Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
Scroll to see replies
I haven't posted here for a while but I've come seeking help.
I've reached a point where I'm fed up with my weight, so I'm slowly phasing out food. I know I shouldn't, but watching those numbers fall on the scale is giving me such joy. I don't eat breakfast, and I've started skipping lunch too. I'm allowing myself dinner, because my boyfriend and I eat dinner together, and I don't want to get caught.
Today I caved and ate a small pack of chocolate buttons. It was only 75 calories, but I'm already thinking about how I can work off those calories.
I need help
I've reached a point where I'm fed up with my weight, so I'm slowly phasing out food. I know I shouldn't, but watching those numbers fall on the scale is giving me such joy. I don't eat breakfast, and I've started skipping lunch too. I'm allowing myself dinner, because my boyfriend and I eat dinner together, and I don't want to get caught.
Today I caved and ate a small pack of chocolate buttons. It was only 75 calories, but I'm already thinking about how I can work off those calories.
I need help
^That was me
Original post by snowyowl
^That was me
Spoiler
Original post by Riku
Spoiler
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
Spoiler
Spoiler
^^^ me Snowy 
___________________
This is probably going to sound whiney as TSR always tell me, but why is there still a code of silence for guys regarding body image issues where there is, I will concede still far too much media pressure and unhealthy representations of 'beauty' for women, but the beginning of an understanding of the impact and attempt to encourage healthier mindsets and bodies?
The point of all this is, why is an ED or similar body image issues recognised in women, but not men? I have been wrestling with the restraints of conventional masculinity for nearly as long as my ED itself.
There are many things I need to work on, such as being comfortable alone/independence, coping with uncertainty and that lack of control, trust issues (obviously) and my social anxiety, but this double standard with body image has been frustrating to recovery. And I believe it is the very pitfall that Toto warned me of falling into 3 years ago
It's all very ironic how important the ways of macho men and gym culture, proving just how manly I am, is to me when I am a bit bicurious lol.
I hope this doesn't come across as degrading from anyone's problems on here, but in the outside world-even on some parts of TSR-there does seem to be a double standard at play.
___________________
This is probably going to sound whiney as TSR always tell me, but why is there still a code of silence for guys regarding body image issues where there is, I will concede still far too much media pressure and unhealthy representations of 'beauty' for women, but the beginning of an understanding of the impact and attempt to encourage healthier mindsets and bodies?
Spoiler
The point of all this is, why is an ED or similar body image issues recognised in women, but not men? I have been wrestling with the restraints of conventional masculinity for nearly as long as my ED itself.
There are many things I need to work on, such as being comfortable alone/independence, coping with uncertainty and that lack of control, trust issues (obviously) and my social anxiety, but this double standard with body image has been frustrating to recovery. And I believe it is the very pitfall that Toto warned me of falling into 3 years ago
It's all very ironic how important the ways of macho men and gym culture, proving just how manly I am, is to me when I am a bit bicurious lol.
I hope this doesn't come across as degrading from anyone's problems on here, but in the outside world-even on some parts of TSR-there does seem to be a double standard at play.
Weight gain is happening SO fast all of a sudden, how did you manage to push through this stage guys? I've fallen at this hurdle EVERY TIME and I want to get through it this time. Seriously haven't got the energy to go through this cycle all over again and then again for the rest of my life. I NEED to cope, accept it and get through it but it's so so difficult! Any tips?
Original post by Riku
^^^ me Snowy
___________________
This is probably going to sound whiney as TSR always tell me, but why is there still a code of silence for guys regarding body image issues where there is, I will concede still far too much media pressure and unhealthy representations of 'beauty' for women, but the beginning of an understanding of the impact and attempt to encourage healthier mindsets and bodies?
The point of all this is, why is an ED or similar body image issues recognised in women, but not men? I have been wrestling with the restraints of conventional masculinity for nearly as long as my ED itself.
There are many things I need to work on, such as being comfortable alone/independence, coping with uncertainty and that lack of control, trust issues (obviously) and my social anxiety, but this double standard with body image has been frustrating to recovery. And I believe it is the very pitfall that Toto warned me of falling into 3 years ago
It's all very ironic how important the ways of macho men and gym culture, proving just how manly I am, is to me when I am a bit bicurious lol.
I hope this doesn't come across as degrading from anyone's problems on here, but in the outside world-even on some parts of TSR-there does seem to be a double standard at play.
___________________
This is probably going to sound whiney as TSR always tell me, but why is there still a code of silence for guys regarding body image issues where there is, I will concede still far too much media pressure and unhealthy representations of 'beauty' for women, but the beginning of an understanding of the impact and attempt to encourage healthier mindsets and bodies?
Spoiler
The point of all this is, why is an ED or similar body image issues recognised in women, but not men? I have been wrestling with the restraints of conventional masculinity for nearly as long as my ED itself.
There are many things I need to work on, such as being comfortable alone/independence, coping with uncertainty and that lack of control, trust issues (obviously) and my social anxiety, but this double standard with body image has been frustrating to recovery. And I believe it is the very pitfall that Toto warned me of falling into 3 years ago
It's all very ironic how important the ways of macho men and gym culture, proving just how manly I am, is to me when I am a bit bicurious lol.
I hope this doesn't come across as degrading from anyone's problems on here, but in the outside world-even on some parts of TSR-there does seem to be a double standard at play.
I think you're totally right and there needs to be SO much more to help reduce stigma in males with EDs. There has been a slight increase in raising awareness with eating disorders in men but it's still just not enough. Even in campaigns across uni on ED awareness raising, I think there should be an actual separate campaign for males at the moment as people are still in that mindset that EDs are exclusively relevant to young females and yet I know a few men who've suffered and it was harder for them to know where to turn when an ED was seen as something so "female" if that makes sense. I hope you're okay.
Original post by Anonymous
I haven't posted here for a while but I've come seeking help.
I've reached a point where I'm fed up with my weight, so I'm slowly phasing out food. I know I shouldn't, but watching those numbers fall on the scale is giving me such joy. I don't eat breakfast, and I've started skipping lunch too. I'm allowing myself dinner, because my boyfriend and I eat dinner together, and I don't want to get caught.
Today I caved and ate a small pack of chocolate buttons. It was only 75 calories, but I'm already thinking about how I can work off those calories.
I need help
I've reached a point where I'm fed up with my weight, so I'm slowly phasing out food. I know I shouldn't, but watching those numbers fall on the scale is giving me such joy. I don't eat breakfast, and I've started skipping lunch too. I'm allowing myself dinner, because my boyfriend and I eat dinner together, and I don't want to get caught.
Today I caved and ate a small pack of chocolate buttons. It was only 75 calories, but I'm already thinking about how I can work off those calories.
I need help
I think there's something more than the weight. Something has triggered you and now the ED part of your mind thinks, "Right, I'll be happier if I gain control again, if I lose weight". At least I usually find that this is the case in triggering a relapse. Right now it's stress of deadlines and not knowing what to do career-wise and the extra stress associated with seeing my body change so quickly just feels like another thing "out of my control". What else is making you unhappy at the moment lovely? xx
Binged for two days. I can't do this.
Spoiler
(edited 9 years ago)
hi everyone, i left tsr (because i can't stand the main threads) but i thought i'd check in. i'm not having the best time but i have tumblr for that so I won't say anything here. I'm sending you all hugs and strength vibes. xx
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
I think there's something more than the weight. Something has triggered you and now the ED part of your mind thinks, "Right, I'll be happier if I gain control again, if I lose weight". At least I usually find that this is the case in triggering a relapse. Right now it's stress of deadlines and not knowing what to do career-wise and the extra stress associated with seeing my body change so quickly just feels like another thing "out of my control". What else is making you unhappy at the moment lovely? xx
this Snowy, always this ^^^^ it's never 'just the weight'. The weight represents something else, you transfer (well at least I have) a problem (practical or emotional) into weight or body unhappiness.
you ok too btw, Discenchanted?
Sorry to inform you ladies and gents about my bad behaviour for the past year or so
I know Toto was always on the fence with me and frustrated by my obstinacy in challenging from recovery (not just physical)...I am currently this forum's resident paranoid relationship guy. I think I need to work on my social anxiety; I have basically grown (for some reason) to believe most people are trying to screw me over, are lying to me and deceiving me, laughing at me, there's something everyone else knows I don't, and for that reason all my relationships platoon or romantic/sexual, are going to fail. I'm scared of getting close to anyone.
I would go as far as to say my obsessive mind needed something to obsess about other than food, weight, 'health' and it chose dysfunctional relationships. I saw my parents get divorced when I was 16, and I've took that to a whole new level. However, after that obsession (both obsessions tbh) causing a very painful breakup for me, I don't feel this is anymore healthy for me (psychologically anyway) than the ED :/
I know Toto was always on the fence with me and frustrated by my obstinacy in challenging from recovery (not just physical)...I am currently this forum's resident paranoid relationship guy. I think I need to work on my social anxiety; I have basically grown (for some reason) to believe most people are trying to screw me over, are lying to me and deceiving me, laughing at me, there's something everyone else knows I don't, and for that reason all my relationships platoon or romantic/sexual, are going to fail. I'm scared of getting close to anyone.
I would go as far as to say my obsessive mind needed something to obsess about other than food, weight, 'health' and it chose dysfunctional relationships. I saw my parents get divorced when I was 16, and I've took that to a whole new level. However, after that obsession (both obsessions tbh) causing a very painful breakup for me, I don't feel this is anymore healthy for me (psychologically anyway) than the ED :/
Original post by x-Disenchanted-x
I think there's something more than the weight. Something has triggered you and now the ED part of your mind thinks, "Right, I'll be happier if I gain control again, if I lose weight". At least I usually find that this is the case in triggering a relapse. Right now it's stress of deadlines and not knowing what to do career-wise and the extra stress associated with seeing my body change so quickly just feels like another thing "out of my control". What else is making you unhappy at the moment lovely? xx
Original post by Riku
this Snowy, always this ^^^^ it's never 'just the weight'. The weight represents something else, you transfer (well at least I have) a problem (practical or emotional) into weight or body unhappiness.
you ok too btw, Discenchanted?
you ok too btw, Discenchanted?
Sorry for the late reply!
Spoiler
Original post by snowyowl
Sorry for the late reply!
Spoiler
It is exhausting. It's bloody knackering. But the more you give in to it, the harder and more tiring it will be every time you have to fight it. I had that same urge today to skip lunch but then I thought "sod it I have to recover one day, why stop now? A lapse doesn't have to mean relapse" and made and ate my lunch anyway. Yes I feel horrible now. But I also know I've done something today that makes me stronger. I've not given in. And when it comes to dinner, yes I'll debate and argue with myself in my head and it'll be hard but I shall do the same as I'm doing now and win again. It won't always be this easy. But all these little steps WILL add up to one massive leap in recovery.
You can do this. Prove something to yourself today. You can step forward or fall back today. Choose stepping forward. We're all behind you x
Original post by snowyowl
Sorry for the late reply!
Spoiler
Wow i've come back to the boards to give an update and i'm really sad to see that some of you guys are struggling again
I too am restricting. My weight, like snowyowl has git an all-time high (this is going to sound freaky snowy, but I am also at 10st6)
I am exhausted from trying to parent myself and it not working. I have been struggling with binging and purging on and off since I started recovery and my weight is going up and up no matter how hard I work. I am disheartened with the process and with recovery.
Logically I know that recovery has given me so much life.. I am scared about the lack of control I have over my weight. I have no control over my mental health in general. I am up down up down up down. The other week I spent £1000 in a crazy manic panic so that's all of my wages gone on superfood extracts, clothes, cooking equipment etc.
I haven't been restricting meals but the majority of my diet consists of fruit and veg and I feel anxious if I have anything else. I can tolerate small amounts of other vegan things (like a slice of bread or a few nuts) but feel like the world is going to cave in on itself if I have any sort of animal products or sweets....
A big part of me is grinning massively inside. I am being sucked in.
I went through major crisis a couple of months ago due to the medication I was on. I was on tablets that completely altered my personality, I already depression and anxiety and it was rather bad at one point. So my psych gave me medication to control and it worked for a while I was a coping-ish level and then as it got into my system I lost all my emotions. I coulnt cuddle my mum, dad and I felt like detached from society I was a bit clingy to my parents but I couldn't feel it internally. I lost everything my grades slipped, I had no job and then I began to comfort eat as way of coping with how I was feeling. I couldn't stop comfort eating it wasn't like woke up one morning and decided today I am gonna eat an entire large Galaxy bar in one hit. Then next thing I knew I had ballooned, I couldn't stop eatinf sugar and my life went down hill over the months it was only when I wrote a letter to my mum saying help me/a Sui letter did she take notice my thoughts and what I was feeling inside. Then that became my turning point, so
I came off my medication cold turkey without anyone knowing and gradually my appetite subsided, food was not my friend again yet it wasn't my arch rival. I began eating healthy and psychologically things changed too I began realising that sugar and salt was slowly killing me and I couldn't face seeing myself at 16 stone ( I had done the maths) by Xmas and then went completely cold turkey on cakes buscuits salt and sugar and my energy levels improved I. Was able to run up stairs like normal without feeling like I had s run marathon. I didn't feel sleepy all day, literally all day I felt sluggish and yawned for England my motivation was low even more. But I did did it, okay I wasn't hugely obese but psychologically I needed help.
I have since told my dr about it and she said although she didn't agree with how I came off the meds she could see my reasoning a few months later. I am now able to go to voluntary work, do my a levels, access and ou
Posted from TSR Mobile
I came off my medication cold turkey without anyone knowing and gradually my appetite subsided, food was not my friend again yet it wasn't my arch rival. I began eating healthy and psychologically things changed too I began realising that sugar and salt was slowly killing me and I couldn't face seeing myself at 16 stone ( I had done the maths) by Xmas and then went completely cold turkey on cakes buscuits salt and sugar and my energy levels improved I. Was able to run up stairs like normal without feeling like I had s run marathon. I didn't feel sleepy all day, literally all day I felt sluggish and yawned for England my motivation was low even more. But I did did it, okay I wasn't hugely obese but psychologically I needed help.
I have since told my dr about it and she said although she didn't agree with how I came off the meds she could see my reasoning a few months later. I am now able to go to voluntary work, do my a levels, access and ou
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Wow i've come back to the boards to give an update and i'm really sad to see that some of you guys are struggling again
I too am restricting. My weight, like snowyowl has git an all-time high (this is going to sound freaky snowy, but I am also at 10st6)
I am exhausted from trying to parent myself and it not working. I have been struggling with binging and purging on and off since I started recovery and my weight is going up and up no matter how hard I work. I am disheartened with the process and with recovery.
Logically I know that recovery has given me so much life.. I am scared about the lack of control I have over my weight. I have no control over my mental health in general. I am up down up down up down. The other week I spent £1000 in a crazy manic panic so that's all of my wages gone on superfood extracts, clothes, cooking equipment etc.
I haven't been restricting meals but the majority of my diet consists of fruit and veg and I feel anxious if I have anything else. I can tolerate small amounts of other vegan things (like a slice of bread or a few nuts) but feel like the world is going to cave in on itself if I have any sort of animal products or sweets....
A big part of me is grinning massively inside. I am being sucked in.
I too am restricting. My weight, like snowyowl has git an all-time high (this is going to sound freaky snowy, but I am also at 10st6)
I am exhausted from trying to parent myself and it not working. I have been struggling with binging and purging on and off since I started recovery and my weight is going up and up no matter how hard I work. I am disheartened with the process and with recovery.
Logically I know that recovery has given me so much life.. I am scared about the lack of control I have over my weight. I have no control over my mental health in general. I am up down up down up down. The other week I spent £1000 in a crazy manic panic so that's all of my wages gone on superfood extracts, clothes, cooking equipment etc.
I haven't been restricting meals but the majority of my diet consists of fruit and veg and I feel anxious if I have anything else. I can tolerate small amounts of other vegan things (like a slice of bread or a few nuts) but feel like the world is going to cave in on itself if I have any sort of animal products or sweets....
A big part of me is grinning massively inside. I am being sucked in.
Spoiler
Original post by Cinnie
me ^^^
I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling, Cinnie
what's been going on in your life in the last few months with everything? Have there been any major changes or would you say it's your mental attitude that's been the major change? Hope you're okay xx
