Hey everyone,
I'm a guy of about 5 ft 11, probably weigh about 58 kg now. About 5 months ago I realised I had an eating problem, even though I knew what I doing to myself all along, I just didnt know it was a such a big deal. I would exercise for hours and then eat practically nothing. I sought a bit of counselling and talked to my parents at any time I was feeling anxious. I was, and still am a bit, nervous about going out, worried about my weight, and looking in the reflection is unbearable for me sometimes. I was about 49kg just after Christmas and the ED was very noticable then, a friend showed me a picture of myself and I was basically a skeleton. I think it started because I used to be quite muscular in my teens, always playing sports and just going out a lot. Then I guess I didn't really draw a line between muscle and fat and just considered myself large and in need of weight loss. So I started at the gym at about 18 and it just all went to **** from then. The worst it has been is about 700 calories a day for a month, which I can imagine has not done my body good. Usually thought I've been on about 1400-1500 calories a day not including loss from exercise, but unfortunately that was consistent for about 3 years. Its just been like a long-term diet, and that's all I used to think it was.
I just wanted to ask if anyone has any tips for me in the recovery phase. I still unfortunately have this calories counter in my head that seems to be automatic and it just irritates me. I still get slightly nervous thoughts when I have eaten something either large or of a calories content which I do not know. Will that ever leave me?
Also, I reckon I must still be affected a bit, since even thought I have been putting on weight and I know I need to, I'm not looking forward to the people I know telling me that I have, even if theyre saying that I 'look' better. I also hope that I havent damaged my body too much. I am still going to the gym, but now I'm doing weights instead of excessive cardio. this took over my life for about 3 years, meaning I couldnt enjoy university whatsoever. Have I permanently damaged my body?