. Life is too short to spend it inflicting pain on yourself, or allowing yourself to be weak enough for someone else to do it to you. Only through realising your follies do you slap yourself a few times and say, "wow, what am I doing?!" - your love is just as valuable as any other's love - the problem is, those that accept it may never view it with the same value as you do. This is why love is such a circumstance-based commodity - give it as it's deserved, reserve it when it's not, so when you do give someone your heart, it feels so much more special.
    Thank you, my dear Toto. Love can really suck but I'm not letting this experience put me off loving again. I just think my walls are going to be higher and harder to penetrate so good luck to the next guy that tries. I guess someone who loves me back will jump through hoops with me. Thankfully the panic attacks have calmed down and I haven't SHed since the night he told me he'd led me on. My best friend has also been amazingly incredible. I just don't think anyone that treats me like that is worth hurting myself and that goes for everyone else here too. x
    • #122
    #122

    Had some blood test results last week and it's shown high antibodies and suggested a coeliac disease/gluten intolerance. Could my bulimia have caused this at all? I haven't told my doctor about my eating problems. I've been reading online and it says a gluten free diet may contribute to an eating disorder. Being pushed further down is the last thing I need right now.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I battled a fear of heights with my girlfriend today, we climbed a cathedral tower. However I was terrified going up, especially with the open balconies and narrow stairwell, and ended up admitting this.

    She was really supportive and even held my hand all the way up, so we got to the top, the view was amazing and so worth it But I feel like she would have been turned off by my cowardice, even though she's shown no evident signs.

    I don't know what other people would have thought of this. Although I've also heard the notion that true courage is being terrified to do it and doing it anyway.
    • #195
    #195

    Hello precious peoples!

    Hope I'm not crossing mediums here with my question since it involves alcoholism, but I'd like some perspective/advice on my situation as it stands. I will try and be as brief as possible (sidenote: anyone else find it hard to be succinct when describing their current circumstance with their ED? Always feel like I could witter on forever and still not cover all of what's going on and what has already gone on...guess that's what the professionals mean when they describe EDs as complex...anyhoo)

    Basically after a period of 'good' recovery (for context I mean months if not years), I slid quite dramatically without any real conscious effort on my part and became not drastically but nonetheless significantly underweight. I was in no position to deal with that until my other co-morbid issues had been dealt with..after that I went on a 'get myself back on track' mission to gain back the lost weight and continue with life. However I found that my weight restoration was not happening as easily as it had done on previous occasions (terrifying though that was). To get to the point, I have now found myself in a position where I know I need to be eating a great deal more and want to do so, however alcohol has become a huge issue in giving me the dutch courage to do so. But I fear it is now somewhat spiraling out of control.

    For context, I have had problems with alcohol and substance abuse in the past but these had been nipped in the bud before they became drastic (perhaps because at the time they interfered with my ED, after all alcohol has calories!). But now it's got to a stage where I can't eat until I'm too hammered to care. It's also progressing to life in general, for example a few days ago my mum offered to drive me to and from work because it was very frosty (I'm a pants driver), and my first thought was 'great! I can have a drink in the morning then..I can even take some to work with me to have on break!'. To be frank that's not even the worst of it but I won't waffle any further!

    So basically that's my experience with alcohol and ED as it stands. I don't have a particular question, just wondered if any others had any input or wanted to air their own grievances on the topic.

    Thanks and love to all x
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 31, 2015
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.