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Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice. watch

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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    i just remember when i was studying for my a levels my mums cooking was my comfort id be so happy when asking her after school what she'd cook and if she'd say my favourite dishes but i got to 9 stone ten lbs and for my height i should really be 8 and a half stone apparently
    even though my BMI was healthy i werent happy constantly wore baggy clothes and just felt fat yet still spent loads of chocolates like i do now so its hard to break that cycle

    binge disorder is the most common disorder surprisingly
    people binge some not even enjoying it but obviously it's an illness so they cant control it i feel like that at times like all the stuff i bought this morning has made me feel sick
    at least i know ym favourite foods arent my favourite anymore cos i dont want to over indulge and make my body fat anymore
    i hate stress im a constant worrier
    i know what you mean though about the guilty and half foods thing
    nutella is yummy though lets smile and agree to that:p: forrero roches have nutella think thats why i love em lol
    tomorrow is another day hon calm down and stick to what you planned and if you follow it youll feel so much more in control and happier and relaxed
    but you need to concentrate on your exam but please for the love of god eat something nutritional at least some pasta maybe or rice remember one portion wont kill i promise but im saying this cos food is fuel for the brain to get that A
    try stay away from chocolate -i am a hypocrite here cos i just spent a tenner on various chocolate bars :erm: but you know what i mean. :hugs:
    one biscuit is not too much i promise it aint it;s the ED talking cos i promise you you cant put a lb of weight on from one biscuit so calm down k xxxxx
    you purged there is no food in you atm so please stop worrying yes it was bad aand its not right to take good from doing a ''bad act'' but to feel positive and not negative i am trying to help you see that youre ok and to calm down cos youre fine k
    dont binge all the time please binging is the worst ever :mad: hate it myself urgh cringe at my past days when i binged / over indulged
    why is it food can be your happiness but also your worst enemy
    and it's right what they say food is an everyday thing thus just as hard as over addictions if not worse cos we have to face it everyday cant just cut it out
    i jjust need to get to uni so i can get away but im worried about my food situaation
    in the past i would study and eat but now i cant eat so im worried il just not know what to do with myself tbh how to pass my time how to comfort myself hope i find ways
    honestly i can't eat, my bmi is 17.8 i think atm or 17.6 but either way its not where i'd like it to be and it means i'm not actually anything, i'm not bulimic because i don't binge 3+ times a week, i'm not anorexic because my bmi is not less than 17.5 which kind of makes me think i can carry on as i am. i just really really don't want to gain anymore weight. i can't eat today because of that binge because i know the voice in my head will tell me i've failed and i'm going to get huge and to be honest because i've binged i'll be full for a long time my head feels like i've got food too much so i feel bad but i'm not thinking about what to eat and stuff because i know i can't.

    i used to be overweight a few years ago i think my bmi was 25.1 but yeah it was weird i never thought about what i was eating and i ate alll the time, whenever i saw food i'd eat it, to be honest i don't think my relationship with food then was actually any better than it is now. i don't think i've ever had a food relationship with food -
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    love my gran to death but she kept telling me not to eat all the chocolate bars cos it'll catch up to me i.e i'll get fat. i said to her im not fat and not to worry i wont be eating them all; she was like oh you just stocking up...something like that. then she was like you hibernate for a while then suddenly come out all at once and stock up on your food like a hedgehog or something lol :p:
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    honestly i can't eat, my bmi is 17.8 i think atm or 17.6 but either way its not where i'd like it to be and it means i'm not actually anything, i'm not bulimic because i don't binge 3+ times a week, i'm not anorexic because my bmi is not less than 17.5 which kind of makes me think i can carry on as i am. i just really really don't want to gain anymore weight. i can't eat today because of that binge because i know the voice in my head will tell me i've failed and i'm going to get huge and to be honest because i've binged i'll be full for a long time my head feels like i've got food too much so i feel bad but i'm not thinking about what to eat and stuff because i know i can't.

    i used to be overweight a few years ago i think my bmi was 25.1 but yeah it was weird i never thought about what i was eating and i ate alll the time, whenever i saw food i'd eat it, to be honest i don't think my relationship with food then was actually any better than it is now. i don't think i've ever had a food relationship with food -

    omg youre so like me then.....last year id eat any food in sight - well good wholesome food IMO and only the best quality from the best restaurants or my mums trusted food id get so angry if mum would forget my choccie bar but looking back i was ridiculously overweight tbh for my height well ive never been over ten stone in my life so i wasnt that overweight i still visibly looked slim but i just covered up cos never felt fit so to speak

    :hugs:
    you do have an ED hun dont think you dont thats the Ed talking seriously you do because your bmi is scarily low and youre not far off from that under weight category me on the other hand atm im a normal weight so no one knows or can tell any different

    youre so like me though...never had a good healthy relationship with food and never will till my fat arse vanishes :mad: sorry but im being serious i feel so fat urgh cos i am people remmeber that dont mean to be triggerish btu atm im a healthy weight and healthy bmi but i just have lots of fat on my and i hate it
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    Periods. Ick.
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    like someone else was saying just cos youre a healthy looking weight or even over weight doesnt mean you dont have an ED which people forget and presume only though visibly looking ill are messed up
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    i wish this thread would be a sticky so itd stop updating on the new topics on tsr
    someone ask a mod
    i love our little community though :hugs:
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    omg youre so like me then.....last year id eat any food in sight - well good wholesome food IMO and only the best quality from the best restaurants or my mums trusted food id get so angry if mum would forget my choccie bar but looking back i was ridiculously overweight tbh for my height well ive never been over ten stone in my life so i wasnt that overweight i still visibly looked slim but i just covered up cos never felt fit so to speak

    :hugs:
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    you do have an ED hun dont think you dont thats the Ed talking seriously you do because your bmi is scarily low and youre not far off from that under weight category me on the other hand atm im a normal weight so no one knows or can tell any different

    youre so like me though...never had a good healthy relationship with food and never will till my fat arse vanishes :mad: sorry but im being serious i feel so fat urgh cos i am people remmeber that dont mean to be triggerish btu atm im a healthy weight and healthy bmi but i just have lots of fat on my and i hate it
    Read that back. If you're a healthy weight there is NO way you're fat. All your ED.

    I hate to be annoying but can BMI and weight things be put in spoilers?
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    I think I am healthy in terms of BMI but once on SSvSS they said for my height around 5 ft 4 i should be 8 and a half stone and considering at one point during my eating lots for comfort days I got to nearly ten stone it wasnt good
    last year i was about 8.11 so close to healthy again still visiibly slim but urgh too much fat



    and dd i dont mind periods it means i get to lie in bed all day:p:
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    omg youre so like me then.....last year id eat any food in sight - well good wholesome food IMO and only the best quality from the best restaurants or my mums trusted food id get so angry if mum would forget my choccie bar but looking back i was ridiculously overweight tbh for my height well ive never been over ten stone in my life so i wasnt that overweight i still visibly looked slim but i just covered up cos never felt fit so to speak

    :hugs:
    you do have an ED hun dont think you dont thats the Ed talking seriously you do because your bmi is scarily low and youre not far off from that under weight category me on the other hand atm im a normal weight so no one knows or can tell any different

    youre so like me though...never had a good healthy relationship with food and never will till my fat arse vanishes :mad: sorry but im being serious i feel so fat urgh cos i am people remmeber that dont mean to be triggerish btu atm im a healthy weight and healthy bmi but i just have lots of fat on my and i hate it



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    when people say i look ill its just cz they say i look pale and tired or gaunt **** knows but i know thats cz i'm all filled up with food and its making me ill and its making me tired. i think i'll do better if im in my exam tomorrow without any food till saturday maybe something on friday i dno but i have a free house this weekend soo i don't have to eat

    i don't look physically ill either i know i look fine i look chubby and round in places tbh i think that i'm probably heavy for my height everyone says bmi means **** all. i sound stupid yeahh i know but i'm just convincing myself i'm right and i'm fat and i don't need to eat because i know it'll make the next few days easier.

    yeah my mum has got this new ****ing food processor which makes her think she can cook cakes all the time, literally everyday.... veryy annoying, i find it helps to go over to the cake and just keep poking it and realising how gross it is and how squishy it'll be inside me.

    sorry if i'm saying the wrong thing, my heads just running off with stuff and its turned into a rant :/
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    (Original post by squiff93)
    when people say i look ill its just cz they say i look pale and tired or gaunt **** knows but i know thats cz i'm all filled up with food and its making me ill and its making me tired. i think i'll do better if im in my exam tomorrow without any food till saturday maybe something on friday i dno but i have a free house this weekend soo i don't have to eat

    i don't look physically ill either i know i look fine i look chubby and round in places tbh i think that i'm probably heavy for my height everyone says bmi means **** all. i sound stupid yeahh i know but i'm just convincing myself i'm right and i'm fat and i don't need to eat because i know it'll make the next few days easier.

    yeah my mum has got this new ****ing food processor which makes her think she can cook cakes all the time, literally everyday.... veryy annoying, i find it helps to go over to the cake and just keep poking it and realising how gross it is and how squishy it'll be inside me.

    sorry if i'm saying the wrong thing, my heads just running off with stuff and its turned into a rant :/
    whenever id go out id not eat to gain some control then come home and only feel safe eating in my own home
    do you mind me asking;;;; if you were once overweight and weighed more what started this off as in not eating did you go on a diet may i ask? it is said i heard that 1/3 of people will develop an ED from a diet or something
    yeh i used to hate waking up to smell of mums food dreading going to see what shes cooked if it was my favourite her knowing i wont be able to resist :rolleyes:then eating lots feeling guilty after :mad: it's a horrid cycle you want the food nice food its gonna make you happy for a while and improve the mood so you can socialise but thne feel fat and like **** afterwards
    youre not saying the wrong thing im worried i am hehe we're so alike:hugs:
    im ranting im just hating myself right now im so fat and i promise you you cant be that with that low bmi thats the ED talking
    hmm yes people being out of the house is great i used to sleep all day and be up all night at times to avoid people yet i found myself eating at night even though i didnt want to i felt i needed to to make everyone happy yet no one was watching:s it was so weird i just felt like passing the control over to those around me i.e. to parents to make them happy; show them im happy eating etc and it was all for them hence i got a bit franctic - see earlier posts- and would feel like i wasnt in control and ate looked pregnant after a binge and then got all mad and frantic and just as i said didnt feel in control but ive managed to change those thoughts in my mind and feel much better-no jinxing touch wood.
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    whenever id go out id not eat to gain some control then come home and only feel safe eating in my own home
    do you mind me asking;;;; if you were once overweight and weighed more what started this off as in not eating did you go on a diet may i ask? it is said i heard that 1/3 of people will develop an ED from a diet or something
    yeh i used to hate waking up to smell of mums food dreading going to see what shes cooked if it was my favourite her knowing i wont be able to resist :rolleyes:then eating lots feeling guilty after :mad: it's a horrid cycle you want the food nice food its gonna make you happy for a while and improve the mood so you can socialise but thne feel fat and like **** afterwards
    youre not saying the wrong thing im worried i am hehe we're so alike:hugs:
    im ranting im just hating myself right now im so fat and i promise you you cant be that with that low bmi thats the ED talking
    hmm yes people being out of the house is great i used to sleep all day and be up all night at times to avoid people yet i found myself eating at night even though i didnt want to i felt i needed to to make everyone happy yet no one was watching:s it was so weird i just felt like passing the control over to those around me i.e. to parents to make them happy; show them im happy eating etc and it was all for them hence i got a bit franctic - see earlier posts- and would feel like i wasnt in control and ate looked pregnant after a binge and then got all mad and frantic and just as i said didnt feel in control but ive managed to change those thoughts in my mind and feel much better-no jinxing touch wood.
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    ah lol good i didn't want to be saying the wrong thing, i just get scared i am especially if i talk about my stupid ****ing bmi because or food and how i'm not going to eat etc ....

    yuup i went on a diet when i was about 14 i think except i never weighed myself before i started i just used to use the bmi thing on the wii fit, i think at the start i could eat pretty much as much as i wanted as long as it was healthy then my body got to a normal weight and stopped loosing weight that way so i restricted my diet more and more, i know i've lost over 2 stone since i started dieting but i still feel like a fat person, i still have a fat head as such, like when i meet new people the first thing that i assume there thinking is that i'm fat
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    when I was around 20 a friends step sister had a stroke and a heart attack because of her Bulimia, she was only 17.She survived but needed months of physio, and appointments with cardiologists.We were all shocked, none of us had an ED so had no idea what they could do to someone.That was almost 20 years ago and I still wonder what happened to my friends step sister, I always hope she beat the monster that is an ED
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Oh hun. :hugs: Your pooey piece of poo is just that, you shouldn't listen to excrement, it talks ****! I know how it feels when you're kicking yourself and wanting to cry and wanting to die and wanting to hide away and it's worse when it's because of an exam but you know what? Before this exam today, you'd done 75% of your A level. One 'bad' exam shouldn't bring your whole grade down and the beauty of essay exams is you get credit for almost anything if you write well. All isn't lost hun, it WILL be ok. :console: And try not to let it ruin your motivation for tomorrow. And please please please try and eat something, even if it's just something small. You don't want to be all dizzy and not able to think very quickly in the exam tomorrow. Plus, you're awesome and you don't deserve to starve for one stupid ****** exam. Funny you should mention diet coke, have a bottle in my bag waiting for me. I swear I'm addicted to it. :rolleyes: As for my exam, I started giggling when I saw the passage because it was so 'WTF universe?' I think it went *ok* though. :confused: I'm just exhausted now. The English exam had better be easy tomorrow because I can't deal with thinking anymore!

    About your grandma, that's ****** terrifying. :sad: It's definitely motivation to recover. Yeah, I quite like having two feet too. My friend told me she went blind for a few months when her weight got really low. That's terrifying too. I've always been really really scared of going blind because I don't know what I'd do or how I'd live. I think the ED health effect I'm worried the most about is psychosis. I don't know if that was actually what I had but I definitely think my brain was broken by the ED when I was more physically ill. I was constantly thinking people were following me and thinking people were poisoning me and seeing things that weren't really there, I didn't trust anyone and it sounds so stupid but I thought there were calories in the air and was constantly dodging 'calorie atoms' only I could see and I would hold my breath and shut my eyes if I walked past a McDonalds (still do, actually ). :confused: There are SO many health problems that come with an ED and you always forget or disregard them when you're *in* it but I do not want to be 50 and have bones that are virtually porous. Because you can't usually see what's going on inside your body, you don't realise what you're doing until it's too late. I don't want to die earlier than I should do either. I met women who were like 50 in hospital and there was this one patient who was in her 70s, I always (mistakenly) assumed you just magically got better. It's not fair that people have to battle with this for so long. :sad:
    :hugs: you're so lovely! You're right, it is only one exam and even if it went really badly, as long as I do well tomorrow I should be okay :rolleyes: I bought one of those mini vegetable sushi things from Tesco on the way home so I might attempt that later. Sooo much love for the diet coke though

    Aw that sounds horrible

    only a bit triggery?
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    I've never thought about it specifically but actually, whenever I have to walk through the canteen at school, I do have to hold my breath and not smell anything and just keep my eyes on the floor... it's gross in there though, literally everything is covered in cheese or oil, Jamie Oliver would be appalled and also if I'm cooking, I never touch any of the actual food, I use cutlery to prod things around, still convinced you can absorb calories through your fingertips...
    Man I'm such a freak!


    But it is horrible to think that there's people like my grandma and that woman you met, who've been living like this for decades... I've had my stupid pooey piece of poo for eight years and I'm sick of it already! On the plus side I guess it ought to motivate us :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by squiff93)
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    ah lol good i didn't want to be saying the wrong thing, i just get scared i am especially if i talk about my stupid ****ing bmi because or food and how i'm not going to eat etc ....

    yuup i went on a diet when i was about 14 i think except i never weighed myself before i started i just used to use the bmi thing on the wii fit, i think at the start i could eat pretty much as much as i wanted as long as it was healthy then my body got to a normal weight and stopped loosing weight that way so i restricted my diet more and more, i know i've lost over 2 stone since i started dieting but i still feel like a fat person, i still have a fat head as such, like when i meet new people the first thing that i assume there thinking is that i'm fat

    again youre like me i always used to joke about it and say oh ive changed how so you mean im fat? anmd laugh

    damn so at 14
    i hate how kids are thinking about their weight so young
    bmi ive hgeard isnt always right
    and again hun there is not such think as a fat head:hugs: your ED :mad: you can beat it though 2 stone weight loss you should be please- you lost some weight to be fit but remember not to go overboard youre not fat ok i promise :hugs:
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    (Original post by Kebabbi)
    :hugs: you're so lovely! You're right, it is only one exam and even if it went really badly, as long as I do well tomorrow I should be okay :rolleyes: I bought one of those mini vegetable sushi things from Tesco on the way home so I might attempt that later. Sooo much love for the diet coke though

    Aw that sounds horrible

    only a bit triggery?
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    I've never thought about it specifically but actually, whenever I have to walk through the canteen at school, I do have to hold my breath and not smell anything and just keep my eyes on the floor... it's gross in there though, literally everything is covered in cheese or oil, Jamie Oliver would be appalled and also if I'm cooking, I never touch any of the actual food, I use cutlery to prod things around, still convinced you can absorb calories through your fingertips...
    Man I'm such a freak!


    But it is horrible to think that there's people like my grandma and that woman you met, who've been living like this for decades... I've had my stupid pooey piece of poo for eight years and I'm sick of it already! On the plus side I guess it ought to motivate us :rolleyes:
    :hugs: You're not a freak silly! And :hugs:
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    I haven't actually been in my school canteen since I changed schools. I walk in and it makes me feel ill. And nah, it wasn't triggering!

    And God, since you were 10? I'm assuming you're 18? That's such a long time. :sad: It's been like 2 and a bit years for me, well diagnosed anyway. Which is a mind **** because I remember when it was like 6 months and I thought it was a phase and would go away. Everything will be ok, I promise. :jumphug:

    P.S. Have you heard about the Edexcel Religious Language question saga? Basically loads of people answered the religious language quesiton wrong and mentioned the verification + falsification principle instead of myth/symbol/analogy and now loads of schools are complaining that the question was ambiguous. :rolleyes: My teacher told us a million times that the verification principle is a critique and not a form of religious language but even she thought you were meant to answer the question about the verification principle. It's all very confusing and I'm glad I didn't do that question.
    The universe is being a bit **** so now I'm turning to the God of Exams!
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :hugs: You're not a freak silly! And :hugs:
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    I haven't actually been in my school canteen since I changed schools. I walk in and it makes me feel ill. And nah, it wasn't triggering!

    And God, since you were 10? I'm assuming you're 18? That's such a long time. :sad: It's been like 2 and a bit years for me, well diagnosed anyway. Which is a mind **** because I remember when it was like 6 months and I thought it was a phase and would go away. Everything will be ok, I promise. :jumphug:

    P.S. Have you heard about the Edexcel Religious Language question saga? Basically loads of people answered the religious language quesiton wrong and mentioned the verification + falsification principle instead of myth/symbol/analogy and now loads of schools are complaining that the question was ambiguous. :rolleyes: My teacher told us a million times that the verification principle is a critique and not a form of religious language but even she thought you were meant to answer the question about the verification principle. It's all very confusing and I'm glad I didn't do that question.
    The universe is being a bit **** so now I'm turning to the God of Exams!
    Yeah, the problem is in our school the canteen's like right in the middle so if it's raining you have to walk through it to get to the other half of the school... it's a conspiracy I swear

    Yeahh, well I was only diagnosed when I was nearly 14 because I changed dietician and the new one realised straight away what was up. But I went through my old food journals and doctor's notes and everything recently and I can trace actual ED thoughts/patterns/behaviours back to when I was ten... Kinda makes me angry that, because I was so young, they just ignored all the signs of an ED and thought I was anaemic haha.

    It is sad when I think I've wasted nearly half my life on this, but it hasn't been constant, like until I was 14 it was on and off every few months. I know what you mean, bit of a mind ****, didn't realise until I wrote that how long it's been! Ughhh

    That's awful about the exam thing though, I must admit I didn't study Religious Language so I don't know what any of that stuff is but that is baddd :/ I did think the natural moral law one was a bit ambiguous too, I couldn't work out if it 'critiques of religion and morality' was a subject that I hadn't learned or just a choice of words? Ah well, all written and done now! On to tomorrowww. And yes, major praying to the God of Exams going on here too
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    Im so glad i havent binged in a while because then i just feel like back to square one i.e. a fat loser sorry to say
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    Im so glad i havent binged in a while because then i just feel like back to square one i.e. a fat loser sorry to say
    your not a loser. your lying. -nods-.
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    (Original post by NotSoCool.Fly)
    again youre like me i always used to joke about it and say oh ive changed how so you mean im fat? anmd laugh

    damn so at 14
    i hate how kids are thinking about their weight so young
    bmi ive hgeard isnt always right
    and again hun there is not such think as a fat head:hugs: your ED :mad: you can beat it though 2 stone weight loss you should be please- you lost some weight to be fit but remember not to go overboard youre not fat ok i promise :hugs:
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    yeah bmi is a bag of ****, i still look fat eventhough my bmi says not, i am ****ing ridiculousy fat and disgusting and horrible and want to ****ing die right now - can't be ****ED with this ****.
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    just want to kill myself, want to throw up and throw up and throw up till i feel empty inside, i don't give a **** about exams anymore all i can thinking about is being sick
 
 
 
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