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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    May have binged tonight and now feel very sick :sad:


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    And, what, you feel less like a valid, real person now?

    I am constantly battling with people that have that "fear". When I do a group conversation, the biggest conversation stems from "feeling ugly" or "feeling greedy".

    What the hell IS this? It's this notion that having a day or night that you've enjoyed immensely should, as the media dictates, make you feel guilty as hell. "Guilt-free dessert!" "Guilt-free Christmas Dinner" - **ck it. F*** it all. Christmas is the embodiment of happiness and love between all men. Between friends and family, bringing smiles and happiness to all the people you happen to know.

    "I ate six canapes, Christmas Dinner, THEN we all went mental on the Miniature Heroes!" - well, so freaking what. That's what a person does.

    I have never answered a letter or email where a person freaks out because their boyfriend said "My girlfriend ordered the steak and ate the lot. Then she ate ten chocolates. I am worried that she enjoyed herself that much. She should really learn to only eat half a steak and one chocolate, maximum."

    Never. I have never answered that letter, ever.
    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    It's called the single most irrational way of thinking your mind can indulge in!

    You are desperate to look like that which your boyfriend does NOT find attractive in order to indulge a totally pointless notion of what is "attractive." It's like being told all your life that farts smell wonderful, and then a boy tells you that roses are wonderful-smelling, and that everyone knows farts smell crap. And yet, you continue to say farts are amazing, and are desperate to prove to the world that farts smell amazing.

    Stop being desperate to give your boyfriend a fart. Give him a rose for christ's sake!
    Spoiler:
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    But he may say he likes slightly softer women (as many men do, it seems) but we had more sex when I was skinny so the evidence is a bit contradictory which is why I'm so confused oh why can't eating just be simple?


    Also just wanted to point out that although this is an incredibly serious topic, I must admit I did chuckle a little at "stop being desperate to give your boyfriend a fart" :p:
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    .
    I never class it as a binge if it's a social thing.. that's just having a good time
    A binge is being alone and mechanically eating heaps of food, feeling out of control and not feeling like I can stop until I can't physically stuff any more in and have to snap out of it leaving me feeling confused and disgusted with myself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    But he may say he likes slightly softer women (as many men do, it seems) but we had more sex when I was skinny so the evidence is a bit contradictory which is why I'm so confused oh why can't eating just be simple?


    Also just wanted to point out that although this is an incredibly serious topic, I must admit I did chuckle a little at "stop being desperate to give your boyfriend a fart" :p:
    Speaking from experience, and I mean the type of experience where the man has been involved with a woman for over three years on three occasions (remember, I'm nearly thirty now and have been engaged) - sex is the single most deteriorating commodity in a relationship regardless.

    My fiance was suffering from the repercussions of a hysterectomy (she was clearly in agony of her sterility) and I continuously made efforts to make her feel sexy. It was not a pantomime - she genuinely WAS sexy to me. Yet every day that passed, she'd slap me, badmouth herself, say she was useless, repel me, tell me I was stupid, ridiculous, use every weapon in her arsenal to tell me I was pointless to her.

    It took me so, so long to say to her, "Listen, I feel so unattractive these days, because you're hurting me non-stop." Her response? "You're still handsome to me, but I can't love you because I can't love who I am.".

    Do you not realise how significant that is? That a person understands what attraction is, that they love who you are, but still can't love you?!

    My fiance was 36. At the time, 8 years my senior. Her awful cystisis meant she had to undergo surgery to remove all of her reproductive organs. I stayed with her. She periodically alienated me bit by bit. I respected everything she was and ever had been. Yet, she kept telling me to go away. "I love you", she'd say, but she'd hit me when I tried to cuddle her. She hated everything she'd become.

    " I love you no matter what you are or ever will be!" I said. And that day, she dumped me.

    " I still love you", she said. "But I am useless, and not a real woman."

    She kept on it, and no matter what I did over the coming weeks, she cut me out. In the end, I cut my losses, cried more tears than a man truly should, but I still sent her messages to tell her she was still a wonderful, beautiful woman. After several further weeks of her telling her friends I was being a disturbing, awful clinger-on, I said to her "I don't ever want to lose what we had." Her text back ruined me. "We had nothing."

    A relationship is absolutely a battle between both parties to accept. No matter what, we accept and love the things they are or will be. Appearance is so unbelievably peripheral to that.
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    (Original post by Cinnie)
    I never class it as a binge if it's a social thing.. that's just having a good time
    A binge is being alone and mechanically eating heaps of food, feeling out of control and not feeling like I can stop until I can't physically stuff any more in and have to snap out of it leaving me feeling confused and disgusted with myself.
    This.
    I often get left feeling sick (which isnt fun when i have a phobia of feeling/being sick)


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #173
    #173

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Speaking from experience, and I mean the type of experience where the man has been involved with a woman for over three years on three occasions (remember, I'm nearly thirty now and have been engaged) - sex is the single most deteriorating commodity in a relationship regardless.

    My fiance was suffering from the repercussions of a hysterectomy (she was clearly in agony of her sterility) and I continuously made efforts to make her feel sexy. It was not a pantomime - she genuinely WAS sexy to me. Yet every day that passed, she'd slap me, badmouth herself, say she was useless, repel me, tell me I was stupid, ridiculous, use every weapon in her arsenal to tell me I was pointless to her.

    It took me so, so long to say to her, "Listen, I feel so unattractive these days, because you're hurting me non-stop." Her response? "You're still handsome to me, but I can't love you because I can't love who I am.".

    Do you not realise how significant that is? That a person understands what attraction is, that they love who you are, but still can't love you?!

    My fiance was 36. At the time, 8 years my senior. Her awful cystisis meant she had to undergo surgery to remove all of her reproductive organs. I stayed with her. She periodically alienated me bit by bit. I respected everything she was and ever had been. Yet, she kept telling me to go away. "I love you", she'd say, but she'd hit me when I tried to cuddle her. She hated everything she'd become.

    " I love you no matter what you are or ever will be!" I said. And that day, she dumped me.

    " I still love you", she said. "But I am useless, and not a real woman."

    She kept on it, and no matter what I did over the coming weeks, she cut me out. In the end, I cut my losses, cried more tears than a man truly should, but I still sent her messages to tell her she was still a wonderful, beautiful woman. After several further weeks of her telling her friends I was being a disturbing, awful clinger-on, I said to her "I don't ever want to lose what we had." Her text back ruined me. "We had nothing."

    A relationship is absolutely a battle between both parties to accept. No matter what, we accept and love the things they are or will be. Appearance is so unbelievably peripheral to that.
    Spoiler:
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    It sounds like she felt as if she was useless to you because she couldn't give you children I can understand why that might break a woman (although I don't want children myself), but that doesn't excuse the way she behaved towards you.

    I just want to give you a hug now :cuddle: that much have been heart-breaking!

    I don't think my weight problem is the issue between my partner and I though. He himself tells me he has a very low sex drive (it's only happened twice since the beginning of September) but that doesn't stop me doubting everything in my lowest moments.

    I just feel like I can't go on anymore I need to feel attractive again but I can't when my partner doesn't want me and I feel like a beached whale...
    • #211
    #211

    I won't be eating any Christmas food, just the usual food i eat as part of my diet. It's a shame i can't participate in the Christmas tradition, but i don't fancy being fat and that's what life's all about making compromises

    On the brightside sticking to this diet is very rewarding for me as im able to maintain my weight that im happy at
    • #212
    #212

    For me it's being able to wear size 26 and size 28 jeans and mens small. So i guess that's the equivalent to the desire of being a women's size 0. Being able to fit in to these sizes means a lot to me as it proves that i'm skinny and might make over people jealous, which makes me feel special, proud and as though i've achieved something
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    It sounds like she felt as if she was useless to you because she couldn't give you children I can understand why that might break a woman (although I don't want children myself), but that doesn't excuse the way she behaved towards you.

    I just want to give you a hug now :cuddle: that much have been heart-breaking!

    I don't think my weight problem is the issue between my partner and I though. He himself tells me he has a very low sex drive (it's only happened twice since the beginning of September) but that doesn't stop me doubting everything in my lowest moments.

    I just feel like I can't go on anymore I need to feel attractive again but I can't when my partner doesn't want me and I feel like a beached whale...
    Though I didn't mention my personal story for pity or hugs, I accept them regardless! What I was getting at is that even when things got truly difficult, I was still attracted to her, I still loved her - nothing changed. If you love someone, and I mean TRULY love someone, you accept them no matter what circumstances come about. I personally don't have a high sex drive - and I'm a man in my (admittedly very very very late) twenties. There are a lot of factors why sex drive dies down - of course, time is a massive factor too - couples naturally have less sex as the relationship progresses, in the vast majority of circumstances, and that's when NOTHING is awry.

    I think it's worth properly sitting down with him and talking about this. You'll definitely be told what we all already know - that he is very much in love with you and that your mental disorder is telling you things that quite obviously are not true. But just for your own peace of mind, reassurance and to strengthen your bond with him - talk to him and say that just recently, it's been especially difficult for you that these thoughts of inadequacy might be giving you fears and doubts. If he's any sort of man, he'll already know how you're feeling, but he'll be touched that you felt you could talk about it with him.




    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I won't be eating any Christmas food, just the usual food i eat as part of my diet. It's a shame i can't participate in the Christmas tradition, but i don't fancy being fat and that's what life's all about making compromises

    On the brightside sticking to this diet is very rewarding for me as im able to maintain my weight that im happy at

    I'm rather overtly hoping this is a troll post, because if it's not, then Anon, you seriously need to self re-evaluate your priorities. If you shun Christmas of all times to indulge a mental disorder, you've reached a very low point.
    • #213
    #213

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I won't be eating any Christmas food, just the usual food i eat as part of my diet. It's a shame i can't participate in the Christmas tradition, but i don't fancy being fat and that's what life's all about making compromises

    On the brightside sticking to this diet is very rewarding for me as im able to maintain my weight that im happy at
    Please, no.

    Christmas dinner can be fine. Turkey is a lean meat, vegetables are healthy! For goodness sake, read back over your post, think back to your childhood, and think whether it looks right to you.

    Get help, please. This is not good. I was dieting recently (no ED, I was overweight and had to lose a lot to be considered healthy) and accepted that Christmas was a write off, and that I may gain a few pounds.

    Don't alienate yourself, please.

    Please.
    • #212
    #212

    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Though I didn't mention my personal story for pity or hugs, I accept them regardless! What I was getting at is that even when things got truly difficult, I was still attracted to her, I still loved her - nothing changed. If you love someone, and I mean TRULY love someone, you accept them no matter what circumstances come about. I personally don't have a high sex drive - and I'm a man in my (admittedly very very very late) twenties. There are a lot of factors why sex drive dies down - of course, time is a massive factor too - couples naturally have less sex as the relationship progresses, in the vast majority of circumstances, and that's when NOTHING is awry.

    I think it's worth properly sitting down with him and talking about this. You'll definitely be told what we all already know - that he is very much in love with you and that your mental disorder is telling you things that quite obviously are not true. But just for your own peace of mind, reassurance and to strengthen your bond with him - talk to him and say that just recently, it's been especially difficult for you that these thoughts of inadequacy might be giving you fears and doubts. If he's any sort of man, he'll already know how you're feeling, but he'll be touched that you felt you could talk about it with him.







    I'm rather overtly hoping this is a troll post, because if it's not, then Anon, you seriously need to self re-evaluate your priorities. If you shun Christmas of all times to indulge a mental disorder, you've reached a very low point.

    I'm not a troll, what kind of person would lie about an eating disorder? that's the lowest thing you can do in my opinion. I just can't cope with weight gain, how do i forget about weight gain for a week?
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    Though I didn't mention my personal story for pity or hugs, I accept them regardless! What I was getting at is that even when things got truly difficult, I was still attracted to her, I still loved her - nothing changed. If you love someone, and I mean TRULY love someone, you accept them no matter what circumstances come about. I personally don't have a high sex drive - and I'm a man in my (admittedly very very very late) twenties. There are a lot of factors why sex drive dies down - of course, time is a massive factor too - couples naturally have less sex as the relationship progresses, in the vast majority of circumstances, and that's when NOTHING is awry.

    I think it's worth properly sitting down with him and talking about this. You'll definitely be told what we all already know - that he is very much in love with you and that your mental disorder is telling you things that quite obviously are not true. But just for your own peace of mind, reassurance and to strengthen your bond with him - talk to him and say that just recently, it's been especially difficult for you that these thoughts of inadequacy might be giving you fears and doubts. If he's any sort of man, he'll already know how you're feeling, but he'll be touched that you felt you could talk about it with him.

    We've had the discussion plenty of times - he just says it's nothing to do with me, and that he still fancies me, but his sex drive is just low. Sometimes when I'm feeling low though my min says to me "what if he's lying to make you feel better? What if he secretly wishes you were slimmer?"
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    (Original post by snowyowl)
    We've had the discussion plenty of times - he just says it's nothing to do with me, and that he still fancies me, but his sex drive is just low. Sometimes when I'm feeling low though my min says to me "what if he's lying to make you feel better? What if he secretly wishes you were slimmer?"
    So you are totally aware that your mental disorder feeds on periods of your own depression? That's a good indicator. You can tell yourself this statement each time you feel down in the dumps: "I am likely to have ill thoughts and not think things through rationally when I have these days". Use the trigger of feeling down in the dumps or upset to your advantage, not your detriment.

    Next time you feel particularly like you are having a bad day, make the conscious effort to note that you are feeling personal inadequacies are merely a by-product of this depressive lull you're in. Nothing has changed about your person, your appearance, between your good day and this bad day - only your rationale has altered. Just realise that depression from day to day does not suddenly change who you are as a person mentally OR physically.

    Pinpointing our trigger moods, phrases and visual stimulus are key. Once you do that you can "re-assign" new stuff to them. It's called re-association therapy, and it's a really important tool to use, so I suggest you embrace it.

    It's a bit like when someone's afraid of, say, spiders, and the person re-associates them not with feared creatures, but maybe with something like Charlotte's Web (and being read bedtime stories) so instead slowly changes to associate spiders with a more positive emotive response. Sounds like boohockey, but it absolutely works (as long as you truly invest in it). This is also how cognitive readjustment or even hypnotism actually works, too.
    • #203
    #203

    was just wondering what peoples thoughts were about somebody attempting independent recovery from an eating disorder by embracing a raw vegan-style diet? my ED is along the lines of bulimia, and my binge foods are always refined carbs, sugars and processed fats, so to me it makes logical sense to try and leave this period of my life behind by eliminating those kind of things from my diet.

    obviously because my veganism wouldn't really be due to a change in my personal ethics, it wouldn't be too hard to introduce/keep certain things in my diet, like low fat cheeses and honey, if it became clear that i needed those to have a balance in my diet.

    contemplating starting it on new years day!
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    i was in a homeware shop today, and there was a set of weighing scales on the floor, so i decided to stand on the out of curiosity, but it showed id lost 2st in less than a year, im pretty sure i havnt, but its been on my mind ALL day now
    urgh
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    i was in a homeware shop today, and there was a set of weighing scales on the floor, so i decided to stand on the out of curiosity, but it showed id lost 2st in less than a year, im pretty sure i havnt, but its been on my mind ALL day now
    urgh
    my condolences. If this is real that means in human stakes you are unably dubious about the fates. Declare onwards, odd font!
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    (Original post by TotoMimo)
    my condolences. If this is real that means in human stakes you are unably dubious about the fates. Declare onwards, odd font!
    surely id notice loosing 2stone wouldnt i?
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    [LIST=1]
    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    surely id notice loosing 2stone wouldnt i?
    Not necessarily, m'dear. The last stone and a bit I lost, I did quickly and blindly because I was so devoted to my self-destruction and my self-criticism had reached it's most skewed.

    In effect I had become so broken-minded that the more I lost, the less difference I thought I was making.

    Honestly, I feel really sad for you, but equally I feel scared for you too; there is the possibility your ED is reaching one of it's worst points.
    • #211
    #211

    So i was really happy, then i weighed myself and my bmi is 19.7 Yesterday was the worst day of my life
    I have never been this fat and heavy in my entire life, i have never felt this bad in my entire life.

    I'm now on a 1200 calorie diet until i achieve a bmi of 17.5, learning that i have a bmi of 19.7 has changed who i am
    it's given me a wake up call. I need to get my priorities right or i'm just going to get heavier and heavier. From now on, i'm going to say no whenever i'm offered or tempted to eat something with a high calorie content because of my 'health' and disgustingly huge body mass.
 
 
 
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