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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

    • #203
    #203

    starting to get really scared about going home for christmas in two weeks. obviously theres the christmas dinner to negotiate, but mainly it's that the only reason i've had a steady calorie intake this semester (low, but just enough) is because i've been able to eat only the kind of meals i feel comfortable with - i live off weetabix, porridge, soup and salads (porridge in particular, i'll have that for all three meals sometimes). i don't freak out and purge over these meals, and i do explore ways of changing them up, so changing the veg or the protein source in my salads. however, my family at home eat a combination of very british meals and very asian meals, so loads of potatoes, rice, noodles, pasta, red meat, thick + creamy sauces - basically everything i no longer eat. and the more i think about it, the more i panic about it, and i just know its all going to end in a panic attack at the dinner table infront of my whole family when i'm presented with what used to be my favourite meal (steak + chips) because thats what we always have for dinner when i come back from uni. just erghhh. i'm sooo looking forward to seeing my family, i just hate how that anticipation is being tarnished by this crap
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    Made the jump to get counselling at uni before I destroy my relationship with my SO and any chances of one after it (should it come to that) TSR will be glad to know since apparently I'm a troll (sigh)

    I don't think I've done any red flag things to her, but it's the accumulation of all that time worrying and not doing other stuff which might be a turn-off if she catches on to it.
    • #122
    #122

    Hi all, would really appreciate some general advice.

    Around a month ago my 'recovery' totally collapsed and i've been in a pretty bad way since then. I've gone back to purging and started restricting, something i'd never really done. I find myself scared of food so I don't want to eat it, the thought of it makes me feel sick. When I finally force myself to finish a meal I find myself desperate to undo it and get rid of it. I purged so hard yesterday I brought up streaks of blood and I know this can't go on. I'm really nervous about Christmas around family with so much food. One of my closest friends knew I was trying to get better but I haven't been able to tell her what's happened. I just tried to message her but can't seem to bring myself to burden her with it all. How have other people managed to talk about it?
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    Hi guys,

    I've kept away from this thread recently because, to be honest, my eating has been a lot better. I've eaten all 3 meals and a few snacks and even allowed myself to go over my calorie limit when eating out with friends and family.

    However...

    Spoiler:
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    I've slipped these last couple of days. I've noticed my old jeans have got a little tight - nothing too bad, and to be fair they are over 3 years old - but the thought of buying size 12 jeans fills me with such shame and self-loathing that I haven't an appetite anymore. If I didn't have to remind myself to eat I wouldn't have eaten anything since Friday. For the first time in about 6 weeks I've only had 700 calories today and I don't want anything more.

    I can feel myself going back to my old foodie ways, and I know it must be so frustrating for my boyfriend to hear day after day "but I don't want dinner... Okay I'll just have soup or something" until he makes me promise to eat what he's having. I don't want to keep hurting him any more but I don't know what to do.


    Please help
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    been bingeing alot recently, cant seem to stop eating, and constantly looking for food
    hate myself so much
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    (Original post by snowyowl)
    Hi guys,

    I've kept away from this thread recently because, to be honest, my eating has been a lot better. I've eaten all 3 meals and a few snacks and even allowed myself to go over my calorie limit when eating out with friends and family.

    However...

    Spoiler:
    Show
    I've slipped these last couple of days. I've noticed my old jeans have got a little tight - nothing too bad, and to be fair they are over 3 years old - but the thought of buying size 12 jeans fills me with such shame and self-loathing that I haven't an appetite anymore. If I didn't have to remind myself to eat I wouldn't have eaten anything since Friday. For the first time in about 6 weeks I've only had 700 calories today and I don't want anything more.

    I can feel myself going back to my old foodie ways, and I know it must be so frustrating for my boyfriend to hear day after day "but I don't want dinner... Okay I'll just have soup or something" until he makes me promise to eat what he's having. I don't want to keep hurting him any more but I don't know what to do.


    Please help

    Let me just say I always reply to posts that are not completely negative and self-deprecating. That's not to say there have been an overwhelming influx of these types of post, but nobody can help a "woe betide"-style post that offers no context. If you want advice you need to give details to your problems, sisters and brubs!

    I can understand the feeling of KNOWING you are gaining weight; someone with an eating disorder becomes exceptional at deluding their friends, family, and most importantly, themselves. When reality seeps in and an illusion suddenly becomes IMPOSSIBLE, then we freak out. But this is important - when faced with reality, do not revert. DO NOT HIDE.

    Do you hear me? When you start to see things getting tough, DO NOT HIDE AWAY BACK IN YOUR WEE DREAM WORLD. All this does is completely reverse all your good progress and pulls you back into the darkness of the pit of misery. Instead of letting that dark hand pull you back into the pit of counting, solitude, obsession and sadness, start kicking. Sure, you'll end up hurting yourself whilst kicking and screaming, people might wonder what you're up to and what a din you're making. Whilst you struggle with your own self-perception, kick and scream. Whatever you do, don't just fall back into that pit, because you know where that leads - pure misery, physical pain and suffering, and no friends to keep you company.

    Let me assure you that when you lapse and lose weight again, people all react the same way. With disappointment. With confusion. Frustration. They're not looking at you thinking anything that you're thinking - broken, non-earned pride, guilty satisfaction - they're screaming inside that they cannot help you because you refuse to fight it yourself. Like someone that cannot swim who constantly leaps into the ocean, people might think you're mad, but trust me when I say they're quicker to leap in after you if you're trying to doggy-paddle as opposed to laying face-down, motionless.

    I am proud you've started this fight, but who starts a fight, gets in some mighty blows, then stops midway to take off all their armour and let the opponent kick them to death? Well, no sane person. And that's the point. No SANE person.

    You've shown you can do it. KEEP DOING IT.
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    Hi, um I'm concerned about my eating habits and I was wondering if anyone had any advice. It started a while ago when I started on a new medication that ended up taking away my appetite and making me vomit as a side effect. Because of this I was struggling to eat even 500 calories a day. The sickness has gone and I have more of an appetite now, but I'm still trying to restrict myself to between 500 and 1000 calories a day because I liked the fact that I started losing weight while I was eating. I've had issues with my weight for a while and it was like for once I was losing weight and when I look in the mirror and see myself getting skinnier it makes me happy, even my dad complimented me on my weight loss.

    I'm still overweight for my height and but lately not eating so much has made me constantly tired and feeling ill, but I can't bear getting fat again if I increase how much I'm eating. What should I do?


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    (Original post by Harley)
    Hi, um I'm concerned about my eating habits and I was wondering if anyone had any advice. It started a while ago when I started on a new medication that ended up taking away my appetite and making me vomit as a side effect. Because of this I was struggling to eat even 500 calories a day. The sickness has gone and I have more of an appetite now, but I'm still trying to restrict myself to between 500 and 1000 calories a day because I liked the fact that I started losing weight while I was eating. I've had issues with my weight for a while and it was like for once I was losing weight and when I look in the mirror and see myself getting skinnier it makes me happy, even my dad complimented me on my weight loss.

    I'm still overweight for my height and but lately not eating so much has made me constantly tired and feeling ill, but I can't bear getting fat again if I increase how much I'm eating. What should I do?


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    You're asking us to help you continue your disordered approach to eating and nobody on here (that believes in recovery) will aid you in this sweetpea.

    Not even someone who is morbidly obese should restrict themselves to below 1000 calories per day. NO PERSON. A CHILD needs 1800 calories. You're already exhibiting signs of severe body dysmorphia. Don't let this be a truly slippery slope, you'll only end up miserable at least, and dead at worst.
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    I really admire you for telling your story on here, that must have taken so much courage.
    I can relate to you, I too suffered with anorexia nervosa and have recently recovered and regained my weight.
    I really like the way you compared anorexia to having a 'demon' on your shoulder, because to be honest that's probably the best description of it. It is really like someone is always there, telling you to restrict yourself, telling you to keep to this unhealthy way of living...but for me, it was also a comfort. At this point in my life I felt quite lonely and anorexia actually helped me control something in my life and I didn't feel so alone, I know it doesn't make sense, but that's the only way I can describe it.
    I am much better now I have recovered though..anorexia was like having a 'friend' I suppose, a two faced one though haha, but I was only secluding myself from everyone around me. I am so much happier and I feel healthier.
    Of course there are days where I am not so strong, and I feel like anorexia is still there, persuading me to join her again...but I have gained so much strength, mentally and physically, and even though anorexia will always be a part of me, I'll always be that little bit stronger than her to say NO, and be fully in control of my own life.
    I really do wish you the best for the future. Stay strong
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    You're asking us to help you continue your disordered approach to eating and nobody on here (that believes in recovery) will aid you in this sweetpea.

    Not even someone who is morbidly obese should restrict themselves to below 1000 calories per day. NO PERSON. A CHILD needs 1800 calories. You're already exhibiting signs of severe body dysmorphia. Don't let this be a truly slippery slope, you'll only end up miserable at least, and dead at worst.
    I'm not asking you to help me continue, I want help to know what to do to stop restricting so much but I'm scared of getting fat again I want to stop this now before it gets any worse but I'm scared to tell anyone because I'm on a healthcare course at uni and I know someone who was suspended from her nursing course because of an eating disorder.

    I'm really short though and I worked out that to maintain I'd need 1600 so even that 1800 would make me put on weight. I'm sorry for being so pessimistic and down, everything's a bit **** for me at the moment


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    • #209
    #209

    Hi everyone
    I've just read some of these posts and first of all I'd like to say God bless you, and I can empathise/ at least sympathise with so many of you.
    I struggled with an eating disorder for about two years, and I had varied degrees disordered eating for a long time before that. After a gradual period of weight gain, I've been feeling so much better; the closest to normal I've been for years. Aside from a few blips, binges and restrictions, my eating has really been amazing. I started uni in September and after the first few weeks of anxiety I met my boyfriend, and I'm so happy. We've already become so close, but I don't know whether or not to tell him about my eating disorder past, or whether it would scare him? I just feel like it was such an important part of my life and is still relevant for me. Having someone knowing would also make me more likely to keep me strong. I just really don't want him to feel he has to worry about me or look after me all the time.
    What should I do?
    xx
    • #207
    #207

    I would really appreciate any advice, however small, on approaching a housemate who I feel is relapsing with their anorexia. Should I speak to them? (theyre not keen on combining friendship and illness but it kind of comes as a package) Should I speak to their family? Please help. I would hate for a close friend to end up back in hospital. Thanks very much.
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    (Original post by Harley)
    I'm not asking you to help me continue, I want help to know what to do to stop restricting so much but I'm scared of getting fat again I want to stop this now before it gets any worse but I'm scared to tell anyone because I'm on a healthcare course at uni and I know someone who was suspended from her nursing course because of an eating disorder.

    I'm really short though and I worked out that to maintain I'd need 1600 so even that 1800 would make me put on weight. I'm sorry for being so pessimistic and down, everything's a bit **** for me at the moment


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Harley, most people misjudge their intake. I'm almost ten stones now (check me out!) and I'm 5'7, and my maintenance caloric levels are about 1900 if I do eff-all.

    The way I see it is, if you have to treat your body in a manner that's even slightly abnormal in order to feel normal, then there's something sincerely weird going on.

    But in relation to your personal situation? Anorexia is a disease of the mind, not the body. And you have a totally typical anorexic mindset. Anorexia Nervosa, mental disorder stamped and signed. That's not to pigeonhole you, but it makes your "simple worries" a credible, tangible problem that you need to address.

    Firstly, you are frightened of gaining weight. Like this can harm your or something. What is the stimulus for this? There's no wrong answer. Is it the simple loss of control? Or appearance? Is it a numerical anomaly (crossing over to a numerical psychosis that prohibits the person from reaching a certain point)? If it's something as simple as "fat", then that's something I've personally been asked to death by my group.

    My recovery group ask me what it's like to "feel fat yet keep getting fat". I say to them, "Is it something to do with attraction?" and most reply no. Most people say no, they're not fussed what people think of them romantically. The people that do have a skewed vision of what people find attractive in the first place. Secondly I ask, "is getting fat scary because you're fearful of what ANYONE thinks of you?" and this is the most-responded one. It's not so much the outer image, but the general image the person finds important. But media states that you should look, feel, act a single way, and thus the person tries to be that ideal. The person doesn't even want to change, but feels they should in order to change.

    Thirdly I ask "Are you unhappy in general?" - it might be the ripple-effect of depression spilling into the appearance of the individual. Depression is a truly dire thing to experience and can be the gateway to numerous other problems. Anorexia is one such "problem to stymie a problem", when you try to silence the issue by adopting a new one.

    And lastly I ask, "If you were twenty stone, would you want to be alive?" - most people stop and think, because suddenly it puts it all into perspective. Does a number have any bearing on why or why not we might want to live? If the number was nine, ten, fifteen... would we have any more or less life-worth?


    I'll leave you with this. I've been twelve stones and I've been six stones. I wasn't any happier in any physical state. You can change how you look but cannot change how you feel by doing this. All you can do is experience life and build relationships with your thoughts, feelings, peers and family. When you age a little, suddenly all this takes meaning and you realise your self-worth. You are not a number. Nobody is.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Harley, most people misjudge their intake. I'm almost ten stones now (check me out!) and I'm 5'7, and my maintenance caloric levels are about 1900 if I do eff-all.

    The way I see it is, if you have to treat your body in a manner that's even slightly abnormal in order to feel normal, then there's something sincerely weird going on.

    But in relation to your personal situation? Anorexia is a disease of the mind, not the body. And you have a totally typical anorexic mindset. Anorexia Nervosa, mental disorder stamped and signed. That's not to pigeonhole you, but it makes your "simple worries" a credible, tangible problem that you need to address.

    Firstly, you are frightened of gaining weight. Like this can harm your or something. What is the stimulus for this? There's no wrong answer. Is it the simple loss of control? Or appearance? Is it a numerical anomaly (crossing over to a numerical psychosis that prohibits the person from reaching a certain point)? If it's something as simple as "fat", then that's something I've personally been asked to death by my group.

    My recovery group ask me what it's like to "feel fat yet keep getting fat". I say to them, "Is it something to do with attraction?" and most reply no. Most people say no, they're not fussed what people think of them romantically. The people that do have a skewed vision of what people find attractive in the first place. Secondly I ask, "is getting fat scary because you're fearful of what ANYONE thinks of you?" and this is the most-responded one. It's not so much the outer image, but the general image the person finds important. But media states that you should look, feel, act a single way, and thus the person tries to be that ideal. The person doesn't even want to change, but feels they should in order to change.

    Thirdly I ask "Are you unhappy in general?" - it might be the ripple-effect of depression spilling into the appearance of the individual. Depression is a truly dire thing to experience and can be the gateway to numerous other problems. Anorexia is one such "problem to stymie a problem", when you try to silence the issue by adopting a new one.

    And lastly I ask, "If you were twenty stone, would you want to be alive?" - most people stop and think, because suddenly it puts it all into perspective. Does a number have any bearing on why or why not we might want to live? If the number was nine, ten, fifteen... would we have any more or less life-worth?


    I'll leave you with this. I've been twelve stones and I've been six stones. I wasn't any happier in any physical state. You can change how you look but cannot change how you feel by doing this. All you can do is experience life and build relationships with your thoughts, feelings, peers and family. When you age a little, suddenly all this takes meaning and you realise your self-worth. You are not a number. Nobody is.
    What do you mean, do you think I'm eating more than I think I am?

    I'm not sure why, my dad has always openly mocked anyone who was overweight so I feel like in being judged by people when I'm out. Plus I suppose it's an attractiveness thing too, no-one is interested in me, I can't change the way my face looks but I can be skinnier and maybe that would help

    Yeah I am unhappy in general but I'm working on that, I'm on ADs and I'm seeing a counsellor at uni later this week.

    But I feel like if I change how I look people might like me more and that would make me happier :/


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    (Original post by Harley)
    But I feel like if I change how I look people might like me more and that would make me happier :/


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    Sometimes it helps to step back and look at these thoughts from an outside point of view...have you ever liked anyone more because they've changed their appearance?
    The ability to be a good friend or a sparkling sense of humour or personal quality are so much more valued when it comes to appreciating other people! I love my friends for their personal qualities, not a small jeans size.
    Be kind to yourself!
    One of the hardest things to do is to change this way of thinking but it'll be so worth it!
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    You'll see it elsewhere but since I've attached my self-worth to external factors like my body, grades and social status, and disregard any personal attributes such as being 'nice' or 'tolerant' or 'caring' that I have because I'm being cynical to protect myself from what is really a cold world that doesn't give a ****, as my grades slip, I'm thinking of dumping my gf. She could do better than a guy with a potential 2.2, I'm fairly sure she's waiting for me to wow her with that first :/
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    Had an appointment with my GP today and as I walked into the room he said "you look a lot healthier, James". That's the first time I've heard this sentence in the past two months and not freaked out. I'm not sure why, maybe because he is a professional medical expert, but it sounded different coming from him than my friends/family.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Let me just say I always reply to posts that are not completely negative and self-deprecating. That's not to say there have been an overwhelming influx of these types of post, but nobody can help a "woe betide"-style post that offers no context. If you want advice you need to give details to your problems, sisters and brubs!

    I can understand the feeling of KNOWING you are gaining weight; someone with an eating disorder becomes exceptional at deluding their friends, family, and most importantly, themselves. When reality seeps in and an illusion suddenly becomes IMPOSSIBLE, then we freak out. But this is important - when faced with reality, do not revert. DO NOT HIDE.

    Do you hear me? When you start to see things getting tough, DO NOT HIDE AWAY BACK IN YOUR WEE DREAM WORLD. All this does is completely reverse all your good progress and pulls you back into the darkness of the pit of misery. Instead of letting that dark hand pull you back into the pit of counting, solitude, obsession and sadness, start kicking. Sure, you'll end up hurting yourself whilst kicking and screaming, people might wonder what you're up to and what a din you're making. Whilst you struggle with your own self-perception, kick and scream. Whatever you do, don't just fall back into that pit, because you know where that leads - pure misery, physical pain and suffering, and no friends to keep you company.

    Let me assure you that when you lapse and lose weight again, people all react the same way. With disappointment. With confusion. Frustration. They're not looking at you thinking anything that you're thinking - broken, non-earned pride, guilty satisfaction - they're screaming inside that they cannot help you because you refuse to fight it yourself. Like someone that cannot swim who constantly leaps into the ocean, people might think you're mad, but trust me when I say they're quicker to leap in after you if you're trying to doggy-paddle as opposed to laying face-down, motionless.

    I am proud you've started this fight, but who starts a fight, gets in some mighty blows, then stops midway to take off all their armour and let the opponent kick them to death? Well, no sane person. And that's the point. No SANE person.

    You've shown you can do it. KEEP DOING IT.
    Thanks Toto. I'm trying, I really am, but I'm at the point where I don't even know what a healthy eating pattern is right now.

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    My current pattern is this: cereal for breakfast - feel guilty - don't eat a proper meal for lunch - feel hungry - have a bowl of cereal again for lunch - feel it's okay to have a snack because I had a small lunch - snack a little - feel immensely guilty - try to avoid eating dinner in the evening - be pressured by my boyfriend into eating - compromise by removing an item from my dinner ("oh ok then I just won't have the chips") - be coerced into having pudding - eat pudding - feel such immense guilt at having "given in" to the allure of sweet foods - repeat ad infinitum.

    Is this normal? I don't know. I have a huge sweet tooth. I have often said that if it weren't for my love of cake and sweets, I would weigh half of what I do now. I might be eating normally now, but to be honest I am more concerned with how to suppress my desire to eat rather than how to change my thoughts towards food. It's sad, but it's true.

    Something happened today, though, that showed me my thought pattern really isn't right. I was out with my partner's mother and her friend (at the Harry Potter studios, which was immense!) and, whilst trying on a t-shirt, she mentioned to me that she was trying to put on weight as she'd dropped below 8 stone (she's 5'4" and 53 years old). When she told me this, my first thought was "no don't gain weight". Even though she's underweight and her health could be affected because of it, I honestly couldn't imagine why she would want to gain weight, and could only think of it as a negative. I know full well that if it were me I would rather be underweight than healthy, and it was that sudden moment of clarity that showed me I have a problem with food.

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    Sorry guys I really need some advice.

    I did a lot of work in my year out of uni to repair the damage I had done mentally. I made huge progress and felt like it was my time to return to uni and focus on the things that are important - enjoying my life and building my future.

    All 3 of my house-mates are dieting. Not a problem in itself. 2 of them are doing it for the right reasons - they had been overweight and their only goal was to be healthy, have joined slimming world, and have healthy diet plans and goals.

    1 of my housemates (the one I am closest to), has developed an eating disorder (whether she knows it or not). I have known her for three years and as soon as I met her I knew she was susceptible - she had very low self-esteem especially regarding her weight (she was probably technically overweight but still beautiful and perfect as she was)...
    She has lost a dramatic amount of weight and hardly eats. She snacks on small things when she is very hungry and occasionally cooks some vegetables.

    (Selfishly I know) I am not asking about what I should do to help her. I know there is nothing I can do, and all I can provide is support... but all she ever talks about is her weight, how hungry she is but doesn't want to eat, and worst of all other peoples weight
    I'll spoiler some of the things she has said to me
    Spoiler:
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    "If I ever put on weight I want you to euthanase me"
    "____ has got fat, hahaha"
    "I look so fat etc.etc."
    "I am so hungry, but I don't want to eat anything"
    "I can't have egg noodles they are pure lard"

    etc.etc.

    This has triggered me MASSIVELY. I am not restricting but my eating routine has gone completely out of the window and I had the worst binge of my life last night. I am feeling increasingly negative and judgemental about my own body and am sat here in tears about how bad I feel about myself because i'm around all of this negativity. The list of foods that I can have in my house without binging on is getting smaller and smaller.

    She KNOWS about my anorexia history - she lived with me! I can't exactly tell her to stop talking about it because I know she'll get offended and tell my other housemates what i've said (she's quite volatile)... and my general feeling is that i'm embarrassed to admit that it's still affecting me because I feel
    Spoiler:
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    too massive
    to even talk about my ED right now.
    Spoiler:
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    I have gone from 5t8 9 stone 10 to 9 stone 13 in just a few weeks.. and probably more since that binge


    Don't know what to do.
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    Snowy, that was upsetting even for me to read, but the upside to this is that at least you are aware that you had very ill-minded thoughts towards your friend. Though you clearly think dearly of your friend to not react by speaking it aloud; that's the difference between someone who genuinely knows they're in the wrong.

    No matter where you are in your recovery stage, be it starting out, recovering, recovered or relapsing, the simplest and least confusing method to stick to is the clinical method, which is to use your overabundance of caloric quantities of food and drink to count each day as you go, and make sure you meet your sedentary intake for a version of you of a BMI 20. What this means is, if the ideal weight for your height is 140lbs, then calculate how many calories you would need at this healthy weight, and make sure you eat this every day. Forget hunger; hunger will return in time. Forget shapes, sizes, portions, situations - just make sure you take this in. This might mean (as previously noted) you'll be taking in anywhere between 1800-2400 calories on average every single day, and if you find yourself reaching about 1500 or so and struggling, drink a big glass of milk before bed and you'll be on track. You cannot trust your own body at this point, so you have to rely on cold, logical, proven science to recover your body. The emotional, psychological aspects start to become apparent as your body heals.


    And yes, I also thought that last bit in bold was some trick the psychologists used to make me a big blubbery monster boy. I thought " bet this is some kind of trick, and I'll end up just as ill in the head but fat." Well, not at all. Sure, I'm bigger, but I am also a huge deal happier, more focused on other aspects of my life. As you move away from the edge, you begin to realise that everyone is flawed in a number of ways, but flaws are not bad. In fact, flaws are not even weaknesses unless you MAKE them your problems. I thought I had a big chubby body, but turns out I've been getting more female attention now because I'm not a human xylophone. Turns out girls don't like cuddling a glockenspiel, who knew? But it makes me smile to know this entire time I've been doing the right thing.

    Cinnabon my dear - I agree you're in a minor pickle but you're doing the right thing in talking about it with us. You've clearly said this to nip it in the bud. You are still a perfect - not big - PERFECT - BMI to be. You're ideal. Crackin'. I've seen you and you're a beautiful lass, make no quarter about it. But it just takes one little needle to the nerve in order to bring the neuroses back, and send you spiralling out of control. It's now you need to stymie this; the longer and longer you maintain a disordered way of thinking, the more you accept the abnormal as normal, and the more you can hurt yourself again.

    I personally believe you're nine-tenths (or more) fully-recovered, it's just trying to support another person as you're so selflessly doing is not something you can do right now - not at this most vital stage of becoming well again. There are only two real, viable options to take and neither are going to be easy.

    You can either make a point of discussing this with your friend - in-depth and will no holds barred - about how she may or may not realise what she is doing to herself, but how it is also very deeply affecting you. She may still be in the stage of ignorance - when the disorder is still growing so she doesn't yet realise it's a part of her life yet. She may be in denial. But regardless, you need to stress that this is affecting YOU, and you've been through all this. You have first-hand experience of the ordeal and don't want to relive the same - or worse - again. Make a point of telling her that she can discuss it with you. You may find parallels with your own self many moons ago, and that just a simple few words might help both of you at a point where your lives are starting to fray.

    The other option is to avoid her. Clearly this is an easier option, isolation/avoidance is easier than confrontation - but it also means you sacrifice your friend's wellbeing in the meantime. But this option at least opens up the possibility of talking it over with her when you are in a healthier, more stable frame of mind - but I only think this is a good option if you're genuinely not ready to confront both her and the world of the Eating Disorder again. As we all know, these disorders attack stealthily, quickly, and remorselessly. They occur when we're not aware and spread into our minds like wildfire, and once we're taken hold it's excruciatingly difficult to break free. If you think back on all the times you were alone and isolated, desperate to talk or even just ask "why? how?!" wouldn't you have given anything for a peer, a confidant, a pal - and even better, a pal that'd been through it all, that had endured everything before and had an actual, legitimate answer for us?

    Cinnie, the only option that ends with you getting hurt is burying your head in the sand - ignorance and denial are the two things the illness in your mind feeds on, and any way to deprive those two elements will benefit you.

    All my love to you all, guys. Keep the chin up, and as always, I'm here with the usuals on this thread, and I am available for private messaging any time. X
 
 
 
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