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    • #122
    #122

    I'm not really sure how to say this so it doesn't sound disgusting..

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    After a month of not purging (very close today but resisted, very pleased, now..) i'm still bringing up my food after eating a meal. I'm not letting it out of my mouth but for, well, it can be hours after eating, my mouth fills with vomit. It's gross and it's so hard to swallow it again. Can anyone explain why this is happening? I've tried taking indigestion tablets but it does nothing for food .. only for water (when it's really acidic).
    • #180
    #180

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not really sure how to say this so it doesn't sound disgusting..

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    Show
    After a month of not purging (very close today but resisted, very pleased, now..) i'm still bringing up my food after eating a meal. I'm not letting it out of my mouth but for, well, it can be hours after eating, my mouth fills with vomit. It's gross and it's so hard to swallow it again. Can anyone explain why this is happening? I've tried taking indigestion tablets but it does nothing for food .. only for water (when it's really acidic).
    Sounds like reflux. Very common in people who have had purging issues. Basically, at the base of the oesophagus/top of the stomach there is a muscle which is responsible for keeping the food in the stomach. With purging, this muscle loosens, so food rises up. Indigestion tablets won't do much. Unfortunately this is one of those things where time is needed for themuscle to strengthen itself, and obviously further purging will simply damagethe muscle further. This isn’t always a reversible condition I’m afraid,although if it’s really bad your doctor may be able to refer you for surgery.However, it’s only been a month; keep eating and not purging and it willprobably improve.
    To help, you might find smaller meals spaced throughout the day helps,as well as avoiding foods with low nutrient density (i.e. don’t have largeplatefuls of salad; compact it into a sandwich or something without reducingthe nourishment you get from your current meal plan). I also find that liquidsand dairy are more likely to reflux too.
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    Good news day today. Been told by my counsellor I only need to see her once every two weeks instead of weekly visits. Chuffed.
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    I think some ED type feelings are resurfacing and I don't know how to feel.

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    I went to stay with a friend in the US over New Year for about 8 days and to be honest she has great tolerance for my behaviour and sometimes is oblivious.

    I have really bad diversion methods so distract others at normal meal times plus I have unorthodox tastes -

    I would rather do icecream than food so for one of the days I was there I had a small icecream and an iced coffee and nothing else.

    I was stressing with a preg scare too which minimised my appetite so quite a few times while I was out there left at least 24 hours between meals on purpose.

    I also went to my bf's house and he tried to cook me breakfast and make me eat it. He was mad but I genuinely was really upset and didn't eat a bite - I was on the verge of crying but he should understand - he tried to force me to have food or even a sip of soda before and I refused. When people force me to have food it makes me more resolved to have none.

    Since I have been home I have managed to only eat a maximum of one or two meals a day despite making my parents think otherwise.

    I stood on the scale today and it's almost below the stone mark and that means in my twisted mind that I shouldn't jepordize that by having breakfast! (Or lunch)

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    Out of interest, has anyone in recovery/that has recovered ever developed IBS after? I've been diagnosed with it and it's excruciating.

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    I'm hungry, so I'll eat...only for it to come out of the other end a few minutes later. It's like a never ending circle. I know you're supposed to narrow down the foods that make you sick and for me, dairy is a big one. But I had spicy rice noodles (can't eat egg ones any more) and I had to lay in bed with a hot water bottle for hours!
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    (Original post by jazzykinks)
    Out of interest, has anyone in recovery/that has recovered ever developed IBS after? I've been diagnosed with it and it's excruciating.

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    I'm hungry, so I'll eat...only for it to come out of the other end a few minutes later. It's like a never ending circle. I know you're supposed to narrow down the foods that make you sick and for me, dairy is a big one. But I had spicy rice noodles (can't eat egg ones any more) and I had to lay in bed with a hot water bottle for hours!
    Yup...dairy is a no-no but there's plenty of soya products about which are nicer tbh as for wheat, white pasta/bread affects me badly but slowly re-introducing wholemeal pitta bread and that seems to be fine so oats and pitta/wholegrain bread with lots of seeds and stuff seem to be good choices to add to meals
    On another note, I have discovered that uni is my biggest trigger. Am hating doing the MA and took time out and have come so far in my recovery! But as soon as I went to hand in some work yesterday just being there made me cry/panic as I'm not happy there and want to be back in my job at retail where I am happier, less stressed and healthier.
    I really don't know if it's worth continuing the course, have already got a 1st class degree behind me so an MA in Creative Writing hardly seems worth the stress, risk of relapse and damage to my health. I hate it so much, I get so cut off and had my worst ED/depression relapse ever last term.
    Better just to leave it and be happy and healthy or stick it out til the autumn..? Anyone had this trouble with hating their course?
    • #215
    #215

    I don't know if this will be of any use to anyone, but in case it is, a girl I know has made a blog about her bulimia - https://notjustserendipity.jux.com/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know if this will be of any use to anyone, but in case it is, a girl I know has made a blog about her bulimia - https://notjustserendipity.jux.com/
    My word. Really powerful and in-depth. I've never suffered from purging, but this is a wonderful tool for anybody who has.
    • #215
    #215

    (Original post by Mackay)
    My word. Really powerful and in-depth. I've never suffered from purging, but this is a wonderful tool for anybody who has.
    I'm glad to hear it. I read it myself after she posted the link and was really struck.
    • #216
    #216

    I've been reading some of the things and experiences people have posted on here and it's scared me how bad things can actually get for people, especially without them even knowing or realising it.

    Myself, I'm pretty tall at 184cm, let's call that 6'0-6'1? I always weighed in the region of 162-168lbs. I think the heaviest I was, when I got on the scales, I was 168lbs, but I have probably been heavier. I loved food. Like seriously. I could eat 4 chocolate bars in a day and not think anything of it. I remember being about 10 and I ate 8 sausages at my Granparents' house for breakfast.

    Anyway, throughout sixth form, I was 162-168lbs and a dress size 14. But I never looked that 'big' because of my height, in proportion terms I just looked pretty average, but had a bit of a chubby face which I've been cursed with my whole life.

    I would say around April last year, I decided I wanted to lose some weight. I started counting my calories and restricting what I ate, some days I would eat only 400 net calories. Others it was 1200 and anywhere in between. By July I weighed 133lbs and was at the lowest I could remember, which was 34lbs from where I was not that long before.
    In August I went on holiday, had fun, ate what I want and I went up to 138lbs.
    Usually, I sway around the 134-137lb mark but currently I'm 133.8 which gives me a BMI of 17.9. Compared to a lot of the stories I've read, I'm definitely not that underweight.
    I don't feel I'm anorexic at all, but at the same time I'm scared to put on weight. I feel as if I ever see more than 137/138 on the scales, I'll freak out and punish myself for it. I haven't had my period in 6 months and used to be really regular (TMI sorry!).

    I eat McDonalds, went for breakfast there last week. I'm having a big Sunday Dinner tonight, I ate the most giant plate of Christmas Dinner (I ate more than my parents), a couple of days ago I was with my friends and ate half a giant gingerbread house, so this is why I don't think I'm anorexic. But at the same time I don't feel normal. Does anyone else feel like this or can relate to me?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not really sure how to say this so it doesn't sound disgusting..

    Spoiler:
    Show
    After a month of not purging (very close today but resisted, very pleased, now..) i'm still bringing up my food after eating a meal. I'm not letting it out of my mouth but for, well, it can be hours after eating, my mouth fills with vomit. It's gross and it's so hard to swallow it again. Can anyone explain why this is happening? I've tried taking indigestion tablets but it does nothing for food .. only for water (when it's really acidic).
    you could try seeing your GP since it sounds severe, but it should get better in time, I still suffer sometimes (probably 3ish years since I last purged) but it's only occasional now rather than constant! try eating smaller amounts more often, don't drink loads when you eat (as it will overfill your stomach + make it easier to come up) and stay upright for an hour after eating anything... other than that you just have to remember you've put your body through hell and it will take time to fix
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been reading some of the things and experiences people have posted on here and it's scared me how bad things can actually get for people, especially without them even knowing or realising it.

    Myself, I'm pretty tall at 184cm, let's call that 6'0-6'1? I always weighed in the region of 162-168lbs. I think the heaviest I was, when I got on the scales, I was 168lbs, but I have probably been heavier. I loved food. Like seriously. I could eat 4 chocolate bars in a day and not think anything of it. I remember being about 10 and I ate 8 sausages at my Granparents' house for breakfast.

    Anyway, throughout sixth form, I was 162-168lbs and a dress size 14. But I never looked that 'big' because of my height, in proportion terms I just looked pretty average, but had a bit of a chubby face which I've been cursed with my whole life.

    I would say around April last year, I decided I wanted to lose some weight. I started counting my calories and restricting what I ate, some days I would eat only 400 net calories. Others it was 1200 and anywhere in between. By July I weighed 133lbs and was at the lowest I could remember, which was 34lbs from where I was not that long before.
    In August I went on holiday, had fun, ate what I want and I went up to 138lbs.
    Usually, I sway around the 134-137lb mark but currently I'm 133.8 which gives me a BMI of 17.9. Compared to a lot of the stories I've read, I'm definitely not that underweight.
    I don't feel I'm anorexic at all, but at the same time I'm scared to put on weight. I feel as if I ever see more than 137/138 on the scales, I'll freak out and punish myself for it. I haven't had my period in 6 months and used to be really regular (TMI sorry!).

    I eat McDonalds, went for breakfast there last week. I'm having a big Sunday Dinner tonight, I ate the most giant plate of Christmas Dinner (I ate more than my parents), a couple of days ago I was with my friends and ate half a giant gingerbread house, so this is why I don't think I'm anorexic. But at the same time I don't feel normal. Does anyone else feel like this or can relate to me?
    not everyone with an eating disorder eats an apple a day and weighs 4st

    eating disorders are on a spectrum from normal eating to severe ED... when my eating disorder started the first year was spent more like you have described, I was underweight but not dramatically and didn't get my period, restricting severely sometimes but sometimes eating 'normally' (e.g. having sweets with friends) but always panicking about going over Xlbs - you may stay like this forever, or like me you may reach a point where your disorder takes more of a hold and become severely ill, whether or not you have 'anorexia' is irrelevant really, its a bunch of diagnostic criteria which is massively criticised anyway, you clearly have an eating disorer which is making you unhappy and unhealthy and you need and deserve help so you can get back to leading a happy and healthy life
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    I don't have an eating disorder but I would love to know how someone with one thinks, as I pretty much eat everything and I could never refuse sweetiesXD do you find eating a chore? Like is it the same feeling you'd get when your told to eat your veggies before dessert? Or do you constantly not feel hungry?
    • #122
    #122

    (Original post by doodle_333)
    you could try seeing your GP since it sounds severe, but it should get better in time, I still suffer sometimes (probably 3ish years since I last purged) but it's only occasional now rather than constant! try eating smaller amounts more often, don't drink loads when you eat (as it will overfill your stomach + make it easier to come up) and stay upright for an hour after eating anything... other than that you just have to remember you've put your body through hell and it will take time to fix
    Thank you. I eat small meals anyway (literally everyone makes a point of this .. if only they knew, ha!) because if I feel full it makes me want to purge, but I do drink a lot. I will drink less around meal time and see if that has any effect. I've got a gastroscopy for another issue, is there physical damage that can be seen with something like this? I haven't consulted medical professions .. can't afford to have that on my record
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    not everyone with an eating disorder eats an apple a day and weighs 4st
    This.
    • #216
    #216

    (Original post by doodle_333)
    not everyone with an eating disorder eats an apple a day and weighs 4st

    eating disorders are on a spectrum from normal eating to severe ED... when my eating disorder started the first year was spent more like you have described, I was underweight but not dramatically and didn't get my period, restricting severely sometimes but sometimes eating 'normally' (e.g. having sweets with friends) but always panicking about going over Xlbs - you may stay like this forever, or like me you may reach a point where your disorder takes more of a hold and become severely ill, whether or not you have 'anorexia' is irrelevant really, its a bunch of diagnostic criteria which is massively criticised anyway, you clearly have an eating disorer which is making you unhappy and unhealthy and you need and deserve help so you can get back to leading a happy and healthy life
    You're definitely right about the whole spectrum idea. I think I could cope if I were to stay like this my whole life, as long as I didn't get any more obsessive as I wouldn't say I'm that bad at the moment. I think that to be taken seriously as someone with an eating disorder you practically have to have a BMI in single figures (well, not quite, but you know) which is a shame because like you said, it can take hold of someone so quickly which is when it becomes a problem much harder to resolve.
    • #132
    #132

    (Original post by OHNOGEM)
    I don't have an eating disorder but I would love to know how someone with one thinks, as I pretty much eat everything and I could never refuse sweetiesXD do you find eating a chore? Like is it the same feeling you'd get when your told to eat your veggies before dessert? Or do you constantly not feel hungry?
    I alternate between forcing food down when the clock says I should (7am, 12, 6pm), or being so busy doing stuff/ that jacked up on coffee that I go a significant amount of time without anything to eat. It's not so much we don't feel hungry, we do. Trust me, we do feel hungry, we can spend hours browsing food blogs or reading cookery books and looking at recipes of food we'll probably make for others, but never eat ourselves, because we don't feel we deserve it. Or because we know the voice in our head is going to scream such abuse and make us feel so guilty if we do eat.

    I don't know if it applies to anyone else, but i've had days where I feel guilty for buying myself things I need e.g a new coat, feeling guilty when I have the heating on, because it's only me in the house and I don't deserve to be warm.

    An eating disorder, whether it be anorexia, bulimia, or EDNOS it's not something you want to have, it's ****. They don't always make you thin. They do however make you paranoid, obsessive, you're constantly cold (my toenails are currently a very attractive shade of lilac), I'm lucky to get 4 hours in one go some nights, I have to empty my hairbrush every two to 3 days because I'm losing that much hair - it used to be every week or so. I actually cannot tell if i'm shaking at the minute because I'm cold, or because my blood sugar is low. I've nearly burst into tears completely randomly in the middle of a lecture...

    If this reads as a complete brainfart, I apologise. My brain isn't working today.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I eat small meals anyway (literally everyone makes a point of this .. if only they knew, ha!) because if I feel full it makes me want to purge, but I do drink a lot. I will drink less around meal time and see if that has any effect. I've got a gastroscopy for another issue, is there physical damage that can be seen with something like this? I haven't consulted medical professions .. can't afford to have that on my record
    I'm not really sure, I had a gastroscopy and they said everything looked fine except I had an irritated stomach lining, the cause for me was found to be that my stomach was producing too much acid, so some was coming up as reflux and my stomach was in agony all the time... I'm sure there are some things that can be spotted using a gastroscopy although I suspect that it will probably get much better for you in time, one month without throwing up is very little time for your body to recover (although well done, the first month was the hardest for me!) I don't know why you don't want it on your records, but you could just go to your GP about reflux if this carries on and I would advise you to tell the doctor doing your gastroscopy that you have been purging as 1. they might look more specifically for related damage and 2. if you have a sensitive gag reflex you may vomit/retch when they push the camera down and they should be prepared for that
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    (Original post by Mackay)
    This.
    makes me so angry, I was actually taught by a uni psychology professor that anorexics 'eat 300 calories a day and are generally happy at around 5-5st7' (with lots of photos of severely emaciated girls) and bulimics 'eat around 4000 calories IN ONE GO then diet the rest of the time but haven't got the self control to keep it up' (a girl then went 'omg eww' and the teacher responded 'yeah I know')

    I put in a formal complaint about the course, so angry

    people die at completely normal weights from eating disorders and even those who don't die suffer horrendously regardless of their weight...
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    makes me so angry, I was actually taught by a uni psychology professor that anorexics 'eat 300 calories a day and are generally happy at around 5-5st7' (with lots of photos of severely emaciated girls) and bulimics 'eat around 4000 calories IN ONE GO then diet the rest of the time but haven't got the self control to keep it up' (a girl then went 'omg eww' and the teacher responded 'yeah I know')

    I put in a formal complaint about the course, so angry

    people die at completely normal weights from eating disorders and even those who don't die suffer horrendously regardless of their weight...
    Ugh, this is the most abundant issue I've found. When people join my Eating Disorders Support Group, they think I'm going to judge them based on what their parents or pals think, and it's truly disturbing how many peers and pals think so incorrectly based on the habits of our fellow sufferers.

    Look at this thread!! For three years I've preached the same thing! If you find that food and eating are playing a more cognitive, influential role in your life, you might actually be struggling with an eating disorder! A person that absolutely HAS to split his meat and veg before he can eat any food, this person has an eating disorder! But EDs are not quite the crux of the issue; if a person struggles with social scenarios beyond merely eating (for example, shunning their pals because they can't eat a bit of cake at Costa), that's a severe ED. People don't understand the severity of these issues.

    Continue to post here, and you might find you gain perspective on your scenario.
 
 
 
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