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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    Sorry guys I really need some advice.

    I did a lot of work in my year out of uni to repair the damage I had done mentally. I made huge progress and felt like it was my time to return to uni and focus on the things that are important - enjoying my life and building my future.

    All 3 of my house-mates are dieting. Not a problem in itself. 2 of them are doing it for the right reasons - they had been overweight and their only goal was to be healthy, have joined slimming world, and have healthy diet plans and goals.

    1 of my housemates (the one I am closest to), has developed an eating disorder (whether she knows it or not). I have known her for three years and as soon as I met her I knew she was susceptible - she had very low self-esteem especially regarding her weight (she was probably technically overweight but still beautiful and perfect as she was)...
    She has lost a dramatic amount of weight and hardly eats. She snacks on small things when she is very hungry and occasionally cooks some vegetables.

    (Selfishly I know) I am not asking about what I should do to help her. I know there is nothing I can do, and all I can provide is support... but all she ever talks about is her weight, how hungry she is but doesn't want to eat, and worst of all other peoples weight
    I'll spoiler some of the things she has said to me
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    "If I ever put on weight I want you to euthanase me"
    "____ has got fat, hahaha"
    "I look so fat etc.etc."
    "I am so hungry, but I don't want to eat anything"
    "I can't have egg noodles they are pure lard"

    etc.etc.

    This has triggered me MASSIVELY. I am not restricting but my eating routine has gone completely out of the window and I had the worst binge of my life last night. I am feeling increasingly negative and judgemental about my own body and am sat here in tears about how bad I feel about myself because i'm around all of this negativity. The list of foods that I can have in my house without binging on is getting smaller and smaller.

    She KNOWS about my anorexia history - she lived with me! I can't exactly tell her to stop talking about it because I know she'll get offended and tell my other housemates what i've said (she's quite volatile)... and my general feeling is that i'm embarrassed to admit that it's still affecting me because I feel
    Spoiler:
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    too massive
    to even talk about my ED right now.
    Spoiler:
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    I have gone from 5t8 9 stone 10 to 9 stone 13 in just a few weeks.. and probably more since that binge


    Don't know what to do.
    Cinnie, I think you're going to have to say that it's triggering for you and that you don't want her to talk about it. Sometimes you have to save yourself. I hated it when I'd just recovered, moved to uni and discovered that all my flatmates were dieting. Not to mention they would call me fat for eating something other than dry-fried vegetables. I would have proper meals and they wouldn't and they'd back-talk me for it. I found the whole thing upsetting and actually took my meals to my room to eat because I felt they were judging me even though they weren't saying anything.

    I think you just need to say that it's too upsetting for you to be around her when she's talking like that.
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    X

    (Original post by jazzykinks)
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    Thanks guys. About 10 minutes ago she said to me
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    "Ugh i've had SEVEN crackers today. I need to stop buying them." and I just reacted sarcasticly "Seven? Oh my god"...


    I honestly don't think I can confront her. They were having a party last night in the room above mine and jumping around until 3am (it sounded like a stampede on my ceiling for 5 hours) and I couldn't even be annoyed at her about that.

    I think i'm just going to pluck up the courage to let her know how I feel the next time she makes a comment like that.

    Thank you for the support x
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    When my friends and i get together we just eat, sometimes it's frightening but we can't stop it , we eat to die, i don't know what should i do with it but i can't avoid eating, i am 3-4 kilos overweight but this way of eating will explode me and definitely my friends! what should we do? eating cause fun and happiness to us and we really enjoy it!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Snowy, that was upsetting even for me to read, but the upside to this is that at least you are aware that you had very ill-minded thoughts towards your friend. Though you clearly think dearly of your friend to not react by speaking it aloud; that's the difference between someone who genuinely knows they're in the wrong.

    No matter where you are in your recovery stage, be it starting out, recovering, recovered or relapsing, the simplest and least confusing method to stick to is the clinical method, which is to use your overabundance of caloric quantities of food and drink to count each day as you go, and make sure you meet your sedentary intake for a version of you of a BMI 20. What this means is, if the ideal weight for your height is 140lbs, then calculate how many calories you would need at this healthy weight, and make sure you eat this every day. Forget hunger; hunger will return in time. Forget shapes, sizes, portions, situations - just make sure you take this in. This might mean (as previously noted) you'll be taking in anywhere between 1800-2400 calories on average every single day, and if you find yourself reaching about 1500 or so and struggling, drink a big glass of milk before bed and you'll be on track. You cannot trust your own body at this point, so you have to rely on cold, logical, proven science to recover your body. The emotional, psychological aspects start to become apparent as your body heals.


    And yes, I also thought that last bit in bold was some trick the psychologists used to make me a big blubbery monster boy. I thought " bet this is some kind of trick, and I'll end up just as ill in the head but fat." Well, not at all. Sure, I'm bigger, but I am also a huge deal happier, more focused on other aspects of my life. As you move away from the edge, you begin to realise that everyone is flawed in a number of ways, but flaws are not bad. In fact, flaws are not even weaknesses unless you MAKE them your problems. I thought I had a big chubby body, but turns out I've been getting more female attention now because I'm not a human xylophone. Turns out girls don't like cuddling a glockenspiel, who knew? But it makes me smile to know this entire time I've been doing the right thing.

    [...]

    All my love to you all, guys. Keep the chin up, and as always, I'm here with the usuals on this thread, and I am available for private messaging any time. X
    I...

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    I'm not able to eat anything today because I'm working at a different site and I don't know where the local shop is. I'm absolutely starving but all I can think about is how many calories I'm managing to avoid by not eating, and I'm actually pretty happy about it.



    How do I get out of this mindset? I recognise it isn't healthy but the overriding feeling is one of happiness about the situation.
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    One deadline that is a point of no return is when the last ebb of humanity, of reasoning, leaves you forever. This is the point where you no longer feel there is any point in questioning the logic of starvation. Sounds to me like you're stepping ever-close to this point Snowy, and I'm frightened FOR you. But you still have this sanity left in your mind. Stop, think.

    Ask yourself these questions, and answer them EARNESTLY.

    Do you want to be alive? What are your reasons for being alive? If you answered yes, and the reason is not "to indulge my mental disorder further", that's a good sign.

    And if you DID answer yes, and had some secondary aspiration, there are some logical, harsh truths to absorb. Firstly, that thing you want to achieve in life? It cannot be achieved with the shackle of an eating disorder or cognitive, logical mental disorder. You will forever cull your potential at every turn, and even if you try hard, your life will be consumed by "what ifs", "if onlys", and of course, the "Could've done mores".

    Secondly, logic dictates that every creature (and non-sentient machine, for that matter) isn't just magically alive; everything from the beats of your heart to the propulsion of yourself from one place to the next, and even the chemical rush that induces the feeling you know as love - it powered by fuel, and if you purposefully stop fuelling your body, you're doing nothing more than ripping our your humanity, bit by bit.

    Personally, I am agnostic, but I thoroughly believe through experience first-hand AND through being a mentor/peer group advisor to others that this mentality not only rots the body, but you genuinely see and feel the spirit of someone leaving them day by day. Colour leaves them, enthusiasm leaves them, energy leaves them, and eventually, their personality and the last ebbs of what makes them a person goes, and sometimes that never comes back.


    So Snowy - please ask yourself, this brief moment of elation you feel, is this something good, or is this actually the sensation of another little piece of your own spirit, your own humanity, leaving you again? You don't need to be religious or spiritual to appreciate that this sensation and what it's doing to you - this notion isn't crazy, especially given the circumstances. What you're doing isn't FEELING - it's NUMBING. You aren't GIVING your mind, body and spirit anything by your actions... you are TAKING from it. Piece by piece.
    • #210
    #210

    I need help, i don't want to live like this anymore

    today i went to get a pack of custard creams and saw this skinny guy and i walked away and cried
    i couldnt do it, seeing an underweight person makes me want to never eat anything like that again

    Nothing seems to be working, i went to ulster uni to be away from people, i eat alone so that people dont judge me for what i eat and so i dont get scared or have a panic attack when i see an underweight person

    the food at uni isnt all that great anyway and my room mates always order takeaways, so i just go to derry

    Im not doing so well with the course as i cant focus, its an interesting course but i just cant focus because of my anxieties.
    I knew it was going to be a big change beforehand since i live in london, which is a one hour and a half plane ride to uni, so im going to be on campus all year round.

    im a guy and wear size 28s yet people still say im muscular and healthy, well thats it cant take it anymore

    from today onwards im going to undereat and only eat porridge, fruit, musilee, veg, salads and plain pasta (maybe a bit of egg and chicken for protein).enjoy eating as

    all i want is to be slightly underweight, then i can actually i will deserve it because i would skinny. and the best bit is if someone says im healthy,slim or muscular i can say i'm actually scientifically underweight as my bmi is under 18 and i weigh so and so, which makes me skinny so im not healthy

    skinny also goes better with the emo look so thats another reason why im going to diet
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    Hope everyone's OK. I'm getting ready for a nice meal out with my mum for my 21st

    Spoiler:
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    I honestly didn't think I'd live to make it to this day. I nearly didn't last year. I just weaned myself off a year's supply of Fluoxetine.


    Although I consider myself by no means recovered in anxiety/self-esteem or even in body image, I'm glad that I've at least managed to transfer my irrational anxieties around nutrition back onto slightly more tangible things. Now it's about feeling the stigma of my illness, and the sense of living in a bubble for 3 years called my head and rebuilding my social life from that, and worrying about getting a good degree and life/my career after uni the which is actually quite a sensible worry, and my relationships which I'm unfairly placing under the microscope of my parent's divorce (I can't assume that all relationships fail because my biological parents' marriage did, or else no-one would stay happily married or in one)-and this weird 'got to be Superman' thing I seem to have developed. But anyway, not for tonight or tomorrow. I am not letting myself ruin my birthday with worry

    I think these are easier to work on with a counsellor as I plan to in the new year, than asking stupid things like (what I just did about sugar and testosterone ffs).

    But anyway, not for tonight or tomorrow. I am not letting myself ruin my birthday with worry
    • #132
    #132

    anyone else finding some of the most recent posts really difficult to read/ offensive.
    Snowwy, i don't mean you.
    • #171
    #171

    (Original post by Riku)
    But anyway, not for tonight or tomorrow. I am not letting myself ruin my birthday with worry
    Happy birthday Riku x
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    ^ was me
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    anyone else finding some of the most recent posts really difficult to read/ offensive.
    Snowwy, i don't mean you.
    Anon, my dear/mate, I don't mean to sound harsh but if you find a particular post to be tough to read, then it is logical that this post resonates a bit too closely with you own inadequacies. It's not me saying that you need to be more resilient - it's me saying to you that you have to judge why you feel quite this passionate about what someone else has written.

    If something is tough to read, there is a reason why it is such. Is it heartbreaking? Bizarre?too familiar/traumatic? In any state, you have to face it because it means WAY more to you than you're letting on.


    Now, that aside, as I have stated - I am very much an Eating Disorder Consultant nowadays and have been hired by the Central Scotland Eating Disorders Service.

    There is a very important support network I hope you can consider (if you are in the northern and central belt) called "No Bodies Perfect". It is exceptionally effective. If you think you wish to heal and are in the area, the latest meeting we're having is:

    Saturday, 11 January 2014 from 13:30 to 16:00 (GMT)The Training Suite, PetalConnal Building
    34 West George Street
    G2 1DA Glasgow.

    Please - if you're hurting and have ANY nerve in your body that wishes to heal, please pop by.

    This thread is only so effective - I want to help heal everyone. Sadly, my voice only resonates so far.. please come if you can. And if you cannot, I urge you to text me your woes.

    I have no worries or fears about posting my personal number- having viewed the face of death, I devote my life to making others avoid a similar fate.

    Text message me, or visit the meeting in Glasgow! Please - I beg you, if you're struggling with ED. My personal number is 07969390096.

    Nobody should be in pain due to a disorder of the mind - and sometimes the cure is nothing more than a kick in the backside - physical OR mental.

    I hope we see you soon, and if not - I hope you find your healing voice elsewhere, you've lived with a hurtful inner voice way, way too long.
    • #210
    #210

    (Original post by Dwane)
    Eating provides an easy route to pleasure but it's healthier to find pleasure in other activities too. It sounds like you can't stop yourselves from overeating. However, it's easier to stop each other from overeating. This is because, as friends, you care about each other. So, try your best to get you and your friends into the habit of discouraging overeating to instead find other activities which you all enjoy. It'll be difficult, yes, but think about yourselves in the long-term and how much you'll be helping each other.


    Remember that when people comment on your appearance, they mean it as a compliment. They want you to be happy. May I ask why you don't want to be healthy?

    All the best in achieving the weight you want! Try not to make drastic changes all at once, however. Small steps at a time is the way to go, so if you make any mistakes along the way, you'll find it easier to put things right.

    I wont make drastic changes because that can be harmful right? Also if i eat really little and get to the ideal weight, when i do start eating properly (maybe 2000 calories a day) i would gain the weight back.

    I don't want to be healthy because being healthy is 'normal' and 'average' which to me is boring, i want to be different

    i have this theory that some people are meant to be like this and this includes me
    • #211
    #211

    Who is the best person to ask for help?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Who is the best person to ask for help?
    Your family if you have a good relationship. Or a close friend.
    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    One deadline that is a point of no return is when the last ebb of humanity, of reasoning, leaves you forever. This is the point where you no longer feel there is any point in questioning the logic of starvation. Sounds to me like you're stepping ever-close to this point Snowy, and I'm frightened FOR you. But you still have this sanity left in your mind. Stop, think.

    Ask yourself these questions, and answer them EARNESTLY.

    Do you want to be alive? What are your reasons for being alive? If you answered yes, and the reason is not "to indulge my mental disorder further", that's a good sign.

    And if you DID answer yes, and had some secondary aspiration, there are some logical, harsh truths to absorb. Firstly, that thing you want to achieve in life? It cannot be achieved with the shackle of an eating disorder or cognitive, logical mental disorder. You will forever cull your potential at every turn, and even if you try hard, your life will be consumed by "what ifs", "if onlys", and of course, the "Could've done mores".

    Secondly, logic dictates that every creature (and non-sentient machine, for that matter) isn't just magically alive; everything from the beats of your heart to the propulsion of yourself from one place to the next, and even the chemical rush that induces the feeling you know as love - it powered by fuel, and if you purposefully stop fuelling your body, you're doing nothing more than ripping our your humanity, bit by bit.

    Personally, I am agnostic, but I thoroughly believe through experience first-hand AND through being a mentor/peer group advisor to others that this mentality not only rots the body, but you genuinely see and feel the spirit of someone leaving them day by day. Colour leaves them, enthusiasm leaves them, energy leaves them, and eventually, their personality and the last ebbs of what makes them a person goes, and sometimes that never comes back.


    So Snowy - please ask yourself, this brief moment of elation you feel, is this something good, or is this actually the sensation of another little piece of your own spirit, your own humanity, leaving you again? You don't need to be religious or spiritual to appreciate that this sensation and what it's doing to you - this notion isn't crazy, especially given the circumstances. What you're doing isn't FEELING - it's NUMBING. You aren't GIVING your mind, body and spirit anything by your actions... you are TAKING from it. Piece by piece.
    Thank you. All of this makes complete sense.

    Yes I do want to live, of course I do. I asked myself why, and my gut reaction to it was that I live for the love I feel for (and recieve from) my boyfriend, for the feeling of "fitting in" that I get from his family, and for the joy I get of working with my preschoolers in childcare.

    I understand that my mindset is so unhealthy and I usually manage to ignore it, but it's such a strain to even push it away. It's like there's two people in my head - the logical side of me that knows I'm considered a healthy weight, knows that no one else thinks I'm fat, and knows I need to eat... and the part of me that's still the little girl who only got praise for being really skinny, and is desperate to be praise-worthy again. Every day is a constant battle between these two people, and although usually the healthier person wins out at the moment - it's always with a hint of regret that she might actually be wrong, and sometimes she doesn't even bother to fight at all.

    The thing is, in my line of work there is food available all the time, every day. I am constantly surrounded by reminders of this mental battle between the two girls.

    I feel like I'm falling apart
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    ^Me
    • #212
    #212

    (Original post by Mackay)
    Your family if you have a good relationship. Or a close friend.

    My parents are just like you should eat and blah blah, they don't understand what it's like to have an eating disorder.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My parents are just like you should eat and blah blah, they don't understand what it's like to have an eating disorder.
    But have you actively discussed this disorder with them, or are you just basing your assumptions of their reaction based on them being ignorant of your situation?

    Being ignorant that someone is hurting is not a negative trait - ignorance is simply not knowing something, and nobody can know everything. If people are aware of something and STILL refuse to help, then I can suggest other avenues. But if you haven't yet properly discussed your mental illness with them then it's not their fault.
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    I visited the GP about calorie restricting today after a friend noticed Id lost weight - unfortunately, I have been diagnosed with anorexia with BMI 16.3. I know I have been eating less than normal (but still 3 meals per day!) so I must say I was surprised at the amount of weight lost. I can't help thinking the dr's scales were wrong reading 47kg when a friends scales read 49kg yesterday which would almost put me out of the danger zone completely. Although I realise I need to change my mindset, I cant help thinking the result is perhaps more dramatic than it needed to be.
    She has also recommended telling parents - I am anxious as theyre picking me up for christmas tomorrow and I anticipate weight loss comments.
    Has anyone been in this situation and is it worth telling parents? In my heart of hearts, I feel I will pull myself together over christmas so there seems little point in worrying them.. ?
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by teva1993)
    I visited the GP about calorie restricting today after a friend noticed Id lost weight - unfortunately, I have been diagnosed with anorexia with BMI 16.3. I know I have been eating less than normal (but still 3 meals per day!) so I must say I was surprised at the amount of weight lost. I can't help thinking the dr's scales were wrong reading 47kg when a friends scales read 49kg yesterday which would almost put me out of the danger zone completely. Although I realise I need to change my mindset, I cant help thinking the result is perhaps more dramatic than it needed to be.
    She has also recommended telling parents - I am anxious as theyre picking me up for christmas tomorrow and I anticipate weight loss comments.
    Has anyone been in this situation and is it worth telling parents? In my heart of hearts, I feel I will pull myself together over christmas so there seems little point in worrying them.. ?
    I think personally, I wish to commend you. You're in a truly amazing scenario that no other ED-sufferer can indulge themselves in.

    You have experienced the medical diagnosis and your own significantly dangerous frame and scenario as you have. This situation whereby you've understood you are very much in a state of unhealthy mass is actually very much coveted by the people on this thread that wish to, bizarrely, be thinner and lighter than they are.

    People always want to be what they are not. Thinner, stronger, brighter, smarter, leaner, and so forth. You are beautiful. By striving to be something beyond your reasoning, suddenly anything you are not happens to be the best thing ever!
 
 
 
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